Being a Caretaker for your Spouse

[38Chevy454]

x2 on ask a neighbor for help with the trash cans and also if neighbor can help with taking groceries in from the car. Seems those are the biggest problems for you besides the housekeeping and potentially some home care for DH.


I understand the concern about the housekeeper vaccinations, but if both of you have been vaccinated, the risk is quite low. Just get the housekeeping help to save your back. Same with the home care help for DH. You need some help and IMHO the risk is low if you are both vaccinated, the benefits of the help are needed now.

[MissMolly]

Find a neighbor kid you can pay a few $$$ to help with groceries/wheeling carts, etc. Some insurance plans (like mine) provide meal services for a short period (like 10 meals I think) following surgery. Maybe check your insurance plan?

[ExFlyBoy5]

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Originally Posted by harllee One specific thing I am having trouble with is wheeling the trash and recycling to the curb from the side of the house. They are these very large heavy cans that a truck picks up. They have to be out the night before and then have to be wheeled back beside the house by 7 pm the next day. I got a young friend to wheel them out last week. I guess I could hire a college kid but they would have to come twice--once to wheel out and once to wheel back. Any suggestions?

It's very possible that whoever is responsible for the trash pickup will get it from your house. Our local municipality will do that by request and with our last home (contract trash, not municipality) they would also do it for a small fee ($5 a month if I recall).

+1 on not being too concerned about who is/isn't vaccinated. If you and your hubby are vaccinated, the risk is very, VERY low.

[Bamaman]

Don't feel like the Lone Ranger. We're your age and my wife's had 7 surgeries in the last 3 years.

She's had the knee replacement, and she was pretty much back online in 6 weeks or so. Knees are a piece of cake compared to her latest surgery--mid foot fusion--which kept her in bed 8 weeks. It's an orthopedic surgeon's most dreaded surgery because of severe pain which controlled medications don't begin to alleviate.

And we have a 9 year old granddaughter to raise. I'm the full time cook and bottle washer. I should have had a career at the Waffle House as I start cooking when the school bus gets home @ 3:20 pm daily. I also feel like a cab driver--taking her to see doctors weekly.

Hopefully it won't be long until your DH can be up and around--including helping you. As far as the other knee goes, it can often wait unless the pain is just excessive. In the meantime, most of the grocery stores including Wegmans and even Aldi's now have delivery services

[harllee]

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Originally Posted by Bamaman Don't feel like the Lone Ranger. We're your age and my wife's had 7 surgeries in the last 3 years. She's had the knee replacement, and she was pretty much back online in 6 weeks or so. Knees are a piece of cake compared to her latest surgery--mid foot fusion--which kept her in bed 8 weeks. It's an orthopedic surgeon's most dreaded surgery because of severe pain which controlled medications don't begin to alleviate. And we have a 9 year old granddaughter to raise. I'm the full time cook and bottle washer. I should have had a career at the Waffle House as I start cooking when the school bus gets home @ 3:20 pm daily. I also feel like a cab driver--taking her to see doctors weekly. Hopefully it won't be long until your DH can be up and around--including helping you. As far as the other knee goes, it can often wait unless the pain is just excessive. In the meantime, most of the grocery stores including Wegmans and even Aldi's now have delivery services

Bama, you have had it much worse than me--you deserve a star! A wife and a granddaughter to take care of!

[harllee]

Thanks for all the suggestions --I will ask my neighbors to help me with the trash if they are able--one of them has also had knee replacement and the other needs it and in fact I normally help them with their trash because I am the healthiest! I will also ask on Next-door for suggestions, maybe there is a neighbor kid I can employ. There is no option in my town for the trash men to roll it around.

Regarding my concern about not letting unvaccinated people in my house--DH has an autoimmune disease (psoriatic arthritis--that is the reason he had to have knee replacement) and his doctor is concerned that the vaccine was not effective for him.

[Amethyst]

Then he most definitely needs to mask up when, inevitably, strangers are in the home. But you knew that

Hope he is up and about soon!

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Originally Posted by harllee T Regarding my concern about not letting unvaccinated people in my house--DH has an autoimmune disease (psoriatic arthritis--that is the reason he had to have knee replacement) and his doctor is concerned that the vaccine was not effective for him.

[Nick12]

When my father was at stage 4 COPD, I FIRE'D a few years ago because I could and moved in with him and I was his caregiver for 6 months. It was the most rewarding job I've ever done before he passed. RIP Pa.

[aja8888]

I had my hip replaced last year at 77 years old. DW (@75) took care of me and she is handicapped (COPD on O2 100%). We got by. A friend walked our dog each day and we ordered groceries from Walmart and DW or a neighbor picked them up. Our cleaning service came in each week to do whatever.

After two weeks I was OK. But a new knee is harder to recover from.

[harllee]

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Originally Posted by Amethyst Then he most definitely needs to mask up when, inevitably, strangers are in the home. But you knew that Hope he is up and about soon!

Yes, of course we continue to mask up whenever we go out and if someone comes into our house (and we are asking that everyone who comes into our house wear a mask). I can see us continuing to wear masks inside crowded places forever because DH easily catches all sorts of viruses like cold and flu.
I am getting negative feedback about asking potential employees who will come into our house if they are vaccinated. Is there some rule that says I cannot require anyone I hire to be vaccinated?

[Jerry1]

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Originally Posted by harllee Thanks for all the suggestions --I will ask my neighbors to help me with the trash if they are able--one of them has also had knee replacement and the other needs it and in fact I normally help them with their trash because I am the healthiest! I will also ask on Next-door for suggestions, maybe there is a neighbor kid I can employ. There is no option in my town for the trash men to roll it around.

Maybe you can pool some money with your neighbors and hire someone local to come and take out all of yours garbage and bring the cans back the next day. It would be more worthwhile to do 10 houses real close to each other for $50 a week versus trying to get someone to do one for $5.

[W2R]

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Originally Posted by harllee Thanks for all the good suggestions. DH is starting to be able to do somethings for himself, like dress himself, but I need to help him shower but he does not do that every day.

During my recovery from TKR surgery, I did sponge baths until I was permitted to get into the shower. Then after that it took a while longer until I could actually do that safely, so I continued with sponge baths. No fun at all! When I felt ready to try getting into the shower and showering by myself, Frank insisted on being here and sitting close enough to hear me if I called, so that he could come and rescue me or call 911 if necessary.

I was very proud when I became able to get in the shower safely all by myself. For a few weeks after we were sure I could do this, I still took my cell phone and reading glasses, and put them on something low just outside the shower while I was showering. This was so I could reach the phone from the shower floor if I fell, and call him if necessary. But I never fell and it was never an issue.

He never had to physically assist me to get in or out of the shower, or to wash myself while in the shower.

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Originally Posted by harllee I can leave him to run errands while the PT is here. As for groceries, i have done Walmart pick up all along and like it but right now with my back i cannot get the groceries from the car up the 5 steps and into the house so that is why I want to do grocery delivery. I am going to try Whole Foods/Amazon Prime next. Fortunately money is not a huge issue.

Grocery delivery, or delivery of prepared food, is a good idea. I had pre-cooked meals in the freezer that I prepared before my surgery, and occasionally Frank brought me take-out.

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Originally Posted by harllee I had a housekeeper I like pre Covid and I am trying to contact her but so far I have not been able to find her. We don't have any yard work so that is good.

No advice about that. I don't have a housekeeper. I'd suggest that while he is recovering, he's probably paying more attention to his knee than he is paying attention to how clean your floors are and so on. So if it was me, I'd just let it ride for now until your back is better.

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Originally Posted by harllee I think I would be OK if my back had not started acting up (from having to lift DH's leg--fortunately he is lifting it now himself). I have a therapeutic message scheduled for tomorrow. I also have an appt with a back doctor but it is a month a way is the closest date I could get.

You have my sympathies! Back pain can be so bad. This seems to me like your number one problem by far, right now. I would suggest a heating pad and ice packs and tylenol, and that sort of thing, but you probably know what works for you and already have that.

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Originally Posted by harllee Friends and the Church have been bringing us meals so that is a blessing.

Perfect!

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Originally Posted by harllee I have already told DH if he needs to have his second knee done he has to wait until we get into the CCRC (we are on the waiting list).

Hopefully things will get sorted out before then. In my case, I planned to have my second knee done ASAP but much to my surprise I didn't need it. When one knee had surgery and was strong, it was so much help to the other one that I have less pain and I am much more stable even without the second surgery.

[Bamaman]

The problem with joint surgeries is that often you will have numerous ailments--often on the same side of your body.

For example, my wife had a number of cortisone injections in her right knee over the years. After years of misery, she had the knee replacement. Then her right shoulder went out, and it was 6 months before she regained 75%. But she still suffers nights with that shoulder. Then arthritis took over, and she couldn't walk on the right foot. Orthopedic surgeon told her she has the worse feet he's ever seen, and that foot surgery may take a year to get over.

Pain speaks, and when you're miserable it's time to get something done about it. Don't try to be a He Man and work through the pain. Seldom does someone just get arthritis in one place. Look for it to pop up in the other knee as you will have to favor it in order to get strength in the new knee. Good luck with your DH's recovery.

[Koolau]

Suggestion: Spring for a Roomba or a clone. If it doesn't make you crazy watching it, it WILL eventually get to most places. Not perfect - nothing is, but you'll know MOST floor surfaces will be clean. Then, if you need HK services, let them concentrate on the corners and wet areas (kitchen, bath.)

Our Roomba DOES make me crazy, but it works. YMMV

[W2R]

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Originally Posted by Koolau Suggestion: Spring for a Roomba or a clone. If it doesn't make you crazy watching it, it WILL eventually get to most places. Not perfect - nothing is, but you'll know MOST floor surfaces will be clean. Then, if you need HK services, let them concentrate on the corners and wet areas (kitchen, bath.) Our Roomba DOES make me crazy, but it works. YMMV

I wonder if this may be a less than great idea given that her husband has just gone through knee replacement surgery. One of the preparations the hospital instructed us to do before TKR surgery, was to remove anything at all that we could trip over. No throw rugs, no furniture sticking out that we could run into, no miscellaneous items on the floor. I'd hate for him to trip over the Roomba and fall on his new knee.

I have heard that they are wonderful, though! IIRC Moemg liked hers a lot.

[Koolau]

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Originally Posted by W2R I wonder if this may be a less than great idea given that her husband has just gone through knee replacement surgery. One of the preparations the hospital instructed us to do before TKR surgery, was to remove anything at all that we could trip over. No throw rugs, no furniture sticking out that we could run into, no miscellaneous items on the floor. I'd hate for him to trip over the Roomba and fall on his new knee. I have heard that they are wonderful, though! IIRC Moemg liked hers a lot.

Heh, heh, you'd never "accidentally" trip over it! It makes WAY more noise than I would have guessed. If it runs into you, it stops and either goes the other way or tries again to "run you down." BUT it won't take you by surprise.

It's way too small to take your leg out from under you though I suppose it might use it's little whirly-thingy to go for your bare toe. Ideally, you'd just let it run free when you go to PT or to the doc. Not so much to protect you but to keep you from getting upset with its antics. I hate being around it, but it does actually work and would worry infinitely more about throw rugs or other trip hazards. YMMV

[harllee]

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Originally Posted by W2R I wonder if this may be a less than great idea given that her husband has just gone through knee replacement surgery. One of the preparations the hospital instructed us to do before TKR surgery, was to remove anything at all that we could trip over. No throw rugs, no furniture sticking out that we could run into, no miscellaneous items on the floor. I'd hate for him to trip over the Roomba and fall on his new knee. I have heard that they are wonderful, though! IIRC Moemg liked hers a lot.

Since knee replacement DH does not get around our Rosie Robovac--he stays in the bed or in his chair while it is running. I stay with Rosie and guide her with the remote, I do not let her go around willy nilly. Rosie has been a life saver for me. The floors were one of DH's jobs and now Rosie has taken that over. I wish I had a Robot to do other things like laundry and grocery shopping

[W2R]

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Originally Posted by harllee Since knee replacement DH does not get around our Rosie Robovac--he stays in the bed or in his chair while it is running. I stay with Rosie and guide her with the remote, I do not let her go around willy nilly. Rosie has been a life saver for me. The floors were one of DH's jobs and now Rosie has taken that over. I wish I had a Robot to do other things like laundry and grocery shopping

So glad that tripping over Rosie hasn't been an issue! Not having one, I had no idea.

One of my happiest milestones of the recovery period after my TKR surgery, was nine days after surgery when I was able to start doing my own laundry again! I wheeled my laundry basket into the laundry room, put the laundry through the washer and dryer, and then wheeled it back to the bedroom and put it all away where it belonged. That wore me out for the rest of the day, but such sweet victory!

For some reason I felt bad/embarrassed about Frank doing my dirty laundry after my surgery even though I think he only had to do it once and he was more than willing to help. I washed everything right before surgery.

Every knee, every surgeon, and every surgery is different so I don't mean to imply that your DH should be feeling well enough to help out yet. I probably just lucked out. You and he are the experts on how much he can or should be doing at any given time.

As for grocery shopping, I had enough pre-cooked meals in the freezer that I made before surgery, to last me several weeks. I intended to warm them up in the microwave but I admit that those first few days when I was feeling so rocky, I didn't bother and ate them cold. Anyway no grocery shopping during recovery, for me. Then just six months after surgery the pandemic hit and I never really got back into shopping at the grocery store regularly.

[harllee]

Regarding the laundry--I have engaged a service that comes to my house and picks up the laundry and washes and folds it and brings it back 3 days later. Kind of pricey but at this point I need all the help I can get. I just don't think DH can help with the laundry right now.

I just got back from a back massage and it seems to have helped my painful back. It was not one of these relaxing Swedish massages. It was a trigger point massage that was painful at times. But right now my back feels better.

[Jerry1]

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Originally Posted by harllee I just got back from a back massage and it seems to have helped my painful back. It was not one of these relaxing Swedish massages. It was a trigger point massage that was painful at times. But right now my back feels better.

I’ve had a few massages, but only one that was actually worth it. We were on vacation at a resort in AZ. The masseuse was explaining how tight and knitted my back was and that she wanted to get serious on my back. It hurt at the time and it hurt the next day, but very soon after, my back felt better than it had in years. I wish I had got her name. There were times where I seriously would have jumped on a plane and gone to AZ to see her again. I never found anyone in MI that even came close. Hope yours continues to feel better.