How's that for an oxymoron?
In a week or two I'm going to visit my local clinic for a flu shot. Based on the way my last visit went, this time when they ask me for my age and consult my medical record, I expect the exit doors to slam shut until I surrender to the colonoscopy crew.
Don't get me wrong-- I'm healthy but my father's survived prostate cancer and a few intestinal polyps of his own, so considering my genetic alternatives I'm onboard with this invasive procedure. However I want to do this on my schedule, when the professionals are not overwhelmed with other business, and I want all the good stuff. I also don't want to mess up the holiday season (unless that's a good time to get this done) or my January taekwondo black-belt test. I'm happy to hurry things up a bit (I almost believe myself when I say that) or to wait a few months for optimal timing. Heck, if it's worth it I'll even go to [insert Beavis & Butthead joke here] Bumrungrad.
So here are some questions for you colonoscopy experts and veterans:
- When's the best time of the year for this procedure? The best day of the week, the best time of day? When is everyone the least busy, the best trained, the most proficient and the most alert? For example I've heard about summer waves of fresh-faced interns/residents, weekend medical emergencies, Monday-morning misery, and late-afternoon complications. Assuming I have a blank calendar (a big assumption), what would I want to choose?
- Where's the best venue? If I have a choice do I want MegaMilitary hospital, a smaller local civilian hospital, or a doctor's office? I've had both very good and very bad experiences at Tripler Army Medical Center, so for this reason alone I'm hoping to go civilian.
- Is there a preferred technology? I'm not looking for a souvenir DVD of the experience (with a soundtrack and bonus material) but I don't want to get the equivalent of last-generation legacy large-bore equipment or the latest experimental robotic drilling rig.
- What's the best prep? I vaguely remember reading previous threads (here? Bogleheads?) where posters would claim "Oh, you want to drink this stuff, not that stuff" or "Yeah, that other stuff isn't too harsh, but mix a pint of vodka with it first". I have unlimited free time to "prepare", so I'm not in any particular hurry. At least not until after I swallow the first dose.
- How much time is involved with the prep? 12 hours? 24? 48?
- What's the best anesthetic? Again I'm not interested in watching live video in living color, but I'd rather not be knocked flat on my assets (so to speak) for days of recovery.
- How much time is involved with the recovery? 12 hours? 24? What's the first/best thing to do after you're back in control of your own anatomy?
- Do I have to plan for a designated driver?
- What do you wish your doctor/nurse/intern/tech had told you before the colonoscopy?
- If you got a free do-over, what would you do differently?
- During the prep and the pre-op, are there any warning signs that things might not be going well? I understand "Oops" and "Uh-oh", but at what point before it's too late would I want to say "Do it this way or I'm outta here"?
In a week or two I'm going to visit my local clinic for a flu shot. Based on the way my last visit went, this time when they ask me for my age and consult my medical record, I expect the exit doors to slam shut until I surrender to the colonoscopy crew.
Don't get me wrong-- I'm healthy but my father's survived prostate cancer and a few intestinal polyps of his own, so considering my genetic alternatives I'm onboard with this invasive procedure. However I want to do this on my schedule, when the professionals are not overwhelmed with other business, and I want all the good stuff. I also don't want to mess up the holiday season (unless that's a good time to get this done) or my January taekwondo black-belt test. I'm happy to hurry things up a bit (I almost believe myself when I say that) or to wait a few months for optimal timing. Heck, if it's worth it I'll even go to [insert Beavis & Butthead joke here] Bumrungrad.
So here are some questions for you colonoscopy experts and veterans:
- When's the best time of the year for this procedure? The best day of the week, the best time of day? When is everyone the least busy, the best trained, the most proficient and the most alert? For example I've heard about summer waves of fresh-faced interns/residents, weekend medical emergencies, Monday-morning misery, and late-afternoon complications. Assuming I have a blank calendar (a big assumption), what would I want to choose?
- Where's the best venue? If I have a choice do I want MegaMilitary hospital, a smaller local civilian hospital, or a doctor's office? I've had both very good and very bad experiences at Tripler Army Medical Center, so for this reason alone I'm hoping to go civilian.
- Is there a preferred technology? I'm not looking for a souvenir DVD of the experience (with a soundtrack and bonus material) but I don't want to get the equivalent of last-generation legacy large-bore equipment or the latest experimental robotic drilling rig.
- What's the best prep? I vaguely remember reading previous threads (here? Bogleheads?) where posters would claim "Oh, you want to drink this stuff, not that stuff" or "Yeah, that other stuff isn't too harsh, but mix a pint of vodka with it first". I have unlimited free time to "prepare", so I'm not in any particular hurry. At least not until after I swallow the first dose.
- How much time is involved with the prep? 12 hours? 24? 48?
- What's the best anesthetic? Again I'm not interested in watching live video in living color, but I'd rather not be knocked flat on my assets (so to speak) for days of recovery.
- How much time is involved with the recovery? 12 hours? 24? What's the first/best thing to do after you're back in control of your own anatomy?
- Do I have to plan for a designated driver?
- What do you wish your doctor/nurse/intern/tech had told you before the colonoscopy?
- If you got a free do-over, what would you do differently?
- During the prep and the pre-op, are there any warning signs that things might not be going well? I understand "Oops" and "Uh-oh", but at what point before it's too late would I want to say "Do it this way or I'm outta here"?
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