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Old 06-27-2020, 11:38 AM   #21
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As said above, take baby steps, like taking 1/2 day off 2 days a week. This will open the other side of life & activities which other humans enjoy & long for.
Initially if not anything else just hang around with your spouse & kids. Try to take interest in their lives & see how you can help them in anyway. Lots of other humans feel very satisfied & take pleasure in helping others, so just start from home. Then increase your help & influence in other organizations around you, maybe volunteer just once a week/month & then strike a conversation with other regular people & take a peek in their lives & maybe you will find something which you may enjoy doing yourself.

Another exercise is to think about the money you will leave behind when you pass out of the $10m, calculate the $ on your maximum lifestyle in your lifetime, & then see the futility of all the money you leave will behind for which you are going through all the daily stress.
Maybe this exercise will show you to pare down the money earning stressful (job) activities & take up some non earning but enjoyable relaxed activities which will make your life wholesome.

Will you miss your job & the accompanying prestige initially, definitely yes, but as you immerse yourself in other above activities & as the time passes you will enjoy yourself a little more.
Just think about this, one needs more than money & prestige to have a enjoyable life & you only live once.
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Old 06-27-2020, 01:52 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by tmm99 View Post
You really do need to retire to "something".
As a piece of advice to the OP, I'd guess this is probably true. He/she seems like a very driven person, who derives a great deal of personal identity from work. As a piece of general advice, it's probably true for most people, but it certainly didn't apply to me. Apologies for what may appear to be a willfully contrarian post, but I really do take exception to the notion that we need to "retire to something", mainly because that wasn't my experience at all.

Admittedly, I entered retirement via a layoff, so the transition wasn't my choice. However, adjusting to the change was easy. My first day off work felt like a regular day off. So did the second, and the next one, and the next one. It just felt like being off work all the time. Sure, I missed the job and my co-workers, but there was no big existential crisis. I got back into my old hobby of ham radio, and spent the next few years building radio gear. I had never had the time to do it properly before, so I was able to "prove" to myself that I could do it, and do it quite well. I also adopted 3 cats along the way. That was it. When I wasn't building radios and enjoying the company of my kitties, I was riding my bicycle around town. It doesn't take much to fill a day. I also revived and indulged my interest in photography. I never retired to any of these things though. I simply stopped working, and naturally began doing other things. However - and I think this is key - I am not a "doing" person. I don't think I have to be doing something in order to be content or worthy.

Perhaps this is fairly unique to what I think is my rather specific personality type, but isn't simply being alive enough? There are so many wonderful things about simply existing, and experiencing the sights and sounds of our world, that just being alive feels like a great gift to me. One of the nice things about being retired, is that I can go to bed when I want, and get up when I want. A few days ago, I stayed up rather late working on a project. It was still dark when I went to bed, but only just. A few birds were already beginning to get wind of the impending new day. It's quite a wonderful thing to hear them gradually beginning to wake up, before most of the rest of us. This morning, I woke up early, at about 4am, and realized that my little blind kitty was curled up next to my head. As I woke and moved a little, she began quietly purring. It was just her and myself, together in the silence of the night. Such a lovely moment.

If I were still working, I wouldn't have the time to enjoy these, and many, many more moments. And no - I am not one of those new-agey spiritual types who does astrology, has a collection of crystals, and "knows" all sorts of things about my chakras, whatever they might be. I am very much a pragmatist. I just happen to think the world is an endlessly wonderful place, and I like being in it.

I had a girlfriend in college who said, "Tom. There are two types of people. There are do'ers, and be'ers. I think you're a be'er." She had a point. I do do things - quite a lot of them, in fact. However, I don't feel that I have to do anything in particular in order to justify my existence.

Thanks for listening, and I know that almost no-one here will relate. However, I just gotta be me
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Old 06-27-2020, 02:42 PM   #23
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When my DW retired, she ran (and was elected) to a local public office. She has enjoyed the last 10 years immensely.
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Old 06-27-2020, 04:02 PM   #24
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I had a girlfriend in college who said, "Tom. There are two types of people. There are do'ers, and be'ers. I think you're a be'er." She had a point. I [I
do[/I] do things - quite a lot of them, in fact. However, I don't feel that I have to do anything in particular in order to justify my existence.

Thanks for listening, and I know that almost no-one here will relate. However, I just gotta be me
I can definitely relate to almost everything that you said. I guess that I am a be'er also.

Some people tell me what all they have planned and need to do and inside I am shaking my head. I would go crazy if I had their lifestyle. I think that some people have to have something going on every minute of their lives or they don't think they are being productive. I don't think that I have to justify my existence either.
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Old 06-27-2020, 04:31 PM   #25
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Most of the time I like the job but always feel behind, somewhat overworked, and stressed. I am feeling my ability to manage and stay on top starting to slip.
Word of caution: If you feel this way, it may be noticeable by your higher-ups as well.

I have an incredible job in many ways including great prestige, almost full autonomy, and pay that far exceeds my value add. My stress is self induced as I’ve never learned how to coast. I don’t believe that I could find another similar job elsewhere.

I don’t have any kind of plan for how I’ll spend my days in retirement. That is keeping me from quitting work. I’m very afraid that I’d instantly and forever regret giving up my great but somewhat overwhelming job for boredom and meaningless days.

Maybe this will give just a bit of perspective about prestige: When I am out doing my run or cycling, as I pass other people I don't give one thought as to what that individual does for a living, whether they might have a better job than I did, etc. I only care that I will finish my run or bike ride feeling good, and uninjured I think "prestige" is often only in the mind of the person thinking they have such prestige.

My question is what did you do to proactively plan your retirement before you quit? Did you have similar concerns about leaving the working world when your self image is wrapped up in your career etc? How do you spend time now in retirement to give back to the world and have real impact?
I had a target date range for my retirement. I read several books about the non-financial aspects, and also devoted a good amount of time planning what I would do in retirement. As a result, I'm never bored. As others wrote, you need to plan to retire to something. Personally, I think sitting in front of the TV all day would be quite boring.
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Old 06-27-2020, 08:25 PM   #26
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Forum members directed me to one of my favorite books: Ernie Zelinski "How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free". The entire book is great, but the Get a Life exercise really opened my eyes.
Best of Luck to you. Come back and keep us updated.


Order this book and his other one “The Joy of not working”.

I could have written your original post but these books changed everything for me. It takes effort to plan a happy retirement - get started!
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Old 06-27-2020, 09:10 PM   #27
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Speaking as one who has been there - if your life is your work, or rather if you define yourself by what you do, your choice is 1/make the break yourself or 2/wait until it is done to you. If you wait for 2 you will have the added stress of being rejected by the very thing that defined you. Better to take control: since money isn’t the issue, you have the luxury of imagination - take the time to plan, explore your inner interests and even fantasies about what you’d do with freedom from the day to do, explore with your family what would be important to them. There are different answers for everyone, from simply putting the feet up and dozing through the days, to active volunteering, to long-delayed projects or learning interests, to reconnecting with a spouse who has been sidelined in the rush to success, to etc and etc.


Great thoughts thank you for sharing.
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Old 06-27-2020, 09:12 PM   #28
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I had the same problem before I semi retired, my way out was easy, even though my career defined me as a person, I feel like I’m losing out on things that I would really enjoy more like watching my daughter grow up, spend more time with my family, travel more etc. I’m in the medical field and retired last year at the age of 44, also with 10M plus, I kept only about 5% of work that I was doing before, 15-20 hrs per month, enough to keep my license, and found out that work has become more enjoyable, I can still have the status that defined me and also enjoy my time off, at some point i found out money isn’t everything, we all have a limited amount of time on earth and it is up to us what we want to do with it. Good luck to you


I like the idea of still working a little. Thank you.
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Old 06-27-2020, 09:27 PM   #29
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Well said, and this is EXACTLY what I've struggled with since also giving up a very high paying, Silicon Valley Tech Job ~a year and a half ago.

It's been tough, no doubt, and most days I really do miss the prestige, the pay, the sense of "self-worth" and achievement/accomplishment. My job WAS a very big part of me. And the pay was heavy six figures, plus RSUs. I walked away from what today would probably be worth ~$500K+ of RSUs that hadn't yet vested. Boy, that'd be nice to have now, especially after the recent market volatility. In short, I've felt like a total idiot many times (at least half if not 3/4 of the days since) for giving it all up.

All that said, my dear wife has reminded me that the job was absolutely killing me - and it was. The stress was off the charts unmanageable and something I really can't describe adequately. Suffice it to say, if I had stayed, I may very well have been carried out of there in a horizontal position, feet first. BUT - I essentially traded that stress for a DIFFERENT kind of stress, and as "street" wrote, the stress of not having the status or the identity is perhaps slowly killing me in a different but related way because I haven't coped with it well AT ALL.

We have a pretty solid financial plan (OK, HAD a pretty solid financial plan - my CD dividends have been pulverized to pretty much zero, stock dividends have been cut, and equities have gotten hammered..aside from that, it's just swell), and I do miss the days when I didn't have to worry about what something cost. DW and I are thinking about building our retirement home and have a signed agreement on a vacant parcel of land to do it on (still in our due diligence period), and I'm stressing beyond words about the cost - which has more than doubled since we last built in 2000. That means we'll need 100% of the equity in our current home, PLUS another pretty big chunk of cash (well into six figures) or so to do it. Yeah, that's a big deal when there's no paychecks coming in. So, even though we probably are just fine financially, it's a whole different ballgame when you look at big expenditures and think "crap..there's no W-2 income coming in now to replenish whatever I pull out of the piggy bank". Don't underestimate that..it's a very scary feeling to know that the piggy bank is not infinite or inexhaustible. Add in what could be Great Depression 2.0 due to the impact of COVID, and if I had it to do all over again knowing this was all coming, I would have toughed it out a couple more years..

Anyway..we're roughly the same age and both in Tech (although like you, I long stopped being "technical") so I totally get it. Only you can decide, but I feel your pain and empathize completely.


Wow thanks for sharing your story. I can see myself feeling similar to you. My wife and I aren’t spenders and I am hopeful that I won’t miss the W2 income. But I’ll need something to replace my career. I’m not sure how I’ll cope either with the identity stress. That’s an unknown and I’ll just have to see how it plays out.

Congrats on the idea of vaca home. Building a home will be a project to manage and probably fun and stressful in a good way too.
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Old 06-27-2020, 09:37 PM   #30
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Originally Posted by Major Tom View Post
As a piece of advice to the OP, I'd guess this is probably true. He/she seems like a very driven person, who derives a great deal of personal identity from work. As a piece of general advice, it's probably true for most people, but it certainly didn't apply to me. Apologies for what may appear to be a willfully contrarian post, but I really do take exception to the notion that we need to "retire to something", mainly because that wasn't my experience at all.

Admittedly, I entered retirement via a layoff, so the transition wasn't my choice. However, adjusting to the change was easy. My first day off work felt like a regular day off. So did the second, and the next one, and the next one. It just felt like being off work all the time. Sure, I missed the job and my co-workers, but there was no big existential crisis. I got back into my old hobby of ham radio, and spent the next few years building radio gear. I had never had the time to do it properly before, so I was able to "prove" to myself that I could do it, and do it quite well. I also adopted 3 cats along the way. That was it. When I wasn't building radios and enjoying the company of my kitties, I was riding my bicycle around town. It doesn't take much to fill a day. I also revived and indulged my interest in photography. I never retired to any of these things though. I simply stopped working, and naturally began doing other things. However - and I think this is key - I am not a "doing" person. I don't think I have to be doing something in order to be content or worthy.

Perhaps this is fairly unique to what I think is my rather specific personality type, but isn't simply being alive enough? There are so many wonderful things about simply existing, and experiencing the sights and sounds of our world, that just being alive feels like a great gift to me. One of the nice things about being retired, is that I can go to bed when I want, and get up when I want. A few days ago, I stayed up rather late working on a project. It was still dark when I went to bed, but only just. A few birds were already beginning to get wind of the impending new day. It's quite a wonderful thing to hear them gradually beginning to wake up, before most of the rest of us. This morning, I woke up early, at about 4am, and realized that my little blind kitty was curled up next to my head. As I woke and moved a little, she began quietly purring. It was just her and myself, together in the silence of the night. Such a lovely moment.

If I were still working, I wouldn't have the time to enjoy these, and many, many more moments. And no - I am not one of those new-agey spiritual types who does astrology, has a collection of crystals, and "knows" all sorts of things about my chakras, whatever they might be. I am very much a pragmatist. I just happen to think the world is an endlessly wonderful place, and I like being in it.

I had a girlfriend in college who said, "Tom. There are two types of people. There are do'ers, and be'ers. I think you're a be'er." She had a point. I do do things - quite a lot of them, in fact. However, I don't feel that I have to do anything in particular in order to justify my existence.

Thanks for listening, and I know that almost no-one here will relate. However, I just gotta be me


Awesome! Thank you. I need to try out life as a be’er. I suspect that be’ers are people who slow down to learn who their true selves are. As a chronic do’er I let my career etc. define me.
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Old 06-28-2020, 12:54 AM   #31
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I ER'ed 7 years ago at 55. The books mentioned in #26 were good to prepare for the mental change.
Friends and family warned me as they knew I was a "do'er". But I knew I am a "be'er" inside.
Have not been bored yet.
Good luck to you!
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Old 06-28-2020, 04:49 AM   #32
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When I retired, I had travel, photography, reading, music, and home projects to keep me completely occupied. I also had the opportunity to assist and/or lead photography workshops, but didn't want the hassle of catering to the clients.
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Old 06-28-2020, 06:24 AM   #33
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Most would love to have this "problem".

Your work defines you -therefore keep working.
You're a leader, therefore a Problem Solver -you'll know when you're ready to retire.


Good Luck!
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Old 06-28-2020, 07:02 AM   #34
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I don’t have any kind of plan for how I’ll spend my days in retirement. That is keeping me from quitting work. I’m very afraid that I’d instantly and forever regret giving up my great but somewhat overwhelming job for boredom and meaningless days.

My question is what did you do to proactively plan your retirement before you quit? Did you have similar concerns about leaving the working world when your self image is wrapped up in your career etc? How do you spend time now in retirement to give back to the world and have real impact?
You should NOT let anyone “talk you into it,” especially a bunch of strangers online. Giving up a well paying job is a big life milestone and usually irreversible. IMO you should NOT retire until you’re comfortably FI (evidently check) and you really can’t bear your career anymore (only you can draw that line).

Aside from not reaching $ FI, not knowing “what you will do all day” in retirement can be a serious issue. Yes, some people naturally transition into an active, fulfilling life after work without a plan, but not everyone. The more wrapped up in your work (nothing wrong with that BTW), the less certain you can be. Some unprepared retirees fall into (some degree of) boredom and depression without the structure and/or social aspects of work.

“What will I do all day” was the final hurdle before I retired. In his book, How to Retire Happy, Wild and Free, author Ernie Zelinski talks about creating a "Get-a-Life Tree” - example below, not mine. For me, completing that exercise was very helpful - an epiphany. The idea is simply to brainstorm about all the things you used to like to do, currently like to do, or think you would like to do, plus fitness activities you enjoy. He challenges us to keep going until we’ve identified 50 activities. It only took me about 10 minutes to identify about 40 activities with a few follow up adds over the next few days to surpass 50. Made me realize how many other things I’d enjoy doing, and I retired a few months later. And I haven’t had to refer to it after all, but it satisfied my concerns about retirement life.

It only takes a few minutes of your 700,000 +/- hour life so I highly recommend it for anyone who has any doubts about what they will do all day...

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Old 06-28-2020, 07:08 AM   #35
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You're 57, in Tech, and no longer actually technical. Unless you've reached whatever 3 steps above your standard VP level is, your days are already numbered.

But no one can talk you into this. You don't seem remotely ready (emotionally) but you're probably overly-ready financially. You can only do that work yourself. What do you want to do? If you were RIF'd tomorrow I don't think you'd adapt well, so start planning that way - as if the decision might be forced on you, vs. yours to make.

My self-image was never "wrapped up" in my career, but it was certainly a part of it. It faded pretty quickly, probably because I was planning to ER for years and overly ready for it, so I knew I'd never have regrets. And I ER'd more than 10 years younger than you are now. Less assets, but probably less than 20% of us here have over 10m when we retired.

So to this part:


Proactively, I asked myself years ago - if you won the lottery today what would you do? I started a small creative business - the kind of thing 7 year old me would have said I wanted to do, without worrying about income. Was a "side gig" while working, and is now a part time hobby business. I have a "I'm a this" answer to what I do. If you want to give back to the world support a charity or your religious organization or feed stray cats, wherever your passion lies.
+1 An important comment on changing perspective.
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Old 06-28-2020, 07:50 AM   #36
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OP, I'm about 7 years behind you in age and assets.

I do not intend to make it to where you are. Three years and I'm out.

Life is short and corporate life only has so much to offer. How much schwing will you get out of the next budget season? P&L review? Product launch? Re-org? Big public speech?

When you're 85 and looking back, will you be happy that years 56-60 were filled with more-of-the-same corporate drama and your stash went to $15M, or will you wish that you had taken a different road?

My last boss was a good role model in many respects. He was passionately committed to traveling with his family. One day he said to me "After all, there may come a day when we can't do it." I corrected him and said "No, there WILL come a day when you can't do it"

There WILL come a day when this is no longer your choice. In your circumstance, if you're doing what you do everyday and not affirmatively choosing that is what you want to do...well, that's on you. It seems like you're running on momentum. More than for 99.99% of the people on the planet, the world is your oyster. Seize it.

My suggestions:
1) Create purpose beyond the business...decide what you want to do with the next $5M b/c you certainly don't need it (or even much appear to want it). Ditto for people at the office. Your situation may afford you the opportunity to really invest in people in ways you haven't before.

2) Tape a note to your bathroom mirror that says "Every day is a choice"

3) Tape a second note that says "Nothing ventured, nothing gained"

You probably got to where you are in corporate life by taking a lot risks. Feels like time for risk of a completely different kind.

My $0.02.
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Old 06-28-2020, 08:07 AM   #37
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When you're 85 and looking back, will you be happy that years 56-60 were filled with more-of-the-same corporate drama and your stash went to $15M, or will you wish that you had taken a different road?
Sometimes even looking back can elude you. My, now deceased, father-in-law, had been a highly regarded professor of electrical engineering, with several very important patents and discoveries to his credit. His dementia left him with no recollection of these achievements, nor that he had earned a PHD, taught numerous students in a prestigious university, helped found EE societies and journals, etc.

What he did remember was the time spent with his loving family.
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Old 06-28-2020, 08:21 AM   #38
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Maybe, just maybe, OP is a good candidate for the infamous OMY syndrome. Maybe OMM? (One More Month) Figure out what makes sense for you as to what periods you want to review your future path. In the mean time, resist any thoughts of such during that period. Relax a bit. Slack off (slightly) at work. Don't volunteer for any more responsibility. In fact, try to delegate more. Take some time off. You know the time is coming. It will be here when it is time. Before it does, try to make work less stressful for yourself. Try some hobbies, take some adult classes, or whatever. Life during work or life afterwards is not a single choice. It is a series of choices. Some may work out. Some may not. Retirement is like work in that the only thing constant is change. You still have time to make a few wrong choices in retirement.
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Old 06-28-2020, 08:45 AM   #39
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As others have mentioned, we're not here to talk you into retirement. As a community we are here to discuss ideas, financial and otherwise, related to retirement. With that in mind a few comments that may be helpful...

Retire to something, not from something

In retirement, have one thing to do every day. Walking out to pick up the newspaper doesn't count. Something productive, something that takes thought, planning, time, energy. One thing for me often expands to many days, even weeks, as I plan the "thing" I'm doing, buy the parts/materials, etc.

Figure out how to make your retired life look a little bit like w*rk. By that, I mean do all your projects, planning, etc. during the week - much like a j*b. Keep your weekends for you - a little downtime.

Arrange your cash flow to resemble a paycheck - arrange for money to come into your life much a paycheck - weekly, twice monthly, whatever works for you.

Think about the things that will make you happy. It's different for everyone so there is no single answer. A good book about retiree happiness came out a few years ago - You Can Retire Sooner Than You Think by Wes Moss. Take a look at his book or something like it. Link to Amazon listed below:

https://smile.amazon.com/You-Retire-...s%2C143&sr=8-2

Best wishes with your decision.
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Old 06-28-2020, 11:28 AM   #40
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Like many people I had planned to work until at least the FRA of 66.

Then reality struck in many unhappy ways. In my mid 50's over a period of about 5 years, I lost three family members to diseases including my one and only sibling. I also lost five good friends. At one point I remember walking down the street and wondering when a bolt of lightning from the clouds would strike me down. When it didn't, I decided to retire as soon as possible.

For the first six months I luxuriated in not setting an alarm, reading the morning paper, and a few other trivial things. I did make a conscious choice to work on my health. I improved my diet by cutting way back on sugar and cheap processed carbs. I lost 25 pounds in a few months. I also started a regular exercise program, which while modest compared to the gym rats on this site, is still far better than no exercise.

In time I got a bit bored reading the morning paper decided to be a bit more productive. I started visiting and helping out my children more, spent a bit more times with friends, and decided to throw off the sad mantle of being a 'wretched lonely divorced guy' and find a good girl friend. That was/is the hardest part. There are lots of great women out there, but finding one that is the right one has been the hardest 'work' of my retirement. It is, however, very enjoyable work most of the time.

I've traveled quite a bit off-season, doing one domestic and one international trip a year (except for 2020, it seems). I improved my already descent cooking skills. I helped others who needed help mid week. I started to learn Italian since Italy is the home of my parents. Overall, my time has filled up with useful activities, but not the the point that I often feel rushed. Having control of one's time is a huge benefit of retirement. It's freedom.

Oh, did I mention grandchildren? I am blessed to be able to spend large amounts of time with them. It's like being injected with youth serum.

My favorite FIRE cartoon of all time is below.
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The worst decisions are usually made in times of anger and impatience.
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