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Old 03-14-2021, 08:34 PM   #141
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I'd just list it now and get it sold and move on with your life. Not try to play with the timing, or delay the sale pending finding a new place. Sell, get out, then figure out where to end up.
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Old 03-14-2021, 08:46 PM   #142
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Well, OK, but at least he could get out of there now. A couple of months' extra rent wouldn't kill him from what I can tell. It's hard to know (since I'm not there) but reading his posts, I am increasingly concerned about his situation. Maybe I'm overestimating their distress living in that location, but then again it doesn't sound like it.
The smoke should stop any day now for 7 months. Yesterday was the first clean air day we had in months. High temperature was 65. Even though the wind was directly from smokey, there was no smoke. We got a little last night and we have a little tonight because the wind is out of the NNW. Also for the next 7 days, per Weatherbug, there will be a southeast breeze. So no smoke from the two woodburners. We've turned the corner and will be ok. In a week or two they won't use their wood-burning stoves until sometime in November.

But I have seen the closer of the two open burn rubbish on his property and that smokes us out too. Now I know he's doing it illegally and will call the fire marshall each time it happens. County ordinance states in order to open burn, any property owner within 500 feet must give written permission. Well, I live 400 feet from him and will never give permission.

DW is more affected by the smoke than I am. She has horrible allergies to it and it makes her feel really bad physically and emotionally. The month after we moved in she all of a sudden has horrible allergies. It was mid November. She went to an allergist and was tested, but smoke was not tested for. Allergist never suggested it. Test indicated no allergies! We know for a fact it's the smoke. Soon as the my AQI sensor registers smoke, her allergies go nuts. She also gets splitting headaches. I thought it was house dust for several months and went nuts cleaning the place.

My eyes burn and I get stuffed up when the smoke gets in the house and I get a mild headache and everything tastes bitter.

DW also won't wear a P-100 partial face mask when it gets really bad inside. This is what I use:
https://www.3m.com/3M/en_US/company-...4759262&rt=rud

It works and has really helped on many bad days and it also allows me to go outside.

I also bought a HVAC carbon monoxide tester that measures down to 1 part per million and we have no CO in the house from smokey or from our furnace, stove, or water heater. I wanted to make sure some of the symptoms were not due to carbon monoxide exposure. We have CO alarms, but they are no where near as sensitive as the professional HVAC meter I bought.
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Old 03-14-2021, 08:59 PM   #143
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It doesn't matter why, and it doesn't even matter whether it is the wood smoke you mentioned, or something else. I sense that you are telling the honest truth about its effects on you, and really you just can't live like this! Nobody can. We're all human.

Exhaustion and anxiety to the level that they are making you physically ill, is an alarming situation that could shorten your life expectancy, lead to a car accident, a bad fall, or who knows what. In my opinion your situation could be considerably more dangerous than just a lessening of your quality of life.

My suggestion would be to move out of there to a rental somewhere (even in another area if that is more feasible) and put the house on the market ASAP. Like, this month.
I quite agree with that. In the end there isn't a need to fully rationalize what exactly the aspects are that disturb you greatly, ultimately the only thing that really matters is that they DO disturb you. And what you are describing is really a very unhealthy setting for you, emotionally and physically.

As a society, over the years we have become quite adept at identifying incompatibilities and points of friction among people, and we are aware that at some point relationships become unsustainable. This is apparently behind high rates of divorce and separations, but these really are just the symptom of all of us getting more keen to detect trouble.

Now, reading your story, I repeatedly felt struck by the fact that the way you are describing things and how they bother you sounds quite similar to the situation in a very toxic relationship, including all the steps you would take to protect yourself from the effects of an unreasonable individual. Except here it's not a relationship that's toxic, it is the air (even literally), your whole living environment, and the huge list of countermeasures you are trying to take to protect yourself from the problem. So the conclusion should be the same: take steps to end it.

I often have the feeling that in our society, many other really bothersome life situations that interfere with our well-being, in particular related to work, to living conditions, and to health related matters, receive much less attention than interpersonal issues, although they can be just as damaging for us, and should be dealt with a similar decisiveness.

Fortunately it's likely easier to separate from a newly purchased home than from a life partner or somebody you considered a good friend. Don't worry about any already sunken funds (an advice you would often hear on this board) and be very careful not to throw good money after bad. It's time to just leave.
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Old 03-15-2021, 10:36 AM   #144
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It doesn't matter why, and it doesn't even matter whether it is the wood smoke you mentioned, or something else. I sense that you are telling the honest truth about its effects on you, and really you just can't live like this! Nobody can. We're all human.

Exhaustion and anxiety to the level that they are making you physically ill, is an alarming situation that could shorten your life expectancy, lead to a car accident, a bad fall, or who knows what. In my opinion your situation could be considerably more dangerous than just a lessening of your quality of life.

My suggestion would be to move out of there to a rental somewhere (even in another area if that is more feasible) and put the house on the market ASAP. Like, this month.
Thanks again W2R. I think you are right. DW told me today she had a dream last night where we just packed up and moved into a rental house in NC, sold the place, and started looking for a new house in a more relaxed manner.

The text I bolded already happened and it was related to this situation--we drove 175 miles to see a potential house to buy and while looking at the house DW was not watching where she was walking and tripped on the walkway when her foot hit an uneven section. Rescue squad took her to the local ER and we spent 4 hours there. She got really banged up. Luckily, she does not need surgery per her followup doctor visit where we live (ER doc said she may because she broke her nose in 3 places). And I don't doubt the other items you mentioned could easily happen, it's only a matter of time.
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Old 03-15-2021, 12:14 PM   #145
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I think you are right. DW told me today she had a dream last night where we just packed up and moved into a rental house in NC, sold the place, and started looking for a new house in a more relaxed manner.
NateW: "Honey, let's make your dreams come true! You are worth it."

NateW's DW: "What a guy! I love you so much. Let's do it, today!"

I had forgotten about that fall which was in the other thread, but it doesn't surprise me that she fell. Glad it wasn't a car accident or heart attack or whatever.
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Old 03-15-2021, 12:58 PM   #146
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Thanks again for all of your support W2R.
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Old 03-15-2021, 01:12 PM   #147
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I quite agree with that. In the end there isn't a need to fully rationalize what exactly the aspects are that disturb you greatly, ultimately the only thing that really matters is that they DO disturb you. And what you are describing is really a very unhealthy setting for you, emotionally and physically.....

Now, reading your story, I repeatedly felt struck by the fact that the way you are describing things and how they bother you sounds quite similar to the situation in a very toxic relationship, including all the steps you would take to protect yourself from the effects of an unreasonable individual. Except here it's not a relationship that's toxic, it is the air (even literally), your whole living environment, and the huge list of countermeasures you are trying to take to protect yourself from the problem. So the conclusion should be the same: take steps to end it.

I often have the feeling that in our society, many other really bothersome life situations that interfere with our well-being, in particular related to work, to living conditions, and to health related matters, receive much less attention than interpersonal issues, although they can be just as damaging for us, and should be dealt with a similar decisiveness.

Fortunately it's likely easier to separate from a newly purchased home than from a life partner or somebody you considered a good friend. Don't worry about any already sunken funds (an advice you would often hear on this board) and be very careful not to throw good money after bad. It's time to just leave.
Thank you Leo1277. Correct, I am not emotionally attached to this home and separating is no problem. It's time to move on. I think that because of this problem I have learned a lot about the way I think and react to adverse situations, by first trying to fix it. And now realizing it can't be fixed. Sometimes it is not fixable. Your comments have given me hope and made me realize I'm in control. For one, I can control how I react to situations even though I can't control them, but I'm in control because I can do something about it. In this case, move ASAP.

Again I appreciate everyone's input, ideas and support.
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Old 03-15-2021, 08:31 PM   #148
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but I'm in control because I can do something about it. In this case, move ASAP.

Good luck on your move. I know you will find a very nice living situation soon. Even if a rental, and then you will be able to happily look for your nice suitable desirable permanent living situation in a calm, thoughtful, hopeful, and relaxed manner. Best to you and your DW.
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