Cancer Survivor —- retired early not doing well emotionally

[Liftmech]

Sitting here wondering how to focus more on the freedom I have rather than the overwhelming thoughts of what to do know,what have I done and what if it returns. Thanks for any ideas.

 

[MissMolly]

I can't help you with dealing with the cancer problems since I've not yet been in your shoes and I'm sure everyone's experience is different and a personal journey. I would suggest that you do your best not to focus on the "what if it returns" and instead focus on "how can I make the most of the rest of my life".

You might want to go to the library and check out Ernie Zelinski's book "How to Retire Happy Wild and Free" and complete his Get-A-Life-Tree exercise https://www.amazon.com/How-Retire-Happy-Wild-Free/dp/096941949X

I'll bet you will have lots of ideas after that.

Good luck.
https://www.amazon.com/How-Retire-Happy-Wild-Free/dp/096941949X

 

[COcheesehead]

My wife is a 25+ year cancer survivor. One day turns into two, days turn into weeks, weeks turn to years. Your life is ahead of you. I wish you all the best.

 

[Dtail]

My wife is a 25+ year cancer survivor. One day turns into two, days turn into weeks, weeks turn to years. Your life is ahead of you. I wish you all the best.

17 years and counting for me. Only looking ahead.

 

[Moemg]

Have you ever thought about looking for a support group? Congratulations on surviving Cancer and Retirement.

 

[GravitySucks]

Congrats on the retiring and beating cancer.
Look Ahead and do something fun

 

[VanWinkle]

My wife is currently fighting a re-occurrence from ovarian 3 years ago. She is a 20 year survivor of breast cancer. She thinks of it sometimes, but we try to keep doing what makes both of us happy and let time go on.

I hope you find a way to enjoy your time without that heavy weight on your mind.

VW

 

[hesperus]

Sitting here wondering how to focus more on the freedom I have rather than the overwhelming thoughts of what to do know,what have I done and what if it returns. Thanks for any ideas.

Live in the moment, and enjoy every one.

 

[Live And Learn]

Retirement is an adjustment period; even for those who do not have added complications.

Many hospitals and Churches run support groups that can help you with the transition. Just getting out of the house and talking to new people will probably do you a world of good.

The first step is the hardest but once you get one foot moving in front of the other you'll find that each extra step takes a little less effort then the last.

All the best to you !!!

 

[NW-Bound]

Cancer is a terrible thing, but you are not alone in having it. And most importantly, you are a survivor.

About 1/2 of the population will get cancer at some point in life. And about 1/2 of them get it after the age of 50. Think of the other 1/2 that gets it even before 50. How terrible they must feel.

Many people who are now cancer-free will get it. Not all will survive.

So, enjoy your days, because many do not have the same chance.

 

[misshathaway]

Uterine 20 years ago, before age 50. I'm a worrier and it sounds like you are too. However I did not worry during the time I was diagnosed or the hysterectomy because I had something bigger to worry about that was distracting me - my father had dementia. What with the caregivers, doctors appointments and his behavior I did not have much time to think about it and I am glad. Now I worry about money for no reason and other remote threats to safety instead.

Since retirement 2 1/2 years ago I have also developed interests that absorb me and I make sure to get out of the house and exercise every day. De facto less obsessing time.

You may have too much time now to ruminate. Start doing things you enjoy, not what other people tell you you "should" be doing. You don't have to figure it all out today, just try something to jolt yourself out of inaction. If it doesn't work out, so what. Try another thing.

As others have said, retirement can be very disorienting at first. It was for me. It took me over a year to get past it. And unlike you I didn't have anything else to contend with.

 

[joeea]

Sitting here wondering how to focus more on the freedom I have rather than the overwhelming thoughts of what to do know,what have I done and what if it returns. Thanks for any ideas.

I'm in the middle of cancer treatments myself and retired a few years ago.

Everyone's situation is different and you haven't provided much in the way of details.

As other have said, there are plenty of support groups that can be helpful for many. And there are friends and family who most likely are willing to help if given the chance.

Are you having financial issues? Are you having loneliness issues?

For me, I've got plenty to do that keeps me happy and busy. I don't have time to dwell on negative thoughts.

Volunteering, perhaps with a hospital or such, can help us realize how well off we are compared to many others. If you are well enough, a part time job could fill some hours and make new connections.

It's normal to have down days when battling something like this. Don't beat yourself up about it. But it gets better.

 

[LXEX55]

Move ahead

My wife is a two time cancer survivor. Look ahead to the future, make plans, don't dwell on the past, pray to whatever God you believe in for strength, but keep positive, and live for today. Don't be alone too much, be around positive people, if you need counseling, by all means get it. You are not alone, many would be happy to help you. Remember, it will be better in the morning

 

[skipro33]

Every man and woman, has, at some point in their lives, felt the crushing realization of their mortality; that they ARE going to die. That death is for all eternity. With absolute surety. The first time it happens, it is crushing to the spirit and we ask ourselves the really important questions of the purpose of our existence.
Cancer or not, we all share the same fate; mortality. Coming to terms with that realization we do not live forever and that eternity is a long, LONG time, we each come to our own conclusion just what that might mean for us as an individual. Some come to a spiritual reconciliation, others that more hedonistic philosophy about how to spend their remaining days. Then the second blow from the hammer hits when we realize we have no idea how many remaining days we may have. Fear of illness taking one early in life is only one of a multitude of scenarios that could happen. Eventually we accept our fate as one that really can't be altered in any real sense and we decide to enjoy this gift of life we have now to it's fullest extent.

We all have an expiration date, and, like the firecalc chart, all we can really do is try to have the best quality of life based on the choices we have available to us.

 

[LuckBeALady2016]

I'm 53, currently cancer-free, diagnosed with an aggressive difficult-to-treat cancer in 2016, spent 6 months getting surgery, chemo, and radiation. I know where you're coming from.

Some days I feel anxious, unmoored, wonder about the meaning of life. But mostly, I remind myself:

"I'm alive TODAY".

That's all anyone can say. I try to be grateful for each day and make the most of my time left in this mortal coil.

 

[urn2bfree]

"Happiness is the only good.
The time to be happy is now.
The place to be happy is here.
The way to be happy is to make others so."
-Robert Green Ingersoll

 

[thumbs]

My Mom had cancer in 2003, and has been healthy and cancer free since. That was a hard year. The worry that it will return doesn't go away, but it does get easier. Eat and live healthy and be grateful for all of the blessings we do have.

 

[samclem]

You have survived cancer, but I'm not sure how helpful and healthy it is to define yourself as "a cancer survivor." You are also a lot of other things--a spouse? A parent? Somebody's best friend? A darn good gardener, chess players, or listener?

IMO, you can and should deny cancer the "honor" of becoming part of your identity. Sure, it is something you lived through, and it may be back. But it could visit any of us. Look forward and make every future day count.

Best wishes as you move ahead.

 

[NW-Bound]

My Mom had cancer in 2003, and has been healthy and cancer free since. That was a hard year. The worry that it will return doesn't go away, but it does get easier. Eat and live healthy and be grateful for all of the blessings we do have.

When a person is free of a cancer for that long, if it happens again it may be a completely new one.

People have developed multiple and separate cancer before. For example, a person may get skin cancer, then lung cancer later. If the skin cancer cells migrate to the lung, that's Stage 4 or metastatis. It's different than the lung cells turning cancerous by themselves. They can tell the difference.

 

[akidagain2018]

My dear sister, 17 years my senior - so like a 2nd mom, survived Breast cancer for 25+ years. Then she got sick from something completely different that was impossible to diagnose and incurable, unpreventable, and terminal. It was like it was her destiny all along and we had no idea. You just never know. Celebrate every day like she did for 25+ years. Swim in the pool on a sunny day, oh, skinny-dip even! I cherrish my time with sis as we traveled together to France, west coast US, and generally had a blast anytime we were together or in touch by phone etc. She retired and was like a kid again. Enjoy your time, everyday is a gift to all of us. I fear getting hit by a car in the crosswalk. Could happen - any day. So, when i go out on my long walks to enjoy the blooming trees or new snow, i am carefull crossing the street. But i gotta get out there, and celebrate the day. One step after the other, just like youve had to do with your health, and to get to FIRE.

 

[NoMoreJob]

I am also a recent cancer survivor but don't think of myself in that way. Yes, I had cancer but cancer doesn't define me. It's an illness that I had and that I continue to deal with the side effects of but my focus is on making my life the best it can be today and in the future. I will do whatever I can to continue to get better and as I get better I will think of the illness less and less. I have no idea if it will come back or if something else will get me but eventually something will get me. That's true of everyone and there's no use in focusing on it other than to make reasonable preparations for those that survive us.

 

[simple girl]

So are you going to let cancer steal more of your life away by worrying so much about its return that you ruin the time you DO have left?

That's what I would say to myself when I would let recurrence fears start to overwhelm me.

I refused to give it any more of my time. What will be will be. All you have is now. Don't waste any more valuable time worrying about "what if".

Instead, focus on gratitude every single day. Wake up EVERY DAY and make yourself think of something you are grateful for. It makes life so much sweeter.

We are all going to die someday. Don't ruin the ride you have left.

 

[USA]

DH is in for a procedure as I type. 1st go-round about 30 yrs ago. It’s a different way of life. Rears it’s head often for him. If he goes a year at a time now it was a good year. Throw out anything you hear or read that brings crap in your mind. I do recommend Peace, Love, and Healing by Bernie Siegel MD. Didn’t care for other books by him (I just tossed). However, the one I mentioned is about commonality of those living, that went against the odds.
Retiring early can be a kick in the butt, you got an extra kick. Wishing you peace.

 

[Liftmech]

Thanks for all the replies. We are now using our motorhome and loving life. No guarantees. Go for it.

 

[omni550]

Thanks for all the replies. We are now using our motorhome and loving life. No guarantees. Go for it.

Yay! Glad to hear it! That's the spirit. Wishing you many years of 'smooth roads' ahead.

omni