Why am I here?

[38Chevy454]

Sorry for your loss. BTDT myself. My father had a major disabling stroke at 60, just short of his retiring, and never had the retirement he and my mother had planned. He had a long slow decline over 10 years. This also affected my mother's ability to enjoy retirement, as she was a caregiver for him much of that time. She actually passed away suddenly about 18 months before father did. One thing she had always said, as result of seeing my father's slow decline is she wanted to go fast and not suffer. Well, she got her wish. It is tough without my parents around, but you have to go on with life. It does not stop because of your life difficulties.

I am sure you are busy with funeral and other activities right now. Let the emotions roll, it may take a while for the full impact to set in.

As a result of my parent's case, I am determined to get out from working soon as i can feel confident in financial picture. Life is short and can be taken away in an instant. We all can try to maximize the good times while reducing the impact of bad times.

 

[Months.in.Wyoming]

Very sorry for your loss. My dad suddenly passed nearly 5 yrs ago. You will recover.

Don't do anything life changing for 6-12 months. Just hang in and know folks care and are praying for you.

My dad left work at 55 to go buy a sail boat and live down there primarily with mom. they weren't kings or anything but they had 16 years of great memories and adventures.

I admire your mom, she set a great example for you in many ways. Try to get out and enjoy in her honor as best you can.

 

[obgyn65]

Sorry for your loss.

 

[nash031]

I sit here today, more sure of my goals than ever. Two days from now I will lay my mother to rest at the age of 65. She was always worried that she wouldn't have enough money to retire (despite my assurances that she had plenty to support her spending habits as she had always been very frugal and saved plenty).

She was diagnosed with cancer barely over a year ago, retired November 15th and we lost her January 1st. The retirement that she had dreamed of through all those jobs and all that saving is not going to happen.

I know she would not have any regrets about her life, but I have plenty of regrets for her. I just wish she had been able to enjoy the things she looked forward to.

I think seeing her go through this has made me realize that what I fear most is working until I am unable to take time for myself to do what I want to do. I just hope all my planning and saving will allow me to do that.

Sorry if this is a bit long and off topic...

Quite the contrary, it is very ON topic. Similar to your story, my father worked until he was 77 because my mom was worried about money (she is still working). My dad turned 79 this year, and was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He had about a 20% chance of surviving the year.

I also don't want to be in that position.

Fortunately, thanks to the miracle of modern medicine, my dad survived his fight, but mom still works, and I expect she always will.

That's not what I want, and it took this past trying year worrying about the death of a parent to make me realize it.

All the best to you and your family!

 

[LitGal]

Deepest Condolences

I am so sorry for your loss.
Do not postpone life till after retirement. It may never come or not come as you have planned.
DH retired in summer with me. While we had planned to start travelling a lot he had to go through 2 spinal surgeries so far. No travelling in sight. We are so happy that we have already travelled quite a lot before retirement.
Some things just cannot be planned.

Dear feelan,

You "are here," on this board, because this is a community of folks who take your plight seriously. Many of us have asked similar questions, faced similar losses, and worked at rebuilding our lives while deeply missing loved ones.

Your story is similar to one my family faced when my grandfather died in 1963. He died within a year of retirement, leaving my dear grandmother to live on another 22 years without him. She made a good life for herself. But they had worked very hard their whole lives at low-paying jobs, paid off their two acre farm before the Depression hit, and conscientiously saved for their future. She had to make the best of retirement alone, without him.

I was only a little girl at the time, but do remember the impact this had on my parents and other members of the family. Overall, their response was similar to the quote above. And they made their choices accordingly, which did have a positive impact on their lives.

DH and I have taken a similar approach. DH is disabled with a serious lung disease, though he never smoked. We planned our future accordingly, and have tried to enjoy life and travel throughout the past 20 years as his breathing has deteriorated. This has led to "no regrets," and true enjoyment of each day we are given. It also encouraged us to plan and save for ER, knowing our years together are limited.

Would not change a thing. (Other than his lungs!)

Hang in there, feelan. You are not alone!

 

[iam21177]

I am sorry about your mother's passing.

My dad died last year at the age of 58. He was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 52. In his career (pipe coverer), people can retire at age 53 years and 8 month. On average, pipe coverers only live to enjoy 18 months of retirement. None of my dad's relative lived past 50 and they were all in the same field. So when my dad found out he had cancer at 52, he retired right away and got on disability.

He was able to have 6 years of his retirement, albeit it was cancer ridden and he did not really travel. He just played grandpa when he could. He was able to buy that much time with surgeries, chemos and radiations. Then things weren't working any more, so he let go and the cancer took him within 4 months.

My dad and I had such different views on money and saving. I am bound to retire early and enjoy the life meant for three people!

 

[Midwest]

Do not postpone life till after retirement. It may never come or not come as you have planned.

I think Chris said it best. Stay true to your goals but remember to live for today as well, there is a balance. I'm sorry for your loss, may your friends and family see you through this time with open hearts.

 

[web_diva]

Sympathies to you and your family. There is no good time to lose one's folks...although knowing it ends a health-related suffering may be of help.

 

[feelan]

First off, thank you for all your condolences and thoughtful messages.

I will say that I am thankful that my mother is not suffering any more, it was tough seeing that for the past year and I guess what is so difficult is that for so much of the time she remained so strong and steadfast that she would get better, and then after thanksgiving was such a rapid decline. It has just been a little difficult to take in.

I will say that I don't believe I am putting off living until retirement, I know maybe I came across like that, but I don't feel that way at all. We live in a nice home, we take nice vacations (Eastern Europe last year, France, Spain and Portugal this year). I don't feel like I am sacrificing now just so I can retire early, I am just looking forward to the day when I don't have to work 40+ hours a week for someone else.

Maybe I am just selfish, I just want more time to travel, take photographs, volunteer, just enjoy not having something that i "have" to do.

 

[Green Hornet 21]

Green Hornet

My condolences on your loss. I lost my mom to cancer in 2001. She was 79 I was 41. Both my parents were 69 when they retired although they could have done so a decade earlier, each with a good pension. That was their choice. I remember a few weeks before my mom passed away, I was visiting with her and commented that I had driven by the school she taught at for 35 years and that it appeared they were having some function that evening. She replied that she would give anything to be up there in her old job rather than where she was. My father agreed and wished he was setting his alarm for 4:30 AM to be at his old job on time in the morning. At the time this really choked me up. This was who they were. I on the other hand was even then planning my retirement by my early 50s. A goal I should obtain in 2 years or less. That is who I am. From this I would advise you to take some time before making a huge life decision such as early retirement. For most of us, pulling this off requires decades of planning. The decisions you make and the paths you take will be very different from those taken by your peers who expect to work indefinitely to retire all the debt they have accumulated and put some savings aside. For now I simply wish you peace and hope the good memories of your mom will carry you forward to the life you were meant to have. The one that truly is yours for the taking.

 

[Chuckanut]

I am sorry for your loss.

 

[LoneAspen]

My condolences on your loss. I lost my mom to cancer in 2001. She was 79 I was 41. Both my parents were 69 when they retired although they could have done so a decade earlier, each with a good pension. That was their choice. I remember a few weeks before my mom passed away, I was visiting with her and commented that I had driven by the school she taught at for 35 years and that it appeared they were having some function that evening. She replied that she would give anything to be up there in her old job rather than where she was. My father agreed and wished he was setting his alarm for 4:30 AM to be at his old job on time in the morning. At the time this really choked me up. This was who they were. I on the other hand was even then planning my retirement by my early 50s. A goal I should obtain in 2 years or less. That is who I am. From this I would advise you to take some time before making a huge life decision such as early retirement. For most of us, pulling this off requires decades of planning. The decisions you make and the paths you take will be very different from those taken by your peers who expect to work indefinitely to retire all the debt they have accumulated and put some savings aside. For now I simply wish you peace and hope the good memories of your mom will carry you forward to the life you were meant to have. The one that truly is yours for the taking.

A great sentiment - thanks for posting!

 

[Maenad]

Maybe I am just selfish, I just want more time to travel, take photographs, volunteer, just enjoy not having something that i "have" to do.

My condolences on your loss. I don't think anyone here will say you're selfish, I certainly don't think so. Most people would like the freedom to not "have" to do something, and it's fortunate when we have the ability to achieve that freedom.

Deaths tend to shake us up and highlight the truly important things. I agree with other posters that this is the deceased's last gift to us. Please be kind to yourself during your time of mourning.