Want to move to better weather but tough to leave family/comfort

[Ready]

I still remember telling my Mom that I was moving from Boston to California. She couldn't understand why I wouldn't just go there for vacation. But for me, it wasn't about spending a few weeks here. I craved the lifestyle of being outdoors all year long.

She did everything she could to talk me out of it, and fortunately I ignored her. I never regretted it. And I think she wanted me to stay in Boston for her, not for me. That always bothered me.

It's a very personal decision, so I wish you the best with whatever you decide. Feel free to PM me if I can answer any questions about Irvine. I worked and lived there for many years and know it well.

[novaman]

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Originally Posted by EastWest Gal Just figure out a way to stay in the DC area with family in the spring and the fall when the weather is every bit as wonderful .

Yeah our thought was to go to CA then eventually get something in the D.C. Area with one of our kids (assuming they stay in DC) where we would have an in law suite that would allow us to come and go

[Souschef]

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Originally Posted by Ready I still remember telling my Mom that I was moving from Boston to California. She couldn't understand why I wouldn't just go there for vacation. But for me, it wasn't about spending a few weeks here. I craved the lifestyle of being outdoors all year long. She did everything she could to talk me out of it, and fortunately I ignored her. I never regretted it. And I think she wanted me to stay in Boston for her, not for me. That always bothered me. It's a very personal decision, so I wish you the best with whatever you decide. Feel free to PM me if I can answer any questions about Irvine. I worked and lived there for many years and know it well.

When I graduated, a friend gave me some of the best advice- get out of NYC and head for California
My late wife was from Pittsburgh, and at a recent high school reunion, she was shocked about how many of her classmates still lived there, some in their parents' houses

[brucethebroker]

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Originally Posted by novaman That's sort of what I'm doing now although the vacations aren't long. Every month or so I have been taking 5-7 days off and going somewhere. This year I've been to Puerto Rico, Scottsdale AZ, and So Cal. There is just something about that So Cal lifestyle that I yearn to taste- being minutes from the beach, pleasant outdoor living with low humidity and no mosquitos.... I suppose I could just go out there frequently and maybe rent a place through airbnb but not sure it would be the same as having our own place with our own stuff

My mid-60s dentist "sold" his practice to his son. Dad now spends winters at his warm weather home, and returns up north in April to cover for son taking summer vacations, increased summer business, etc.

Dad still loves the work, just does not want cold weather and full time employment any longer. Pretty good gig!

[ElizabethT]

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Originally Posted by novaman Yeah our thought was to go to CA then eventually get something in the D.C. Area with one of our kids (assuming they stay in DC) where we would have an in law suite that would allow us to come and go

This. We live in SoCal, our daughter's family, including the so-important grandchildren, live in N. Virginia. We have visited enough to know we could not make a transition from West Coast to where they live in Fairfax County, but we visit often and stay in their refurbished basement apartment.

I grew up in Ventura County, and now reside in Orange County, roughly 25 years in each place, plus a couple of working years in the SF Bay Area. Ventura County is lovely, but somewhat sparse with regard to cultural activities, and the beaches tend to be considerably colder than further south. Orange County, IMHO, is perfection. Clean, warm, pretty, economically strong, and chock full of year round outdoor pursuits, great restaurants and cultural activities.

When we visit our family in N. Virginia, we stay anywhere between two weeks to a month, day tripping and overnighting to other driveable locations as breaks from the day-to-day stress/chaos of living once again with young children. So far it is working even though we miss our grandchildren terribly the first few days after returning home.

[audreyh1]

If you live in a nice location with great weather, all of a sudden kids and grandkids become very excited about visiting you! Especially if the beach not far!

[ivinsfan]

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Originally Posted by audreyh1 If you live in a nice location with great weather, all of a sudden kids and grandkids become very excited about visiting you! Especially if the beach not far!

That's not untrue, but people's real lives always get in the way.Jobs, school. kids leagues and activities..going cross country requires a pretty good time commitment. I think if someone moves and pins their hopes on frequent visits they will be disappointed.

[MichaelB]

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Originally Posted by ivinsfan That's not untrue, but people's real lives always get in the way.Jobs, school. kids leagues and activities..going cross country requires a pretty good time commitment. I think if someone moves and pins their hopes on frequent visits they will be disappointed.

Well, in our house DW certainly agrees with Audreyh1. Her (DW) view is as long as DD & grandkids live in the artic north (Chicago area) and we live in the near tropics (South Fl) and only a couple miles from the beach, they will be visiting us regularly, mostly in the Dec - Feb timeframe.

[StaceyR]

I've lived in SoCal/Orange County (near Irvine) for my entire adult life but with my new RE freedom am thinking more about relocating to "greener pastures". Great weather, a wealth of entertainment options and family close by make it difficult to leave but I like the idea of living in an area that stays greener year-round and isn't overcrowded or overpriced. I'm not ready for harsh winters or humid, bug infested summers so that limits my options further. Maybe smaller homes in two areas is the answer. Call me a dreamer...

[Teacher Terry]

During the years we were raising our kids we have lived by family and away. When living away we used our vacation every year to go see the parents. Both sets also came to see us once a year. I live in a 4 season mild climate and no way would I move to somewhere cold. 1 son lives here but the other 2 don't. Even if he and his wife moved away I would not follow them. Having moved a lot through my life building a social network just takes time and work. Although my Mom loved when we lived in the same town she encouraged me to move for work, better climate, etc if I wanted to. She never tried to hold me back.

[daylatedollarshort]

There's a couple in one of our clubs who come here to Nor Cal for the winter. I think they rent here and have a house on the East Coast they return to for the summer. They have family in two locations and just split their time.

If we move to So Cal we would probably move to Orange County. But what keeps us up in Nor Cal are all the parks, scenery, public transportation, cultural activities and day trips. We live in the suburbs near a state park, not far from Redwood hikes and live near one of the commuter train stations so we can take the train to go into San Francisco and Berkeley for the theater, museums and music venues. For an afternoon outing we can go to Napa or Sonoma wineries, Sausalito, Santa Cruz, Point Reyes or Marin Headlands. For long day trips or overnight we can go to Yosemite, Lake Tahoe, Monterrey and Carmel. It is greener here with more trees and hiking type parks within the metro area, but if the beach and warmer weather are more important to you then So Cal might be a better fit.

[ivinsfan]

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Originally Posted by MichaelB Well, in our house DW certainly agrees with Audreyh1. Her (DW) view is as long as DD & grandkids live in the artic north (Chicago area) and we live in the near tropics (South Fl) and only a couple miles from the beach, they will be visiting us regularly, mostly in the Dec - Feb timeframe.

Right, regular such as a nice visit during Spring break, is not the same as frequent.ie once every few months....I have 4 grandkids 1 to 6 and at this age I place value in the frequent visits and not couple of times a year even for several weeks at a time isn't what we want

[Meadbh]

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Originally Posted by ivinsfan I think if someone moves and pins their hopes on frequent visits they will be disappointed.

Very true!

[W2R]

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Originally Posted by novaman I have been California dreaming most of my life. I thought about going out there when I was applying to dental school and again right after I graduated and got married but both times I chickened out. I stayed here in DC where I was born and raised mostly because my mom is mentally ill and I feel that I need to be here for her and my dad's sake. Mom and Dad are both still living. Dad is 86 and mom is 77. My sister also stayed in the area. As they age they are needing more and more help. I have a great life here in Northern Virginia. I have a very successful practice and a great reputation in the area. I'm now semiretired working 3 days a week and still love what I do. I've raised 3 wonderful kids here- the oldest is married, has a little girl, and lives 8 minutes from us. The 2 younger ones are both at UVA. I have friends but no friendship that I would consider super close, and while I've been very involved with my church it is not something that can't be replaced. My wife currently babysits our grand daughter 2 days a week and I'm able to help share the duties a half day a week. We just got back from So Cal and have found the spot that works for me and the DW. Finances are not a problem, so the only things hold me back are 1- giving up my extremely successful practice, and 2- leaving my family behind. After years of working hard and planning for my retirement, I'm realizing that actually making the jump is a difficult decision to make. I'd appreciate any insight. Many thanks! BTW I'm 53.

When I have a hard time figuring out what I want most in life, I take it seriously and do quite a bit of introspection, visualization, and meditation. That really helps.

You can't make your entire family move to California with you. So, you have to decide whether you would rather be in California and live the life you would be living there, or if you would rather be where you are and living the life you can live in your present location.

Maybe you can find another location that would present a better solution. Perhaps there is a warm location within a day's drive of northern Virginia, that you would prefer. Then you could drive up and see the family whenever you wanted to do that. Lots of thinking and introspection would be my recommendation.

[Meadbh]

The way I see it, this is a decision based on values. We can't tell you what to do, because we all value weather and family proximity differently.

When you visit an area whose weather you like, try to imagine what it would be like to live there if your family members did not come to visit, or if you were unable to visit them for whatever reason. Try to think of the impact of travel on you, especially as you age. How will you deal with family crises? If you still place a high value on the good weather location, move there for several months and try it out.

[Sunnymar]

I suggest making the move, if in time you move back (for family), you will always know you did it, instead of wondering what if.
Of course, this is coming from a person who has lived in LA and Orange County all my life. I now live in Palos Verdes Peninsula but planning to move back to Orange County this year. Fortunately our children and grandchildren live nearby.
I always think, what is the worst that can happen? I might realize it was a mistake and move, certainly doable.

[Music Lover]

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Originally Posted by Meadbh The way I see it, this is a decision based on values. We can't tell you what to do, because we all value weather and family proximity differently.

Agree 100%. I live in a place with brutal winters but value the frequent contact with my friends and family over warm weather. I can always go somewhere warm for a couple weeks if I want a break from winter, but I have no interest in moving away from 35-year old friendships and all of my family. Everyone has to make their own decision on the balance between weather and family/friends.

[ShokWaveRider]

We lived in SoCAL for over 15 years B4 moving to Florida. We were in the Laguna Beach Area. I am cautious as to what area you have chosen. We left simply because we went sailing for 3 years and did not want to keep the house. Then we came back from the boat and somehow landed in NE Fla. Never left since. However if California adopts a single payer health care system, we may be heading back. But find it quite expensive now compared to Florida.

[ivinsfan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meadbh The way I see it, this is a decision based on values. We can't tell you what to do, because we all value weather and family proximity differently. When you visit an area whose weather you like, try to imagine what it would be like to live there if your family members did not come to visit, or if you were unable to visit them for whatever reason. Try to think of the impact of travel on you, especially as you age. How will you deal with family crises? If you still place a high value on the good weather location, move there for several months and try it out.

Same point I was making, I will say, think it over and make your decision. If it's to relocate, move and don't feel guilty about it. We don't "owe" our adult kids or grandkids anything but love. Proximity isn't required for that.

[Souschef]

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Originally Posted by ivinsfan That's not untrue, but people's real lives always get in the way.Jobs, school. kids leagues and activities..going cross country requires a pretty good time commitment. I think if someone moves and pins their hopes on frequent visits they will be disappointed.

I agree- we live less than a half hour drive from our kids, and we see them infrequently. They have their own lives and activities.