Make Room for Friends and Family?

My youngest daughter and her family have been living in our basement for two years. It was convenient for them . . . but it's not long convenient for us. We finally kicked them out. They are now in the process of buying their own home. So why didn't they think of that before we gave them the boot? (As if I need to ask.)
 
No question about it. We are living in an unraveling of many of the cushy economic assumptions we acquired post-WW2. A secure middle class retirement is one of them, as is the expectation that wage growth will exceed inflation (and for that matter, the expansion of the middle class). I suspect the nuclear family expectation will continue to be hit some, though we'll never see extended family arrangements come close to pre-WW2 levels.
 
I sure hope family does not try to move in with me. A few years ago a family member begged to move in because otherwise would be HOMELESS! I had to say no and knowing that this person has always expected others to provide handouts and has never had a legitimate job. It was not easy for me to do this, but was the right thing to do.
A couple of years ago the same person contemplated moving in with the parent, but was not happy about the expectations of working around the house and needing to be actively job hunting and not being allowed to drive the cars. The comment was, "you want me to just rot".
This situation has gone on for decades in my family.
 
powerplay said:
I sure hope family does not try to move in with me. A few years ago a family member begged to move in because otherwise would be HOMELESS! I had to say no and knowing that this person has always expected others to provide handouts and has never had a legitimate job. It was not easy for me to do this, but was the right thing to do.
A couple of years ago the same person contemplated moving in with the parent, but was not happy about the expectations of working around the house and needing to be actively job hunting and not being allowed to drive the cars. The comment was, "you want me to just rot".
This situation has gone on for decades in my family.
Click to expand...

I had an uncle who would occasionally live with us when he fell on hard times (got drunk at work and screwed the bosses' wife...)
Finally Mother said: "He goes or I go."
 
Another reason not to have friends and not have communications with your family :whistle: ...

Living together dosen't necessarily mean living well.
 
I wouldn't have any problem with moving back with my parents. It would save all of us money and they have the room since I don't require much. I don't think my mom would mind but my dad isn't crazy about the idea. If my brother lost his job he'd be on the streets within six months if he couldn't find another job so i'm sure my mom would insist that he move back. After my dad is gone my mom will likely live on for at least 20 more years. She has a partial disability that will get worse as she ages so I will almost certainly have to move back with her at some point to help her since no one in the family will be able to afford to pay 4-figures a month for someone else to care for her.
 
Here in Paradise such living arrangements are common and expected. Part of it is the dominant Asian culture and part is simple economics. Next door to us, in a 2BR appt. of 1000 sf lives a couple and their two adult daughters. The parents take the "big" BR, one daughter takes the small BR and the third daughter takes the LR. The hallway is for "storage". The kitchen comfortably holds one person at a time and the Lanai is the dining room/living room/commons area.

Met a renter on the elevator the other day. He was complaining because his first attempt to move into the building was unsuccessful because his landlord would not allow 4 people to live in a similar appt. Apparently, he found a LL who would allow it. My guess is the four pay a total of $2000/mo for the privilege.

Many of our friends have one or both parents living either in attached or detached "ohana" (family) quarters.

We've tried to make it clear to our kids that they are welcome to visit - but don't plan on moving in!!:angel:
 
rescueme said:
Another reason not to have friends and not have communications with your family :whistle: ...

Living together dosen't necessarily mean living well.
Click to expand...

I only could stand coexisting when I was young because there was no alternative.
 
Not really economy related, but we lived with my MIL in her 2 bdr apt for a few months in the mid 80's - I kinda underestimated how long it would take to finish building our house and our apt lease expired, so we moved in with her. It wasn't the best situation, but it was tolerable.

Now she's into her 80's living alone - occasionally I think about the old days in her apt and get the feeling that someday she's going to move in with us.
 
It would depend on which family and which friends. There are some I could live with short term quite well. And it goes without saying that I would open my door readily to my son at any time or my dear aunt, or one or two of the inlaws and the outlaws, as well as a couple of stalwart friends. I figure, there are times in my life when others have extended a helping hand to me...and I am grateful and feel that I should pay it forward if given the opportunity. My dad always used to say..."Don't say you don't need anybody, we all need other people".
 
There are a number of family members I could sucessfully live with for an extended period of time. And some I could not...

It will be interesting to see how things go later this month when my FIL arrives for a week plus visit, especially considering that we just adopted two 13 week old puppies and he is not a dog person. DW is planning on suffesting that he use the camper as guest quarters so at least he will not get overrun by kids and dogs.
 
brewer12345 said:
There are a number of family members I could sucessfully live with for an extended period of time. And some I could not...

It will be interesting to see how things go later this month when my FIL arrives for a week plus visit, especially considering that we just adopted two 13 week old puppies and he is not a dog person. DW is planning on suffesting that he use the camper as guest quarters so at least he will not get overrun by kids and dogs.
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I have my doubts. If this gains traction, might it not be difficult to spend Thanksgiving relative-free?

Ha
 
Family? No way. :nonono:

Friends? Maybe...only if they are employed and paid me 6 months living expenses upfront. Or really cute. :LOL:

I am all alone in my house now, and even though I can easily afford it and manage my home's maintenace, I am contemplating having a roommate in the near future. :cool:
 
freebird5825 said:
I am all alone in my house now, and even though I can easily afford it and manage my home's maintenace, I am contemplating having a roommate in the near future. :cool:
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A Bostonian??
 
DW has a friend who moved into a 55+ adult community, one of the reasons she cited was that the community has a strict policy that guests are only allowed for up to 2 weeks, she didn't want her son to move back in...
 
I think the comments in this thread only suggest that economic conditions aren't yet desperate enough (for most of us) to accept what we don't want....
 
I'd hate to have others living with us but I'd certainly do it if someone was in hardship and had no alternative.
 
I have been telling my boys since they were old enough to understand that at 18 they were adults and it was expected that they leave. Now, we've told them that the house will always welcome them home during breaks from college, military leave and the like, but living here on anything like a permanent basis will be off limits.

Sure the economy is tough, but I am an optimist. Their are opportunities out there and things will get better. I think all this talk about the end of the middle class retirement is just that. Talk. Will SS go away or change fundamentally? Probably. Will cushy pensions be a thing of the past? Maybe. But who ERs now? Motivated savers and investors and people smart enough to get a job with a cushy pension while the getting is good for the most part. I think those that are predisposed to ER will do it no matter what.
 
DW has a friend who moved into a 55+ adult community, one of the reasons she cited was that the community has a strict policy that guests are only allowed for up to 2 weeks, she didn't want her son to move back in...
Click to expand...

One of our neighbors did that, too.

Living in an expensive area realistically many of the adult children of friends and neighbors don't move out permanently until their mid to late 20s simply because they can't afford it. I know of a few families with kids either still at home or, because of the economy, back at home now in their 30s and 40s.
 
ziggy29 said:
I think the comments in this thread only suggest that economic conditions aren't yet desperate enough (for most of us) to accept what we don't want....
Click to expand...

Good point. It would have to get much, much worse than this for hubby and I to allow anyone to move in with us. We have the space just not the will. Hubby has been through this during previous marriages and the subject is like kriptonite (sp) to him. Me, well lets just say I grew up part of a large family in a modest sized home. No real space or privacy. I Love ratteling around in this big house, just the two of us. Love the quiet and would be very reluctant to give that up.
 
We've had friends live with us frequently over the years, more often when we lived at the beach, but we had to boot out a buddy after a year of living with us last November. Once out, he managed to find a job, a girlfriend, and a place to live. Never had that motivation when he was cooling it in our spare room!

We're okay with friends but not relatives, I think. We have plenty of room and lots of chores to do with all these cats and dogs. I'm hoping to build a cottage and find a friend to live there so we can travel more in coming years.
 
We have our 21 daughter and our 2 yr old granddaughter living with us while her DH is in Afghanistan. They are buying their house in Chula Vista CA and it is sitting empty right now. We did not want her and our granddaughter living alone that far away. We are in WV. Things have been going pretty well for the most part. Yesterday, they were not so good, but you will have that, I guess. I love having them here. It will be bittersweet when they go back home the beginning of March. My DH and I will get our life back, but we will miss them terribly.
 
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