Internet Forum Addiction

[rodi]

Forums are highly cool - some forums anyway. If the topic is interesting and the members are posting regularly they become a community. You get to know members and count on their contribution to a topic and their unique perspectives.

The penpal analogy isn't quite right, imo. I think a good forum is a lot like my local coffee shop or bar - lots of interesting discussions, there are regulars, some newbies every now and then, you can sit in the corner and watch, jump into the current discussion or leave anytime. Participation is fully optional.

I like this description, Janet.

The forum I'm most involved with (not here) and first got involved with started as a bunch of random women who were all expecting babies the same month/year. These same kids are now turning 10 - so we've been hanging out together online for more than 10 years.

The fighting/drama has happened - but most of the trouble makers either deleted or were banned. We closed the doors to new members years ago - but allow invited "friends" to join.

About 100 women - and even though I've only met 30 or so IRL, these women are part of my community... my peer group. We come from very different perspectives, several countries, different economic backgrounds, religious backgrounds, and political leanings. But we're a community.

 

[imoldernu]

I guess finding a forum is pretty easy. I just searched on "internet forum" and got, for example, this:
Best internet forums you know -- list them all for our collective benefit | Ask MetaFilter

+1 I missed this completely.
Thanks for this link... amazing... Have put it in favorite places... Can't wait to try some of the links. Imagine... a forum just to discuss "Curly Hair"!

I see at least 20 sites I'll be interested in... and many that I think others in this forum would enjoy, based on their comments here.
One that amazed me was on Home Brew... with 356,000 threads, and more than 3 Million posts.

More homework...

As my old drinking buddy (30 years ago) used to say..
"The days are too long, and the nights aren't long enough."

 

[Midpack]

The penpal analogy isn't quite right, imo. I think a good forum is a lot like my local coffee shop or bar - lots of interesting discussions, there are regulars, some newbies every now and then, you can sit in the corner and watch, jump into the current discussion or leave anytime. Participation is fully optional.

Yep, I would agree...

 

[Khufu]

The whole concept of "addiction to internet forums" is bogus and not worthy of serious consideration. Genuine, medical addiction, for instance to nicotine, cocaine or heroine, is well-understood, both as to the physiological mechanism, which is preferential binding of the addictive chemical to receptor sites in the brain, and as to the long-term deleterious effects of using the drug. By contrast, phrases like "sex addiction" or "addiction to computer games" are not based on either an understanding of a physiological mechanism nor on an actual demonstration of long-term health problems. In fact, enjoyment of these activities is indistinguishable from other mere enjoyments in life.

When someone uses the phrase "sex addiction" or "internet forum addiction" he only means "you do something more than I think you should" with the added implication that any such pleasure that he does not share is inherently unworthy. It's just a rhetorical sucker punch.

 

[Nords]

An addict wonders: besides Bogleheads, what other sites are people "addicted" to?

What other web sites do you browse to satisfy your addiction?

The Mr.MoneyMustache forum (The Money Mustache Community - Index) and about 90 blogs.

 

[Midpack]

The whole concept of "addiction to internet forums" is bogus and not worthy of serious consideration. Genuine, medical addiction, for instance to nicotine, cocaine or heroine, is well-understood, both as to the physiological mechanism, which is preferential binding of the addictive chemical to receptor sites in the brain, and as to the long-term deleterious effects of using the drug. By contrast, phrases like "sex addiction" or "addiction to computer games" are not based on either an understanding of a physiological mechanism nor on an actual demonstration of long-term health problems. In fact, enjoyment of these activities is indistinguishable from other mere enjoyments in life.

When someone uses the phrase "sex addiction" or "internet forum addiction" he only means "you do something more than I think you should" with the added implication that any such pleasure that he does not share is inherently unworthy. It's just a rhetorical sucker punch.

Thanks for clearing that up...

 

[Amethyst]

As a proud possessor of extremely curly Irish hair, I visit curly-hair web sites occasionally for tips on how to keep my hair healthy.

Our society has a serious, irrational prejudice against curly hair. In younger years I was constantly being advised to "do something" about my "frizzy" hair texture. People acted like they were flat-out offended by hair that wouldn't lie down. I got all sorts of unsolicited, unwanted advice for how to make my hair "behave." New hairdressers would automatically come at me with straightening tongs. I even had my hair chemically straightened (a simply horrible process!) during my "career climbing" years, because its curliness was clearly holding me back. Yes, it is an important topic for many, although it may seem trival to you.

Amethyst

+1. Imagine... a forum just to discuss "Curly Hair"!
..

"

 

[Marita40]

I like the Garden Web/That Home Site forums. There are forums there for everything from kitchen remodeling, to crafts, to pets, to cooking, to politics, to home repair. There are some "so-so" forums and some excellent fast-moving ones where you can post a question or thought and get all sorts of quick responses. Every so often bullies step in and cause fights (there's always someone, it seems, who wants to play "internet cop") but the bully inevitably disappears.

As to being addicted, I am convinced it happens. I teach college students and it is quite apparent. Some even "fast" from the internet during Lent, or even just for a day or two, and find it nearly impossible to do.

 

[Lsbcal]

As a proud possessor of extremely curly Irish hair, I visit curly-hair web sites occasionally for tips on how to keep my hair healthy.

Our society has a serious, irrational prejudice against curly hair. In younger years I was constantly being advised to "do something" about my "frizzy" hair texture. ...

Whoa there partner . Don't take this the wrong way but I find myself very attracted to women with long curly hair.

DW has hair that frizzes up in moist conditions. I tell her it's just fine.

 

[Amethyst]

I don't see how I could possibly be offended by what is obviously a compliment! All curly hair gains volume in the presence of humidity. When I visit Florida or the UK, my hair can literally double in volume, and I see no problem with that

I prefer men with fluffy curls, too...

A.

Whoa there partner . Don't take this the wrong way but I find myself very attracted to women with long curly hair.

DW has hair that frizzes up in moist conditions. I tell her it's just fine.

 

[Easypick]

I had to laugh. A Passages Addiction treatment ad showed up in my sidebar!!

 

[haha]

This is the first forum I participated in, and essentially the only one. I went briefly to Bogleheads for SS re-pay advice, which was quite helpful. This board has obvious appeal to retirement or early retirement newbies, many of whom such as I hang around for other less tightly defined reasons. When one has various entitlements that he hopes to tweak, some of the these specialized blogs would be quite helpful As our society moves toward being less enterprise focused and more entitlement focused, the need for information on how to maximize what we get, paid for by others, and minimize what others get, paid for by us, (unfortunately) should increase.


There are a few good stock investing forums on InvestorVillage, but for the most part I feel that I can usually learn more in less time using Google. I don't often enjoy the advice giver role, as I feel that other than in very limited circumstances ("How do you do this?") I have little definitive to offer, and I really do not like to argue with people about things that can be better solved by experience, or are in fact disagreements about values and attitudes, which will never be adjusted, at least not within my attention span.


I have been given very helpful information on this board about things such as technology which I know little about, but at which many members are true experts.


If I go on a trip or for some reason cannot access this board fairly regularly, at first I miss it. This muct be a withdrawal effect, and as such is at least somewhat suggestive of addiction to the forum. I have found that after a few weeks I feel like I can take it or leave it, but once back home with the same dead spaces in my days as before, I tend to log on and often post. I suspect recidivism, to continue with the addiction frame.

I am always interested in when someone who has been here and participated in volume for some time, suddenly and publically turns in his keys. Or even more oddly, when he dramatically leaves, dramatically returns sometime later, then often as not, leaves once more. Why? What feelings has he been having that impelled him to act? I say he, because I cannot remember when a woman has done this.


Ha

 

[Midpack]

I am always interested in when someone who has been here and participated in volume for some time, suddenly and publically turns in his keys. Or even more oddly, when he dramatically leaves, dramatically returns sometime later, then often as not, leaves once more. Why? What feelings has he been having that impelled him to act?

Why? I'm just the opposite. I'm amazed that so many senior members can patiently confront the same questions over and over and over. A very high percentage of the questions have been discussed at length, and the answers don't change much. The opposing POVs play out again and again too, can be (very) tiresome. Fortunately most folks recognize there will always be newbies coming aboard, and trying to help them can be rewarding. I'm surprised there aren't more stickies on common topics, though thankfully some are in FAQs.

And I can think of several women who post much less nowadays, won't name them. And I can think of several we've lost, I won't name them either except for Martha because she was such an incredibly good resource, I learned a lot from her. Maybe some men are just more "conspicuous' with their exits...

 

[Alan]

As a proud possessor of extremely curly Irish hair, I visit curly-hair web sites occasionally for tips on how to keep my hair healthy.

Amethyst

I think I'm in love

I prefer men with fluffy curls, too...

A.

Rats

 

[Amethyst]

Oh don't say Rats. Reasonable women know that past a certain age, men and their hair sometimes, shall we say, part ways, and it's still the same man except now he needs to wear a hat when it's cold

Rats

 

[haha]

Why? I'm just the opposite. I'm amazed that so many senior members can patiently confront the same questions over and over and over. A very high percentage of the questions have been discussed at length, and the answers don't change much. The opposing POVs play out again and again too, can be (very) tiresome. Fortunately most folks recognize there will always be newbies coming aboard, and trying to help them can be rewarding. I'm surprised there aren't more stickies on common topics, though thankfully some are in FAQs.

And I can think of several women who post much less nowadays, won't name them. And I can think of several we've lost, I won't name them either except for Martha because she was such an incredibly good resource, I learned a lot from her. Maybe some men are just more "conspicuous' with their exits...

Re your first question, Why?, I don't doubt people get bored and get less active, but why the stage door exit? There may always be things even an old member wants to ask about, or just people he wants to keep in touch with. Why make it embarrassing to return for a bit or longer?

And women, yes many have left, but usually without much in the way of drama. I guess men are actually the drama queens, not women.

Ha

 

[Alan]

Oh don't say Rats. Reasonable women know that past a certain age, men and their hair sometimes, shall we say, part ways, and it's still the same man except now he needs to wear a hat when it's cold

That's nice to know.

 

[lhamo]

I probably qualify as forum addicted. I get a bit antsy if I am not able to check in regularly.

My main forum is the Simple Living Forum, now hosted by New Road Map Foundation. I am a moderator there so I need to check in at least once a day. I've been a member there since 1997 or 1998 -- joined right after I read YMOYL for the first time.

I mostly lurk here and at the MMM forums, though I do post from time to time.

I lurk at the Urban Baby forums -- I started reading them when I was expecting our first child (we were living in NYC at the time) and have maintained a kind of sick fascination with the lifestyle/obsession of the very wealthy NYC moms who dominate that board even though we left NY over 10 years ago. I don't think I ever would have become like them (not enough income), but an interesting glimpse into another lifestyle.

Back in web 1.0 days I participated in the frugal living forums at ivillage.com, the Armchair Millionaire forums (had my first moderator position there -- they even sent me a tshirt! That one died in the 1999 crash), and at motley fool. I quit the latter when they started charging for membership.

I probably should check out bogleheads, but though I like financial stuff I tend to like the bigger picture/philosophical discussions more than nitty gritty talk about investment strategies.

Oh, I also signed up on the forums at Get Rich Slowly, but those never seemed to have much momentum so I don't go there often.

I also have naturally curly hair but I keep it short and in a wash, muss, and go style so I don't really need forum support for that.

lhamo

 

[Lsbcal]

...(snip)...
I lurk at the Urban Baby forums -- I started reading them when I was expecting our first child (we were living in NYC at the time) and have maintained a kind of sick fascination with the lifestyle/obsession of the very wealthy NYC moms who dominate that board even though we left NY over 10 years ago. I don't think I ever would have become like them (not enough income), but an interesting glimpse into another lifestyle.

Wealthy NYC moms, sounds very different. Being on the west coast I wonder about those easterners. Are they all like Mad Men characters?
...

I probably should check out bogleheads, but though I like financial stuff I tend to like the bigger picture/philosophical discussions more than nitty gritty talk about investment strategies.

You may get a lot of grit in the wrong places. Plenty of ego on that site though there are interesting discussions and I've learned a lot over time there.

 

[FIREd]

I visit a number of forums on a regular basis - MMM, ERE, Bogleheads, Morningstar, etc... - but this is the only forum where I am truly active. Even here though, there are times when I don't feel like posting much. I once enjoyed discussing serious topics, but now I prefer the lighter side of ER.org.

 

[NW-Bound]

I still have lots of hair on my head, but who would mind if baldness means this

or this?

 

[lhamo]

Wealthy NYC moms, sounds very different. Being on the west coast I wonder about those easterners. Are they all like Mad Men characters?

Different, indeed - a common thread theme is how impossible it is to live in NYC on a 500k/1 million/64 quadrillion income. Lots of discussions on whether or not to buy a second house in the Hamptons. Also how to bring the food down from $1000-2000/month. And an ENDLESS obsession with how to get your kids into "top tier" pre-schools/private schools, with the ultimate goal of them getting into HYPS (Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Stanford). There are also a few "are you kidding" responders who pipe up regularly -- people living on 100k or less, sometimes much less. No usernames so it is all anonymous and no way to track who is who. Lots of fake posts and spoof posts. It is a bit schizophrenic going back and forth from that site to SLF/this forum/MMM but definitely confirms for me where my "tribe" resides. It isn't on the Upper East Side (though ironically that is the English name of the apartment complex I live in in beijing....)

 

[haha]

<>going back and forth from that site to SLF/this forum/MMM but definitely confirms for me where my "tribe" resides. It isn't on the Upper East Side

But don't you wish the Upper East Side were your natural habitat? A seriously posh place.

Ha

 

[lhamo]

But don't you wish the Upper East Side were your natural habitat? A seriously posh place.

Ha

Actually I'm much more of a Beacon Hill girl -- Seattle, not Boston.

 

[Ally]

Different, indeed - a common thread theme is how impossible it is to live in NYC on a 500k/1 million/64 quadrillion income. Lots of discussions on whether or not to buy a second house in the Hamptons. Also how to bring the food down from $1000-2000/month. And an ENDLESS obsession with how to get your kids into "top tier" pre-schools/private schools, with the ultimate goal of them getting into HYPS (Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Stanford). There are also a few "are you kidding" responders who pipe up regularly -- people living on 100k or less, sometimes much less. No usernames so it is all anonymous and no way to track who is who. Lots of fake posts and spoof posts. It is a bit schizophrenic going back and forth from that site to SLF/this forum/MMM but definitely confirms for me where my "tribe" resides. It isn't on the Upper East Side (though ironically that is the English name of the apartment complex I live in in beijing....)

A couple of years ago, the editor of Parenting Magazine called me in West TX to interview me about a literacy program. She was very nice, but must have been like these moms. She lived in NYC, and had looked up our image on Google. She asked about all the cars in the parking lot and who drove them. I told her everyone drives in TX. She said she and none of her friends knew how to drive.

We also talked about the sizes of our homes and what they cost. She couldn't believe we can have nice 2500 sq ft homes for $140,000. Her home was much smaller. We talked about a lot of differences and I came away thinking that even though she obviously earned way more money, her life seemed more restricted in many ways.

We ended the conversation with her saying wistfully "if I ever learn to drive, I would love to drive across the country and see how everyone else lives. It sounds wonderful and much more peaceful."