From San Diego to D.C.?

[laurence]

I got a call from an old colleage (He was my Boss 2 levels up) who is with a new company, located in the D.C. area, and he wanted to see if I would be interested in a position with his company, reporting directly to him, significantly higher up the food chain from where I am now, for about 40% more than I'm making now, at a minimum, and probably a lot more.

The problem? I live in San Diego. Now they would pay relocation, including "buying" my house from me and paying for the move, pay the real estate agent who sells me my new house, that type of thing. But when I called DW to see what she thought, her reaction was, well, underwhelming. She has good points, our family is all out here in San Diego, and Tori is going to need a lot of support structure. The only reason I can't stop thinking about it is this job is not only a big promotion/raise, it's along the right career path (Sigh). DW said ultimately she would support me, but I can tell I better have a great case for it. Any thoughts?

 

[REWahoo]

I'm with DW. From what you've told us of your situation, I would think living near family would be very, very important. Other career opportunities will come along. (Plus, don't forget you're a weather wussy and would alternatively wilt and freeze in DC.)

But whatever decision you make, I'll support you.

 

[laurence]

I guess I keep doing the math on how much quicker we'd get to ER....

It's probably best we stay put.

 

[Cool Dood]

If you decide on staying put, make sure to point out to your wife just how huge the sacrifice was, how long and immeasurably painful were the hours you racked your head, and that you've decided it would be best for her and the family if you stay put, but you think it's not entirely unfair to expect certain future considerations.......

 

[REWahoo]

If you decide on staying put, make sure to point out to your wife just how huge the sacrifice was, how long and immeasurably painful were the hours you racked your head, and that you've decided it would be best for her and the family if you stay put, but you think it's not entirely unfair to expect certain future considerations.......

Yeah, sure. Then be prepared to duck.

 

[Scrooge]

Pluses:

1. A good career move
2. Working for a nice person
3. Much more money
4. General satisfaction (?)

Minuses:

1. Family
2. Climate (humidity, hot/cold 60%+ of the time)
3. Traffic (not that San Diego is great, but DC can be VERY bad depending on the location)

Unknown:

1. Real estate in SD/DC over the next few years. May lose/gain >>$100K
2. Opportunity to travel on the opposite coast (how much do you like to travel?)
3. Schools - suburban MD/VA schools are generally very good, but is that a consideration?

 

[califdreamer]

Things like this are always tempting but, obviously, you have a lot of things to consider.  On one hand, the career and earnings boost would be a plus but imagine getting settled in and figuring out you and your family don't like the area and miss San Diego. 

I would say if you and your wife, and especially your wife, are up for trying something different, exploring a different corner of the country and, ahem, acclimating to different weather conditions this could be a stimulating adventure.  It does sound like you've got a great life in SD, though.

I vote for whatever your wife votes for. 

 

[Leonidas]

My aunt just made a similar move. She lived in DC for a zillion years and then her law firm transferred her to San Jose to clear up some problems in their office there. She lives in SJ for about 6-7 years but in the end she elected to move back. Her rationale was that she loved the climate in Cali, but she could better prepare financially for retirement by living in the DC area. Also, she said she met a lot of very nice people in CA, but almost nobody was as smart or interesting as the people she knew in DC.

 

[laurence]

Well, it's been overcome by events a.k.a. the DW Veto!

"I was just sharing with you an opportunity that we have."

"And I am just sharing with you that it ain't gonna happen!"

Heck, she brings home almost as much after taxes as a consultant from home as I do being a salary man, I can't argue I'm the smarter one here! It was flattering, nonetheless.

 

[Texas Proud]

Hmmm...

Well, I guess if you got the VETO then you mind has been made up... (by someone else...)

But, I would bring it up if it is something you REALLY want... it sounds like a great opportunity and I bet the total rewards will be a lot more than you are saying... I also bet that you wife could do consulting work in the DC area if she is doing it in Cali....

The main difference is family... but like you said, it could take 10 years off of your working life if you save the difference between your current and future salary...

And this is just ME... but your wife not even discussing seems kind of closed minded..

 

[brewer12345]

FWIW, Laurence, I wouldn't even think about it.

 

[wompo]

I live in the DC area and would not even consider moving here again. We are making a lot of money but living here is terrible. I am looking to move out west as soon as I can.

 

[yakers]

If your wife really doesn't want to go then don't go. Divorce is very expensive aside from all the emotional issues.

 

[justin]

I guess I'll dissent and say "give it some thought". What if you and your family decided it was worth trying for a couple of years (to be fair to your hiring company), and then if you end up not liking it, cut bait and go back to SD. If you don't mind it, stay. In a few years, you may end up finding a job opening back in SD near family, and you can relocate (again).

The weather ain't that bad (spring and fall are very moderate in DC, and Tori will get to play in snow).

You'll be close to the Atlantic beaches, the appalachian mountains, and Philly/NY/Atlantic City for weekend visits.

Is the job in the DC burbs (MD or VA burbs)? Or downtown DC? Might affect quality of life in terms of commute and atmosphere.

 

[Sheryl]

Sounds like the decision's made, but  FWIW my brother lives in the DC area, (Northern VA) and it sort of sucks.    Very expensive, horrible traffic, hours of driving to get anywhere...

Considering that plus the family support structure you have there in SD, even if the decision making process was less than democratic, I'd have to say DW was right.

 

[laurence]

Well, DW started talking with me about it once I got home, I told her I thought she already said, "No" but she said she's trying to be open, since it would be a good career move for me. So we started house shopping (the job is in Virginia, but just outside the beltway - Tyson Corner?), and I found that any house that is within reasonable commute and as good as our current is at least as expensive as our current house. I started to get cold feet when I thought of all the events in the last year we were glad to have family to help with Tori. The decision maker, though, was talking to my (hopefully) future boss in the other department this morning, just to ask what his advice was on that job offer. His response (he knows the guy, everybody knows everybody in this industry) was along the lines of "That snake! Trying to steal our talent! Don't worry, I'll match that offer when the time comes.".

Yeah, I know, bird in the hand, that's not in writing, but the cumulative effect of all this makes me want to stay. DW now says I'm just doing it because of her initial reaction. Maybe I'll say, "O.K., honey, we'll stay, but I'm making a sacrifice for you...." 8)

Thanks everyone for the responses, I know I probably give you guys too much detail on day to day activities, I think I won't have any more career news until ~April next year.

 

[Scrooge]

the job is in Virginia, but just outside the beltway - Tyson Corner?

Yes, Tysons Corner. For better or for worse, you would be right next to one of the biggest malls in the country. You would also be right smack in the middle of one of the most congested asphalt-and-concrete jungles in the country

 

[justin]

Re: housing - I guess you know northern VA is one of those areas where you can buy a dinky little 3 BR house way out for a $3000-3500/month mortgage payment or rent a townhome/condo much closer in for half that amount.

A work buddy just turned down "the offer too good to refuse" for N. Va just because owning a house there is at least 2x what it is here, with a longer commute (there goes the extra pay!).

 

[REWahoo]

I think I won't have any more career news until ~April next year.

heh heh heh. Well, as the Norwegian Widow said to De Gaulle, "Charlie, you're full of it."

(Translation: Wanna bet?)

 

[unclemick]

Charlie was an optimist.

heh heh heh heh - post Katrina - I kinda miss talk about the big buck Iraq jobs at the old doughnut shop.

 

[Jay_Gatsby]

Well, I work in Northern Virginia, and yes, the traffic absolutely sucks. Likewise, housing is ridiculously expensive, as are the other necessities of life. While it's true that you won't find a more educated area in the country, the negatives will likely outweigh the positives for someone coming out of San Diego.

 

[grumpy]

We also live in northern Va. and even though we are both retired I have to say that the traffic sucks. DW and I plan our activities for the middle of the day during the week. We absolutely avoid being anywhere but at home during morning and evening rush hours. Even then we are often stuck in traffic. Since we have lived virtually our whole adult lives in the D.C. area we have come to accept this as the price for living in an otherwise vibrant and interesting area.

Grumpy

 

[LEX]

If you were single you could go anywhere the next gig might lead you to go.  You made your last personal decision the minute you said "I do" and tied the knot. 

Anyway, I spent time in DC.  I prefer the west.  You would spend all your money on over priced real estate and long exotic vacations to avoid the reality that on a day to day basis, compared to SD DC sucks.  That plus the fact that wives never forget, much less forgive, and she would inevitably blame all further problems post move on your "stupid job" decision, I would thank your old buddy, and tell him if he really likes you, open up an office in San Diego and make you the west coast manager!

 

[donheff]

I have been living in DC for 26 years. When I moved from Chicago I never thought I would stay but now I am here for life. I have a beautiful weekend house on the water about 60 miles away but if I have to downsize to one house it is the townhouse on Capitol Hill. The weather sucks a bit but it is still a great town. My son lives lives about 4 blocks away and commutes to Tysons. The commute that way is not as bad as the commute into town from the VA suburbs.

 

[kaudrey]

Thanks, donheff, for defending DC/Northern Va! I live here too, and I love it. I metro to work, no traffic there. Yes, you should avoid the east side of the beltway on Friday afternoons in summer (as the hoards head to the beach), and heading south toward Richmond is randomly a nightmare...but, I came from southern CT and the traffic was just as bad there.

Yes, housing prices are sky high (they are coming down, though), but I bought my townhouse 7 years ago, so I was lucky. My BF and I have been talking about getting a house, so I'm kind of liking the buyer's market we seem to be heading into. I couldn't afford my townhouse by myself if I had to buy it today.

But the area has so much to offer. Culture (free museums!), diversity, a huge variety of restaurants and things to do. And it's a nature/outdoor lover's dream metropolitan area - biking trails everywhere, kayaking on the Potomac, hiking in Great Falls, nice county parks for camping/swimming etc.

Having grown up on Long Island and living in CT, the biggest thing I miss is being near the ocean. I love the ocean.

Karen