So, how are you keeping "interested" and finding purpose?

[freebird5825]

So, how are you keeping "interested" and finding purpose?
I find that "the fire" isn't there, as much as when I was younger.
I'm glad, oh so very glad, that I don't have to be doing unpleasant things, like work at a non-interesting job, but, my personality is one that needs, or at least, finds comfort, in "a purpose".
So, how do you do it?

I read this post very early this morning, and was going to answer but my web service was running like molasses in January. So I had all day to think about it.
Since the age of 15, I had all sorts of "purposes", i.e. consecutive milestones that I w*rked my tail off to achieve. High school marks, Honor Society, competitive scholarship tests and awards, college degree, professional empl*yment, publishing, designing a technology invention, 2 patents, yadda yadda.
All those lofty things which I aspired to, and achieved, are a collection of things of which I am very proud. Feisty little Freebird actually pulled it off.
At age 48, when I FIREd, I had a heck of a time [-]driving the forum members crazy[/-] adjusting to it. In many ways, at almost 3 years into FIRE, I still am.
I've also had a lot of drastic negative changes in my personal life. But I have emerged as a strong survivor.
The good news is I have discovered that I can be comfy with having shorter term and less elite "purposes". These days, my personal goals are much kinder and gentler on my psyche.
Having [-]blithered on about[/-] said all that, I believe that my main purpose in life now is to go forward positively in a brand new life.
My new favorite flavor is Lemonade.

 

[bbbamI]

No argument there. But if I do spend all day watching history channel it doesn't bother me.

My point is that I think many people get hung up on what they "should" be doing instead of just enjoying the freedom from responsibilities that retirement offers. With no responsibilities what's left?

Um, gee. Go out and play.

Do whatever you want (within reason of course). If one is content with gardening or feels a compulsion to climb Mt Kilimanjaro and has the resources to do it, why not? And neither is "better" than the other.

DH has been retired for a year. Every once in a while he'll say, "I haven't done anything today."

I reply, "So....what's your point?"

He's slowly but surely getting it.

 

[DangerMouse]

I'm going to admit I don't have any defined purpose in life, nor do I have any real hobbies. Yet somehow I manage to find there is not enough hours in the day to do the things I decide I want to do. I don't have any regular time commitments such as volunteering and decide on a daily basis what I feel like doing.

I love my life, I don't feel the need to find a cure for cancer or prove that I am a good person by becoming involved in activities others think I should be involved in. I run my life to suit myself and my husband.

If I don't feel like doing any housework I won't, if I don't feel like cooking dinner I don't, if I want to stay in my pjs until midday I do.

To me life is for living in a way that makes each of us happy. I don't care what anyone else thinks of me or the way I live my life. I don't spend any time thinking about what anyone else does or whether or not they have a purpose in life.

 

[ziggy29]

IMO, "purpose" is overrated. If you want it and find it, great; but I think a lot of folks don't need "purpose." Now if you mean "how do you avoid boredom," that's another story and there's a lot on that in the archives here.

 

[W2R]

IMO, "purpose" is overrated. If you want it and find it, great; but I think a lot of folks don't need "purpose." Now if you mean "how do you avoid boredom," that's another story and there's a lot on that in the archives here.

I can't imagine being bored when retired and free to pursue one's interests, instead of chained to a cubicle working.

 

[Lsbcal]

Interesting posts so far on "purpose".

I've decided that my main "purpose" in life is to satisfy my curiosity. That can be done by many sorts of activities like reading books, taking a nature walk, learning about a new plant type and putting it in the garden. It's nice to actually do something during the day that feels like accomplishment. That can be a yard task or just going for a run. We save the occasional TV show for when we're tired at night. If I'm down it's generally because I need to get a nap or go to bed early that night.

If you are the organized purposeful type, you might try filling up a calender with your accomplishments. I like to buy a weekly desk calender and use different ink colors for different activities. Running gets green ink, appointments in red, other things in orange. And then there is the spreadsheet to remind me of the other things on the "todo" list plus books I have read and others on my reading list.

 

[CuppaJoe]

... you might try filling up a calender with your accomplishments. I like to buy a weekly desk calender and use different ink colors for different activities. Running gets green ink, appointments in red, other things in orange. And then there is the spreadsheet to remind me of the other things on the "todo" list plus books I have read and others on my reading list.

I like that method, good one for the someday to-do list: organize calendar. I sometimes put a list of choices on the calendar and choose one or none of them, and later delete the ones I didn't choose.

 

[freebird5825]

...If you are the organized purposeful type, you might try filling up a calender with your accomplishments. I like to buy a weekly desk calender and use different ink colors for different activities. Running gets green ink, appointments in red, other things in orange. And then there is the spreadsheet to remind me of the other things on the "todo" list plus books I have read and others on my reading list.

Did someone call my name?
I use my MS Outlook Calendar function to set myself up with things ToDo on a weekly basis. I know how that sounds .
However...first thing every weekday AM, I am presented with a potpourri of selections for fun things to do plus time constrained events.
Reminders include articles to read (links copied/pasted from this forum), checking for the arrival of ordered items, tax refunds, tax filing and due dates, car inspection deadlines, things I need to research or order online, my fixed time appointments for the week, reminders to pay bills, car related honey-dos for dh2b, etc etc.
I can snooze most of them until the next day or so, or even the following week if that suits me.
Essentially, why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?

 

[Lsbcal]

...(snip)...
I use my MS Outlook Calendar function to set myself up with things ToDo on a weekly basis. I know how that sounds .
...

I'm into a bit of those recurring Outlook events like "check spa" or "car tire pressure" too .

 

[HsiaoChu]

Purpose?



OK. As corny as it may sound, I do random acts of kindness occasionally (and not too often since I am no saint)

OK..... so can you honestly say now that you don't have the time to become a Saint?
Here's your chance. Sainthood may be only a few months a "one random act of kindness" per hour away. No more reincarnation into stupid jobs for you, just eons of time delving into the deeper ramifications of cosmic sainthood.

Z

 

[vicente solano]

No argument there. But if I do spend all day watching history channel it doesn't bother me.

My point is that I think many people get hung up on what they "should" be doing instead of just enjoying the freedom from responsibilities that retirement offers. With no responsibilities what's left?

Um, gee. Go out and play.

Do whatever you want (within reason of course). If one is content with gardening or feels a compulsion to climb Mt Kilimanjaro and has the resources to do it, why not? And neither is "better" than the other.

Walt, sadly I´m one of those guys -that you mention-constantly thinking that I should be doing something useful, practical, "meaningful" wth my extensive free time.....but do nothing of the sort. And I kind of end up feeling remorseful, for wasting my time and not profitting from a situation that many envy. All this compounded by seeing that my retired colleagues do what I think I ought to be doing too..... but don´t. Reading the "what did you do today" thread causes the same depressing feeling to me....
All these things make me think that I am either a dull person or without interests-that I don´t deserve the windfall of my very privileged ERment.

 

[freebird5825]

I'm into a bit of those recurring Outlook events like "check spa" or "car tire pressure" too .

Don't forget to check the pH on the fish tank.

 

[Lsbcal]

...(snip)...
All these things make me think that I am either a dull person or without interests-that I don´t deserve the windfall of my very privileged ERment.

Hi Vicente, not that you need it but you have my permission to kick up your heels and do nothing . Doing something can be as simple as watching the birds.

 

[Khan]

My 'purpose' in life seems to be helping.

I feed birds, squirrels, stray cats...

I donate to causes and individuals.

Sometimes (when asked) I even give advice.

 

[Walt34]

Walt, sadly I´m one of those guys -that you mention-constantly thinking that I should be doing something useful, practical, "meaningful" wth my extensive free time....

That's the issue that I ran into. All my life since about high school I was the "responsible one" who could be relied on when something absolutely had to get done, and done right. At work other people's lives depended on what I did or didn't do. And so on...

...And then all that responsibility goes away. It took more than a year before it occurred to me "Why do I have to do anything?"

Who is putting that onus on me? Why, me, of course.

So this summer, when the weather is nice, I'm going to have a hard time deciding whether to go for a motorcycle ride or take the boat out and go fishing. Decisions, decisions....

 

[kumquat]

A 'purpose' reminds me of a friend who taught physics at a local University. Taught his classes, did his research and published his papers for 44 years. One day, his purpose was revealed to him. He applied for a sabbatical to pursue "the theory of everything". The U turned him down. He is now a 'professor emeritus' seeking the "theory of everything". "Everything" he wants to do.

 

[Goonie]

"So, how are you keeping "interested" and finding purpose?"

The only "interest" that I have is enjoying all that life presents to me....and as far as "purpose" is concerned, it's the same thing....enjoying all that life presents to me! Other than that, I have NO purpose in life, and I want NO purpose in life!!!

So here's the sum of it all.....

"I've had friends who've asked me, "So what's retirement like?" My answer to them is, "Remember when you were a little kid.....before the big people sent you to kindergarten? Remember those seemingly endless days of play? Those days when you got up and ate breakfast, then went out to play? Then you'd come in for lunch and a nap, and then go back out to play until supper time? Then after supper you'd go out to play until dark or until bedtime....whichever you could get away with? Then you'd start all over the next day? Well, that's what retirement is like!!!"

Life is Great!!!

 

[HsiaoChu]

I "get retired" every summer for about 40 days. Since I have seasonal employment, and since I never wanted to work in the summer, I had to develop a whole series of hobbies that I learned to do. I call it Mining. I usually choose something and then get good enough at doing it so that I'm better than 90% of the population in doing it. And then I move on to something new. I "mine out the subject" until the mine is no longer bringing fourth "fruit". But then I have these skills for future use.

In the past I was a wedding and portrait photographer. I abused that hobby into making it a job which destroyed all interest in recreationally taking photographs. The key is not to make it into something that you have to do to make money, as opposed to something that you like to do, and sometimes you actually get paid for it. I'd enjoy doing that again. I've made some furniture and some sound systems and I enjoy that, and would like to do more of that again. I've made some wooden toys and I'd like to do that again. And I've build a house and added additions from scratch I'd like to do some of that again. I'e gotten good at computer design of websites and I'd like to help with organizations. I'd like to still work with children as I've done over the past 40 years, and I'd like to take my certificate in hand and volunteer or get paid for a couple of days a week doing that, maybe on the outer islands when they don't really have those services.

 

[vickko]

"....The key is not to make it into something that you have to do to make money, as opposed to something that you like to do, and sometimes you actually get paid for it...."

How so very true.

I think I resonate your post. If and when I find something that interests me, I dive in deep, with time commitment, and with money (hard one, since I do have to keep an eye on that). Then, I've noticed, I "reach my fill" and then drop it like a diseased carcass.

Sometimes, I move onto the next thing.

But I suppose right now, I didn't line up a "next thing".

So - spring is here, summer is coming, and I'm searching.

Not entirely a bad thing.

 

[JonnyM]

You don't have to have a point to have a point

Dobbs: "If you're the police where are your badges?" Gold Hat: "Badges? We ain't got no badges. We don't need no badges! I don't have to show you any stinkin' badges!"[

 

[Koolau]

Kinda embarrassed to admit that I'm more externally driven than internally. I rise to a challenge, but I don't usually go looking for one. I'm sure this "trait" cost me money/promotions at w*rk, but I didn't worry much about it then nor do I worry much about it now. Still, once in a while, I feel a bit like vincente solano. I've been given a gift. A gift to live in the US. A gift of enough resources to do just about anything (not everything) I want. A gift of time - I'm a piker compared to Ha and many others - I retired at 58, sort of a late bloomer as RE folks go, I suppose. Still, with luck, I've got some good time left. I've got a DW of near 40 years who puts up with me.

SO - What am I doing with it? I've w*rked on three remodel j*bs for my three latest homes. Again, these "challenges" were external. Stuff needed to be done. (OK, DW said "stuff needs to be done.") Can't say I didn't enjoy many aspects of this kind of work. I'm not skilled but I'm getting more so. I could probably w*rk with DW to be a pseudo general contractor for other folks remodel j*bs - but I wouldn't have any interest and it would require "credentials" which I'm not interested in getting.

Been doing some "mentoring" as I've met younger folks - easier all the time, heh, heh. Strange that some people have looked to me as sort of a parent figure. I'm blown away by that, but I discover I can "listen", not give too much advice and help people realize what they already know about themselves. I like doing that, but I don't go out looking for it.

Didn't leave the house today. I'll get cabin fever by tomorrow, so I'll at least go out for lunch/necessity buying, etc.

Purpose - who knows? I'd like to think I have a moral compass and that helps direct my activities. But, purpose? Interests? I'm not sure I have a clue about such things. In a vacuum, I'd not worry about it, but, as I said, I have been given gifts. It would be a shame to squander them.

Still, I don't let such feelings get me down for long. Some challenge will come along and I'll rise to it, again. (Still got vestiges of most recent remodel to complete - oh, did I mention, I'm either a lazy SOB or shall we call it a "procrastinator"?)

I guess I'm more of a person who lets life "happen" rather than one who makes life happen. I admire (probably envy) those in the latter camp. Still, I don't see my personality changing much. It is what it is. I yam who I yam. I'm not too self critical and I don't let it get me down. I'm rarely if ever bored. So, maybe I shouldn't concern myself with such questions. Still...

 

[Dreamer]

Wow, we could be twins. I feel the same way!

 

[Koolau]

Dobbs: "If you're the police where are your badges?" Gold Hat: "Badges? We ain't got no badges. We don't need no badges! I don't have to show you any stinkin' badges!"[

In the FWIW department, I hadn't seen "Treasure of Sierra Madre" in many years. DW was working a puzzle and asked me where the line about "We don't need no stinking badges" came from. I told her the answer and then found your quote here a few moments later. How strange.

 

[Kroeran]

Walt, sadly I´m one of those guys -that you mention-constantly thinking that I should be doing something useful, practical, "meaningful" wth my extensive free time.....but do nothing of the sort. And I kind of end up feeling remorseful, for wasting my time and not profitting from a situation that many envy. All this compounded by seeing that my retired colleagues do what I think I ought to be doing too..... but don´t. Reading the "what did you do today" thread causes the same depressing feeling to me....
All these things make me think that I am either a dull person or without interests-that I don´t deserve the windfall of my very privileged ERment.

I have this idea that life is like a flower. We start out with a bulb, and the first task is to build a root system. These are our physical skills that we mostly acquire before kindergarden. Then in our schooling and work and wealth, we built our stem.

The plant is incomplete, and actually a failure, unless it creates a flower. The flower is the state of being rather than doing, placing the highest value on the smallest social interaction, practising the small inglorious acts of kindness, as discretely as possible, and taking great care in the respectful manner in which you place the cup of coffee on the table for your spouse or friend or neighbour (or house cleaner), while making auspicious eye contact, and trying to lift everyone up that you encounter through the day with your tone of voice.

The man who is all root and stem is ridiculous. Maybe, your inner flower is ready to bloom, senses it is spring, and wants nothing more to do with stem growing.

the primal, the practical, the poetic, in its proper sequence.

 

[Kroeran]

"....The key is not to make it into something that you have to do to make money, as opposed to something that you like to do, and sometimes you actually get paid for it...."

How so very true.

I think I resonate your post. If and when I find something that interests me, I dive in deep, with time commitment, and with money (hard one, since I do have to keep an eye on that). Then, I've noticed, I "reach my fill" and then drop it like a diseased carcass.

Sometimes, I move onto the next thing.

But I suppose right now, I didn't line up a "next thing".

So - spring is here, summer is coming, and I'm searching.

Not entirely a bad thing.

I know exactly what you are talking about. I have my core, which is the marriage, the profession, the investments - keep those boring and safe, and with everything else I am a shameless dilettante.

some ideas as to how you might find your next thing -

- allow yourself to act out of character. You may need to engage in some practise activities to shake things up. It is possible that you need something that is outside of your personal prejudices. I believe the planet and people are constructed to provide for what we need...but that a depressed person is a person who is too inhibited, has acquired limiting firmware, to move toward their inner desire or curiosity.

- go to Barnes and Noble and go through the magazines slowly, all the sections. See if anything tweeks your interest. Most possible interests are covered there.

- pay attention to small things that change your "state" in a positive way. Build on that. For my wife, it was a positive experience with a cat, that led to a life with dogs. My personal observation is that no woman without kids in the home can be comfortable without a little dog to care for.

- try to develop a sense of distinguishing between boredom and loneliness. do something stimulating/exciting, alone. Then do something very social. Monitor your state. Take appropriate action when choosing activities, place of residence.

- one thing to try is to ensure that you have a sport, a church, a musical instrument to play/learn (see film, Harold and Maude), a favorite author or genre of reading, a hobby business, a neighbourhood action group, a political party and generally build a life with more things to do than time to do them. To be clear, I mean do ALL of these things.

The sport could be something unambitious such as badminton, but make it a social sport. There are hundreds of churches or spiritual traditions to check out...half the fun is trying them out. Guitar or piano is easy to learn if you just pick a couple of songs you like and learn them...dont spend 2 years with a teacher before you can actually play something.