Tell the truth do you gloat ...just a little?

[Kitty]

I got an email from one of my co-workers yesterday and when he told me the tales of the work place and who got screwed over by who and how the place was still a nightmare, I felt just a little bit of.....gloatness (is that a word?). I did mention how I was happy in retirement and that I was less stressed and more optimistic about life, I felt that my saying so was sort of rubbing it in. This poor shluck has decades to go before he can retire. Has this happened to anyone here? Have you been excessive in "rubbing it in"?
Com'on tell the truth now

 

[renferme]

No, I don't rub it in...still have wife and son working for the company I retired from.
And, lots of buddies there also.
But, because of that... I still feel "connected" to my old workplace.
Although, I don't have the stress or pressures "connected"... except for wife and son of course.

 

[haha]

No way would I gloat. I hve been retired since i was pretty young, and living in the same community. Too many people would like to see me take a fall for me to invite any more envy than is already inherent in the situation.

I feel lucky; and I feel that ER has rewards and costs. For me the rewards outweight the costs. For others, they might not.

Ha

 

[peggy]

I'm not nearly ready to FIRE yet (three years, five months, but who's counting?), but I still feel a bit smug when I think of how much we have already saved and are continuing to save.

If either DH or I get fired or laid off tomorrow, it's not that big a deal; the income from either one of our jobs will cover our basic expenses indefinitely.  If we both get fired or laid off at the same time, we have nine months of basic expenses saved.

And then I look at our best friends, a couple my age (38), who have practically nothing saved for retirement or even a rainy day...

Yeah, I gloat.  But silently. If anyone asks my opinion or advice, I'll tell them what DH and I are doing, but otherwise -- it's their life and their choice, not mine.

 

[Scrooge]

I'm not nearly ready to FIRE yet (three years, five months, but who's counting?), but I still feel a bit smug when I think of how much we have already saved and are continuing to save.

I have been guilty of the same thing lately. It was particularly satisfying last year when my company was strapped for cash and my management tried sending me back to a "problem" client that had previously driven me to ER. I was upset and nervous, but I looked him in the eye and said, "You know, I don't really have to work for a living any more. I know you didn't believe me when I said it earlier this year, but it's true. I wouldn't be swimming in cash, but I would be OK. If this is the only assignment that you have for me, I'll just move on". It was the first time I said "No" to my management in well over 15 years and it felt good

Yeah, I gloat.  But silently.  If anyone asks my opinion or advice, I'll tell them what DH and I are doing, but otherwise -- it's their life and their choice, not mine.

I have mentioned that I am effectively FI a few times over the last year+, but I should probably be more circumspect about it.

 

[MasterBlaster]

Scrooge:

Well no raise for you this year - You clearly don't need it !

Per the smug thing. I don't feel that way at all. When someone tells me their dire situation I usually feel truly sad for them.

Even if they are on some idiotic spending warpath you just have to have some sympathy for them.

Their values are just not the same as mine.

 

[Leonidas]

Sometimes yes, but usually not in a mean way.

With friends who are still shackled to the bench in the galley where I once rowed, it's almost expected that I rub it in a little bit. Maybe it's some kind of vicarious thrill for them that lightens their day as they think of their own retirement. What am I doing today? Well, I need to work out, and I've got to catch up on my reading. But I might just chuck it all and go fishing or lay out at the pool. Or maybe I'll do it all. What about you?

When I gloat in a mean way I generally do it silently. It usually happens early in the evening when I find myself in traffic or at a store. Surrounded by all the people rushing around trying to get home to spend a few minutes with their families before going to bed too late and looking forward to getting up too early the next morning...just to do it all over again. They look harried, worn out, unhappy and often angry. They rudely cut in front of others just to save a few seconds. When I find myself surrounded by those people I sometimes get exasperated because their attitude can be contagious. That's when I take a moment and remind myself that I have more money than they will ever have, I'm retired at an age when most of them are worried about paying this month's credit card bills and retirement is just a myth, I look and feel ten years younger than my age, I don't have to get up and go anywhere tomorrow, and life is just a bowl of cherries.

My attitude changes and I look at them with a mixture of pity and humor, give them a big smile and let them rush on past me. Every now and then one will stop long enough to notice the smile and I can tell they're curious. They know something is up but they're clueless.

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

I gloated a little at first, mostly with my old peer level coworkers that I was used to jockeying with. Got tired of it pretty quick though. It was probably that defeated, tail tucked between the legs look they always got.

They rudely cut in front of others just to save a few seconds. When I find myself surrounded by those people I sometimes get exasperated because their attitude can be contagious.

I got a great one the other day. Was standing in line at the coffee/bakery/sandwich place late in the morning. Little bit of a line but it moves quick, maybe 10-12 people. This lady comes in and loudly annouces that she's parked illegally, so she has to get her order right now and proceeds to the front of the line. The first surprise was that the gal behind the counter immediately takes and gives her what she wants and ignores the next person in line. Just a kid, probably didnt want to say anything about it for $6 an hour. Next surprise is as she turns to walk out, the second guy in line slaps the tray of coffees out of her hand onto the floor. They had some delightful words that in a year or so will force me to cover Gabes ears.

I just stood there smiling...I'm in no hurry, no work waiting for me, no need to be a jerk or be confrontational to the jerk...my muffin still awaits...

 

[Mwsinron]

Not at all. The people I know dont get RE at all or they cant. I keep to myself and just nod. Hard to explain comming from my background.

 

[lazygood4nothinbum]

when you drop your competitiveness, when you realize your life is not the life of another and that their life is not yours, when you reduce reliance on your ego for satisfaction, you will be able to simultaneously enjoy your own good fortune and feel empathy for another whose fortunes have not shined so well without having to compare yours to theirs in order to measure your own.

edit: wrong word now empathy. though i guess even apathy beats gloating. (thanx ha, i actually was wondering if i got that wrong on my way to sleep and was going to check to see if it needed correcting in the morning--it's after noon, aka my version of morning).

 

[haha]

... and feel apathy for another whose fortunes have not shined so well without having to compare yours to theirs in order to measure your own.

You sure apathy is the word you want here?

Ha

 

[Leonidas]

when you drop your competitiveness, when you realize your life is not the life of another and that their life is not yours, when you reduce reliance on your ego for satisfaction, you will be able to simultaneously enjoy your own good fortune and feel apathy for another whose fortunes have not shined so well without having to compare yours to theirs in order to measure your own.

Apathy does seem like a curious choice.

But I'm intrigued by the way you wrote about competiveness, as if it's a bad thing.

 

[SteveR]

I am not currently retired but many of my fellow worker bees know my personal situation and know that I could retire about any time. They have many more years to do so and the company is not retirement friendly at all. Most people either have to work until 65 or move on to another company to get some retirement benefits. My situation is different since I retired early from another much larger company which had some benefits that I can use when the time comes. That is an empowering feeling and I am sure it does not go unnoticed by some. I don't exactly bow down to management or bend to the latest whims coming out of the corporate headquarters. I pick my battles since I do still enjoy getting a paycheck for what I do. I could live without it but for now it serves a useful purpose. I don't think I am smug as much as self assured in my ability to be my own person.

 

[Toejam]

I don't think I am smug as much as self assured in my ability to be my own person.

This is my feeling exactly.

Never had the urge to gloat but do feel very fortunate I was able to retire early. Just after I retired, the man that I had been training on the job asked if I was a millionaire. I didn't answer the question directly - just told him that my pension and rental income allowed me to leave the job. I would rather downplay it than flaunt it. There will always be someone who will be resentful and/or jealous. Why provoke these feelings in others.

 

[Scrooge]

Scrooge:

Well no raise for you this year - You clearly don't need it !

He, that's pretty much what happened 6 months later, but it probably had more to do with the general turmoil that the company has been going through over the last couple of years. What was even more satisying was another conversation that I had with the same manager earlier this year when his job was suddenly on the line and he asked me about LBYM and saving money for the rainy day

 

[kz]

Hubby and I do gloat but only between ourselves.

I guess that's not totally true. After DH retired last year once a week he'd call his best friend and leave messages in reference to how great retirement was. And he did it on the friend's work phone. I finally had to tell him to knock it off.

 

[tangomonster]

Not 100% sure, but think lazygoodfor nothin meant empathy rather than apathy.

Since I have a week to go(!!!!) to RE, it's too soon to say whether I will be gloating. Mostly trying to keep a low profile. And with a very bad work situation, I think what my co-workers are most envious about and what I'm happiest about is getting away from evil bosses, stupid management policy, lazy co-workers rather than RE per se.
But when that's behind me, I know I'll be singing the praises of FIRE to anyone who seems interested.....

But most of the type of people I know (maybe it's true of almost all people everywhere in a variety of circumstances) just don't get FIRE. They may like the RE aspect, but not how you get to the FI. A co-worker expressed her envy of my RE and said she could never do it. She did not put two and two together and realzie that she had just spent tons of money on vacations, fixing up her already nice home, clotehs, eating out...

 

[Andre1969]

I'll admit that I do gloat a little on occasion, but I keep it to myself and try not to lord it over others. The people that make me gloat a bit are the ones that seem bitter and resentful. The ones that feel they're entitled to just have everything handed to them on a silver platter, and then complain about how it's just impossible to make it anymore.

One of my coworkers tells me on occasion "You don't know how lucky you are". I HATE that phrase with a passion. First off, how the hell does she know WHAT I know?! And yes, I do feel very fortunate to be in the financial situation that I'm in, but I'd also like to think that hard work and discipline, and a little bit of knowledge had more to do with it than luck! And if she would discipline herself a bit better, maybe she could be "lucky" too? She bought a condo way back in 1990, for something like $90,000. In theory, she could easily have the thing paid off by now. But instead she's refinanced several times, taking out cash as the value has risen. A couple years ago she refinanced again, to a 30 year mortgage. So now she has 27-28 years left to pay on something that she's owned for 16 years already! And it's not like she's ever really been down on her luck. She did get laid off for a few months back in late 1997, but she was lucky that the severance pay and unemployment carried her through that entire period. She got her first paycheck with her new company about 2 weeks after her final unemployment check. Maybe I should tell her how lucky SHE is!

Last year she also got herself into a little bind, automotively. She had a minivan that got stolen and was totaled out by the time it was recovered. The interior was torn up because it was used to transport stolen ATVs and such, and the steering column was torn up where they hotwired it. And to break into it they messed up not one, not two, but THREE locks! And the final straw was when the police saw it, gave chase, the guys driving it cornered themselves on a dead end street. They stopped and bailed out of it, but left it in drive, and it idled into a tree!

So she goes out and buys a used Mountaineer. And then cries about gas prices. She lucked out that her Mom had a used minivan that she wanted to get rid of. She gave it to her. Then my coworker tries, unsuccessfully, to sell the SUV. Well, her Mom hates the freedom that she lost in giving up her vehicle and relying solely on her new husband, so she BUYS the SUV from her daughter. Again, maybe I really DO need to remind her of just how lucky SHE is!

Then I have another coworker, who's around 62-63 and works part time. She cries about how you just can't make it in this area in this day and age, and how unfair things are. Her government retirement is more than what I make! Plus her part time income. Now if I can make it, she should be able to. She just has to adjust her spending habits. Taking a month off to stay in Key West, a week in Ocean City, two weeks on a cruise, etc. Oh yeah, life is SO unfair!

I have to admit that with these types of people I do gloat a bit. But only because they make their own problems. They have this victim mentality that nothing is ever their fault and they don't have the power to bail themselves out. Yet they go out for these expensive lunches, take all these trips, etc. And nothing wrong with that...IF YOU CAN AFFORD IT! But if you can't, but you still blow money on all this stuff, then don't whine about it.

 

[Eagle43]

Used to gloat with people who worked with me; that got old rather quickly. Now, I usually inquire as to whether or not he/she is "still out there." Those that are, reply glumly, and those that are not, smile broadly. They know!

 

[Scrooge]

So she goes out and buys a used Mountaineer.  And then cries about gas prices.  She lucked out that her Mom had a used minivan that she wanted to get rid of.  She gave it to her.  Then my coworker tries, unsuccessfully, to sell the SUV.  Well, her Mom hates the freedom that she lost in giving up her vehicle and relying solely on her new husband, so she BUYS the SUV from her daughter.  Again, maybe I really DO need to remind her of just how lucky SHE is!

I don't know if I would call it "luck". Having stuff handled to you on a silver platter rarely brings financial security or happiness. The same rule seems to apply to individuals and countries. Just look at the countries that happen to be swimming in oil and other natural resources, e.g. Nigeria, Russia, South Africa, Angola, Saudi Arabia. Are they better off than countries like Japan and Taiwan that have few natural resources? Freebes like oil are more often a curse than a blessing...

 

[Rustic23]

Never…. Maybe a little…
celebrate, crow, exult, glory, hee-haw, horse laugh, rejoice, relish, revel in, triumph, vaunt, whoop, , boast, brag, brazen, browbeat, hector, intimidate, rant, rave, roar, roister, show off, storm, strut, swagger, swell, talk big, vaunt, yap, advertise, aggrandize, attract attention, blow, bluster, bullshit, bully, exaggerate, exult, fake, flaunt, flourish, gasconade, grandstand, hug oneself, jive, prate, preen, psych, puff, shoot, show off, showboat, sound off, strut, swagger, talk big, triumph…… but never gloat. Got to go, just got another email and I have to brag a little.

 

[peggy]

Per the smug thing. I don't feel that way at all. When someone tells me their dire situation I usually feel truly sad for them.

Even if they are on some idiotic spending warpath you just have to have some sympathy for them.

Their values are just not the same as mine.

I have sympathy for people who have had catastrophic events that plunged them into dire financial straits -- illness, accident, that sort of thing.

But people who are making at least as much as DH and I do but complain about how they can't afford their debts, lifestyle, etc. -- they chose to get into that situation and they can choose to get out of it. Will it be easy? Of course not; nothing worth the doing is. But they had the same opportunities to learn about finance that I did and chose either not to learn or to ignore or forget what they did learn. It's hard for me to have any sympathy for that kind of thing in any form.

Yes, I am a cold-hearted wench. Why do you ask?

 

[lazygood4nothinbum]

Apathy does seem like a curious choice. 

But I'm intrigued by the way you wrote about competiveness, as if it's a bad thing.

often things are good or bad depending on context and usage. competitiveness might get you early to retirement, but afterwards it might simply hinder your ability to fully enjoy it.

you can spend time comparing yourself to others whereby you have to look out to see in or you can take the time & methods you used to compare yourself to others and simply & more deeply enjoy introspection.

as to why i used the word competitiveness: it struck me that this is from where gloating derives. when we compete, we open the door to gloat. when we work on the same team, we open the door to empathy.

ps wrong word edited, thank you for bringing that to attention.

pps i would remind everyone that without the majority of our population, um, competitively over-spending, you likely would not have the economy allowing for your early retirement. so towards them you shouldn't be gloating; you should, at worst, be grateful. this is known as holy gloating: thank god they still have to work.

 

[Andre1969]

Competitiveness might get you early to retirement, but afterwards it might simply hinder your ability to fully enjoy it.

I have a good friend who's like this; he's constantly comparing himself to others and then getting discouraged. And since I'm one of his best friends, he tends to compare himself to me alot. For instance, I bought my first home, a condo, when I was 24. He didn't actually buy his first place, a small townhome, until he was 29. But then he forgets the fact that I went through financial problems and couldn't afford to keep it for awhile, had to move in with my Grandma and rent it out for awhile, and take on a second job to make ends meet.

I bought my first (and only ever) new car when I was 29. He's never had a brand-new car, although he did buy a 2004 Crown Vic with only 10,000 miles on it in the summer of '04. And he has had newer cars than me. Before that he had a '95 Grand Marquis, bought in 1999. Before the Intrepid, I had a 1989 Gran Fury, bought in 1998. And I've had a number of cars that are older than me!

And we do compare salary notes from time to time, and I'm always ahead of him. However, I'm also 3 years older, and have simply been in the workforce longer. If you actually take his age into consideration, he's making more at whatever given age than I did when I was that age. For example, he recently topped the $50,000 mark, right around the time he turned 33. I didn't top the $50K barrier until July of 2005, when I was 35.

He spends too much money eating out and running around and stuff, but he does at least try to save for the future. He puts money into whatever the teacher's equivalent of a 401k is, and I think he'll actually get a pension. And he's been paying extra on his house. I think he's been paying the car note down ahead of time, too. He really is a lot better off than he thinks he is, but since he's constantly finding ways to compare himself to others to where they might look "better" than him, he just never seems to get the opportunity to enjoy his lot in life.

He's also looking at a promotion in the next year, maybe sooner, which will put him into the mid/upper $60K range. I figure at the rate I'm going, I probably won't break $60K for another 3-4 years, unless I get promoted. But I'm not going to let that worry me. I'm still on track with investing and saving, and with any luck I'll end up retired by the time I turn 45. 50 at the worst. And then my buddy will probably start whining because I retired at a younger age than he! : Oh well, at least he can gloat about having a higher salary.

 

[azanon]

I just stood there smiling...I'm in no hurry, no work waiting for me, no need to be a jerk or be confrontational to the jerk...my muffin still awaits...

Which jerk were you considering confronting?  The woman in the rush or the man who spilled her coffee?    Just curious