A milestone, for now, anyway...

[Jay_Gatsby]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Linney We were in a community property state so in truth it doesn't matter who ends up with which asset as long as the split is done 50-50. I kept all of the retirement savings (they were in my name) so he got to keep a much larger amount of the cash from our house. I made my comment about having to give up 1/2 of everything because I was the saver and he was the spender. My ex took his share of the money and bought a boat. I took mine and bought an economy-class ticket for the journey to FIRE

Sounds like you got the better end of the deal. Retirement savings grow faster with less tax implications. A boat is just a hole in the water into which you pour money. Or as some have said, there are two happy days when it comes to boats -- the day you buy it and the day you sell it. If it rolls, flies or floats -- rent it.

[JustCurious]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Linney We were in a community property state so in truth it doesn't matter who ends up with which asset as long as the split is done 50-50. I kept all of the retirement savings (they were in my name) so he got to keep a much larger amount of the cash from our house. I made my comment about having to give up 1/2 of everything because I was the saver and he was the spender.

Linney, you bring up an issue of unfairness that can arise in a divorce if one person is a saver and the other is a spender. The 50/50 split may be fair if both parties saved or spent equally, but when one is carrying the load of LBYM and saving while the other is living it up and spending for both, when it comes to divorce the saver gets screwed.

The moral of the story is not to get married to someone who doesn't share your saving and spending goals.

[SecondCor521]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustCurious Linney, you bring up an issue of unfairness that can arise in a divorce if one person is a saver and the other is a spender. The 50/50 split may be fair if both parties saved or spent equally, but when one is carrying the load of LBYM and saving while the other is living it up and spending for both, when it comes to divorce the saver gets screwed. The moral of the story is not to get married to someone who doesn't share your saving and spending goals.

My wife (a spender) divorced me (a miser) in a community property state last year. We split stuff basically 50/50. You're right that it could be seen as unfair in retrospect, but looking forward presumably over time the saver's and spender's financial lives will reflect their choices.

My divorce is recent, but I think I am even more of a saver now that I was when I was married. I would guess that my wife is even more of a spender. During our marriage I think we tried to curb our natural tendencies and move towards the middle more.

2Cor521

[JustCurious]

Did the difference in saving/spending habits contribute to the divorce?

[Linney]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustCurious Did the difference in saving/spending habits contribute to the divorce?

For me: Contribute, yes. Cause, no -- there were other issues that were more of a factor, particularly his desire not to work and contribute to the household (another financial issue); there were social issues as well.

It will be interesting to see if 2Cor521 answers this queston the same way.

[Linney]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jay_Gatsby Sounds like you got the better end of the deal. Retirement savings grow faster with less tax implications. A boat is just a hole in the water into which you pour money. Or as some have said, there are two happy days when it comes to boats -- the day you buy it and the day you sell it. If it rolls, flies or floats -- rent it.

I think so too.

Since I took care of all the family financial stuff it was tempting to not reveal the true value of the retirement funds. But I didn't want him coming back to challenge the property settlement years later so I made sure that he was fully disclosed about their current AND future value and I provided him with copies of the plan documents, lump sum valuation statements, and everything else related to the funds. Fortunately for me his goal was to get cash, cash, and more cash to buy a boat and finance a multi-year trip to the South Pacific. So we were vying for different assets during the property settlement and that eliminated much of the contention -- he simply wasn't interested in long-term investments but focused his attention on everything that could be converted to cash.

--Linney

[Linney]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustCurious Linney, you bring up an issue of unfairness that can arise in a divorce if one person is a saver and the other is a spender. The 50/50 split may be fair if both parties saved or spent equally, but when one is carrying the load of LBYM and saving while the other is living it up and spending for both, when it comes to divorce the saver gets screwed.

Yup, it was unfair, I was angry for a good while, but then I needed to move on. At least I didn't have to pay alimony to my perpetually non-working ex.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustCurious The moral of the story is not to get married to someone who doesn't share your saving and spending goals.

That's fine if the person you marry never changes. My ex used to be fine -- hard working, mentally stable. Things changed. You spin the wheel and takes your chances. He was (initially) a good choice but bad luck happened.

My current marriage is going strong, been together over 10 years. Had both good choice and good luck this time.

[SecondCor521]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustCurious Did the difference in saving/spending habits contribute to the divorce?

According to my ex, yes (she filed and never really gave me a complete answer as to why). Basically any time additional money came into our possession, I always wanted to save it, she always wanted to spend it. In our case it always felt like a tug of war instead of a compromise. I think this is because we were too far apart on the financial issue. Because of our great difference of opinion and preference with respect to how we used our money, I didn't trust her financially, which I would guess contributed as well. It's not fun to not be trusted when you're basically trustworthy, as my ex was with finances.

Did it cause our divorce? Again, my ex never really gave me the complete reasons for the divorce, so I don't know. There are a dozen other things that I've thought of that I bet contributed, so I would say it wasn't the majority of the reason.

On the division of assets, my story is pretty much identical to Linney's a few posts above, except in my ex's case I think she wanted cash assets to fund just a general increase in lifestyle: new furniture, clothes, etc. I took basically the retirement assets, the debt, the older cheaper car, and minimal household belongings. She took the stock account, most of the cash, the vast majority of the household stuff, and her retirement accounts.

2Cor521

[fazerman]

That is awesome Karen.

I'm closing in on both of those same marks (38 & 500k).

[kaudrey]

Sorry I missed all the divorce discussion - I went off to New Orleans for 4 days.

Anyway, obviously I am a saver, and yes, my ex was a spender. He came into the marriage with no assets, and I had my retirement accounts and brokerage accounts etc. It didn't cause our demise, but it certainly didn't help.

We didn't split those accounts 50/50; we did split the amount of the INCREASE in those accounts during the marriage. I also gave him 1/2 the equity in the house when we sold it, even though the down payment all came from my money.

At this point in my life, I don't think I could marry someone who perpetually lived above their means. I just wouldn't want to deal with it!

Someone said that it was great I did this on my own - in truth, I couldn't have done it if I was still married to the spendthrift! However, having someone else help pay the mortgage and stuff would certainly help me FIRE even faster, but we'll have to wait and see about that.

Karen

[SecondCor521]

...and I just hit my own milestone...my traditional IRA just ticked past an odometer number.

Although by the looks of it I'll cross that same milestone in the opposite direction in a few hours when Vanguard updates their NAV for VFIAX. :P

2Cor521

[kaudrey]

Congrats to you, then, too, SecondCor!

Karen

[SecondCor521]

Thanks, Karen!

2Cor521

[genghis]

Congrats!!!!

They say the first $500K is the hardest!!!

[kaudrey]

Quote:

Originally Posted by genghis Congrats!!!! They say the first $500K is the hardest!!!

I'm counting on it!

Karen