Suze Orman – A Wet Blanket on FIRE

[RonBoyd]

https://yourmoneyoryourlife.com/suze-orman-fire-movement/

And then, a couple of years in more or less, the identity confrontation lands with a thud. Who am I now that I am not my job? How do I explain myself to others? How can I gain the respect and voice I had with my old job? I was somebody. Now I’m nobody.

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Retiring forward is using this crisis of identity to grow spiritually or take on some of the bigger issues in the world through volunteering, study, serving on boards, entrepreneurship, training or social innovations. Or they attend to the relationships they neglected as they hurried to their million or two.

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Not everyone does this. Many retire backwards, returning to their old professions after they’ve filled up on travel or hobbies, perhaps on their own terms, because that’s where they felt competent, needed and, truth be told, important. Many do a bit of both and feel their way along to who they will be and how they might spend their time in this new world of freedom, choices and sovereignty.​

 

[Stormy Kromer]

Not to burst anyone's bubble, but nobody really cared that much about your identity when you were working.

If you need a job title or profession identity to get someone's respect, something is missing with either you or the people you're trying to impress.

 

[Nightcap]

Not to burst anyone's bubble, but nobody really cared that much about your identity when you were working.

If you need a job title or profession identity to get someone's respect, something is missing with either you or the people you're trying to impress.

Hear! Hear!

I have not missed the meaning and purpose that w*rking gave to my life. My job was always inexplicable anyway. ("Unix Sysadmin? Hey, that's great. I've got a problem with my Windows laptop...")

Dolce fa niente is my new motto. I've been retired for over three years now and have never been happier.

 

[Andre1969]

I have two friends, one of them 26 and the other 45 or so, who have been out of work for a bit now. I don't know that they tie up their identity in their job so much, but they both say the fact that they don't feel like they're contributing to society is weighing hard on them.


I don't know if "feeling useful" is directly equatable to "work identity", but I suspect there are some parallels.

 

[NW-Bound]

I have two friends, one of them 26 and the other 45 or so, who have been out of work for a bit now. I don't know that they tie up their identity in their job so much, but they both say the fact that they don't feel like they're contributing to society is weighing hard on them.

I don't know if "feeling useful" is directly equatable to "work identity", but I suspect there are some parallels.

How are their financials? If they are struggling, they certainly miss their old job.

And even if they are financially independent, at their age, I imagine I would miss my work a bit too because I enjoyed what I did.

 

[Vincenzo Corleone]

Not to burst anyone's bubble, but nobody really cared that much about your identity when you were working.

If you need a job title or profession identity to get someone's respect, something is missing with either you or the people you're trying to impress.

+1

 

[Bestwifeever]

Probably somewhere in between the retire forward and retire back extremes is where most of us fall. At some point we might stop needing achievement and purpose to define us and just enjoy letting life flow around us.

 

[tb001]

I have two friends, one of them 26 and the other 45 or so, who have been out of work for a bit now. I don't know that they tie up their identity in their job so much, but they both say the fact that they don't feel like they're contributing to society is weighing hard on them.


I don't know if "feeling useful" is directly equatable to "work identity", but I suspect there are some parallels.

Did they quit or were they let go? I think it’s a very different feeling re self worth to have the decision made for you. DH was unemployed for about 5 yrs starting at age 50. He was FI and could have retired, but it did a number on his self esteem. He’s working again now and a whole different person.

Personally, I know I derive a sense of identity/importance from my work. I spent a lot of my life as a high achiever to get here and part of me likes the nice travel and seniority I’ve reached. Then I remember how many hours of my life I’m trading away for that feeling and can hardly wait to be done!

 

[Andre1969]

How are their financials? If they are struggling, they certainly miss their old job.

And even if they are financially independent, at their age, I imagine I would miss my work a bit too because I enjoyed what I did.

I know the 26 year old is struggling. And, I know that weighs heavy on him. But, he has said that simply "not feeling productive" is the biggest issue. Not sure about the 45 year old's financial situation...I know he picked up a part time job or two to help tide him over, but he said that being laid off from a full-time job that he really enjoyed, and made him feel useful, was what really got to him.


At my job, they've scaled back my duties, little by little, over the years, so I'm really not as "needed" as I used to be. Sometimes I feel like all I do is come to work, go through the motions, and collect a paycheck. But, I also see a light at the end of the tunnel, and have been focusing more on retiring than my career, whereas retirement isn't even on the radar of my two friends. I do wonder, how I'll feel once I do fully pull the plug and retire...whether that "no longer useful" feeling will come over me. I have a feeling that, once I get used to it though, I'll be comfortable with it.

 

[Andre1969]

Did they quit or were they let go? I think it’s a very different feeling re self worth to have the decision made for you. DH was unemployed for about 5 yrs starting at age 50. He was FI and could have retired, but it did a number on his self esteem. He’s working again now and a whole different person.

Personally, I know I derive a sense of identity/importance from my work. I spent a lot of my life as a high achiever to get here and part of me likes the nice travel and seniority I’ve reached. Then I remember how many hours of my life I’m trading away for that feeling and can hardly wait to be done!

The 45 year old was laid off. The 26 year old quit his job. He can be a bit impulsive, and doesn't always think things all the way through.


And I can totally get the whole idea of it feeling harder when the decision is made for you. When I do finally do it, I'd prefer to do it on my own terms, rather than somebody else's. Might be a bit of control freak in me...

 

[Big_Hitter]

If you need a job title or profession identity to get someone's respect, something is missing with either you or the people you're trying to impress.

+1

 

[Big_Hitter]

I have two friends, one of them 26 and the other 45 or so, who have been out of work for a bit now. I don't know that they tie up their identity in their job so much, but they both say the fact that they don't feel like they're contributing to society is weighing hard on them.

every time you spend money you are contributing to society

 

[scrabbler1]

And I can totally get the whole idea of it feeling harder when the decision is made for you. When I do finally do it, I'd prefer to do it on my own terms, rather than somebody else's. Might be a bit of control freak in me...

I agree, and I think this is often taken for granted and therefore is greatly underappreciated.

I left on my own terms 10 years ago, and I recall a coworker telling me how she was happy I had chosen to leave on my own terms. It took me a while to realize the importance of that. She left the company 3 years later, I learned months after she left, but I was not able to repay the favor in terms of her comment to me.

A friend/coworker I had actually stayed in touch with over the last 10 years finally retired a few months ago at age 60. He left on his own terms, too, although he is still trying to work out some consultant deal with them because he could use the money. It's turning into a growing PITA with the bureaucracy.

And even if someone chooses to leave on his own terms, it doesn't guarantee it will end tat way. My friend/coworker told me that another coworker, 53, who had been there 27 years, after giving his notice, was escorted out the door the very next day by security. Besides not being able to gather all of his personal items right away (he was able to retrieve them later), he was humiliated in front of his coworkers at this treatment. Ouch.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

Not to burst anyone's bubble, but nobody really cared that much about your identity when you were working.

I am not in total disagreement with you, but people most certainly "do care" about what you do.

I am coming up on almost 4 years of being retired and have had different thoughts on my "identity" to others. For the most part, when you meet new people, the odds of them asking you "what do you do?" is about 100%. When you are in your 40s and not wo*king, if you tell folks "retired", it will almost certainly raise an eyebrow. Personally, do I care what people think about me? Well, no...but it can be a very uncomfortable feeling...well, at least for me. Then, add in the fact that my DW has chosen to continue to w*rk...well you don't have to be very smart to know that the reactions tend to be EVEN WORSE. Hell, you see it here on this very forum from members that I respect. In many of those peoples eyes..if you don't w*rk, and your spouse does, that just means you are actually a stay at home spouse, or even worse, just a slacker.

When I was still in Atlanta (we have recently moved) most of the folks that I associated with knew of my retirement status, so the "what do you do" question didn't really come up that much. However, now that we are moved and busy figuring out what we are doing home buying/building wise, I have had to meet a LOT of new people and when the question of "what do you do" comes up, I really cringe. Sure, it shouldn't bother me, but I don't want to lie but I don't want the awkwardness of the truth, either. I know I am rambling, but I just wanted to make the point that identity can be a tough thing when society puts a VERY HIGH value on your vocation.

 

[brett]

One thing that we have experienced on cruises is that you will inevitably dine with some who seem desperate to know what you do or what you did.

It goes far beyond normal inquisitiveness. It really irked me and we would both toy with these people. It was not enough for them to know the generalities. Their goal was really to judge you by you position, profession, etc. At first we found this surprising, then plain irritating.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

One thing that we have experienced on cruises is that you will inevitably dine with some who seem desperate to know what you do or what you did.

It goes far beyond normal inquisitiveness. It really irked me and we would both toy with these people. It was not enough for them to know the generalities. Their goal was really to judge you by you position, profession, etc. At first we found this surprising, then plain irritating.

I experienced this when interviewing a builder. He asked what "I did" and I gave him a very plain, general "finance" answer. He wanted more details and kept asking me some very specific questions. It was uncomfortable for me and the more I tried to deflect, the more he would ask.

 

[Big_Hitter]

I experienced this when interviewing a builder. He asked what "I did" and I gave him a very plain, general "finance" answer. He wanted more details and kept asking me some very specific questions. It was uncomfortable for me and the more I tried to deflect, the more he would ask.

did you hire him?

 

[Teacher Terry]

When we semi-retired at 58 & 53 a older couple we had been friends with for 16 years were very jealous. My husband didn’t want to retire at 53 but got laid off and couldn’t find a job so took his small pension. I also had l small one. Even though we didn’t hide that we worked for less money and put up with lots of BS because those pensions were our goal. Anyways after about 2 years I ended the friendship. I would have never predicted that happening. Both people don’t need to retire at the same time.

 

[marko]

If you need a job title or profession identity to get someone's respect, something is missing with either you or the people you're trying to impress.

I spent 30+ years "being my job". It did take me a year or two after RE to stop being 'Senior Vice President' but that feeling slowly died away and now I'm just 'me'. And so much better for it. But it was an internal identity; I think people only cared if I paid the bill, and truly doubt anyone cared one iota 'who' I was.

"How do I explain myself to others?" Really? I only have to explain myself to DW.

I've mentioned here a few times that in my area, people who've retired early or trust funders who never went to work are not that unusual. About a quarter of my high school class never got a real job outside of running an art gallery (open by appointment only) or other such make-work nonsense. No raised eyebrows but if they were to occur, I'd say that would be their problem not mine.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

did you hire him?

Umm...yeah, not so much.

We actually came across a pre-existing home that meets all of our needs and checks off about 90% of our wants, so we have an accepted offer on that. I was already pretty apprehensive about building (big concern on cost overruns), so am very happy to have come across a house that is more than suitable. The inspection is this week, so barring anything major, we should close on it in a few weeks.

 

[tb001]

I am not in total disagreement with you, but people most certainly "do care" about what you do.

Totally agree. And this is much harder in your 40s/early 50s when the vast majority of your peers are still working and also much harder for men I think. Adding in a working spouse and I can see it being difficult.

Of course it doesn't matter, but it's easier to say that as you get closer to retirement age.

 

[walkinwood]

Not to burst anyone's bubble, but nobody really cared that much about your identity when you were working.

If you need a job title or profession identity to get someone's respect, something is missing with either you or the people you're trying to impress.

Ever had a teacher who you still look up to? What about a pastor? A mentor at work?

 

[audreyh1]

One thing that we have experienced on cruises is that you will inevitably dine with some who seem desperate to know what you do or what you did.

It goes far beyond normal inquisitiveness. It really irked me and we would both toy with these people. It was not enough for them to know the generalities. Their goal was really to judge you by you position, profession, etc. At first we found this surprising, then plain irritating.

One wonderful thing about moving to our 55+ neighborhood is that almost everybody is retired, like being retired, and don’t give a hoot about what you did in a prior life. The most common question is whether you traveled anywhere recently.

 

[bclover]

Suzy Orman is a wet blanket on life.

lol, I watched an episode of her show where she berated an 8 year old little girl for wanting to spend her birthday money on an American girl doll.

Jeez lady, if an 8 year old can't have a little fun then we're all doomed.

Never have I seen a supposed financial guru who looks at life as one long tragedy waiting to happen.

 

[Red Badger]

It's not just Suze that's giving questionable advice. I watched Ed Schott on PBS yesterday while putzing in the kitchen. He was plugging his stuff while participating in PBS fundraising. According to Ed, ONLY a Roth IRA is suitable. Period. And, you NEED an annuity. Absolutely MUST have one.

The next goobnob was pontificating about a healthy diet and how the medical community had it all back asswards. Based on the sage advice of Suze and Ed, I had to ask myself if this dietary gasbag was just as wrong.