My mother died quickly at age 85, a couple of years ago, which was very hard. My father, now 89, has an independent streak (stubborn!!! he invented it!) but has allowed my brother to move in with him. So he is able to stay in the family house. However, he is careless about eating, and about paying bills, and is amazingly bad at not throwing out junk mail and lack of organization... and won't let us put the bills on autopay or let my brother help.
Dad still drives (eeek) and plays tennis and travels. He hasn't lost his ST memory yet but he gets angry very easily if questioned. In one sense he's in pretty good shape - in another, he's a royal pain.
As an example, I mentioned that an investment company had sent him a dividend check - had he received it? He didn't open it (they sent it overnight fedex) and thought it was junk mail and was mad that he now had to look for it. Now it is in a pile somewhere - these piles of mail are unsorted and are 2' high and more. They fall over so they are really unorganized after the fall.
I asked him if he was eating okay (neither of them cook) and he said he knew how to cook but didn't want to. Not even interested in buying frozen stuff and using the microwave. He does sometimes warm up soup, but I think he mostly subsists on junk - muffins, whatever. He wants the food to just appear on the table as my mother provided it for 62 years.
It's really hard - I read through all the posts. I'm glad my father is high-functioning but OTOH he's VERY difficult. I'm 1500 miles away. I wish he'd let us help him but he doesn't want to give up any control.
My mother did most of the investing, all of the bill paying, and all of the household organization. His office/room she just treated as no man's land and ignored as not worth the aggravation.
They have someone come in once a week and clean - she does the laundry and changes the sheets and towels too.
Anyhow, this is NOTHING compared to many other tales of woe here, but it's sad and pathetic and unfixable. My brother said he was waiting until my dad really started ignoring bills and would insist on paying them.
My mother had set up POA for health and durable POA, as well as a health directive and living wills. I'm sure it was her idea. So - I theoretically have control, I can sign on the bank accounts (as can my brother). It all sounds organized but the stress level is enormous.
Growing old is not for the weak!
