Leaving Long Island for Texas

[W2R]

Is it irrational even as a single person to not want to rent in my 5th decade of life? Then there are miscellaneous fees like closing costs, things that miss inspection, additional furniture, utility setup, inspections, HOAs. 1300-1800 sq ft is probably all I need when planning ahead.

Last but not least I'm not sure if this is the right city for me being single almost 7 of the last 8 years. Kind of a small dating pool over time considering my age / hobbies, especially with only one degree of separation in some regards. Moving might be a healthy change for me in that area but change also scares me. Anyone older or more experienced care to lend some advice?

I'm one week short of 74 years old, and I have moved 30 times in my adult life. Here's my suggestions:

1.) Get a good job in a better town for dating, that you like and can afford.

2.) Move to an apartment in the new town.

3.) Start saving for your down payment, inspections, and all the other house buying and moving expenses. Meanwhile, check out the neighborhoods and figure out where in that town you want to buy a house and live. Also, make a big effort to meet people and get busy dating!

That approach worked for me after my divorce at age 50. It takes a few years but it works.

As for the fear of change, my signature line (from Moby Dick) says it all. This is where bravery and a taste for adventure will pay off.

 

[eytonxav]

Sounds like you are still seeing upward mobility in your career and that is a good thing provided you enjoy your job. Given the migration from around the country to Texas, I can't imagine many other areas with better job prospects, although the cost of living has gone up in the big Texas cities. Try to stay the course with your savings and keep your eye on the real estate market and other areas that might be attractive and rent if you do decide to make a move as W2R suggested. I can certainly understand your desire to get out of an apartment rental that does not allow you to build home equity. RE shot up so fast coming out of Covid, and I would imagine it will correct at some point. Hang in there, focus on work and hobbies, build that down payment and I am sure that special someone will also come along for you, but you have to put yourself out there.

 

[MBAVisionary]

I'm one week short of 74 years old, and I have moved 30 times in my adult life. Here's my suggestions:

1.) Get a good job in a better town for dating, that you like and can afford.

2.) Move to an apartment in the new town.

3.) Start saving for your down payment, inspections, and all the other house buying and moving expenses. Meanwhile, check out the neighborhoods and figure out where in that town you want to buy a house and live. Also, make a big effort to meet people and get busy dating!

That approach worked for me after my divorce at age 50. It takes a few years but it works.

As for the fear of change, my signature line (from Moby Dick) says it all. This is where bravery and a taste for adventure will pay off.

74 wow! Happy Early Birthday W2R! My stepdad is just 4 years younger than you. Apologies for not responding earlier but I had to really take a step back and really think.

A few days ago I went to a friend's luxury apartment for the first time. They're a couple, one is a high income earner. It was pretty eye opening to see the contrast. Especially when you pay more than double. Why am I bringing this up? It opened my eyes to how much of a contrast there can be in just a 12 mile drive. A lot of the stagnation I'm feeling I think comes from staying in the same apartment even though I'm earning 90% more than I did in 2014.

DFW is also a large area, making up over 9,286 square miles. For 11 years I've been in the same 3 mile radius.

1 - Agreed. I have made a 23%+ bump in salary in the last 4 years but I also feel like there is not much room to go up more. I can spend 30-60 minutes a day working on my skills or looking at other positions to apply to. That's not a huge obstacle, just requires consistent effort.
2 - Moving whether it's to a new town in the metroplex or a new area completely I think is important to my overall growth.
3 - I'm saving now. My social circle here has improved the last few years. I can certainly put myself out there more often. It's kinda like if I plan my week out I can do much more than I can imagine. Just working and vegging out in front of the tv is kind of a slow death. People and variety make life more fulfilling. Perhaps that means spending a couple hundred dollars a month doing things I enjoy. That also can apply to dating and new activities.

Last but not least thanks for the words of wisdom. I forget there are options and I don't have to feel stuck permanently.

 

[MBAVisionary]

Sounds like you are still seeing upward mobility in your career and that is a good thing provided you enjoy your job. Given the migration from around the country to Texas, I can't imagine many other areas with better job prospects, although the cost of living has gone up in the big Texas cities. Try to stay the course with your savings and keep your eye on the real estate market and other areas that might be attractive and rent if you do decide to make a move as W2R suggested. I can certainly understand your desire to get out of an apartment rental that does not allow you to build home equity. RE shot up so fast coming out of Covid, and I would imagine it will correct at some point. Hang in there, focus on work and hobbies, build that down payment and I am sure that special someone will also come along for you, but you have to put yourself out there.

Very practical advice. You are right with all the growth here, the job market is still pretty hot. Sometimes it pays to be patient. Or at least have a plan to control the narrative as much as possible. It's so easy to focus on what other people are doing and feel like I'm making no traction. But... with all the trips I see people going on, and expensive lifestyles I doubt they are investing as aggressively. Who knows they might even carry credit card balances each month. With all the mayhem happening in the world, maintaining a vision, growing, and finding joy daily are all top priorities.

 

[RobbieB]

Yeah, the trick is not to focus on what other people are doing, just do what you want to do.

 

[Bamaman]

I have spent a lot of time in Texas, and lived in Atlanta 10+ years. No state income taxes are very much offset by high TX property taxes.

Atlanta has everything you want, including trees, mountains, fine lakes and it is in closer proximity to other great places like Florida. Real estate is also more affordable. It also has a thriving LBGQ community.

Texas is hot, very dry and a long way from anywhere else. But a great contribution has been food-- Blue Bell ice cream, chicken fried steak and TexMex food.

 

[aja8888]

I have spent a lot of time in Texas, and lived in Atlanta 10+ years. No state income taxes are very much offset by high TX property taxes.

Atlanta has everything you want, including trees, mountains, fine lakes and it is in closer proximity to other great places like Florida. Real estate is also more affordable. It also has a thriving LBGQ community.

Texas is hot, very dry and a long way from anywhere else. But a great contribution has been food-- Blue Bell ice cream, chicken fried steak and TexMex food.

No one goes to Florida anymore, it's too crowded and you can't afford homeowner's insurance!

What's so great about a thriving LBGQ community versus normal communities?

 

[Ian S]

What's so great about a thriving LBGQ community versus normal communities?

Well, when you're a single gay man who wants a relationship as the O.P. apparently does, you'd like to live where there is an active community of like-minded folks.

 

[aja8888]

Well, when you're a single gay man who wants a relationship as the O.P. apparently does, you'd like to live where there is an active community of like-minded folks.

Sorry, I guess I didn't pick up on that need. And I am surprised it's a issue these days. But, then again, I pay little attention to things like that.

 

[Markola]

Yeah, the trick is not to focus on what other people are doing, just do what you want to do.

Yeah. Other people are w*rk’n and you aren’t, so they can’t help you do you.

 

[MBAVisionary]

Yeah, the trick is not to focus on what other people are doing, just do what you want to do.

Yeah you're absolutely right. It's one thing if they want to stay in touch and invite you to attend some of the activities they're involved in. It's quite different if they're off doing their own thing and literally could go years without even saying hello to you. It's annoying how social media continues to push that low engagement content front and center, then it looks like you're a petty if you de-friend them. I will be using the hide / snooze feature more often.

 

[MBAVisionary]

I have spent a lot of time in Texas, and lived in Atlanta 10+ years. No state income taxes are very much offset by high TX property taxes.

Atlanta has everything you want, including trees, mountains, fine lakes and it is in closer proximity to other great places like Florida. Real estate is also more affordable. It also has a thriving LBGQ community.

Texas is hot, very dry and a long way from anywhere else. But a great contribution has been food-- Blue Bell ice cream, chicken fried steak and TexMex food.

Thanks for your comment. I think I would appreciate Atlanta more from an architectural / nature perspective than living there. Historic Fourth Ward Park, Winn Park, Atlanta Botanical Garden, World of Coca Cola. Looks like it would be a lot of fun to experience. Also agree with you on the LGBT scene there from my general knowledge. I do however have some serious concerns about safety especially in certain communities, especially near the party scene at night.

 

[MBAVisionary]

No one goes to Florida anymore, it's too crowded and you can't afford homeowner's insurance!

What's so great about a thriving LBGQ community versus normal communities?

I actually don't live in an LGBTQ community. It's nice to live near one though, then go back to a quieter scene. I'm also pushing 40, being near a bunch of wild early 20 somethings who want to get lit is less and less appealing by the day. A 'normal' community usually has a good church nearby, high performing schools, kids playing with the neighbor's kids, sports / after curricular activities, more married conservative people.

Other communities can have all those, but they probably wouldn't have a dance club open till 2, have drag brunches over the weekend, pageants (think of the show Pose), or have certain classes of people feel like they can't kiss or hold hands in public for fear of some type judgement. Any type of events supporting Pride would be less common. It's certainly isn't all unicorns and rainbows though.

 

[MBAVisionary]

Well, when you're a single gay man who wants a relationship as the O.P. apparently does, you'd like to live where there is an active community of like-minded folks.

Yeah that sums it up pretty well. Don't have to be around them 24/7, but also not feel like you're the only one in a 50+ mile radius. It does narrow down the options quite a bit though. There can be some big cultural differences too.

 

[MBAVisionary]

Poking back on here after being in hibernation. Fastforward to December 2023, over 15 years after finding the ER forums.
-Salary is $145k/yr after another promotion, the most I've earned my entire life. Gross pay is close to $11k/mo but after taxes, insurance, maxing out 401k, HSA contributions my take-home is more like $6300/mo. I want to keep reaching higher and moving up the corporate ladder but don't think I'm going to move up a level for a good 3-5 years if it happens.
-Decided to renew my lease again, it's up to $1,236/mo plus water and trash fee.
-Had a lot of expenses related to my senior dog who transitioned after a long battle with multiple health problems. Between March 2022 and October 2023 vet visits alone were over $3k. In the final months I was paying ~$90/mo on special wet dog food because that's all she would eat. Monthly vet visits were a regular occurrence and toward the end she was on 3 different medications and stopped eating for 5 days. The apartment feels a bit lifeless without the dog around
-October 2022 I bought a new car to replace my 2016 MY and planned to keep it a long time, plus $15k for a car with 74k miles was a really great trade-in value. However it ended up being a bit of a lemon. Only owed $4800 at the time I got rid of it but all these problems within 12 months were a red flag to me it was time to make a switch. The worst involved a potential new steering rack that is covered under warranty but is nearly $2k for just the part. October 2023 I bought a CPO (warrantied until 2/2030) '23 sports luxury car with 6k miles on it, financing an additional $16,700 and $2k down. Ended up about $5-6k cheaper than a brand new model. Could save a lot of money driving something a lot cheaper but I choose not to.
-Had booked a trip for my 40th birthday but got sick along the way so I had a to cancel. Have a credit with United and thanks to credit card travel insurance got all the $$ back I lost from Marriott which wouldn't compensate me at all given I booked with Expedia. Ironically I'm sick again but this time with Covid and haven't been on a plane the entire year.
-Got a membership at a premium gym and loving it, my last one had broken lockers when you walk in, machines were always in-use, homeless people would sleep there, and was unhygienic.
-Two people I know from my Long Island days passed away in the last 2 months. One I went to high school with, he played on the football team and died in a house fire at 40. The other was 60, heavy smoker and had some type of cancer.

12/21/23
401K: $222,794
Roth IRA: $32,530
M1 Acct: $1,829
Buffer Fund: $2,746
HSA: $2,577
Total: $262,476

Car Loan Balance: $18,423 (down from $21,500 10/21) - 5.9% APR 72 months - My goal is to pay it off in 12-18 months
Credit Card: $1,477 - Upgraded to a new computer, had my car and renters insurance hit at the same time, and bought a dining room set to replace a 2005 set with a broken leg. Long story short it will be 0 when I get paid next week.
Taxes suck, I'm paying almost the same amount this year as the amount I financed on my car. That's with a ton of deductions too.

Still not sure about whether I want to buy a home and also not sure I want to move and rent somewhere else. I don't like change I guess but it's been 9 years and working from home in this dark dated apartment is kind of depressing. If home prices go down more there's a possibility of buying property that is about 2x my income. That feels 'reasonable' even with the high interest rates. Still not sure I'm sold on the American Dream of home ownership with prices up 4x in my state since 2000, over 2x since 2010. I like cashflow and buying in a bubble is spooky...

10 more years of this aggressive investing / current ARR I'll be close to $1M net worth. That's $2500-$3000/mo depending on whether you want to include 401k match and Roth IRA. In 20 years the estimate is $2.7M. Glad I didn't give up on myself even though I've been tempted to throw in the towel often. I know there are people out there at 40 who are way ahead of me but I'm going to celebrate my victories. I read story after story of boomers in their 60s.