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EvrClrx311 · 11-11-2014, 03:59 PM

Definitely some major life changes and setbacks due to divorce, but I'm in complete control of my own situation now and feeling really good about my direction

The bad:
- The divorce was finalized last month and only thing left is splitting my 401(k) at work. The value is $245,000 and she is going to end up with about $110,000 of that.
- Spousal Support: $2,000 a month until June 2016 (I opted to pay this despite her infidelity. It was easier on the kids not to go nuclear option in battling this out in court and gives me the peace of mind that maybe she'll use this time to establish herself in her own career, let's hope. So far it's been extremely cordial between us and the girls have really handled it great considering. I don't second guess that decision to be easy on her)
- Child Support (not bad, it's for my daughters) is set to $1,400 a month right now. I'm guessing that'll go up because of my raises at work.

The good:
- I don't own a $900K house anymore with a $4,500 mortgage. And that feels great! Sold it back in March as a part of the separation agreement I made the sale of that a requirement and closed off any stalling methods.
- My income has gone from $110K 3 years ago to $175K last year. I'll probably be close to $200K this year.
- Instead of paying down the 401(k) loan which was about $35,000 outstanding with our savings before splitting assets, I got my ex to accept splitting the 401k at current value and I'd carry the pay back of the loan myself on my share. So this allows me to boost my 401k over the next year. I may just pay it all back in a lump sum. So my 401K share is about $135,000 right now and it'll actually be about $170,000 when I do that.
- Savings: I have about $70,000 in investments after we sold the McMansion and paid down marital debts.

I am renting (which is painful) for the short term, but is working out really well for me. $2,000 a month for a modest 3 bedroom townhouse that is 5 minutes from my work. I can't put a price on that commute. My daughters each get their own room when I have custody. Despite the combined $3,400 monthly spousal and child support to ex wife for this upcoming year I'm actually doing great with cash flow. I have no debt at the moment.

Waiting till June of 2016 to make any moves on purchasing an investment property to get back into the housing market. In the mean time boosting my 401K contributions and savings on the side.

Net worth at 32 is $205,000

Life is good

Senator · 11-11-2014, 04:39 PM

Great job.

Next time, I think it would be easier to find a woman you hate, and just buy her a house.

EvrClrx311 · 11-11-2014, 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Senator

Great job.

Next time, I think it would be easier to find a woman you hate, and just buy her a house.

Indeed.

serie1926 · 11-11-2014, 04:43 PM

Good luck!

Hamlet · 11-12-2014, 01:28 PM

As a child of divorce, I commend the decision to make things as cordial as possible. My parents did a good job at that as well, and I think it made a big positive difference. I've seen people go through ugly divorces, and the kids always suffer. Complain about your ex to us and your friends at the bar, but avoid doing so to your children.

It sounds like you followed the advise of Danny Devito in War of the Roses--

"When it comes to your wife, I'm going to urge you to be generous to the point of night sweats. The all-important thing is to get you through this as quickly and cleanly as possible so that you can begin rebuilding your life."

Quote:

Originally Posted by EvrClrx311

(I opted to pay this despite her infidelity. It was easier on the kids not to go nuclear option in battling this out in court and gives me the peace of mind that maybe she'll use this time to establish herself in her own career, let's hope. So far it's been extremely cordial between us and the girls have really handled it great considering. I don't second guess that decision to be easy on her)

EvrClrx311 · 11-12-2014, 01:48 PM

Thanks Hamlet, I have absolutely kept my daughters first in mind through all of this - it's been a great guiding source for me. Reacting emotionally leads to nothing productive in the long run, and I'm all about strategies in life to achieve a purpose. Best to focus on my goals and remain consistent yet compassionate in how I deal with the ex. It's worked well.

A colleague at work said something to me about a year ago that really put it all in perspective. "You made a poor decision in marriage, now you're just buying yourself out of that bad investment..." That reminder has allowed me to remove emotions from the financial side of this. I think a lot of spouses carry a great level is anger/disdain through the divorce because of a feeling of unfairness in monetary resolve.

Options · 11-12-2014, 01:55 PM

I think I was 30 when I made the decision that love and money don't mix. I've never changed my mind about that (and that was 30 years ago). Fortunately, I didn't take the financial hit at the time that you did. Even so, at 32 I had nowhere near the net worth or family accomplishment you did. I agree you've done an outstanding job coming out of this life event (divorce = life event). Renting might be painful but it's a smart move for now as it gives you flexibility in light of your spousal/child support. Well done.

Hamlet · 11-13-2014, 10:32 AM

Yup. The most difficult thing about a divorce with kids, is that no matter how bad the other person is, they are your kids' mother/father.

Any tearing down of a parent is going to have huge negative impacts on how a kid views himself/herself, since as kids we strongly identify with our parents. Kids tend to hear "your mother/father is a piece of garbage" as "you're a piece of garbage".

My wife's nephews have a father who is pretty worthless, IMO. He's been in and out of jail, and is really bad about going in and out of their lives, making plans and then breaking them, etc. My sister-in-law has been really good about trying to help them understand their father's limitations without bad-mouthing him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by EvrClrx311

Thanks Hamlet, I have absolutely kept my daughters first in mind through all of this - it's been a great guiding source for me. Reacting emotionally leads to nothing productive in the long run, and I'm all about strategies in life to achieve a purpose. Best to focus on my goals and remain consistent yet compassionate in how I deal with the ex. It's worked well.

A colleague at work said something to me about a year ago that really put it all in perspective. "You made a poor decision in marriage, now you're just buying yourself out of that bad investment..." That reminder has allowed me to remove emotions from the financial side of this. I think a lot of spouses carry a great level is anger/disdain through the divorce because of a feeling of unfairness in monetary resolve.

kgtest · 11-18-2014, 05:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EvrClrx311

Net worth at 32 is $205,000

Life is good

Doin way better than me and I have no divorce or kids. The difference being you earn a helluva lot more than I do. Whats your pro?

EvrClrx311 · 12-08-2014, 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kgtest

Doin way better than me and I have no divorce or kids. The difference being you earn a helluva lot more than I do. Whats your pro?

Thanks, though when it comes to financial independence it is all relative to income. I read an interesting article that pointed out the overall happiness of people (beyond a basic minimum requirement of food and shelter) is not a reflection of what they make it's rather a feeling of having contributed or accomplished something. FI is really about how much you've saved as a percentage of how much you spend. Cost of living here is outrageous, unfortunately -- so that money wouldn't last long if I retired, and stayed put. Working on an exit strategy

I am a Computer Engineer.