W2R
Moderator Emeritus
That town sounds like it has potential!Thanks to everyone for their comments!
Music Lover, I think that you are onto something with our having moved around a fair amount and not settling in anywhere. DW and I have always had a bit of the "grass is greener" bug and I'm sure that hasn't helped us feel at home. We did have 15 years in a Midwest college town - that was probably the closest fit for me - I'll talk to DW about that tonight. I know that there are two negative factors that she will bring up: 1) It's COLD there in the winter,
Promise her a nice, warm, well insulated home with maybe a fireplace? A car with heated seats. A promise not to be stingy about turning the thermostat up. A trip to NYC to get the most fabulous, gorgeous, warm coat possible, and warm, pretty boots. Stuff like that might be enticing.
One thing that I learned from having to move so much in my life, is that being a quiet introvert is not a luxury that I can afford right after moving to a new location where I know nobody. You have to FORCE yourself to act like an extrovert for about a year or so until you have sufficient friends that you can afford to dial it back. At least, that is my opinion.and 2) When I spent a year away from DW on a fellowship in DC, our "friends" in this town did not really step up and help DW deal with her feelings of isolation/loneliness with me gone. This caused DW to sour a bit on the relationships we thought we had. They are still our friends, but DW probably wouldn't consider them close.
Many of you mentioned relationships with neighbors and friends - that is something that really concerns the two of us. We are both quiet and introverted and find it difficult to "talk" our way into a community.
To me, the regional culture can make a huge difference. You know, all those little things like people never making eye contact with strangers on the street in NYC, or waitresses calling you "hon" or "sweetie" down here. Both lack of eye contact and overly familiar speech can seem rude to different people. I guess one can get used to either but it's nice to not have to.But the feeling I get from almost all of you is that you have a feeling of "belonging" in the community where you live. It's not always friends - sometimes is just seems to be the vibe given off by the acquaintances/fellow inhabitants, somehow you have settled into places where you are comfortable. I think that I will try to identify which of our criteria are the ones that would lead to a feeling of "belonging" and try to separate those from the criteria that are more "things to do".
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