She's Moving Back Home - College Grad - Need Advice!

[Lakewood90712]

What about a gubmit jerb with the foreign service? ....................

+1

The State Department is always hiring. , but be advised, this kind of thing is , uh, " Interesting "( strange) work. Not suitable for most people.

What was her proposed career path when entering college ?

 

[MBAustin]

A lot depends on whether or not she is determined to work in her field of study, or just selected it as a concentration for a liberal arts degree.

DD graduated with a degree in international studies in 2011 when jobs were scarce. She had joined the school newspaper staff as a photographer and worked her way up to editor. That experience helped her land some internships after graduation - first unpaid, then low-paid - which then led to a part-time communications position with a non-profit, which eventually became full-time.

FWIW, she said that she was much more prepared for a position involving communications than folks with actual communications or English degrees because of the critical analysis and persuasive writing required by her classes and thesis, as well as her newspaper experience. But it was hard to get in the door without the "right" degree at first, which is where the internships came in handy.

She now works for The Economist Group in NYC and loves it.

 

[aja8888]

Cherry picking the above posts, if no real job shows up in a few months:

1. Peace Corps (we had a nephew who did a tour and it was beneficial)
2. Military (not a bad place, good benefits, especially out of combat zones)
3. Government job (the real prize these days)

I would not waste money on a graduate degree in that field.

Note to frugalscholar above: oil companies are not looking for new petroleum engineering grads and paying them megabucks these days.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

It is not unusual for college grads to move back home these days. Almost half do:

Exactly How Many College Graduates Live Back at Home - The Atlantic

I would suggest she look at grad school or community college certificate programs for job skills that are in demand - trades, IT, healthcare or something along those lines. Let her decide as long as it is something that leads to be financially self supporting in a year and no more than two. I would not charge rent in the mean time and provide even spending money if she is going to school and being active in career or non-profit type clubs, doing volunteer work or whatever to build up her resume with more marketable skills.

A couple of the resources we always used with our kids were the job outlook handbook and payscale salary reports:

Home : Occupational Outlook Handbook: : U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics

PayScale Salary Reports

We told our kids if for some reason they do not get jobs after college they can live at home and get some specific training from programs like the Berkeley extension:

http://extension.berkeley.edu/cert/

I did that when I wanted to go back to more technical work so I could work from home after being in management for years and it worked out great.

Many of our kids' friends that have graduated, have pretty decent paying jobs and are self supporting have degrees / or supplemental skills in fields like finance, engineering, IT or CS. If she is not a math / logic kind of person maybe a business analyst masters or certificate program would be a way to work in IT without needing intensive programming skills.

I agree with others that if this is the worst problem you have with one of your kids you should thank your lucky stars.

 

[Dd852]

Home is a good place to regroup and plan the next assault. But she needs to be honest with herself:
Is your hometown a place where there are jobs? More importantly, jobs in her field (internationally minded companies, global charities, global websites)? If not, making a move after three months might be best. Does she have the skills people are looking for (language, web)? If not, learning them is a path. Why did she chose that degree - what future did she want then and what can she do to make that a reality?

I graduated with a focus on a world geographic region in the early 80s - also a tough time. I started (as one poster suggested) teaching English in my region, earned enough for graduate school and then got me on a path that now has me FIREd. But changing location after graduation and deepening my language skills were pretty key to that happening.

Encourage her to be brave; don't put her in the defensive by showing your fear and unhappiness at the situation so clearly.


Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum

 

[pb4uski]

Chill.

She'll be fine... her job is now to find a job and who knows where in the world that new job will be. I agree with others that there is no need to focus on ER... first things first, get a job, get the best experience you can get, get a place to live, work hard, look towards that next rung of the ladder, save some, etc.

I think it is way too early to go to grad school unless there is a good reason for going to grad school, and as an escape is not a good enough reason.

When DS lived at home we charged him $400 per month rent but he was working. We told him that he would get it back when he moved out. As the balance builds, the incentive to move out increases. It worked for us.

Since your DS isn't working, I'm not sure how practical charging rent would be unless you think she is taking advantage of your generosity in offing her a place to live and isn't looking for a job hard enough.

 

[growing_older]

Anecdotally, I've heard of many students with good degrees and good academic records spending months (over a year sometimes) living back home after graduation while looking for a first job. Often the catalyst is getting any job, even part-time, which then leads to a full-time job interview for a lesser job and having a full-time lesser job gets interviews and interest for the full-time entry level career job that was unfindable immediately after graduation. It can take some time.

 

[BradC]

Do I charge room and board to motivate?

I had a friend who was in the same situation with his kids. He charged a reasonable price for room and board when two of his kids moved back home after college, and secretly saved that money to give them when they eventually moved out to help them get started.

But then if they moved back home a second time, he charged rent and was NOT giving it back!

 

[Chuckanut]

International Studies? Is she also fluent in several languages besides English?

 

[Dreamer]

I would not charge rent either. My daughter, SIL and grand daughter lived with us at different times. Once while he was in the military after they were first married for several months and then we convinced daughter to move back home with baby while he was in Afghanistan for 6 months and finally for a short time after he got out of the military. We never charged any rent and never considered it. They have been married for 8 years, have 2 children, 2 fairly new cars and have bought some new furniture and some used. They are in the process of selling their home, since they just moved out of state. The only time they have been in debt was buying the house. They have always saved and paid cash for their vehicles and furniture. They use credit cards and pay them off every month. I think they have made smart decisions and I am proud of them.

Give her a chance and see how she can surprise you. You have been given a lot of good advice above. I hope that everything works out for her.

 

[jollystomper]

Been there, done that twice. One kid had graduated but not found a job. The other decided (or, really, the college decided for them) that they did not yet have enough discipline for school.

For DW and I the key was that they remain active looking for a job, or working one or more jobs, and not spend hours hanging around the house (or having their friends hanging around) doing nothing. The rules we had:

- No sleeping late, up and at em by 8AM. Never to early for looking/applying for jobs. We gave them a break on the weekends.
- No late nights during the week, TV/radios/internet off at midnight. You want to stay up and read, that is fine, but remember the early morning rule.
- Without a full-time job, there is no part time job you are too good for.
- You drive mom and dad's cars, you contribute to our insurance. You have a car, you pay your own insurance. Can't afford your insurance or to contribute to mom or dad? Welcome to the world of bicycling.
- Friends can come by but you need our permission. Remember - mom and dad's house, mom and dad's rules.
- We did not charge rent for the first year, BUT they had chores. If they were still around after a year a rent would be charged based on their earnings (which we would rebate them when they moved out)
- As an incentive to move out, we would pay their security deposit and 1st months rent.
- If you can't abide by these rules, feel free to find your own place, or friends to live with.

Both kids were out working and earning enough to live on there own within a year (each got together with friends to share an apartment). One did move back after a couple of years, but for an acceptable reason, he was working but had been accepted to a graduate studies program, and moved back in for 6 months primarily to save more money (in fact he had TWO jobs during that time, we barely saw him).

 

[kitesurfer2]

Take her to the Navy recruiter for some free education. The navy takes people with those type degrees and teaches lessons in life, responsibility and maturity. Four years in the Navy will put some bite in her resume. I would not advise submarine service for a female but all other areas would be a lifetime career enhancer.

 

[marko]

Take her to the Navy recruiter for some free education. The navy takes people with those type degrees and teaches lessons in life, responsibility and maturity. Four years in the Navy will put some bite in her resume. I would not advise submarine service for a female but all other areas would be a lifetime career enhancer.

Too bad it wasn't done the other way around...Dad wouldn't have had to pay tuition once she got out.

Not to be provocative, but we have some relatives who view the military with great skepticism. Despite offering some careful comments on the positives, one mom said she'd prefer to have her son flip burgers (which he's doing) than join the service. Had nothing to do with the dangers; strangely it was more about the discipline! ("they make you get up too early")

 

[Bamaman]

Congratulations on your daughter getting her degree--in anything. And I'm glad that her mother's glad to have her there--if just temporarily.

Her job for the time being should be putting in long hours looking for a job. She should not be allowed to sleep late, go shopping with the wife and generally going nowhere. Days turn into weeks which turn into months and years. Like Dr. Phil says, it's her job to find a job--full time job seeking.

I've got an unemployed daughter with two kids, and she moved in with us for 11 months. Our clean house was wrecked, and we couldn't get decent sleep with a kid or two in our beds. I bought them a house as an investment in our mental and physical health. Fortunately, a recent inheritance paid for it.

My close friend's daughter just graduated with a PhD. in Art History from a fine university in England. Her job prospects are about nil. My best friend's son recently graduated from military school, but never took ROTC. Since politics have OCS closed, he went into the Army as an E-4, straight to Ranger school and immediately deployed "to the sand." I just don't understand this generation. They have a whole lot more of growing up to do before they figure out they're going to have to save for retirement.

 

[Nemo2]

International Studies? Is she also fluent in several languages besides English?

+1

DW's ex's brother's daughter, (his wife is Austrian born), is in 'International Business' and speaks about 5 languages.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

I would suggest having her focus on developing in demand skills, not just looking for a single job. With a job not involving marketable skills, if she loses it she could be back home again and back in the same boat. Our oldest has not graduated yet but has job offers upon graduation from both internship companies and is getting unsolicited recruiter calls just from Linkedin.

The jobs are out there, it is just that there is a mismatch between popular degrees and the kind of job skills employers are seeking.

Growing mismatch between education and the needs of business
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/20121210001305-131079-want-a-job-get-training-anywhere
https://www.google.com/search?q=mismatch+between+jobs+and+majors&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8

 

[kgtest]

haha, I moved back home with my wife when I was 33. It was mainly a transitional reason and I was out within 3 months but my parents supported our goal of saving up yet another down payment while living downstairs. There were rules...and things sure did change a lot since I was last single and living with them at age 24. This bird seems to keep going back to the nest, my older sisters were out of the home at 18 and never looked back.

 

[REWahoo]

haha, I moved back home with my wife when I was 33.

How many years had you been living separately?

 

[Koolau]

When our kids started kicking around Major Studies titles like "Drama", "Fashion Design", "Management" and so forth, we asked them to research the j*b opportunities upon graduation - because we would be leaving no forwarding address after the last one entered university. They would be on their own with no option to move "home" (because "home" would no longer exist in the traditional meaning of the word.)

Oddly enough, they then each found majors for which the title more or less described what they would be doing once they found a real j*b. They even picked Majors for which there were virtually always j*bs available. They have all been quite successful and are now free to "visit" whenever they like (we have a tiny spare bedroom for guests.) YMMV

 

[gauss]

Will Mom be doing your daughter's laundry now? You might want to watch for this.

I have seen many instances of adult children living at home and the parent doing their laundry. They then seem surprised that the kids have not desire to move out.

-gauss

 

[ivinsfan]

When our kids started kicking around Major Studies titles like "Drama", "Fashion Design", "Management" and so forth, we asked them to research the j*b opportunities upon graduation - because we would be leaving no forwarding address after the last one entered university. They would be on their own with no option to move "home" (because "home" would no longer exist in the traditional meaning of the word.)

Oddly enough, they then each found majors for which the title more or less described what they would be doing once they found a real j*b. They even picked Majors for which there were virtually always j*bs available. They have all been quite successful and are now free to "visit" whenever they like (we have a tiny spare bedroom for guests.) YMMV

This was our strategy as well. Since we live on a remote farm 100 miles from a big city.. MSP, it wasn't much of a problem for us. They went down to the U of M. loved the city life and both got degrees from the Carlson school of Business. I've always thought that a business degree is great, kind of a well-rounded easy to do in 4 years major. From what I've seen a lot of fun, cool sounding majors are offered, but they don't have the job numbers to back up the degree programs. To the OP I wonder if this subject came up at all during her school years. In this case grad school might not be the way to go. I've actually seen kids go back to school to get another BA or BS in an "employable" major.

 

[ERD50]

Will Mom be doing your daughter's laundry now? You might want to watch for this.

I have seen many instances of adult children living at home and the parent doing their laundry. They then seem surprised that the kids have not desire to move out.

-gauss

While any adult children living at home should take on some responsibility, I wouldn't use 'laundry' as a measurement for that.

It is energy/resource efficient to combine laundry loads. It would be a waste to separate out 1/3rd for a separate run, unless the washer was already full.

As long as she is aggressively seeking a job, and looking for at least part time work if that becomes an extended task, I would not charge rent. How would she pay it w/o a job? If she decides to stay at home once she lands a job, rent is a consideration, but it could be considered a gift, to help her get started in life. As long as she isn't being 'lazy', I don't see a problem.

I'm still curious about this being a 'shock' - from my earlier post:

Can you explain the shock? I don't know what the job outlook is for people with an undergraduate degree in International Studies, but the job market is pretty tight overall for new grads, and I don't recall hearing stories of companies clamoring for people with an undergrad in International Studies.

What were your expectations? What were they based on?

Hmmm, is the OP still around? I don't see any responses?

-ERD50

 

[Walt34]

I've told the story before but I did "boomerang" back home after a divorce. There were a bunch of reasons and at the age of 34 moving back in with my mother was not exactly where I wanted to be.

I needed a cheap place to live for 18 months so I could save the down payment for a house and closing. Her house needed a lot of deferred maintenance done on it. She was on a waiting list for a CCRC and would have a 60-day window to sell the house and move when a spot became available.

So after some discussion I moved in and it worked out as planned. While I did not pay rent I did pay all the utilities and of course the food I ate. The house was paid for so there was no payment. I got a lot of junk out of the house and repainted the entire interior. The lawn was in better shape than I'd ever seen it. When the house went up for sale it sold in three days.

And I was gone in 18 months and living in my own (albeit heavily mortgaged) house. And had it paid off in 15 years.

So much depends on the individuals and how motivated they are to be independent. So just because one bounces back for a while does not mean it will become a permanent arrangement.

 

[Nemo2]

So much depends on the individuals and how motivated they are..

As Ann Landers used to say, "Make Lemonade"...some do, some don't.

 

[oscar1]

While any adult children living at home should take on some responsibility, I wouldn't use 'laundry' as a measurement for that.

It is energy/resource efficient to combine laundry loads. It would be a waste to separate out 1/3rd for a separate run, unless the washer was already full.

As long as she is aggressively seeking a job, and looking for at least part time work if that becomes an extended task, I would not charge rent. How would she pay it w/o a job? If she decides to stay at home once she lands a job, rent is a consideration, but it could be considered a gift, to help her get started in life. As long as she isn't being 'lazy', I don't see a problem.

I'm still curious about this being a 'shock' - from my earlier post:

​

Hmmm, is the OP still around? I don't see any responses?

-ERD50

OP still around and taking some good notes here. The shock is DD has good grades, good looks, has 2 computer engineer parents who have done very well but still DD is struggling. Never expected her to move back home to our small downsized space and neither did DD. She is aggressively looking, has some interviews lined up but I am still concerned she is spraying bullets without specific purpose or target. Almost like not ready for real world. Oh, and pretty much all of her friends have already landed decent paying professional positions. She has a huge amount of motivation without DW and I even having to say anything. Most folks on the thread are advocating patients as this issue is somewhat self correcting. Again, taking some good notes like maybe repositioning her for career with more demand in today's world. Can't thank everyone enough for the positive posts!!