Live with parents or move out?

[Bestwifeever]

Sounds your cultural rite of passage is to not move from home. There you go, decision made.

 

[cooch96]

OP, freedom sounds naive? I couldn't disagree more.

I loved living alone for a few years, until the loneliness got the better of me. I could put stuff down and leave it there, and it would never get misplaced or lost. It seemed like a minor miracle every time.

I think there are some important developmental things that are accomplished by living solo in your youth. Well, maybe not critically important since billions never do it, but certainly important for me.

Life is experiences. In thirty years, you may look back and wish you had a time where you answered to no one and no one kept tabs on your whereabouts.

 

[utrecht]

I bet that if you took a poll of young people all over the world and asked them if they would rather live with their parents (rent free) or live in their own place (rent free), the vast majority would live on their own. Assuming that's the truth, and I'm confidant that it is, young people don't live with their parents because its cultural, they do it because its a necessity in a lot of the world. Just because a lot of people cant afford something, that doesn't make it extravagant.

What would you do if you won the lottery? Stay at home? If you say you would move out, then you are basing your decision to stay on finances. That's fine if that's what you want to do, but just know that's the reason. Not cultural traditions.

 

[Big_Hitter]

That's fine if that's what you want to do, but just know that's the reason. Not cultural traditions.

agreed

 

[Totoro]

Finance-wise: In both cases you are off to a great frugal start.

I left home basically when I went to university and never went back, but geography, family values and atmosphere at home were completely different than your situation.

A friend of mine did the opposite: he moved back home after graduation, and stayed there until he hit 32 or so. That decision basically allowed him to own his home clear and free by the time he was 35 vs. being in deep mortgage debt.

[Edit] Got the numbers wrong .. oops.

 

[nash031]

It's extravagance. It's just a personal matter of whether this is an extravagance we'll accept.

Haha. I am not too worried about this. There's nothing stopping me from dating while I'm here, it's just harder. I also think any girl who wouldn't date me solely for residing with my parents is one who's not worth pursuing. I'm not the stereotypical basement-dweller in this situation and, contrary to popular belief, I do my own laundry.

No offense, but if I were looking to justify staying at home, I'd probably view my own place as an extravagance too. It's not. You need to learn to solve your own problems as it comes to living in your own place. Regardless of your and your parents' attitudes about it, you're not learning about the responsibility of managing your own life while you live under their roof in my opinion.

As to the second statement, the older you get, the fewer girls you'll find who won't think it odd that you live with your parents. At 23, you might be able to swing it and explain it away. By 25, I suspect very few people will understand why, making $85k/yr, you still live at home and most will view it as you don't want to grow up or that you're a momma's boy. It's easy to say you wouldn't want to date a girl that thinks that kind of thing... until you meet one you like who does exactly that.

Congratulations on a good start! My vote - obviously - is to get out of your parents' house.

 

[WCFire]

I bet that if you took a poll of young people all over the world and asked them if they would rather live with their parents (rent free) or live in their own place (rent free), the vast majority would live on their own. Assuming that's the truth, and I'm confidant that it is, young people don't live with their parents because its cultural, they do it because its a necessity in a lot of the world. Just because a lot of people cant afford something, that doesn't make it extravagant.

What would you do if you won the lottery? Stay at home? If you say you would move out, then you are basing your decision to stay on finances. That's fine if that's what you want to do, but just know that's the reason. Not cultural traditions.

Bingo! I found that very insightful, and I think I agree entirely.

Thanks for responses so far everyone. I didn't mean to offend anyone in my previous post. I think I was trying to say (to no one in particular) that I dislike the stigma I get for staying in and that social pressure alone wouldn't make me move.

I'm siding towards moving out now. I put in some apartment applications yesterday, was approved, and am looking at furniture now. My parents are not happy about this, but that was to be expected.

 

[REWahoo]

I also think any girl who wouldn't date me solely for residing with my parents is one who's not worth pursuing.

Agreed. But since relationships aren't black and white, what if it isn't the sole issue?

We all bring pluses and minuses to a relationship, so envision this: "He seemed like a real find, not perfect of course, but nothing I couldn't overlook - until I found out he was still living at home. I'm not going there..."

Living with your parents as an adult probably won't be a problem for you if you date someone with similar cultural norms. But it will narrow the available pool of other candidates significantly as it will be a big red flag to many single females.

 

[Big_Hitter]

part of being "FI" is being "I", just sayin

 

[Del Q]

I moved out the year I graduated High School with $212 and a new job paying $5 per hour. I moved less than a mile from my parents and went back to help them on their farm every night after work & weekends for free. That was 31 years ago and looking back I wouldn't change a thing.

To me money buys independence, at any age. Living on my own also gave me a great deal more confidence in the work world.

 

[scrabbler1]

After I finished college in 1985, I lived on my own in a Manhattan apartment, sharing it with another man (we had our own bedrooms and phones; he was not around much). I paid nearly 2/3 of the rent for the rent-stabilized apartment, as he was charging me market value. I was working in lower Manhattan so I had a quick, easy, and cheap commute.


Eight months later, he moved out to live with his girlfriend to whom he became recently engaged. This left me on the hook for the entire rent which would strain my budget a bit. Also, I wasn't enjoying living in Manhattan any more, I wanted to own a car and have more mobility. So, I moved back home to Long Island and had enough cash to buy a car and get my mobility in return for a lousier commute. This was never intended to be a permanent solution.


I paid my parents a few hundred dollars each month which was a good deal for them as well as me. On an incremental basis, they made some money in this arrangement while I was able to quickly rebuild my savings after buying the car. It was okay living there, but I didn't want to become a long-term deal.


Eight months later, I moved out again to my own place, one closer to Manhattan to lessen my commute. I would soon move again to the downtown area of another LI village, giving me a slightly better commute than before while retaining some of the things I liked a lot about living in a downtown area like in Manhattan, all while retaining the mobility from owning a car, and all without busting my budget. I also lived closer to my parents' house than when I lived in Manhattan.


My advice to you, WCFire, would be to move back home but only for a short period of time at most. Set a timetable for moving back out so you don't get too comfortable living there.

 

[easysurfer]

I think you have to weigh what is a larger priority for you at this time, the money saved for more financial independence, or physical, emotional independence of having your own place.

IMO, I like the idea of having my own place, my own rules.

 

[target2019]

Here is the parent perspective. Kid graduated, and had good job in a month or so. Wanted to beat feet, but has agreed to wait until property purchase is doable. Turning over 1500-2000 every month to a stranger makes no sense. It is once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to put $2.5k in the bank every month. Add some gift money to that, in a year or two a down payment 'magically' appears. Also means there is sufficient left over to fund 2 overseas vacations in one year.

Ok, as a kid you give up some freedom, and it seems like you'll never get out. But is it worth the wait if you can bank money towards other goals.

 

[Big_Hitter]

^ from a kid perspective, freedom was worth $x per day - no brainer

 

[Walt34]

^ from a kid perspective, freedom was worth $x per day - no brainer

That's why I think so much depends on the individuals and family dynamics. I got along fine with my mother while living there, she didn't try to be controlling (hey, I was over 21) but only asked for the courtesy of letting her know if I was going to be out late so she wouldn't worry. Seemed reasonable to me.

Other folks would feel stifled so they need to make other arrangements and that's fine too.

 

[Rick_Head]

Haha. I am not too worried about this. There's nothing stopping me from dating while I'm here, it's just harder. I also think any girl who wouldn't date me solely for residing with my parents is one who's not worth pursuing. I'm not the stereotypical basement-dweller in this situation and, contrary to popular belief, I do my own laundry.

I don't think dating was the issue. Do your parents condone sleep-overs?

In my case I was gone as soon as I could afford it. Even if DM condoned sleep-overs, the two brothers with whom I shared a room would change the mood.

 

[Sunset]

My first job after college required me to live there. It was like free rent.
It allowed me to save up a stash of cash and buy a condo apt, to the total surprise of co-workers and parents.

Your living at home, also affords you the ability to build up a stash and in a couple of years buy a place rather than renting.

You may find girls are MORE attracted to you since they know your parents would disapprove of you 2-timing the girls, and you will have more available cash to spend on fun things than the guy paying rent/groceries/utilities/parking

 

[WCFire]

My first job after college required me to live there. It was like free rent.
It allowed me to save up a stash of cash and buy a condo apt, to the total surprise of co-workers and parents.

Your living at home, also affords you the ability to build up a stash and in a couple of years buy a place rather than renting.

You may find girls are MORE attracted to you since they know your parents would disapprove of you 2-timing the girls, and you will have more available cash to spend on fun things than the guy paying rent/groceries/utilities/parking

How long did you stay with your family for?

I actually do have a down payment fund I've been saving. I can't bring myself to buy instead of rent though, since I'm unsure how long I'll be in this town for.

 

[MichaelB]

I actually do have a down payment fund I've been saving. I can't bring myself to buy instead of rent though, since I'm unsure how long I'll be in this town for.

I couldn't wait to leave my parents house, and they felt exactly the same. OTOH, all of my children lived with us after university, we enjoyed their company as adults and were sorry when they moved out.

If you are staying with them to save you surely have a financial goal in mind and once you each it you will move out, right?

Living on your own is not easy, there are so many things that must be done (meals, cleaning, bills, etc) and never enough hours in the day to do them all. It is part of the learning process, however, and the skills and discipline acquired here are helpful if / when one decides to make and raise a family.

 

[pb4uski]

...You may find girls are MORE attracted to you since they know your parents would disapprove of you 2-timing the girls...

I misread this at first and though you meant bringing two girls home for the night and you were about to become my hero.

Ah... the good ol'days prior to meeting DW.

 

[Sunset]

I stayed with parents until I got a job post University, but the job itself required me to live there 15 nights a month (I was paid 1 hour extra per night for that). I stayed the other 15 nights as well since I had a room for myself, effectively rent free.

That is how I saved enough $$ to buy a condo in 9 months.

Now its true, if you are thinking you will move to another city, then not buying would be smart. Perhaps you need to figure out that part carefully.

 

[zesty]

I've stayed with my parents into my early 30's. There's no denying it is better financially for all parties involved. I lived by myself during college but moved back to help my parents with the mortgage which is now almost paid off.

The social/relationship aspects don't bother me because I don't care what other people think and am not looking for a relationship.