How do you deal with a wife with no FIRE plans?

[Teacher Terry]

I think it goes beyond the 175/month because now she supposedly needs 3-5k for surgery. He is probably worried that it will be a endless string of emergencies. Someone I know took his girlfriend from the Philippines home and he was expected to pay for everything for her family despite not being a wealthy man. I also find it ridiculous to pay healthy parents so they don’t need to work.

[aja8888]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teacher Terry I think it goes beyond the 175/month because now she supposedly needs 3-5k for surgery. He is probably worried that it will be a endless string of emergencies. Someone I know took his girlfriend from the Philippines home and he was expected to pay for everything for her family despite not being a wealthy man. I also find it ridiculous to pay healthy parents so they don’t need to work.

From m y post #19:

Quote:

My nephew married a Fillipino lady younger than him when he was about 35. He told me he really married her whole family once the dust settled. Divorced in a couple of years and left the Philippines with only the shirt on his back and an airplane ticket I bought for him.

Not that all these kinds of marriage/arrangements are like this with Filipino gals, but it seems to be a usual theme as I recall.

[DFDubb]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mdlerth "By contract"? I'm usually a vigorous defender of matrimony, but this doesn't sound like a marriage. The story reads more like human trafficking.

I didn't want to say it, but this is the vibe I got as well. Whole thing sounds/feels icky.

[timemoveson]

Perhaps junior poster OP Jonash would come back and actual tell this engaged group what he means by all this and answer the excellent challenges put out there. I have my popcorn.

[pj.mask]

In a lot of Asian families, there are 3 generations (as the story goes):
1) poor and uneducated. Works hard and puts all their resources (no retirement savings) into their kids so that the kids may have a better life
2) educated and working, doing well. The kids have a paid for education and successful career. They live frugally like their parents and know the value of money. They earn enough to help the parents and support their kids. They build wealth.
3) spoiled. They grow up with ample resources and parents always helping out and leading the way to success. They don’t build on the momentum of the second generation but instead spend it. And so the cycle repeats.

In many Asian cultures, the kids are the retirement plan. They invest all their money into their kids. It isn’t like the US where the parents are always focused on themselves. Asian families can be very selfless. The OP has issues with the reciprocal nature of that.

There are cultural differences between the asian country stereotypes. But the stories of a young poor asian immigrant girl marrying an older geeky white guy are all very similar. I don’t know what the OP was expecting here?

I know many who are very happy because they have communicated and accepted each other’s position.

Edit: I think the most telling is his intent to divorce her a few years down the road, when it is most financially beneficial for him (she cooks/cleans/romance while he saves them he dumps her with nothing after 5 years right before the prenup ends)

[Teacher Terry]

Prenups don’t end.

[Scratchy]

If OP's wife would tell her side of the story, I might even pay for the gallbladder surgery myself.

[BoodaGazelle]

I suspect many older men who have married outside the basic first world culture would have similar stories, especially about the DW’s family wanting to mooch off of the wealthy American. I have specifically heard this about Latinas.

This is not to criticize *their* cultures. But if you are smart enough to FIRE, you should have been able to predict this.

[Red Badger]

https://youtu.be/912DKxD0H1U

Git r done

[socca]

I'm perplexed by all of the cultural content in this thread. Back in the old days, at least, you married a family, not a person. If your spouse has significant family baggage, that baggage often becomes your baggage.

I have never, and will never, get married, so I can freely pontificate upon a subject with which I have no practical experience. Hey, it's the internet!

[marko]

RUN!!!!

[Red Badger]

I find it curious how many folks accept the premise that the culture plays any substantial role here. There is no shortage of gold diggers, charlatans, etc. irrespective of race, nationality, culture, age, gender, etc. IMHO, going into any relationship with eyes wide shut is asking for whatever happens later.

Trophy spouses are often expensive. You have acquisition costs, maintenance costs, then, if warranted, disposition costs. Some folks approach real estate this way and opt to rent rather than buy. Other folks approach relationships in the same way.

FWIW, DW is an Asian immigrant to the US. I'm certain that I scored the trophy in the deal.

[Fermion]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Red Badger Trophy spouses are often expensive. You have acquisition costs, maintenance costs, then, if warranted, disposition costs. Some folks approach real estate this way and opt to rent rather than buy. Other folks approach relationships in the same way.

Is there some sort of rent to own or lease purchase option?

[Taxman59]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fermion Is there some sort of rent to own or lease purchase option?

+1000

[Gumby]

As Jack Reacher said to Sandy, "the cheapest woman tends to be the one you pay for."

To be fair, the spousal jackpot syndrome works both ways. There are many young male "Mongrels who ain't got a penny, sniffing for tidbits like you on the ground" (to quote Elton John)

[JustCurious]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pj.mask In a lot of Asian families, there are 3 generations (as the story goes): 1) poor and uneducated. Works hard and puts all their resources (no retirement savings) into their kids so that the kids may have a better life 2) educated and working, doing well. The kids have a paid for education and successful career. They live frugally like their parents and know the value of money. They earn enough to help the parents and support their kids. They build wealth. 3) spoiled. They grow up with ample resources and parents always helping out and leading the way to success. They don’t build on the momentum of the second generation but instead spend it. And so the cycle repeats.

I don't think that pattern is unique or limited to Asian families, it is a common pattern among American families as well, including my own.

[razztazz]

Quote:

Originally Posted by aja8888 From m y post #19: Not that all these kinds of marriage/arrangements are like this with Filipino gals, but it seems to be a usual theme as I recall.

Indeed. Having known many of these arrangements mostly from having been in the Air Force but also since I left, this is a well-known "business model" in some countries. Marry a "rich American" and you've got a permanent cash flow. It is pervasive and quite likley a measurable part of the nation's economy.

[razztazz]

Quote:

Originally Posted by socca I'm perplexed by all of the cultural content in this thread. Back in the old days, at least, you married a family, not a person. If your spouse has significant family baggage, that baggage often becomes your baggage. I have never, and will never, get married, so I can freely pontificate upon a subject with which I have no practical experience. Hey, it's the internet!

Yes! My experience is that while it is still a bigger part of Non-U.S. "social-think" it has indeed been a part of this and any other culture. I am not married either and this is one enormous reason. I decided at some point if I ever got married she'd have to be an orphan.

[flyingaway]

Quote:

Originally Posted by razztazz Yes! My experience is that while it is still a bigger part of Non-U.S. "social-think" it has indeed been a part of this and any other culture. I am not married either and this is one enormous reason. I decided at some point if I ever got married she'd have to be an orphan.

For those of you who are single in retirement, do you sometimes feel lonely?

I ask this question, because, as a married person, I sometimes wish I could be left alone. But in most times, I feel that I need a person around.

[razztazz]

Quote:

Originally Posted by flyingaway For those of you who are single in retirement, do you sometimes feel lonely? I ask this question, because, as a married person, I sometimes wish I could be left alone. But in most times, I feel that I need a person around.

Short answer: No . I realized by the time I was 30 that, no, I wasn't "lonely" whatever that means. I did not feel "incomplete". If I wanted to do or not do something I just did it. I didn't need to do it with somebody. I did not need somebody else to make me feel like somebody. If I wanted or needed to be married bad enough I would have done what I had done in every other area of my life when I wanted something. I'd have made the arrangements and gone out and done it.

I don't get what people mean when they say they can't live alone...? I suppose the same way they don't get me when I say I don't need or want somebody else around all-the-time.

Whenever a relationship broke up (Actually faded. No hearts were broken in the process) and I went back to being "alone" I always had that feeling of: Ahh, now things are back to normal. That told me something.

As far as the family stuff goes... I can easily see how my upbringing disabused me of the utility or even desirability of a wife and kids. I'll leave the rest to ya'lls imagination.

Someone on another forum years ago put it very well: I'm not afraid of dying alone. I'm scared to death of having to live with somebody all the time.

Note on life and people I have known:

I have known very few people like myself who have said "Gee, I wish I had gotten married." I know that's a small demographic since most people are or were married, so maybe there's not enough data points for a fair analysis. On the other hand I have seen that the world is full of married people who say if they had it to do over again they would not have gotten married. And that is a large enough set of data points.