Psychotherapy helpful?

[ER Eddie]

Agree with much that has been written. My additional two cents would be:

1. Apart from the "fit" issue Richard mentioned, therapists vary widely in experience, skill, and humanity. If you get a bad/ineffective one (or two), that doesn't mean "therapy doesn't work." Don't be reluctant to quit one therapist and try another. It can sometimes take a while to find a good therapist.

2. Therapists are better at dealing with defined problems (e.g., depression, anxiety, relationship struggles, trauma, etc.) than they are at handling broad existential concerns like the ones you expressed. Don't think of therapists as some kind of gurus who can light the way. Some of them have life wisdom, but many do not. Most of them (and I know quite a few) are just fumbling through life like the rest of us, with no special wisdom. They have skills and experience in dealing with clinical problems, but not necessarily in handling existential or philosophical issues deftly. So I don't know if it's going to be a good fit for you.

3. You might look for a more seasoned therapist. I wouldn't want to be getting advice on adjusting to retirement (if you're retired; it's not clear) from someone who's in their 30s. I'd look for someone 50+.

4. Tell them what you're struggling with and ask how much experience they have in dealing with that sort of thing in someone your age and gender. If the therapist bumbles around, seems to give too pat an answer, too generic a response, or otherwise gives you an answer that makes you uncomfortable, move on. I actually think this is a bit of a specialty area, so many therapists will not have had much experience with it.

[googily]

I am currently seeing an MSW in the aftermath of DH's illness and death. Trying to get a handle on my vastly changed world, with a brain that had a hard time dealing with things that can't truly be "fixed." As mentioned above, a lot of the stuff I talk about are things that I would not want to burden friends with, and also, they wouldn't understand a lot of my current feelings. It just gives me a place to talk once a week, and she is doing a great job zeroing in on areas where I need to be nudged - more giving myself a break and not being so hard on myself, mainly.

I saw someone else for a few sessions while DH was sick, and that woman was a disaster. Totally not up to the task. Was better to cut it off and not see anyone than to keep seeing her.

No real advice, just giving you my perspective.

[Blue Collar Guy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by googily I am currently seeing an MSW in the aftermath of DH's illness and death. Trying to get a handle on my vastly changed world, with a brain that had a hard time dealing with things that can't truly be "fixed." As mentioned above, a lot of the stuff I talk about are things that I would not want to burden friends with, and also, they wouldn't understand a lot of my current feelings. It just gives me a place to talk once a week, and she is doing a great job zeroing in on areas where I need to be nudged - more giving myself a break and not being so hard on myself, mainly. I saw someone else for a few sessions while DH was sick, and that woman was a disaster. Totally not up to the task. Was better to cut it off and not see anyone than to keep seeing her. No real advice, just giving you my perspective.

Wow, thanks for sharing some personal stuff, I wish you well on your healing.

[Ted_Shepherd]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MRG It depends on the person, their willingness and the relationship between the therapist and patient. When I first started developing and supporting code I noticed an interesting thing. I would start explaining an unsolvable problem to a cow*rker and before they understood my question, pow! The answer was obvious, at least to me. I walked away happy, they hadn't a clue what I was asking. Another person noticed the same thing, we actually named it ICRR(Intuitive Cognitive Response Recognition). There was a class that was mandatory at a certain level. It was bizzare, a secret class, no one would talk about it. Weird location outside DC; no phones, tv, radio, alarm clocks. People would come back all messed up in the head, wearing half of two different pair of shoes, dying their hair multicolored(this was 1986). Out of the box thinking was the object. It was actually pretty good. The instructor was way more bizzare than the class, it was his baby. He knew of the ICRR phenomenon and called it the "teddy bear syndrome". One of his graduates explained how he'd used the class to exploit the phenomenon. He was a technical leader and frequently questioned about a particular area of expertise. He put a teddy bear outside his office and asked his team to first explain their problems to the teddy bear. Guy claimed the bear had a 60% success rate. Point is, talking can be powerful, for the right people under the correct situations. Maybe a teddy bear, or a guy at a drinking establishment, or a professional can help. Obviously YMMV! Good luck to you.

Right, I recognize the teddy bear syndrome. In college math classes, I sometimes had a homework problem where the answer was in the back of the text. When my solution did not match the text solution, I sometimes sought the help of a classmate, someone I knew to be a math wizard. I did not want him to solve the problem for me, but if possible to help me prove the text wrong and me correct. In explaining my reasoning, step by step, to this intelligent and knowledgeable listener, I found my error, corrected it, and found the text was correct after all. The math wiz had not had to say anything.

Some years later, some people I knew were astounded that I was spending so much effort, time, and money on my psychoanalysis. (The monthly bill was a little bigger than a week's take-home pay though medical insurance helped.) I recount these events from the math classes to explain how psychotherapy can be helpful in focusing someone's own mental abilities. In my psychoanalysis, it worked that way in purely conversational therapy with no medications and no advice from the doctor on how to live my life. I would not have continued the therapy if the doctor had been directive or if he had offered to be my guru and "show me the way." What mattered was that I knew he was listening, understood what I was saying, and cared about my well-being. The therapy ended after "only" five years.

Edit: In talking with my psychiatrist, the subjects were not math problems, but Liebe und Arbeit, love and work, as Freud said. Those are the issues in life where reality makes its most powerful demands for attention.

[UnrealizedPotential]

It's always worth a try. In my case it didn't help too much. But like most things, it just depends on what the problem is and the treatment that is put in place. Just keep in mind, sometimes there is nothing anyone can do to help.

[Meadbh]

The Pope seems to think it's helpful.

https://www.theguardian.com/world/20...e_iOSApp_Other

[pacergal]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigNick Having spent the past few years researching in psychology, I would differentiate between several "levels" of psychotherapy, or perhaps widening things a bit, "talking therapies". If you have a reasonably clearly defined mental health problem such as addiction, OCD, or anxiety/depression then an evidence-based therapy with a clinical psychologist can help. If you have long-term emotional issues then a good psychotherapist can help. Shop around. Ask your potential therapist to give you a short introduction to their theoretical position. If it sounds like a cult then walk away. If you have a personality disorder or a severe psychosis then you probably need a psychiatrist, who can prescribe medication. Clinical psychologists typically cannot do that, although they will work with your regular doctor for things like antidepressants. If you have a transient but major life issue (death of a close family member, divorce, etc) then there is a form of short-term psychotherapy that is often called "counseling" that can help. (But the word "counseling" is also often used to mean many other things. Carl Rogers invented this word because he couldn't get accepted as a "psychotherapist" because he rejected Freud's ideas.) Finally, if you have some difficulties in seeing ahead clearly, perhaps as described by the OP, you can find yourself an existential coach. This is simultaneously a disclaimer and a shameless plug, because I work (a little - I'm FIREd, after all!) as an existential coach. Note that all of the above categories can overlap and interact. None of this should be considered as professional advice. I can try and answer more questions by DM.

+1
In general, counseling/therapy doesn't hurt and usually helps define issues and guide you to answers that are correct for you. YMMV

[dixonge]

I have only utilized therapy/counseling a few times. A couple were mediocre - you got the feeling they were very reliant on tools and proscribed interpretations. Lots of questionairres. Catch phrases (although I still use the term 'crazy-making' from one guy).

Then there was this one lady who I saw during a period of self-inflicted turmoil and anxiety. She laser-focused and pinpointed many things. I just talked and answered questions. It is because of her that I first realized that I had, in fact, been raised in a fundamentalist religious home, and the impact that has had on my life ever since. I consider it a big turning point for me.

So it depends on the therapist. For much of my life I laughed at the concept of therapy. It seemed like something rich New Yorkers do for a hobby. I don't laugh about it any more...

[Sunset]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scratchy I'm in my early fifties and reasonably happy with life but find myself in a bit of a mental rut in some ways-spending a lot of time thinking about my finances and existential musings about what will be drivers of happiness (and unhappiness) in the future for me....

Oh, darn !!
Does this mean I need brain training as well ??

No, it means you are looking forward and seeing that your life is drastically going to change by being retired.
And that the comforting weekly paycheck will not be there, so how will you live/exist/thrive while living off your savings ?

It means you are smart enough to recognize the next 30+ years are a big unknown and of course this can cause anxiety/worry and repeated "what-if" thoughts about your savings and spending and where to live, and the world calamities that might affect you.

You are normal and aware/smarter than normal dolts wandering around in a fog having no idea what a SWR is.

[imoldernu]

Not for me to give advice, but as a self appointed professional observer of people, and a one-time psychologist hopeful, my thinking is that we are all built on the same foundation, and that position in life is a function of ego.

No one's own ego, but the ego of others. We fit in by measuring ourselves with regard to others. Wealth, Freedom, Position, Power, Personality, Confidence, Luck, Health, Strength.

Then what "they" do, or what "they" have.

Travel, Party, Belong, Operate, Instruct, Lead,

Houses, Cars, Stuff, Summer homes, Businesses, Trophy Wives

We're always in in a position of competition, envy, frustration, hope, disappointment, and yeah, a measure of hate. Highs, lows, and "not sures".

But with all of that, times where the "what if's" take over. The good ones are usually temporary highs... Promotions, raises, windfalls, the "right" person, and maybe winning the lottery.

Unfortunately, the good things are not usually the stuff of happy dreams, or for some reason slide into the category of "normal", rather than success.

So we (the all encompassing generic "WE") keep all of the uncertainty, worry, anxiety and concern at the top of our psyche. "Happy" is almost always in the future, simply because...
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Methinks that anyone who isn't in the middle of this, just isn't normal. So what to do? My own solution is to list, mentally or on paper, the worst scenarios.. and then to put them aside. Part two, is to set up the ideal, and to put the think effort into the means to that end...
.................................................. .......................................
Condensed version:
Out of career position to own business stopped by cancer scare.
Not enough money to retire according to financial advisor. Needed five more years of employment.
Planned, planned, planned for a less costly life.
Learned better, less expensive ways
Decided it was me and mine... not what the other guy thought and did.

Boil it down... okay?... Give it a try on one's own terms... young enough to recover if necessary. Having a good buddy along the way helps. Listen, learn
but it's gotta be a personal roadmap.