Spouse not wanting to travel?

[ivinsfan]

OP I think you are confusing traveling and lifestyle change. They are two different things in IMO.

What you want is a lifestyle change involving travel. Take snow birding for example, I know some people who snowbird so they don't live in cold weather. But, they live exactly the same at their snowbird location. It's like they just moved their house someplace warmer. Others like to be more active and do day trips or travel the general area or hike and such and such.

[Nemo2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ivinsfan I know some people who snowbird so they don't live in cold weather. But, they live exactly the same at their snowbird location. It's like they just moved their house someplace warmer.

Back when my late wife & I were fulltime RVing we encountered a couple from Canada while in Texas.....story, (unconfirmed, from other people), was that they lived in a park in Ontario until it closed for the winter, and then drove straight to Texas, (no deviations, we heard), and reversed the procedure in the Spring.

[ivinsfan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nemo2 Back when my late wife & I were fulltime RVing we encountered a couple from Canada while in Texas.....story, (unconfirmed, from other people), was that they lived in a park in Ontario until it closed for the winter, and then drove straight to Texas, (no deviations, we heard), and reversed the procedure in the Spring.

We a few snowbirds that winter in an RV park or home and come it MN as soon as the Mom and Pops resorts on the lake open and live there until Fall. They just drive their cars back and forth.

If we didn't farm, this would be at the top of my wish list. One of our DD has a place on a little resort at Lake Mille Lacs that would be perfect for this.

[Rocket Man]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bamaman Come on down here Rocket Man as we live 10 miles outside the Rocket City--Huntsville. Homes are half the price of much of Illinois, and property taxes on our 3900 square foot home are $1300 per year. Defined pensions and social security are not taxed either. Sales tax on cars/boats are 2.75%. It's a high quality place to live in an ultra low cost of living place. What's nice is having so many great cities that are weekend trips. And half the population of the U.S. is within a day's drive. Many of our friends have places down on the Gulf Coast too. It's an easy all interstate drive up to Illinois too.

Thanks Bamaman! We actually prefer driving through Alabama when coming or going to Florida. Much less traffic and a prettier state. We have never driven into Huntsville, but have always heard great things about the area. Those real estate taxes are fantastic! Also, the people we have met traveling through have always been friendly! Great to hear about the state tax!

[6miths]

First I have to convince DW to retire. She loves to travel but then it will be a chore to convince her that the kids can thrive without her for extended periods. And once grandkids start arriving I will be have to decide regarding traveling sans her.

[brett]

We are snow birders for two-three months each year. But not to the same place.

We have a bucket list. During our winter months we select warm places from our bucket list. So far it has been one or a combo of Africa, South America, Central America, SE Asia, Australia, Mexico, and some Florida, AZ, LA,TX, and Hawaii. The very last thing DW wants is to stay home in the cold and snow. By herself...

Still lots on our bucket list and we keep returning to our favorites. At some point we will get serious and rent a condo for two months. Most likely in Mexico. Just not right now.

We like spring and summers at home. So we typically travel in Sept/Oct to Europe.

[socca]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuckanut Often the reluctant partner is the male. For every married guy I have met traveling overseas with a brother, cousin or buddy, there must be dozens of married women traveling with a female friend or relative. ...

A relative used to travel internationally with her mother, leaving her long-time couch-potato husband home to watch football. She met a newly divorced rich guy on a luxury cruise and quickly dumped her DH, much to his surprise and disgust. I've never been married, but it seems like it might be a good idea to keep an eye on your spouse.

[Nemo2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by socca I've never been married, but it seems like it might be a good idea to keep an eye on your spouse.

An even better idea would be to keep an eye on your relationship.

[razztazz]

Quote:

Originally Posted by socca A relative used to travel internationally with her mother, leaving her long-time couch-potato husband home to watch football. She met a newly divorced rich guy on a luxury cruise and quickly dumped her DH, much to his surprise and disgust. I've never been married, but it seems like it might be a good idea to keep an eye on your spouse.

I've never been married either but something just like this happened to me back in 2017. I was neither surprised nor disgusted. Just proved to me I was right the first time. I know what I like and I want what I want. I accept no substitutes and I do not expect anyone else to accept substitutes. We only win when everybody wins.

We tried to compromise with fewer/shorter trips but everything she proposed required a 2 or 3 day drive or a 2 week train excursion. Then I found out that every place she just had to see, she'd already been to at least a half dozen times in the last 40 years. Seems were were both a little "pathological" about traveling.

[Bamaman]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teacher Terry My husband liked to go for longer than I do. In a RV with the dogs a month was the longest I could stand. Travel without the dogs was 3 weeks. Now that we are divorced and I can do what I want I am going to Europe with my kids for 2 weeks in 2022. That will be my 5th trip to Europe and probably my last. I intend to take 7 day cruises to places I still want to go.

I had a couple of aunts that were widows, and they were fortunate to find travel partners to share their trips into their 80's. They were always looking forward to the next trip.

I've been traveling to Europe for 50 years, and my wife's been going with me 37 years. Don't overlook repositioning cruises in April and October when they move ships back and forth to Europe. Those 11-13 day trips are ridiculously cheap and they drop you off in great places.

We've been on 20+ cruises too. Our favorites were throughout Scandanavia and 2 days in St. Petersburg. We also loved cruising to Malta, the Greek Isles and Turkey. We'd like to go back to either.

I'm just sorry future international travel is on hold right now. We still need to visit Portugal, the Ukraine and Berlin/Dresden. Our go to city presently is Budapest where you can stay in an apartment for $65 a night and the food's great.

[anothercog]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bamaman I had a couple of aunts that were widows, and they were fortunate to find travel partners to share their trips into their 80's. They were always looking forward to the next trip. I've been traveling to Europe for 50 years, and my wife's been going with me 37 years. Don't overlook repositioning cruises in April and October when they move ships back and forth to Europe. Those 11-13 day trips are ridiculously cheap and they drop you off in great places. We've been on 20+ cruises too. Our favorites were throughout Scandanavia and 2 days in St. Petersburg. We also loved cruising to Malta, the Greek Isles and Turkey. We'd like to go back to either. I'm just sorry future international travel is on hold right now. We still need to visit Portugal, the Ukraine and Berlin/Dresden. Our go to city presently is Budapest where you can stay in an apartment for $65 a night and the food's great.

I'm not a huge cruiser but love the idea of repositioning cruises as a luxuruious mode of transportation to get from one great destination to another.

[Chuckanut]

I found that sometimes a bit of compromise helps. For example, one spouse goes to the British War Museum on Wednesday while the other goes to the Tea Time Fashion museum. At the end of the day meet for dinner at the local Pub and share adventures.

[Nemo2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuckanut I found that sometimes a bit of compromise helps. For example, one spouse goes to the British War Museum on Wednesday while the other goes to the Tea Time Fashion museum. At the end of the day meet for dinner at the local Pub and share adventures.

How did your wife enjoy the war museum?

[Music Lover]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuckanut I found that sometimes a bit of compromise helps. For example, one spouse goes to the British War Museum on Wednesday while the other goes to the Tea Time Fashion museum. At the end of the day meet for dinner at the local Pub and share adventures.

Those are compromises most people can deal with. The problem is when one partner doesn't even want to go in the first place or has a vastly different timeline...say 2-3 weeks vs 2-3 months.

[braumeister]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuckanut I found that sometimes a bit of compromise helps. For example, one spouse goes to the British War Museum on Wednesday while the other goes to the Tea Time Fashion museum. At the end of the day meet for dinner at the local Pub and share adventures.

We do that all the time. We also occasionally take separate trips to pursue our own interests. Most travel destinations offer such a wide variety of attractions that it's very easy to do it that way.

Good example: About four years ago, we got an amazing short notice deal from Delta on a trip to Zurich. Paid for it entirely with FF miles. Spent a week there, and three days we were on our own, four days together. We each got to see and do what appealed to us, and equally enjoyed our joint days.

[Gadabout]

During our working years, DH and I never had more than 2 weeks off at a time. We both loved to travel but wondered if we would realistically like longer trips. A week after I joined him in retirement, we took off for a month in Italy. On the plane home we asked each other if they could have stayed longer. Both of us gave an enthusiastic yes and so we embarked on a pretty steady diet of travel - long and short trips - until Covid clipped our wings. Now we are really grateful that we had three awesome years of that lifestyle and had not delayed retirement. Now we are making the most of it at home until the way opens again. I was usually the instigator/planner, but DH always loved the trips and developed an appetite to think ahead too. Maybe your wife will get into it. Right now I wouldn't push it because the places we want to go really don't exist right now with all of the (essential) restrictions, or if they do, they are impossible to get to.

[GaryInCO]

DW loves traveling even more than I do. I was looking forward to lots of trips once we retired.

Unfortunately 10 yrs ago she became ex-DW. And I really don't enjoy traveling by myself. I want someone to share the adventure with, and I would strongly prefer a partner rather than "just" a travel buddy. No luck on that front though. I've taken a couple of trips with small groups, and I'll do more of that as I get more into retirement. (Currently 64 and still working part-time.)

Maybe we need a "travel buddy matchmaking service."

[rt-texas]

Came to Costa Rica September 2019 to spend 6 to 9 months and really explore. Had sold our house and planned to travel for several years. Obviously covid changed the plans.

Were going to rent a place for 3-6 months in different locations around the world and explore the regions from a base that we could come back to and decompress. This was our compromise, I was perfectly happy to take a passport and credit card to the airport and wing it from there.

We had done several three week long trips while still working and always wanted to be able to immerse ourselves in different cultures but she said she refused to live the gypsy lifestyle.

[Rambler]

If you can convince her to do it early on in retirement, that would be a good thing. I retired at the end of 2012, and we did travel a good bit, maybe 90-100 days a year the first 3 years. In the fourth year, DW got sick right as our travels were kicking off for the season, and we had to cancel almost everything we had planned. She stabilized and is on meds to control her condition and is now doing well. The year after that, my doc called me on THE MORNING that we had planned to leave for a two week RV trip, and told me it was likely that I had cancer. He suggested we cancel the trip and see a specialist right away. That was at the beginning of June. Between that and having to schedule numerous appointments for tests and staging, we canceled all our plans, and I eventually had my surgery across the continent in NYC at the hands of a very skilled surgeon, for which I’m grateful...that was our only travel that year. The following year, we decided to leave California for a state more to our liking. My aging parents did too. In the process of the move, mom broke her leg, her arm, her wrist, and her face was black and blue, although no skull or facial fractures. The problem was, this happened just as their moving van was leaving. They ended up having to stay in our home for weeks while she recovered, needed daily help just to take care of herself. So we couldn’t sell the house, and couldn’t travel. We finally got the house on the market in early 2019, and it contracted, and subsequently fell out of escrow five times...each time we had to cancel our trip, thinking we’d need to get the remainder of our belongings out (we left it staged with some minimal furniture). It took until deep autumn before it finally sold. Then of course, Covid hit. The places we intended to visit early on were closed. Once they re-opened, with massive restrictions, reservations were hard to get, and we stayed put. We have a variety of plans for this year, but yesterday one of my follow up tests came back with a less than desirable figure, and I’ll have to have more tests to make sure that the cancer hasn’t returned.

The moral of the story is: travel while you can! Eventually, you may not be able to!

[anothercog]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rambler If you can convince her to do it early on in retirement, that would be a good thing. I retired at the end of 2012, and we did travel a good bit, maybe 90-100 days a year the first 3 years. In the fourth year, DW got sick right as our travels were kicking off for the season, and we had to cancel almost everything we had planned. She stabilized and is on meds to control her condition and is now doing well. The year after that, my doc called me on THE MORNING that we had planned to leave for a two week RV trip, and told me it was likely that I had cancer. He suggested we cancel the trip and see a specialist right away. That was at the beginning of June. Between that and having to schedule numerous appointments for tests and staging, we canceled all our plans, and I eventually had my surgery across the continent in NYC at the hands of a very skilled surgeon, for which I’m grateful...that was our only travel that year. The following year, we decided to leave California for a state more to our liking. My aging parents did too. In the process of the move, mom broke her leg, her arm, her wrist, and her face was black and blue, although no skull or facial fractures. The problem was, this happened just as their moving van was leaving. They ended up having to stay in our home for weeks while she recovered, needed daily help just to take care of herself. So we couldn’t sell the house, and couldn’t travel. We finally got the house on the market in early 2019, and it contracted, and subsequently fell out of escrow five times...each time we had to cancel our trip, thinking we’d need to get the remainder of our belongings out (we left it staged with some minimal furniture). It took until deep autumn before it finally sold. Then of course, Covid hit. The places we intended to visit early on were closed. Once they re-opened, with massive restrictions, reservations were hard to get, and we stayed put. We have a variety of plans for this year, but yesterday one of my follow up tests came back with a less than desirable figure, and I’ll have to have more tests to make sure that the cancer hasn’t returned. The moral of the story is: travel while you can! Eventually, you may not be able to!

Exactly. We are still relatively young and we still had two last minute cancellations of long planned trips. First due to DW having a kidney infection due to stones and then when that trip was rescheduled she was diagnosed with breast cancer a week before we supposed to leave. All is good now and we had a ton of great trips planned for 2020 but Covid saw to those. I am hoping we'll have a few healthy, problem free years in early retirement which is still several years away.

I wish you the best with your test results and health!