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Old 07-03-2019, 12:34 PM   #21
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And I'm sure you thought of this, but if they are house-rich (in SF they should be) but asset-poor and your father insists on trying to live at home, they might be one of the few good candidates for a reverse mortgage, which they could use to pay for in-home care. If they wind up in assisted living, the house might need to be sold, and I hope they do try that trial week (good to know!), but that's another alternative that's better than waiting for the next crisis.

I wish you better luck than I had -- my dad had a good nest egg, but hated to spend it, so when Medicare stopped paying for PT/OT, he stopped doing it, and he remained much frailer and weaker than he had been before he fell ill. Less than a year after he was sent home from the rehab center, we found him dead on his floor. He had apparently fallen and wasn't able to get up or get to a phone. (I had gotten him a fall alert sensor, but he cancelled the service and returned it....long story.)
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Old 07-03-2019, 03:44 PM   #22
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Lots of good suggestions, and +1 to the posts that look at assisted living as a good part of a plan.

Prior to that... First up...get safe... recommend a cane or walker... and be sure to provide safety in the current home. First... bathroom... with seat and or wall hand holds... no loose mats anywhere in the home. Check the safety for walking from one room to another... enough space, and awareness of door sills, steps, etc.

A way to get up if there's a fall. Learn placement for phone... daytime/nightime. Better still, and Echo or google speaker keyed to notify nearest relative or neighbor, by "Alexa" or "Hey Google" drop in, if there is internet.

Inexpensive bed rail to fit between mattress and box spring... to help in getting up at night.

In short, a good look at all safety concerns in the home.
.................................................. .................................................. ..

Work to develop a written plan, subject to change... as to handle whatever comes next. Preferably built by all members of concerned family... so that any next move is preplanned and agreed upon. This may be the most important part of any plan for aging parents.
.................................................. .................................................. ..
Know the available assets, and budget. This may/will take some doing, but it's critical to determine the next step in care.
.................................................. .................................................. ..
Typically assisted living is looked at as a single person needing additional care, but in our CCRC, about half of the 60 units in AL, are occupied by a couple.
The best thing you can do is to spend a day or two looking at CCRC's that offer assisted living... Learn the costs, the amenities, and most of all to see... in person... what the facilities look like. A walk thru. From the room, to the common areas, to the dining room... all the time, noting the number of employees that are available for care. if there is any one thing that I can recommend is to do this IN PERSON, and not from anyone else's recommendation.

Look online for the state, county or township websites to get deeper in to $$$ and other major concerns. Also a good source for information about what's available in the event the money runs out.

As to money... pay attention to this! In our CCRC, the cost for a double room with assisted living care runs about $40K to $45K/yr. that amount should cover almost every need. Food, amenities, entertainment, access to free outside events, restaurants, shopping etc. as well as doctor visits.

Learn about the qualifying factors for assisted living... if the residents are self sufficient, ie. no extra care, for feeding, diaper service or special medical attention, maybe the extra cost of assisted living will not be necessary immediately. That's the way is often works here in Liberty Village. Start off in an apartment, with the option to move into AL... when the time comes. Less expensive, and very small trauma if the move eventually goes on to assisted living.

Too wordy... but my own best thinking about what to do. Being on the same page with the rest of the family, and with a well thought out plan, can make a big difference for all... when the time comes.

Best of luck!
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Old 07-03-2019, 04:55 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Cosmic Avenger View Post
And I'm sure you thought of this, but if they are house-rich (in SF they should be) but asset-poor and your father insists on trying to live at home, they might be one of the few good candidates for a reverse mortgage, which they could use to pay for in-home care. If they wind up in assisted living, the house might need to be sold, and I hope they do try that trial week (good to know!), but that's another alternative that's better than waiting for the next crisis.

I wish you better luck than I had -- my dad had a good nest egg, but hated to spend it, so when Medicare stopped paying for PT/OT, he stopped doing it, and he remained much frailer and weaker than he had been before he fell ill. Less than a year after he was sent home from the rehab center, we found him dead on his floor. He had apparently fallen and wasn't able to get up or get to a phone. (I had gotten him a fall alert sensor, but he cancelled the service and returned it....long story.)
Thank you for your your input. We will try and convey to them don't be thrifty about things. We have always told don't worry about us kids..LOL I plan to go out owing....
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Old 07-03-2019, 05:02 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by imoldernu View Post
Lots of good suggestions, and +1 to the posts that look at assisted living as a good part of a plan.

Prior to that... First up...get safe... recommend a cane or walker... and be sure to provide safety in the current home. First... bathroom... with seat and or wall hand holds... no loose mats anywhere in the home. Check the safety for walking from one room to another... enough space, and awareness of door sills, steps, etc.

A way to get up if there's a fall. Learn placement for phone... daytime/nightime. Better still, and Echo or google speaker keyed to notify nearest relative or neighbor, by "Alexa" or "Hey Google" drop in, if there is internet.

Inexpensive bed rail to fit between mattress and box spring... to help in getting up at night.

In short, a good look at all safety concerns in the home.
.................................................. .................................................. ..

Work to develop a written plan, subject to change... as to handle whatever comes next. Preferably built by all members of concerned family... so that any next move is preplanned and agreed upon. This may be the most important part of any plan for aging parents.
.................................................. .................................................. ..
Know the available assets, and budget. This may/will take some doing, but it's critical to determine the next step in care.
.................................................. .................................................. ..
Typically assisted living is looked at as a single person needing additional care, but in our CCRC, about half of the 60 units in AL, are occupied by a couple.
The best thing you can do is to spend a day or two looking at CCRC's that offer assisted living... Learn the costs, the amenities, and most of all to see... in person... what the facilities look like. A walk thru. From the room, to the common areas, to the dining room... all the time, noting the number of employees that are available for care. if there is any one thing that I can recommend is to do this IN PERSON, and not from anyone else's recommendation.

Look online for the state, county or township websites to get deeper in to $$$ and other major concerns. Also a good source for information about what's available in the event the money runs out.

As to money... pay attention to this! In our CCRC, the cost for a double room with assisted living care runs about $40K to $45K/yr. that amount should cover almost every need. Food, amenities, entertainment, access to free outside events, restaurants, shopping etc. as well as doctor visits.

Learn about the qualifying factors for assisted living... if the residents are self sufficient, ie. no extra care, for feeding, diaper service or special medical attention, maybe the extra cost of assisted living will not be necessary immediately. That's the way is often works here in Liberty Village. Start off in an apartment, with the option to move into AL... when the time comes. Less expensive, and very small trauma if the move eventually goes on to assisted living.

Too wordy... but my own best thinking about what to do. Being on the same page with the rest of the family, and with a well thought out plan, can make a big difference for all... when the time comes.

Best of luck!
Not to wordy at all. We appreciate you taking the time to provide all this info very much. Always look forward to your post on this site.
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Old 07-03-2019, 05:18 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by JDPascale View Post
Our parents are in their mid 80s...recently have had some physical issues. Mom is oxygen...and does not like to leave the house..Dads health took a quick turn for the worse. He lost the feeling in his hands and feet and has lost his ability to walk. He was diagnosed with some sort of neuropathy. It looks like he is going to need full time monitoring as even going to the restroom is a struggle. He fell recently and could not get up on his own..this all within a few weeks. Brothers have been doing there best to help but both are working.
Sorry for the downturn. It really sounds like your folks shouldn't be left alone, long-term, during the day. A broken hip or pelvis can spell the end. Time for professional help. In-home care is one option, and you might be able to get by with 4 or 8 hours a day for a while. Assuming the house is safe for folks with limited mobility. In the end, sorry to say, assisted living is probably the only realistic choice, unless one of the siblings has time/inclination to be a full time care giver.
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Old 07-03-2019, 06:13 PM   #26
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I know everyone is different, but my mother smoked for many, many, many years. I saw the slowdown in her like you are describing with your mother. Mom was about 83.75 when it started and she died when she was 84.75. She was not on oxygen but her health was very fragile (more than I knew) and she died due to complications of her COPD caused by incompetent care when she was at the hospital for an issue related to severe undiagnosed abdominal pain. If you don't yet have her talking on video, do it now. I so wish I had video'd my mom telling a story or something like that so I could hear her voice again. Don't underestimate how short the time may be. Older, lifelong smokers are much more fragile than you think, IMHO.
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