Do widows adjust better than widowers?

[Meadbh]

I often tell my wife that when I die she will miss me sorely. I cook too (cooking is the least kind of work, as far as we are concerned), and do a lot of things she can never do. She will do fine without me, but the hassle of finding a handyman for every little thing will remind her of me.

Please don't come back as a ghost and haunt the house!

 

[Katsmeow]

By the way, if widows do not want to commit, yet widowers tend to remarry, then whom do the widowers get remarried to? Younger women? Is that a problem?

I doubt it. Remember, there are a lot more widows out there than widowers. And, of course, some widows do fall in love and are happy to get married. In some cases, widows are in dire financial straits and marriage is a solution.

 

[NW-Bound]

How unutterably romantic!

Ha

My wife said that no, I would be the one missing her when she dies first.

Come to think of it, after I croak, a handy pool boy can take care of all problems around the house. Maybe she won't miss me that much.

Please don't come back as a ghost and haunt the house!

Why? If there is an afterlife, I would like to think there are other women more accessible for me to romance.

I doubt it. Remember, there are a lot more widows out there than widowers. And, of course, some widows do fall in love and are happy to get married. In some cases, widows are in dire financial straits and marriage is a solution.

Ah hah! There may be desperate widows out there not being able to find a match. I remember Moemg once said that she had seen widowers being courted by many women bringing them casseroles.

Why is it that women think that men can be swayed with food? Or is it really true, but I think differently because I can cook?

 

[Moemg]

I am a widow and I live in Florida so I get to observe the mating practices of widows and widowers every day . Most men really need companionship so they either remarry , have a girl friend or play golf a lot . Otherwise they are very lonely . Women on the other hand usually jump into making social contact through clubs . Most of my widow friends are single but not lonely . They have full social calendars and are content but there are some widows who still no matter what their age want a mate so yes they deliver casseroles , go to dances and hunt their prey . This is the saddest group IMO especially when they are over 70.

 

[Moemg]

! There may be desperate widows out there not being able to find a match. I remember Moemg once said that she had seen widowers being courted by many women bringing them casseroles.

Why is it that women think that men can be swayed with food? Or is it really true, but I think differently because I can cook?

Since the advent of viagra they don't even have to show up with a casserole . They just have to be willing . That will sway most men !

 

[HFWR]

Since the advent of viagra they don't even have to show up with a casserole . They just have to be willing . That will sway most men !

From the film "Eat, Pray, Love"...

Liz: I’m in love. I’m having a relationship with my pizza. You look like you’re breaking up with your pizza. What’s the matter?
Sofi: I can’t.
Liz: What do you mean you can’t? This is Pizza Margherita in Napoli, it is imperative to eat and enjoy that pizza.
Sofi: I want to, but I’ve gained like ten pounds. I mean, I’ve got this. . .right here in my tummy, you know this. . .what’s it called? What’s the word for it?
Liz: A muffin top. I have one too.
Sofi: I unbuttoned my jeans like five minutes ago just looking at this.
Liz: Lemme ask you a question, in all the years you’ve ever undressed for a gentleman–
Sofi: —it hasn’t been that many.
Liz: Alright. Has he ever asked you to leave? Has he ever walked out, left?
Sofi: No.
Liz: Because he doesn’t care. He’s in a room with a naked girl. He’s won the lottery. I’m so tired of saying no and waking up in the morning and recalling every single thing I ate the day before. Counting every calorie I consumed so I know exactly how much self-loathing to take into the shower. I’m going for it. I have no interest in being obese; I’m just through with the guilt. So this is what I’m going to do, I’m going to finish this pizza and then we’re going to go watch the soccer game and tomorrow we’re going to go on a little date and buy ourselves some bigger jeans.

 

[redduck]

...They (widows) socialize a lot and don't want to remarry as they can afford not to and really don't want a crabby old man to take care of...

Darn, looks like I'll have to come up with a Plan B.

 

[Moemg]

From the film "Eat, Pray, Love"...

I see you are in touch with your feminine side !

 

[Sarah in SC]

I see you are touch with your feminine side !

I wanted to call him out on that, too.

 

[unclemick]

Women tend to be better at communicating (despite often being rather shyer) than men, so they are generally more likely to develop deeper bonds with those they contact.

IMHO.

Riiight! At age 70 I got 'an offer I couldn't refuse'. - nailed er married. She had been a widow for a little over a year. Me 7 years since my live in girl friend of 29 yrs passed.

heh heh heh - . Happy as a clam. Did isolate tho which I figured was normal for an INTJ type.

 

[haha]

Did isolate tho which I figured was normal for an INTJ type.

This is often not mentioned. I enjoy having a girlfriend, love feels good for both of us, and we always have nice weekends with lots of laughing. And there is sex without having to worry about some damn disease. which isn't chopped liver. But I like to dance, and she doesn't really want me to. I am not planning on anything beyond dancing, but dancing is more romantic than tennis, and many women don't want their guys to have female tennis partners either. Since all my female friends, and many of my male friends were from a dance community this is unpleasantly isolating for me. Plus there was some narcissistic fulfillment from dancing well, and for the most part I would rather dance than talk. Now that I am fully recovered from hip issues, this may have to be settled somehow.

Ha

 

[Pbkmaine]

I think that the news of a STD epidemic was created by the Villages' P.R. dep't..

I would not doubt that it comes from the PR department. DH and I live in The Villages and it's a lot of fun here. But as far as STD's: with our circle of friends, "swinging" refers to listening to big band music or line dancing at the town square. If there's any other swinging going on, we are out of that particular loop.

 

[HFWR]

i see you are touch with your feminine side !

i wanted to call him out on that, too.

 

[Hermit]

I am a widow and I live in Florida so I get to observe the mating practices of widows and widowers every day . Most men really need companionship so they either remarry , have a girl friend or play golf a lot . Otherwise they are very lonely . Women on the other hand usually jump into making social contact through clubs . Most of my widow friends are single but not lonely . They have full social calendars and are content but there are some widows who still no matter what their age want a mate so yes they deliver casseroles , go to dances and hunt their prey . This is the saddest group IMO especially when they are over 70.

Well, DW died almost 6 years ago. Haven't remarried, no girlfriend, I don't like golf even a little, and I didn't know I was lonely, let alone VERY lonely. Maybe I'm just some kind of a weird Hermit type

 

[Moemg]

This is often not mentioned. I enjoy having a girlfriend, love feels good for both of us, and we always have nice weekends with lots of laughing. And there is sex without having to worry about some damn disease. which isn't chopped liver. But I like to dance, and she doesn't really want me to. I am not planning on anything beyond dancing, but dancing is more romantic than tennis, and many women don't want their guys to have female tennis partners either. Since all my female friends, and many of my male friends were from a dance community this is unpleasantly isolating for me. Plus there was some narcissistic fulfillment from dancing well, and for the most part I would rather dance than talk. Now that I am fully recovered from hip issues, this may have to be settled somehow.

Ha

It will be settled you dance with others no girl friend or you do not dance and continue with the nice relationship ! Give up the dance or dance with her ! A compatible women who puts up with your quirks is harder to find than a dance partner .

 

[Moemg]

View attachment 21905

I could do much better than that since I always thought I would be so much better than Kathy Bates in her Misery role .

 

[haha]

It will be settled you dance with others no girl friend or you do not dance and continue with the nice relationship ! Give up the dance or dance with her ! A compatible women who puts up with your quirks is harder to find than a dance partner .

Right to the point. You know an egotistical idiot when you see one.

Down goes Fraziah!

Ha

 

[Amethyst]

And here I never could find a guy willing to go dancing, not that I was all that great at it - I just liked the activity, and the chance to show off in pretty dresses. Life just ain't fair!

But I like to dance, and she doesn't really want me to.

Ha

 

[NW-Bound]

Amethyst, please allow me to introduce Haha. Haha, I'd like you to meet Amethyst.

 

[Free_at_49]

My wife died in her 40s, since then I'm dating women 15-20 yrs younger, so I guess I'm still maladjusted.

 

[Amethyst]

If he can get my husband to dance with him, I'll be next

Amethyst, please allow me to introduce Haha. Haha, I'd like you to meet Amethyst.

 

[LitGal]

A fascinating thread to read, as I'm in uncharted waters since being widowed in January. Because DH had been ill for many years-- and because he surpassed any dreams of what I had hoped for in a spouse--this transition time seems less momentous than I would have expected. But, everybody says, "Don't make any major decisions for a year," so I don't.

What is unexpected is this sense that," Glad I had those 35 years with a great guy, even though through most of those years we knew our time together was limited." Actually, neither one of us expected we'd even get those 35. Probably at least 5-10 of them were a bonus.

So, I enjoyed marriage, loved DH, and was obviously sad to lose him.......but I feel like it's time to look forward and live life. He certainly would expect no less. (Nor would I have expected any less of him.)

It was a blessing that he passed before I did, as his disability would have made life extra hard for him if I were not around to help.

So, since I'm healthy, FIRED, and have a very long bucket list, my girlfriends and I have lots of plans for the years ahead. Would I remarry? Not looking, as I can't imagine a better marriage than the one DH shared with me. There are so many other things I'd like to do in life, and the years are waning. I'm hoping for at least another 25, if I can stay in decent shape.

So, yeah, as earlier post-ers noted, I'm probably one of those widows who have no interest in re-visiting what makes a good marriage: patience, accommodation, selflessness, making your place look good before people show up.

To me-- at least for now-- domesticity is done. I'll be a good grandma when that day comes. And I'll "be there" for DS and his dear wife whenever they need me. But when DH was dying, he encouraged me to live a full life after he was gone. He basically said, "You go for it!"

I'd like to.

 

[bmcgonig]

A fascinating thread to read, as I'm in uncharted waters since being widowed in January. Because DH had been ill for many years-- and because he surpassed any dreams of what I had hoped for in a spouse--this transition time seems less momentous than I would have expected. But, everybody says, "Don't make any major decisions for a year," so I don't.



What is unexpected is this sense that," Glad I had those 35 years with a great guy, even though through most of those years we knew our time together was limited." Actually, neither one of us expected we'd even get those 35. Probably at least 5-10 of them were a bonus.



So, I enjoyed marriage, loved DH, and was obviously sad to lose him.......but I feel like it's time to look forward and live life. He certainly would expect no less. (Nor would I have expected any less of him.)



It was a blessing that he passed before I did, as his disability would have made life extra hard for him if I were not around to help.



So, since I'm healthy, FIRED, and have a very long bucket list, my girlfriends and I have lots of plans for the years ahead. Would I remarry? Not looking, as I can't imagine a better marriage than the one DH shared with me. There are so many other things I'd like to do in life, and the years are waning. I'm hoping for at least another 25, if I can stay in decent shape.



So, yeah, as earlier post-ers noted, I'm probably one of those widows who have no interest in re-visiting what makes a good marriage: patience, accommodation, selflessness, making your place look good before people show up.



To me-- at least for now-- domesticity is done. I'll be a good grandma when that day comes. And I'll "be there" for DS and his dear wife whenever they need me. But when DH was dying, he encouraged me to live a full life after he was gone. He basically said, "You go for it!"



I'd like to.

Nice post



Sent from my iPad using Early Retirement Forum

 

[Pbkmaine]

LitGal: Lovely post. I have a few friends who nursed husbands through long illnesses. They were all very grateful for the extra time they had, and afterwards launched themselves into the next stage of their life with as much hope as sadness. One of them told me she had been through all the stages of grief during her husband's illness, and was left, after his death, with the feeling that comes after a long bout of tears: empty but peaceful. Like your DH, hers told her to get out there and live life. She has. Five years on, she finds herself in love with an old friend who lost his wife to cancer.

 

[Quest4Fire]

A fascinating thread to read, as I'm in uncharted waters since being widowed in January. Because DH had been ill for many years-- and because he surpassed any dreams of what I had hoped for in a spouse--this transition time seems less momentous than I would have expected. But, everybody says, "Don't make any major decisions for a year," so I don't.



What is unexpected is this sense that," Glad I had those 35 years with a great guy, even though through most of those years we knew our time together was limited." Actually, neither one of us expected we'd even get those 35. Probably at least 5-10 of them were a bonus.



So, I enjoyed marriage, loved DH, and was obviously sad to lose him.......but I feel like it's time to look forward and live life. He certainly would expect no less. (Nor would I have expected any less of him.)



It was a blessing that he passed before I did, as his disability would have made life extra hard for him if I were not around to help.



So, since I'm healthy, FIRED, and have a very long bucket list, my girlfriends and I have lots of plans for the years ahead. Would I remarry? Not looking, as I can't imagine a better marriage than the one DH shared with me. There are so many other things I'd like to do in life, and the years are waning. I'm hoping for at least another 25, if I can stay in decent shape.



So, yeah, as earlier post-ers noted, I'm probably one of those widows who have no interest in re-visiting what makes a good marriage: patience, accommodation, selflessness, making your place look good before people show up.



To me-- at least for now-- domesticity is done. I'll be a good grandma when that day comes. And I'll "be there" for DS and his dear wife whenever they need me. But when DH was dying, he encouraged me to live a full life after he was gone. He basically said, "You go for it!"



I'd like to.

Great post. Thanks for sharing. Good things coming your way.