Your Spouse After Retirement?

[isisdave]

DW and I retired about the same time in early 2016. She's a big crafter and does that a lot when we're at home. She also sells her photographs on Etsy.

At home, we also like to go to estate sales weekly. She snaps up books for $2 that she can occasionally resell on ebay for $30, not because we need to but for some reason this is fun for her. And she buys books or materials that are useful for her crafting. I've bought about all the backup tools I can house, but I did find a sander from the '60s recently for $5. I'd forgotten they were actually made of metal.

We travel a lot. Hobbies you can do while traveling -- hiking, photography, movies, going to estate sales in other places or even countries -- help keep us busy. We also pet-sit to provide free places to go. It turns out that Swiss cows actually wear those bells you see in the movies.

You can spend a lot of time with television. Some of this is worthwhile -- you can binge a whole season of something in two nights, and it's a lot easier to keep the plot in your head. Plus no commercials. As for current TV, we watch nothing live -- Tivo it all, use the D button to skip commercials, and use the speed feature that shows it at 130% speed while adjusting pitch to sound normal. Best invention since contact lenses.

[trumpeting_angel]

I’m a neophyte retiree so probably don’t have anything useful to add. DH is younger and can’t retire yet, but he is jealous of my free time. He is grateful for the time I spend straightening up and cleaning (I am the messy one in this relationship) and for homegrown vegetables and better dinners. He rises very early and leaves work around 1 or 2 pm (he’s a contractor) so the work is completed before the day gets too hot. Then he is home doing projects so we spend more time together that way. My alone time is at night.

It’s quite an adjustment. I find myself very busy between the garden, chickens, straightening out my old 401(k)s and other financial matters, and some consulting work. I spend too much time online, on a ski forum and a chicken-raising/gardening forum as well as here, but avoid games, Facebook, and the like since the forums already soak up too much time.

I think I would go nuts playing around on the computer all day. I vote for more hikes together! For you and for us! We ski together in winter; that works well.

[24601NoMore]

Well, I'm going to find out shortly as DW's last day of work was yesterday - after 35 years with her last company and around 40 years total w*rk. I RE'd early Jan this year, so it'll be both of us with no paychecks (yikes) now.

Fortunately, neither of us watch a huge amount of TV. An hour or so a day, max.

We're planning an African safari, and finishing planning for that plus exercise, working on finances and cooking pretty much takes up all of my time. Now that she's done as well, that's going to be a big help as we can split up some of the work.

After we get back from Africa, there's going to be a lot more free time and it's going to be an adjustment for both of us, I'm sure..she's a very giving person and wants to do charity work, spend a lot more time with her brothers and sisters and has a lot of interests like crafts. So, I'm sure we'll be fine both being done - it's the "no more paychecks" part that makes me slightly terrified. That's a big adjustment.

[kfsinc]

Timely thread here. I left BigSoftware in June at 63. FIRECalc and others tell me that we can maintain our current life style till 80 or so followed by a modest reduction in spend till we're 95 or more. DW still works at a gratifying, but low paying job at the local High School. She's terrified that we'll run out of money, and that I'll spend way too much time at home. Someone above said: "too much husband, not enough money"

She's very much of a get up and get things done kind of person, me - not so much. I know my more leisurely pace drives her nuts. I do have a 'list' provided by DW, but can't say that I'm killing it as my motivation is rather low.

I'm contemplating some solo travel to give her some space as well as to work down my 'bucket list' of items that she's not interested in.

I'm also finding that I need an externally supplied schedule - dare I say job? - to get me out of the house and moving and to help the marriage.

I must say this FIRE thing can be difficult if you and your spouse are not on the same page - and I fear we're not...

[JustCurious]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mountainsoft I don't expect my own life to change much after retiring. I'll probably still keep working at least part time for a while ...

Some would say you are not retired if you continue to work.

[Teacher Terry]

He is self employed so works from home. Which is much different than working for someone.

[oscar1]

I can’t recommend this book enough. It focuses on the non-financial things in retirement that are key to you being happy. Very easy read with a few paper exercises you can do to inspire your retirement lifestyle:

https://www.amazon.com/How-Retire-Ha...s%2C170&sr=8-1

[trumpeting_angel]

One can use a rigid definition of "retired," I suppose, but then one might miss all of the new things that are happening today, with FIRE, increased longevity, and new ideas about how we might use our time and sense of purpose after quitting the 9 to 5.

My friend Laura retired a few years ago, but still opens her (home-based) antiques store on weekends in the summer and leaf-peeping season. She also has a part-time gig at the local greenhouse, a job I envy. My friend Judy RE from an advertising firm, and runs a website, making a small but steady income from advertising and member donations.

My friend Jane works 12 hours a week at the local ski area during the season, which earns her a free pass, cutting expenses while bringing home a bit of income. My ex, Bob, continues to work as a contractor a few days here and there in the warm weather, but mostly for family and close friends.

All of these folks consider themselves retired. None of them (to my knowledge) needs the money in any survival sense. They don't mind the extra change, and they love the perks, but they are quite clear that this is the life they want after their working life. Nobody is sitting at a desk at MegaCorp,, certainly.

I'm experimenting myself. I've continued with consulting work that I've done for years. I decided recently that I like the money, which is great, and I like being finished with a report. I also like seeing old friends in the courthouse. But I hate having the work hang over my head, waiting for necessary records and information, unable to finish it, but dreading the writing. I'm thinking of quitting. I might prefer to work at the ski area 12 hours a week, for less money!

[JustCurious]

Quote:

Originally Posted by trumpeting_angel One can use a rigid definition of "retired," I suppose, but then one might miss all of the new things that are happening today, with FIRE, increased longevity, and new ideas about how we might use our time and sense of purpose after quitting the 9 to 5.

Anyone can spend their time however they choose, and anyone can consider themselves to be retired while continuing to work, but the word "retired" is defined by Merriam Webster as "withdrawn from one's position or occupation:having concluded one's working or professional career." Therefore, someone who considers themselves to be retired while continuing to work is not using a commonly accepted defintion of that word.

[Unpaintedhuffhines]

This is a good topic. My wife has been semi-retired for about 4 years (takes the occasional freelance gig that sounds interesting to her). She's got lots of friends, has workout buddies that she sees 4-5 times a week, getting back today from a 12 day running trip in Ireland, however, much of her day is alone in the house. She has virtually no stress.

I've got the opposite situation. Not retired (yet - thinking in one year), with a job that his fairly high stress, and high amount of international travel (50%-70%). This means I can't really sign up for the Wednesday night bowling league or play pickleball every Saturday with the boys. I have a couple of friends in town, but I really don't see them that often. So, taking up a hobby or spending more time with friends isn't that feasible in my current role. At least I haven't figured out how to do that (and after flying around the world, gone for 2 weeks, sometimes I just want to relax in my house).

That means retirement will be pretty drastic for me, and also my DW. She's used to having about 50%-70% of the time with me not in the house, and that will probably change to once or twice a year boy's weekend. She refuses to believe me when I say I am going to retire, and honestly, I don't know what I'd do with my time, but I am excited to find out.

[trumpeting_angel]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustCurious Anyone can spend their time however they choose, and anyone can consider themselves to be retired while continuing to work, but the word "retired" is defined by Merriam Webster as "withdrawn from one's position or occupation:having concluded one's working or professional career." Therefore, someone who considers themselves to be retired while continuing to work is not using a commonly accepted defintion of that word.

I'm sure that Merriam-Webster and other authorities define retirement as you quote. But my point is that, given the size of the baby boom, the increased longevity we can expect (increasing further in the future), the FIRE movement, and other social changes occurring, this concept is undergoing change. We can call it whatever you like.

[JustCurious]

Quote:

Originally Posted by trumpeting_angel We can call it whatever you like.

We can call it semi-retired, or working part time, or partially retired, but you are not "retired" as that word is defined if you continue to work.

What word would you use to describe someone who no longer works? And if that word is retired, how do you distinguish someone who no longer works from someone who continues to work?

[HBD2019]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustCurious We can call it semi-retired, or working part time, or partially retired, but you are not "retired" as that word is defined if you continue to work. What word would you use to describe someone who no longer works? And if that word is retired, how do you distinguish someone who no longer works from someone who continues to work?

My job makes me tired. When I'll leave it next month, retired seems wrong, as if I am tired and tired some more, so I am calling it untired.

[Finance Dave]

Wife and I are still making the adjustment to being around each other all the time. I am a night owl...going to bed at 1:30-2:30 AM and getting up at 10 AM. She is the opposite and likes to run the vacuum in the morning and do dishes, both of which wake me up.

We've had a few "discussions" about this and are working on compromising lol.

[mountainsoft]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Finance Dave likes to run the vacuum in the morning and do dishes, both of which wake me up.

Too funny, my wife does something similar. If I get up first, I grab my PJ's in the dark, sneak out of the bedroom quietly, get something to drink, and hang out in the office quietly until she gets up.

If she gets up first she flips on the closet light to grab her robe, opens and closes the bedroom door loudly, then goes in to make breakfast, clanking dishes, turning on the vent fan, running the blender, slamming the door to the laundry room, etc. Then she says "you didn't have to get up just because I did".... Yeah, right...

Going to bed is similar. If I go to bed first, I close the bedroom blind, remove the extra pillows from the bed, fold down the blanket on her side, and turn on her light for when she comes in.

When she goes to bed first she just climbs in bed. I then have to fumble around in the dark to close the blind, undress in the dark, try to sort through the pillows without seeing, figure out where the blankets are, and climb in. Which is usually followed by an irritated "why did you wake me up".

So, we usually try to go to bed and get up at the same time...

[JustCurious]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mountainsoft If she gets up first she flips on the closet light to grab her robe, opens and closes the bedroom door loudly, then goes in to make breakfast, clanking dishes, turning on the vent fan, running the blender, slamming the door to the laundry room, etc. Then she says "you didn't have to get up just because I did".... Yeah, right...

Um, I don't want to stir up anything, but have you told her about it? Did she continue to do those things even after you told her that it was disturbing you?

[mountainsoft]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustCurious Um, I don't want to stir up anything, but have you told her about it? Did she continue to do those things even after you told her that it was disturbing you?

Yep, I've mentioned it once or twice. After 33 years of marriage, it's just one of those little quirks I've learned to live with.

As I said, we usually get up and go to bed at the same time so it is rarely an issue.

[audreyh1]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teacher Terry Your wife is tired from everything she is doing. I would want to rest too. 2 TV’s and separate offices have been the secret to retirement success) We do some things together and some separate.

Quote:

Originally Posted by pacergal Give her some time after retirement to figure out how she wants to plan her day, however SHE wants it to be. If you feel you need some of your own space/time away from each other, then communicate that early on before it becomes a bigger issue.

Agree - wife is worn out. Needs time to decompress from work. I required no concrete goals of myself the first 6 months of retirement. I did stuff, but felt I was dragging a bit.

[trumpeting_angel]

I’m glad I wound down before retiring. I worked 3 days a week for the last two years. I was tired - of the commute, and of having my time scheduled for me - and that prompted my decision. But I dove right into my many projects.

[yakers]

I retired 11 years ago, DW 13 years ago, We're very happy spending a lot of time together but she REALLY liked the two years she had at home alone.