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Please Check This Short Prologue For Me
Old 01-10-2020, 08:59 AM   #1
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Please Check This Short Prologue For Me

My next book (legal thriller involving medical fraud) is about to go to the editor, and I've decided, at the last minute, to (maybe) add the following short prologue. Could you check that medically, this text is reasonably accurate (and suspenseful)?



Without the prologue, the book would begin like this:



Thanks.
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Old 01-10-2020, 10:52 AM   #2
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It is kind of confusing .Where was the patient when this happened ? If a patient is having a stroke physician's are more interested in fast medical intervention than transferring the patient .She already had leads on she was not in a regular patient room.
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Old 01-10-2020, 11:09 AM   #3
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I presume that the prologue is meant to be a glimpse as to why Goodlove is in court to begin with? The seed that started the sequence of events that result in Goodlove's client being charged with a crime?
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Old 01-10-2020, 11:30 AM   #4
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The doctor would do more of an assessment. If a stroke is suspected she wouldn’t be sent to icu she would be sent to imaging immediately - is it a bleed or a clot urgent to know. Nor would monitoring leads be removed if she is being transferred she would have the cable disconnected and hooked to a portable monitor defibrillator. Stat labs would be drawn
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Old 01-10-2020, 01:40 PM   #5
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Okay, great advice. I was on the fence, and you've convinced me to can it.

Reasons Against

I don't like prologues
It's a legal thriller not a medical thriller
Only one beta reader felt the book was slow to start
Now: Confusing
Now: May not be medically accurate

Reasons For

Even though it's a prologue, it's short
It gives the reader something to anticipate—a reason to keep reading
It might help hook readers who are reading the sample on Amazon
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Old 01-11-2020, 08:14 PM   #6
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Thanks.

I sent it off to the editor. I swear this is my last book, because it's getting to be too much like work. Writing is fun, but all the fixing, editing, revising, getting feedback ... it's WORK.

Of course, I've said that after the last ten books or so, but this time I really mean it.
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Old 01-12-2020, 07:59 AM   #7
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Damn it Al, you did not wait for my sage advise!
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