Visitor Overload

[Bamaman]

Our vacation home is in the same town as our lake house. If visitors come to one house, we pack up and move to the other home.

Our electricity went out in a storm last night. We packed up and went to the lake for the night. Having 2 houses is kind'a nice.

[REWahoo]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bamaman Our electricity went out in a storm last night. We packed up and went to the lake for the night. Having 2 houses is kind'a nice.

A back-up generator would be far more convenient and much less expensive.

[kcowan]

We had a huge vacation home with bedrooms and bathrooms for guests that were separate with their own entrance. Then we went the other way and have a guest room with a queen-sized hide-a-bed, but also has our printer on a desk, our pantry, and our laundry in adjacent areas. The 3- day rule works well. They share our second bathroom with me.

Up north, we have 3300 sq.ft. Penthouse with 2 guest rooms. The 3-rule still works well. A couple of guests have an oversized guy (6'8" and 7'4") so we let them use our master bedroom. That really throws us off. And we have a list of must see places for them to go on their own, either on transit or our car. Has not been a problem lately, probably because we are not here in the winter.

[Sue J]

DH and our older son are currently in the Denver area visiting my MIL. All of his other siblings are also visiting, but DH and son decided that a hotel would be a lovely idea and they are in a suites hotel nearby that has a full breakfast buffet, living room and kitchen. DHs brother and a niece are staying with their mom, she has an extra room with a "day bed" and an office/junk room with an air mattress on the floor. I have slept on that day bed in the past and it is a minimal accommodation for someone who doesn't want to pay for a hotel. DHs brother and sister also didn't want to pay for a rental car so DH is doing a lot of helping with transporting people around in their rental. Our other son and his new wife are staying in an AirBnb in the mountains (honeymoon part 3) and driving in for family gatherings.

DH was just about done after 4 days and they have 3 more days left. Flying out there and renting a car and hotel is a big enough expense that you want to stay for about a week. They made sure that they have some days to be on their own that don't involve visiting.

It's interesting that DH is the only one of his siblings who is retired, yet he's the one willing to spend money on a hotel and rental car. Hmmmmm. I'm glad we can afford for him to do this for his family.

As for me......I am home. I was just out there last Sept (nephews wedding that got canceled after we paid for flights, car and AirBnb) and had a nice visit but just didn't feel the need to go this time.

I haven't been ALONE in a few years and this has been LOVELY! I love DH and his entire family but this was a nice opportunity to have some time by myself. I need that every once in a while.

[Blue Collar Guy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue Collar Guy When my mother in law decided to move "upstate" about 90 miles north of NYC, everyone was invited to stay for the first Christmas . We got there first, she has 5 bedrooms. I asked where everyone was going to sleep? I got the "we will work it out" answer. I told the bride lets find a dog friendly hotel/motel(we had our fur baby). I also had my mom with me. The bride said "no" as she felt we always accommodate everyone. When the rest of the gang showed up, i told the wife "look im not waiting to shower, or share a towel". A few phone calls later and we had 2 rooms at some half of welfare pet friendly motel. We only went late at night to sleep , shower. We had breakfast at a Denny's (steak and eggs). When we arrived after 1 pm everyone looked whipped, waiting to shower, and disgusted . I went on to brag(something i do when i feel the need), that im sure it was usually a short stay motel, but it was a quiet place with hot water clean bathrooms. The best $200 i ever spent. My mother said "no consider the rooms part of your Christmas gifts. Now when ever we go and there is going to be a gang, we found a more upscale hotel, no drama, and the visit is infinitely better.

Oh, i forgot, this exact scene was reenacted for a recent wedding. Only it was the gang times 2.

[unclemick]

It helps to develop a Curmudgeon persona. That being said.

My side of the family picks a spot in the US and we all chip in (for rent by owner usually) once a year - this year in Tennessee.

Wife's side rents a hall/church/Fraternal order once a year always in St Jo MO.

12 -25 people plus per event.

heh heh heh - we only have one or two visitors one or two times a year after that. Fairly manageble.

[Teacher Terry]

With my very close friends and family it is understood that you don't need an invite. You just need to make sure the time is convenient before buying plane tickets. I can not imagine putting a limit on someone's visits unless they were inconsiderate slobs that came for weeks at a time expecting me to wait hand and foot on them. I don't have any friends/family like that.

[Philliefan33]

I'm suffering from too many visits right now! One set of family came for a week, then three days later a second set arrived for a week. Only three days to go.

It was/is the first visit to the area for each group, so of course they want to see the major attractions. Unfortunately, they want us as guides. After two trips in eight days through the historical area of Philadelphia, I think I'm ready to be hired as a park ranger. I wish the current visitors would accept our offer to borrow a vehicle but they don't feel comfortable driving in our "city traffic".

Did I mention they leave in three days?

[rodi]

I think I must be channelling unclemick's curmudgeon attitude... Despite living in a vacation destination, we don't get too many guests.

Most of our friends/family know that a visit will require, at minimum, displacing one of the teenagers into the other's room to provide a guest room... Every few years one of my BIL's will show up with all the teenage/20-something kids... and we have people sleeping everywhere (living room couch is a sofa bed... I'll toss my kids into a tent in the backyard if necessary.)

We also don't modify our time schedules too much when we have guests... some guests don't appreciate that I'm up early to leave by 6:15am to walk the dog on the beach... and that DH is usually asleep by 9pm... Not our problem... We provide beds, good food, etc.

There are a couple "friends" on both sides (some are my friends, some are DH's friends) that are not invited, ever... if the hints start getting dropped we ask point blank where they plan to stay and suggest we'll meet them for A meal.

As for staying with others... We're about to embark on a 3 week drive trip - seeing lots of friends. We let friends know when we'd be in town... only one insisted we stay with them - and we are... but they have a basement, separate apartment, just for guests... We'll bring them wine and homemade limoncello to thank them for the 1 night accommodations.

[Danmar]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teacher Terry With my very close friends and family it is understood that you don't need an invite. You just need to make sure the time is convenient before buying plane tickets. I can not imagine putting a limit on someone's visits unless they were inconsiderate slobs that came for weeks at a time expecting me to wait hand and foot on them. I don't have any friends/family like that.

Well, you're a better man than I. Sometimes our friends might fish a little for an invite, but we don't always bite. I like to be in control (have I mentioned that before?)

[Danmar]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Philliefan33 I'm suffering from too many visits right now! One set of family came for a week, then three days later a second set arrived for a week. Only three days to go. It was/is the first visit to the area for each group, so of course they want to see the major attractions. Unfortunately, they want us as guides. After two trips in eight days through the historical area of Philadelphia, I think I'm ready to be hired as a park ranger. I wish the current visitors would accept our offer to borrow a vehicle but they don't feel comfortable driving in our "city traffic". Did I mention they leave in three days?

Sounds pretty rough. Good for you. Our problem is we drink/eat too much when we have guests. Extremely tiring but mostly our own fault.

[O2Bfree]

My biggest peeve with guests is not being able to go to bed at our usual time. For some reason, many of the people we've had over seem to feel obliged to talk and talk and talk late into the night. DH and I are used to hitting the hay around 9:30 and my interactive motivation tends to taper off before then. Staying up until 10 or so is ok, but too often it stretches until 11 and beyond. We like to maintain regular sleep hours, and wake up reasonably early to start our day.

Perhaps the guests feel they are repaying us for our hospitality by entertaining us with their stories. Once they get revved up, it's hard to interject with, "Well, we're going to bed now" even though we've warned them ahead of time about our early turn-in hour.

[athena53]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Philliefan33 Unfortunately, they want us as guides. After two trips in eight days through the historical area of Philadelphia, I think I'm ready to be hired as a park ranger. I wish the current visitors would accept our offer to borrow a vehicle but they don't feel comfortable driving in our "city traffic".

My parents used to live in Orchard Park, NY, near Buffalo. They got SO tired of being tour guides to Niagara Falls, although my mother did enjoy it when I brought a guy from Italy, who was even excited over the stamp they put in his passport when we crossed into Canada at Rainbow Bridge.

They retired to Myrtle Beach but were always very gracious about taking in family. When DH and I were dating he stayed at a local hotel and Mom felt bad, till I told her we liked having a space for some "privacy". The subject did not come up again. After we married, I spent the nights with DH in the hotel instead of with my parents. Even in their 80s, they welcomed everyone. My brother and SIL, AND two of their adult kids plus one spouse and 3-year old twins would show up- it was fine. (SIL was an excellent cook and my brother was handy around the house and liked to fix things.) The year before last, DS and DDIL came in from Des Moines with their 1-year old. They were to stay with my parents till DH and I got there, and we had a hotel room for them after that. Turned out they were having so much fun that neither Mom and Dad nor DS and DDIL wanted to use the hotel. We lost the deposit. I didn't care. Mom's gone now and I'm glad they had more time together.

This does remind me of a story in the London Times real estate section I read years ago (I always enjoy the paper when I'm there on a Sunday). The woman and her family bought a house in the south of France. They had an endless stream of visitors who would sleep late, wander in dripping beach water all over the hardwood floors, head for the wine rack and ask what was for dinner. The owners were exhausted and broke from continuous shopping, cooking and cleaning. They sold the house. They needed to learn to say no!

[Blue Collar Guy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by athena53 My parents used to live in Orchard Park, NY, near Buffalo. They got SO tired of being tour guides to Niagara Falls, although my mother did enjoy it when I brought a guy from Italy, who was even excited over the stamp they put in his passport when we crossed into Canada at Rainbow Bridge. They retired to Myrtle Beach but were always very gracious about taking in family. When DH and I were dating he stayed at a local hotel and Mom felt bad, till I told her we liked having a space for some "privacy". The subject did not come up again. After we married, I spent the nights with DH in the hotel instead of with my parents. Even in their 80s, they welcomed everyone. My brother and SIL, AND two of their adult kids plus one spouse and 3-year old twins would show up- it was fine. (SIL was an excellent cook and my brother was handy around the house and liked to fix things.) The year before last, DS and DDIL came in from Des Moines with their 1-year old. They were to stay with my parents till DH and I got there, and we had a hotel room for them after that. Turned out they were having so much fun that neither Mom and Dad nor DS and DDIL wanted to use the hotel. We lost the deposit. I didn't care. Mom's gone now and I'm glad they had more time together. This does remind me of a story in the London Times real estate section I read years ago (I always enjoy the paper when I'm there on a Sunday). The woman and her family bought a house in the south of France. They had an endless stream of visitors who would sleep late, wander in dripping beach water all over the hardwood floors, head for the wine rack and ask what was for dinner. The owners were exhausted and broke from continuous shopping, cooking and cleaning. They sold the house. They needed to learn to say no!

Sorry to hear about your Mom, glad you could share this great story, And thanks about the London story, i was laughing at that part.

[iloveyoga]

Quote:

Originally Posted by O2Bfree My biggest peeve with guests is not being able to go to bed at our usual time. For some reason, many of the people we've had over seem to feel obliged to talk and talk and talk late into the night. DH and I are used to hitting the hay around 9:30 and my interactive motivation tends to taper off before then. Staying up until 10 or so is ok, but too often it stretches until 11 and beyond. We like to maintain regular sleep hours, and wake up reasonably early to start our day. Perhaps the guests feel they are repaying us for our hospitality by entertaining us with their stories. Once they get revved up, it's hard to interject with, "Well, we're going to bed now" even though we've warned them ahead of time about our early turn-in hour.

This is one of the main reasons I like to get a hotel room when we visit family and why I don't really love company. We get up at 5:30 or 6, they sleep until 10 or later.

[Moemg]

It depends on the visitor . My daughter can come anytime with or without her family . We usually stay up late watching chick flicks and drinking wine . My Mom or Sister are also always welcome but I appreciate when they go to bed early and give me time to decompress .Other than that I am not interested in visitors .

[Texas Proud]

Quote:

Originally Posted by O2Bfree My biggest peeve with guests is not being able to go to bed at our usual time. For some reason, many of the people we've had over seem to feel obliged to talk and talk and talk late into the night. DH and I are used to hitting the hay around 9:30 and my interactive motivation tends to taper off before then. Staying up until 10 or so is ok, but too often it stretches until 11 and beyond. We like to maintain regular sleep hours, and wake up reasonably early to start our day. Perhaps the guests feel they are repaying us for our hospitality by entertaining us with their stories. Once they get revved up, it's hard to interject with, "Well, we're going to bed now" even though we've warned them ahead of time about our early turn-in hour.

One of my BILs said that a friend of his solved this with a comment to his DW... 'Honey, lets go to bed so these people do not feel obligated to talk to us all night'....

[Sangiovese]

DW's siblings live 5 hours away. Each of them has a habit of inviting themselves to our home on short notice, or no notice. They often drag along extended family or friends. They expect to be waited on and served the whole time, as if we were a B&B. DW cannot say no and she cannot direct them to a local hotel. It is against her culture. Mi casa es tu casa.

An an introvert who values his privacy, I dread these sudden, unplanned home invasions. It is inconsiderate at best and rude at worst. I make the best of it to keep marital harmony, but it's draining.

[Fedup]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Texas Proud One of my BILs said that a friend of his solved this with a comment to his DW... 'Honey, lets go to bed so these people do not feel obligated to talk to us all night'....

We told people the truth. We were so used to go to bed early because we had to get up early. My husband and I just excused ourselves at around 10ish when his roommate from college came and wife came and visited us.

[Carpediem]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sangiovese An an introvert who values his privacy, I dread these sudden, unplanned home invasions. It is inconsiderate at best and rude at worst. I make the best of it to keep marital harmony, but it's draining.

Couldn't have said it any better myself. Having people in our empty nest house for more than 5 days drains me. It usually takes us 1-2 weeks to recover afterwards.

Our first year in our new vacation destination resulted in 5 different sets of visitors with the longest (DD) staying almost 2 weeks. We were exhausted at the end of the year.