Yes, I agree that $22,500 is not such a cost to turn down the chance to be happily married. But the cost is not $22,500. Through my lifetime the first 5 years of contributing to the roth ira is much more important than the last 5 years of contributing. If I lose those valuable first 5 years (or half even), that $22,500 will turn into a $100,000-$200,000 loss when you factor in the "value" of what the $22,500 really is. The time value of money, compounding interest, etc.
As others have said, marriage shouldn't be so pragmatic (I made that mistake when I got married, and it's the reason it didn't last - marriage needs to be deeper than details, it's about love and commitment... if you don't just know that is there, then don't get married)... however in exploring these details you might also consider that marrying someone who is also frugal, will create an opportunity for you to possibly save even more. More favorable taxes, mortgage deduction, potential for a working spouse that also contributes and shares in the costs of the family. I think a more important thing to judge is just how frugal and consistent in that path, she is. Look at her habits in spending. A lot of that is developed as a person is raised. Look at how her parents behave financially.
I had an extreme example, on the negative side and I'll point out that it didn't really sink me when I got divorced, because I planned ahead - and maintained consistency. Also, in my mind the 401k was always "ours" and not mine. I married way too young, to someone who projected that she was frugal, like me. However, throughout the marriage it became evident that was not the case. It was a ploy to rope me in. However, I always set aside the max to my 401k no matter what. We divorced after 8 years and she got half of the 401k, but I kept investing the max, even after.
Right now I'm 35... and if I had never gotten married my 401k would be about $425,000... but it's instead $300,000. Not all that different, particularly because as of now my account is just supporting me, and not us both. My assumption is that anyone I would remarry (if I do) would possibly have their own assets. I tend to date and be attracting to working professionals. So although people will talk about marriage and divorce destroying your financial future... it doesn't really. Debt does. Avoiding lawyers helps a lot.
Just do the math in your head... as though the 401k is supporting your life (which includes a wife... unless it doesn't). Life is cheaper if you get divorced, so it doesn't need to be as much. I no longer need a McMansion, which was a priority to my ex-wife, and a part of our plan until divorce. So I no longer need to add that to my end game, or the property taxes associated to it.
Maybe I'm just a glass half full kind of person.
