DW Passed Away, 3 months before FIRE. What now?

B

Bree

Recycles dryer sheets
Joined
Apr 18, 2008
Messages
50
I haven't posted for a while... as recently DW suddenly passed away about a month ago from an unknown illness. She was 34.

Our FIRE plan was a real central element in our relationship, and we were a few months away from actually dropping out of the rat race to begin living life on our own terms. But now that she is gone the fire plan and the future just doesn't have the same.

So - I guess I am asking other people who may have had a similar experience if they have any advice on how to get the passion back for life and early retirement that has disappeared so quickly. I'm sure the zest for life will come back in time, but if there are any ideas that people have to get back on my feet a little quicker it would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for you time.
 
I don't have any similar experiences from which to give any advice, but wanted to offer my condolences, Bree. I can't even imagine how hard that must have been.
 
Bree, I don't really have any experience in losing a partner, nor can I offer you any words that will ease your pain. I just want you to know that I am thinking of you at this difficult time. I can't begin to imagine how you are feeling.

I know there are members of this forum who have faced similar circumstances who may be able to offer insight as to how they were able to move forward with living their life.
 
Bree, my condolences. I've had close friends go through loss of spouse. From my perspective as one of "moral supporters":

Don't rush the grieving process.
Do continue with hobby if you have one that you really like.
If you actually retired, get out of the house at least once a day, go for coffee, or to a park. Forces you to get dressed and getting cleaned up.
Pay attention to personal appearance, men tend to ignore self after loss of spouse.
Whatever you found self fulfilling before, keep doing.
It takes time.
 
I'm so sorry. Wow, 34 years old. And the doctors don't know what kind of illness she had? If I were you, I might continue working for a while until you can get your life sorted out. It will certainly help keep you busy. Best of luck.
 
Bree, I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am for your loss....please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
 
My condolences regarding your recent loss.

The above advice not to rush (or even try to control) the grieving process is good, I think. The part of the brain responsible for grieving and the part of the brain responsible for intellectual activity are only loosely connected.

One possibility is to start some project in your wife's memory that you hope will make a measurable positive contribution to the world. This is one way of turning a negative into a positive.

Best wishes!
 
I am so sorry to hear of your loss, Bree. Don't have any words of wisdom, but hopefully UncleMick will give you some insight.
 
oh my...please accept my condolences for your loss.
the best advice i can offer came from a high school friend at a reunion...
every morning, put both feet on the floor and stand up. then go from there.
i'll pass on some advice from my doctor:
just try to remember to eat, sleep, and function as best you can. avoid alcohol.
keep things simple. DO NOT make any big decisions for a while as you are in emotional shock. ask for help if a decision can't wait.
your sense of time and sleep patterns may be disturbed for a while.
grief is very hard work physically. sleep when your body tells you to. remember to eat, even if just small amounts. high protein drinks may help if no appetite.
may i respectfully suggest 1-on-1 grief counseling? it did me a world of good. it helped me steer my ship when the compass and rudder were broken.
friends may give you grief coping books to read. please try to take a look at them, even if it's just the index page.
accept any help or contact offered from close friends. beware of vultures.
savor your memories.
 
Bree, what a terrible blow! My thoughts and prayers are with you. A similar shock happened to my brother. His wife had just retired- not as young as your wife, but young and in good health as far as anyone knew. Six months later she had died from renal cancer.

Now six months beyond her passing he misses her terribly. I talk to him almost every day. I think the one thing he would emphasize is to reach out to anyone you can think of for support. Many, many people will empathize with you, and let you know that they understand your pain, and even do things for you.


Ha
 
Bree, you have my deepest condolences.
I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but you have my thoughts and prayers.
 
Bree , I also lost a spouse and luckily I was still working part time at the time because it gave me a reason to get out of bed .Grieving is hard work so you'll be exhausted for awhile . Be patient with yourself the first year is the hardest . I also went to grief counseling which helped a lot . My counselor gave me one great piece of advice she said this year there are no shoulds and treat yourself well . I am sorry for your loss and as hard as it is to believe your life will go on and you will have happy times again.
 
I am sorry, too...I agree with the idea of continuing to work if there isnt a lot of stress there....I know somebody that is having a really hard time with loss and simply goes head first into their job....
 
Bree:

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My mom died at age 32, and my sister died at age 46, but I can't imagine losing my spouse.

Take it one day at a time. It is VERY important to keep the routines you have had for years and do the things you have always enjoyed doing. Structure works well during times of grief.......best of luck.
 
Bree- I am so sorry. Try to get out and walk or bike and look around as you do this. The outlook and exercise will help your sleep as well as getting sun on your skin. My prayers are with you.
 
So sorry, it's really a shock when one loses their spouse. You will probably be numb for quite some time....sort of in a haze. I think it's the body's way of coping.
 
Terribly sorry, Bree. No advice for you, unfortunately.

God bless.
 
I was in my early 30's when my husband passed on. Luckily we had 2 children so it was imperative for me to function. Below are some of my learnings/

  • The grief never leaves all the way but most times it has become a distant fond memory.
  • Time does heal.
  • Some friends can be a blessing and some fickle as all hell.
  • The sun will come up, the seasons will change and you will heal in your own way and time.
  • Reach out as needed and accept that which is offered.
  • Days and nights do get better.
  • Memories should be cherished.
  • Be careful not to build big walls around yourself and your heart but exercise caution in giving yourself time before getting involved again.
  • Do not let yourself be a target for gold diggers. They are in every community and wear a variety of disguises.
  • Take time with making any major decisions. Give your mind and heart some time to heal and you will make less mistakes.
 
My condolences. I am about your age and could not comprehend losing my spouse anytime soon.

I would not make too many decisions when in an emotional state. Others have said this and I would echo that from personal experience.
 
My condolences. I lost my mother when I was 9 months old. According my father the help of his family members was the key for dealing with it. Good luck and lean on the people around you.
 
I am so sorry to hear your loss. I am also in my early 30s, but don't have any similar experience. It must be horrible, especially since FIRE has been such a central part of your lives together. My condolences.
 
As Notmuchlonger said, lean on the people around you.

I will be thinking of you........
 
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