Why Lie About Early Retirement?

[travelover]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pb4uski I'm just curious. Have other ERs been asked "how did you do it?" type of questions?......

Nope, never in 7 years. I think that most people think I could retire early because I have a decent pension, but they don't realize that had I backstopped it with enough investments so that I could retire regardless of the pension viability.

[Travelwanted]

I just don't believe most people will really be happy for you/us. I even mentioned the subject of ER to a good friend. He said, "wow, a lot of people would be pissed off to find that out". I was surprised by his comment. The word that comes to mind is envy:
a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions, etc.

For me, I will follow other posters and declare I am an "investor".

[Walt34]

My family was happy for me and relieved that I was out of police work. While it does have its hazards there are plenty of other jobs that are more dangerous, like construction and mining. But it is somewhat expected that people in that line of work will retire ~50-55.

Still, I don't say anything about it especially in front of those who I know are financially on the ropes. That would be just crass and cruel.

[robnplunder]

I've learned something from this thread: be careful in announcing my plan for RE, and once RE'd, be careful in mentioning to others. I can see how others can be envious, jealous of the situation, and even interpret it as boasting.

[heeyy_joe]

"I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up".

[scrabbler1]

When I first ERed 5 1/2 years ago, I was a little uncomfortable about telling people, especially those I did not really know too well. Those already in my circle of friends and others I met often already knew I had been working part-time for several years, so fully retiring did not come as a complete shock. Some of the people in both groups asked me how I did it and I usually gave one or both of the following answers (in my sig line): "No kids, no debts" and "I cashed out company stock."

After about a year I rarely had to tell (new) people I am retired. I did have an occasion to tell a new person, the dental hygienist at my new dentist's office (my old one retired, finally, at age 82 after 55 years in the field, the last 25 as my dentist). When I told her I was nearly 51, she told me I was "too young to be retired." I did not respond and she continued with her work, which was fine.

[clifp]

For the first 6-7 years I described myself as semi-retired and I'd mumble something about financial planning. This was mainly to acquaintances, friends I'd say I was retired.

The protestations of "you are too young to be retired" when I was in my early 40s were awkward. Now in my mid 50s with a full set of grey/white hair I occasionally hear the you are lucky, but no longer you are too young.

[karluk]

I retired at age 60, so admittedly I had less incentive to give an evasive answer than younger retirees who might be expected to still be working, but even so I can't imagine myself lying about such an inconsequential thing, no matter what my age was at retirement.

[redduck]

Quote:

Originally Posted by REWahoo Just a guess, but if you googled his sig line I'd guess you'd run across a blog explaining the process...

Well, I eventually found the blog you were alluding to. But, not before I got stuck reading something from Ayn Rand--and then there were these two pieces right below Fuego's blog address on google that totally side-tracked me.

... 10 Ways that Satan Loves to Watch Marriages Fall Apart ...

biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/.../

My Wife Shows No Affection : I Am Married But Lonely...
+++
p.s.

(I don't think that I'm doing all that well in semi-retirement). And, I have no idea why this is being typed in bold).

[splitwdw]

A friend in our corvette club ER'd. He's 42 and looks very young. He tells people that he's retired. Most people think that he got caught in a downsize or lost his job some how and couldn't find a new one. He thinks it's funny and could care less. I bet some people think the same for some of you.

[REWahoo]

Quote:

Originally Posted by redduck (I don't think that I'm doing all that well in semi-retirement).

Don't feel too bad. Attention Deficit Disorder can strike at any age.

[MBAustin]

Like others who have posted, I am sensitive about perceived "gloating" when so many people are struggling.

One thing I have noticed is that new people I meet during weekday hours assume I was a SAHM all along and never seriously w*rked. Sometimes I correct them, often I just stay quiet. Obviously, that doesn't happen to men. Hmmm...what's wrong with this picture?

[haha]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MBAustin Like others who have posted, I am sensitive about perceived "gloating" when so many people are struggling. One thing I have noticed is that new people I meet during weekday hours assume I was a SAHM all along and never seriously w*rked. Sometimes I correct them, often I just stay quiet. Obviously, that doesn't happen to men. Hmmm...what's wrong with this picture?

Nothing. Many women see to it that a non-earning man gets thoroughly divorced at the first opportunity.

Ever hear a husband refer to his wife as "a good providor"?

Ha

[longranger]

This is all good information to keep in mind for when I retire. Suspect all my family and close friends will be happy for me and know ahead of time anyway. To most others I will say something like I retired from medicine and now work for myself.

[youbet]

Quote:

Originally Posted by truenorth418 I enjoy reading threads about the many euphemisms people use to disguise the fact that they are early retired. I don't want to make them feel bad............ I don't want to make them feel worse by bragging.

There is a wide gap between "hiding" the fact that you have enough passive income to not be formally employed and consider yourself RE'd and "bragging" about how you suceeded in assembling a large FIRE portfolio and retiring early.

I don't hide the fact that I haven't worked for "Da Man" since I was 58 and since then have always referred to myself as retired. But I don't ever mention career success, frugal living, money spent or not spent on family, investing success or similar to anyone other than a few of my closest kindred spirits.

It's fine that you feel proud of yourself for having a successful career, living frugally, investing wisely and making lifestyle choices that were congruent with your goals. But you are correct that other people may not enjoy hearing that they are not as successful or that their lifestyle choices (family, career, etc.) may not take them down the same path as you with the implication they are inferior to you.

[haha]

If someone is not known to be a trust fund baby or the beneficiary of a very big option payday, few people will believe his story anyway. Most just assume he messed up in some way, and took an offer he could not refuse and like many others has come to the end of his string. Regarding a woman, I have never seen lack of a job be a dating hurdle for a woman, even a middle aged woman. Marriage yes, living together yes, but going out together no way.

I know if someone started in on his portfolio manager routine, my mind would be saying, "ya, shure, you betcha!". And I was once an ER myself. Clearly I didn't even believe my story myself! People are used to BS, and also used to ferreting out discomfort and hedging.

Even today, most people I meet expect that I am working. Sorry guys, gotta get down to the plant and gut some chickens.

Ha

[Ronnieboy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by REWahoo Just a guess, but if you googled his sig line I'd guess you'd run across a blog explaining the process...

That's funny, I had left a comment on one of the blog posts ($150,000 income $150 taxes). I didn't know it was FUEGO's

[hakuna matata]

I will retire this year at age 55, and I don't plan on telling anyone for the most part. I have been running my own office (and will continue to do that but on a very part time basis when I pull the plug later this year). So most people will just assume I have work, etc. Since I work from home that will seem plausible and as I said if the right project comes along I will design it, as I enjoy what I do. But I don't want the hassles of actually having to drum up business, etc.

Like the OP, many of my friends and relatives aren't in the position to ER and I just don't want to rub their faces in it. I learned a long time ago to just not discuss it as it makes things awkward.

I do discuss it with some older friends who are already retired but even then it is on the surface only. For one thing I just never have been comfortable with discussing money with most people.

[Ozstache]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Onward Being in your 40's and telling your friends you are retired is like being at a banquet and showing your steak to the starving beggars at the window. I learned that first-hand.

Awesome way of putting it

[audreyh1]

Family was great - they were happy for us and always respected our privacy anyway. We are lucky not to be related to any sour grapes types.

In general played it very low key, avoiding the subject if possible. But if it came down to it we simply said we were retired. We never felt obligated to be up front with mere acquaintances or strangers.

People at work knew what I was doing - I wasn't the first one by any means!

A couple of neighbors we knew very well were a little shocked, but since we lived in Austin at the time we really didn't need to elaborate.

Sure we got plenty of the "you're too young to retire" comments at first, but theses were from people whose opinion we couldn't care less about. We would just laugh. It's really a rhetorical comment and requires no verbal response.

We're still pretty good at avoiding the topic! Now that we are surrounded by mostly retirees, such conversations are super rare. Some assume we still work (LOL!), other's don't. It rarely comes up.

For the "how did you do it?" question - I usually answer with a vague "got lucky" and don't really elaborate.