I've been reading these forums for about a week and feel like a lot of people posting here may be able to relate to my story. I'm wondering if others have had a similar experience.
My parents are blue collar immigrants from Eastern Europe, who came to the U.S. in the 1960s with no assets and no knowledge of English. My dad was a carpenter, and over the years my mom worked as a seamstress, office cleaner, and food service worker. Like so many before them, they worked like mad, saved like mad, and played by the rules. They bought a two-family house so that someone else (i.e., the tenant in the upstairs apartment) would be paying their mortgage. They denied themselves fancy clothes, dinners out, etc., in order to have a chance at a better tomorrow and it worked. I grew up surrounded by this. By the time I was in high school, their life was pretty comfortable though far from wealthy. It made a huge impression on me. Like a lot of other immigrants, my parents made education a priority. I had a knack for school and loved to read, and good grades and scholarships followed. Ditto for my younger sister.
They taught us a lot of good habits. Live way below your means. Pay off credit card balances every month, with no exceptions. The only debts you should have should be a mortgage and school loans. Never, ever, go into debt for a depreciable asset. I listened.
I'm now 35 years old and a successful attorney. Early retirement has been one of my goals since I was in my late 20s. I had substantial law school loans but lived way below my means for a few years and paid them off way in advance. Once I got rid of my debt I started saving about 40% of my income yearly. I don't flaunt my money. About a year and a half ago, I bought a very nice apartment in Manhattan, and I have since been doing a lot of international travel, while still saving about 25% of my income. This spring I'll be buying a second property as an investment.
A surprising thing has started to happen. I am beginning to feel the envy of people, and in some cases from people who are near and dear to me. Two of my closest friends go out of their way to tell me that I "don't have a life" because I work so hard, even though I think it's clear to anyone who knows me that I'm very happy with my life and am doing what I want. I've always been very driven, but never heard this from them until I began to make money.
While most people who come to my home say all kinds of great things about it (as I do when I visit a friend's new home for the first time), these two have never said a WORD about it, which speaks volumes to me. When I was buying this place, one of them gave me a long speech about how much less I could have paid had I only bought a few years earlier -- when I didn't have the money, and he knew this. It seemed like his goal was simply to make me feel bad about the price I was paying. Of course, he could not have afforded my home even at that earlier, cheaper time. The same guy, who is also a lawyer, asked me recently how much law school debt I still had, and I saw the look of jealousy on his face when I told him I had paid everything off. The other guy regularly says, "So NOW where are you going?," very sarcastically, when I say I am taking a vacation. It hurts sometimes to know that they would like it if I was less prosperous than I am.
I have an older cousin who behaves similarly. He is obsessed with trying to get me to say that I am paid a lot of money for not working very hard. He does this in front of other family members. Why
The fact is that I work really, really hard. Each time he does this, I try to gently explain that it's pretty hard to make a good salary without putting in a lot of hours. I also explain that it's a fact that turnover at large law firms in New York City is pretty high, because a lot of people get burned out by the hours, and that if the jobs were as cushy as he thinks no one would leave. He doesn't want to hear it. He also says things like, "You eat at nice restaurants all the time, don't you?," when I have told him many times that this is not the case because, while it's fun once in a while, it's waste of money I'd rather save or spend on things that matter more to me (like travel).
The last couple of years I have also been getting a lot of "What do YOU care, YOU can afford it," or "It's not like you need the money."
At a wake a few weeks ago, I ran into the mother of a friend of mine from high school who I hadn't seen in about 10 years. I got peppered with questions from her about what I do, where I work, where I live, etc. She then proceeded to tell me how you "get nothing for your money" in Manhattan, and then how much her house was worth. It was truly bizarre.
I am seriously thinking that maybe it's better I don't tell anyone, other than my parents and sister, that I'm buying a second property this spring.
It's not like I was handed what I have. My parents didn't even graduate high school. I had no connections to help me get into the schools I attended, to get the job I have, or to develop business. I don't have trust fund. I haven't inherited any of my money. And yet it is starting to be held against me. I imagine it will only get worse, because I'm not even close to my peak earning years. While most people seem happy for me, it stings a bit to know that some clearly aren't.
Has anyone here had similar experiences?
My parents are blue collar immigrants from Eastern Europe, who came to the U.S. in the 1960s with no assets and no knowledge of English. My dad was a carpenter, and over the years my mom worked as a seamstress, office cleaner, and food service worker. Like so many before them, they worked like mad, saved like mad, and played by the rules. They bought a two-family house so that someone else (i.e., the tenant in the upstairs apartment) would be paying their mortgage. They denied themselves fancy clothes, dinners out, etc., in order to have a chance at a better tomorrow and it worked. I grew up surrounded by this. By the time I was in high school, their life was pretty comfortable though far from wealthy. It made a huge impression on me. Like a lot of other immigrants, my parents made education a priority. I had a knack for school and loved to read, and good grades and scholarships followed. Ditto for my younger sister.
They taught us a lot of good habits. Live way below your means. Pay off credit card balances every month, with no exceptions. The only debts you should have should be a mortgage and school loans. Never, ever, go into debt for a depreciable asset. I listened.
I'm now 35 years old and a successful attorney. Early retirement has been one of my goals since I was in my late 20s. I had substantial law school loans but lived way below my means for a few years and paid them off way in advance. Once I got rid of my debt I started saving about 40% of my income yearly. I don't flaunt my money. About a year and a half ago, I bought a very nice apartment in Manhattan, and I have since been doing a lot of international travel, while still saving about 25% of my income. This spring I'll be buying a second property as an investment.
A surprising thing has started to happen. I am beginning to feel the envy of people, and in some cases from people who are near and dear to me. Two of my closest friends go out of their way to tell me that I "don't have a life" because I work so hard, even though I think it's clear to anyone who knows me that I'm very happy with my life and am doing what I want. I've always been very driven, but never heard this from them until I began to make money.
While most people who come to my home say all kinds of great things about it (as I do when I visit a friend's new home for the first time), these two have never said a WORD about it, which speaks volumes to me. When I was buying this place, one of them gave me a long speech about how much less I could have paid had I only bought a few years earlier -- when I didn't have the money, and he knew this. It seemed like his goal was simply to make me feel bad about the price I was paying. Of course, he could not have afforded my home even at that earlier, cheaper time. The same guy, who is also a lawyer, asked me recently how much law school debt I still had, and I saw the look of jealousy on his face when I told him I had paid everything off. The other guy regularly says, "So NOW where are you going?," very sarcastically, when I say I am taking a vacation. It hurts sometimes to know that they would like it if I was less prosperous than I am.
I have an older cousin who behaves similarly. He is obsessed with trying to get me to say that I am paid a lot of money for not working very hard. He does this in front of other family members. Why
The fact is that I work really, really hard. Each time he does this, I try to gently explain that it's pretty hard to make a good salary without putting in a lot of hours. I also explain that it's a fact that turnover at large law firms in New York City is pretty high, because a lot of people get burned out by the hours, and that if the jobs were as cushy as he thinks no one would leave. He doesn't want to hear it. He also says things like, "You eat at nice restaurants all the time, don't you?," when I have told him many times that this is not the case because, while it's fun once in a while, it's waste of money I'd rather save or spend on things that matter more to me (like travel).The last couple of years I have also been getting a lot of "What do YOU care, YOU can afford it," or "It's not like you need the money."
At a wake a few weeks ago, I ran into the mother of a friend of mine from high school who I hadn't seen in about 10 years. I got peppered with questions from her about what I do, where I work, where I live, etc. She then proceeded to tell me how you "get nothing for your money" in Manhattan, and then how much her house was worth. It was truly bizarre.
I am seriously thinking that maybe it's better I don't tell anyone, other than my parents and sister, that I'm buying a second property this spring.
It's not like I was handed what I have. My parents didn't even graduate high school. I had no connections to help me get into the schools I attended, to get the job I have, or to develop business. I don't have trust fund. I haven't inherited any of my money. And yet it is starting to be held against me. I imagine it will only get worse, because I'm not even close to my peak earning years. While most people seem happy for me, it stings a bit to know that some clearly aren't.
Has anyone here had similar experiences?
![:-\](https://www.early-retirement.org/sk/forums/images/smilies/undecided.gif "Undecided :-\")
