OMG! Happily Retired in OH. Who knew?

[Co2012]

Hello,

I hope I'm writing this in the correct place--If not sorry. I'm trying to learn to move around in here.

I have been a long time watcher of this board. I retired two years ago in my mid 50's. Received a lot of great advise from here which made my transition easier and people seemed so eager to guide you toward the light. Even though it's been two years, there is still a lot I don't know (regarding investing, etc) so I will keep reading and learning.

But one thing I am sure of is this: OMG! I never knew retirement would be so wonderful! I thank God everyday. Whenever I sit down with a book or pick up a crochet needle, I feel a big smile on my face. What bliss.

The only problem I'm having is keeping my big mouth shut about how happy I am. To my surprise, some of my still working friends seems to get an attitude. My retired friends, who did not prepare at all for retirement, get upset because I am not struggling. I did not think I was bragging, but maybe I was. So I'm learning to say nothing--but I'm still smiling inside.

 

[growing_older]

Welcome. Glad you are having such as great time.

 

[NW-Bound]

You wrote: "OMG! Happily Retired in OH. Who knew?"

Is there any reason to prevent one from being happily retired in Ohio, vs. in Colorado, or North Dakota, or any other place, I am curious?

Welcome aboard and brag all you want about retiring as you like. We have been bragging about retirement here, and it's been going on for a long time.

 

[omni550]

Welcome, Co2012 and congrats!

Feel free to express as much happiness and delight as you'd like, as here you are with a like-minded crowd.


omni

 

[Major Tom]

Welcome Co2012.

It's common to experience some envy or misunderstanding from people are not in the situation you are. Threads on this subject pop up here from time to time. Another commonly-occurring (and very similar) topic of conversation is the attitudes of those who have little in savings towards people like us, who do have savings and investments. It's just something you get used to. I'd rather be in the position that I am and experience some envy or even a non-civil attitude from someone who hasn't planned ahead, than be in the same boat as that person.

From time to time, I get comments along the lines of, "You don't understand what it's like for me - you're rich. People like you don't understand what it's like for us."

Sure I understand. I understood that so well when I was younger that I was motivated to save and invest.

 

[Walt34]

The only problem I'm having is keeping my big mouth shut about how happy I am. To my surprise, some of my still working friends seems to get an attitude.

As the others wrote it's a common reaction among those who didn't plan ahead for retirement or whose life circumstances didn't allow them to. I had to learn the same thing.

 

[ls99]

Clearly the OP is miguided. Hard work, huge debts are the American way of life.

Hehe, heh, just kidding. Welcome and enjoy the good life. Do ignore the naysayers.

 

[Live And Learn]

I love reading success stories, so thank you for posting !

Enjoy your bliss - you've earned it !

 

[gozer]

My wife's favorite quote is something along the lines of, "You can't envy me for what I have, unless you chose to make the same sacrifices I did to get where I am."

 

[LazyErik]

Congrats! People on this board won' hold it against you. It is one of the few safe places to talk about ER.
Ohio is nice, I miss SE OH in the autumn.

 

[Co2012]

Thanks for your kind words. When I said I was happily retired in Ohio, I just wanted to let people know where I'm from. I don't think Ohio is better than anywhere else. In fact, I'm seriously considering moving to Florida in one of those retirement communities. I have relatives who have done that and let them tell it, it's the way to go. What I was shocked about is how reasonable their beautiful homes were. They got some really good buys when the market was down. Wish I had gotten in on it.

 

[NW-Bound]

When I said I was happily retired in Ohio, I just wanted to let people know where I'm from. I don't think Ohio is better than anywhere else...

Oh, I thought you meant the reverse, that people would not believe one could be happily retired in Ohio. I have been there for work, and another time to take my son to see the AirForce Museum in Dayton.


Just teasing... It's what I usually do 'round here.

 

[LitGal]

Welcome Co2012.

It's common to experience some envy or misunderstanding from people are not in the situation you are. Threads on this subject pop up here from time to time. Another commonly-occurring (and very similar) topic of conversation is the attitudes of those who have little in savings towards people like us, who do have savings and investments. It's just something you get used to. I'd rather be in the position that I am and experience some envy or even a non-civil attitude from someone who hasn't planned ahead, than be in the same boat as that person.

From time to time, I get comments along the lines of, "You don't understand what it's like for me - you're rich. People like you don't understand what it's like for us."

Sure I understand. I understood that so well when I was younger that I was motivated to save and invest.

+1. Throughout all the years of LBYM, peers sometimes looked at me as if I was a bit daft for not trying to "keep up with the Jones's" latest fads. (As a "school marm," one doesn't need to be a fashion plate.)

But now, suddenly, people treat me as if I'm independently wealthy......and there has been no observable change in our lifestyle.

I think it's just because we don't go to work anymore. We certainly don't look rich! (We just planned long and hard so that "work" would no longer interfere with/rob? precious years of our lives.)

 

[Co2012]

LitGal

I can relate to what you are saying so well. I, too, am from the school system. I also lived a simple lifestyle. While my friends were living large and calling me cheap, I was dong all I could to prepare me and my husband for retirement

I tried so hard to get my friends to listen to me and to try to save something but to no avail and now they tell me they are sorry they did not listen. Sometimes I feel like Noah from Noah's Ark. Only one friend did listen and she thanks me all of the time.

People do look at you like you are rich. I was talking to a friend on the phone and just out of the blue she says, "Will you give me $200?" It was so unexpected I just burst out laughing. I didn't give it her but I did lend it to her. But it's my family that is hitting me up and sometimes it's hard to say no.

 

[Major Tom]

People do look at you like you are rich. I was talking to a friend on the phone and just out of the blue she says, "Will you give me $200?" It was so unexpected I just burst out laughing. I didn't give it her but I did lend it to her. But it's my family that is hitting me up and sometimes it's hard to say no.

I don't get that often but it does happen occasionally. I get comments from friends who are hard-up along the lines of, "Well, you have all that money" (translation = "why can't you give me some?") There is no use me trying to explain that instead of thinking of it as a big chunk of money to be spent, I think of it as a guaranteed income stream equal to approximately 2.5% of the total (which in nearly all cases, is less than they make).

Luckily, it doesn't happen all that often.

 

[LitGal]

LitGal

I can relate to what you are saying so well. I, too, am from the school system. I also lived a simple lifestyle. While my friends were living large and calling me cheap, I was dong all I could to prepare me and my husband for retirement

I tried so hard to get my friends to listen to me and to try to save something but to no avail and now they tell me they are sorry they did not listen. Sometimes I feel like Noah from Noah's Ark. Only one friend did listen and she thanks me all of the time.

People do look at you like you are rich. I was talking to a friend on the phone and just out of the blue she says, "Will you give me $200?" It was so unexpected I just burst out laughing. I didn't give it her but I did lend it to her. But it's my family that is hitting me up and sometimes it's hard to say no.

Dear Co2012,

Not to hijack this thread, but you do bring up another challenge DH and I have been facing, but never anticipated: being misperceived by others as "deep pockets." As a kid growing up, from a limited income family, I was accustomed to having to make my way on my own...ALWAYS. I worked my way through college, supplementing scholarships. (See "Should Be a Fun Walk Down Memory Lane "in "What was your occupation?" thread.) I got out with little to no debt, but also knew how to live on $5/wk. for groceries. I didn't go to anyone asking (or hinting) for $. (Even if that was way back in the '70's.)

DH and I were blessed with good jobs and good professional reputations, but only because we were seen as some of the hardest workers/best employees in our workplaces. Though our salaries were definitely middle class, they allowed us to RE, but only when combined with 35+ years of LBYM, DIY, and old-fashioned saving/investing.......all self-taught.

Personally, I'd never been around these broad hints/direct or indirect appeals for $ (or outright purchases for somebody); but now they are a regular annoyance. I'd never dreamed of doing that myself. Maybe financially comfortable people have always been subjected to these hints/requests/appeals..........but I never was (maybe because no one perceived me as any kind of "deep pocket"?). But that has certainly changed.

So-- again, without hijacking-- do any of the readers/posters here have diplomatic, yet effective, replies for stopping those who hint/request/appeal for $ (or purchases they would like us to make for them)?

So far, my best remedy is to laugh them off as jokes.

 

[Walt34]

So-- again, without hijacking-- do any of the readers/posters here have diplomatic, yet effective, replies for stopping those who hint/request/appeal for $ (or purchases they would like us to make for them)?

Yes. "No." Repeat as necessary.

If they persist I have no reservations about reminding them that they made difference choices than we did. It helps to remind oneself of those different choices and the predictably different outcomes.

 

[Calico]

Lit Gal,

I make absolutely no attempt to be diplomatic when (on rare occasions) friends or family expect me to pay their way/give them money. IMHO, it is ignorant of them to ask in the first place. My savings are a result of a lifetime of LBYM, while they were spending everything they had and then some.

I go straight for effective - no muss, no fuss - I say the word "NO" firmly.

I have never once had someone ask a second time.

The first time might be hard, but trust me - it gets easier every time. Good luck!

 

[Bestwifeever]

.... So-- again, without hijacking-- do any of the readers/posters here have diplomatic, yet effective, replies for stopping those who hint/request/appeal for $ (or purchases they would like us to make for them)?...

Probably the most effective thing is to never have let on that you're comfortable financially in the first place, no matter if family or friends ask or assume you are. We haven't had personal appeals for money but it is easy to cut fund raisers, sales people trying to talk you into some upgrade, friends who suggest travel that you really just don't want to do, etc., by simply saying "but we're retired so we're on a fixed income!" (In a shocked voice if appropriate), with no other explanation. People usually don't have a comeback for that, and they don't need to know if it's really fixed or that it might way exceed your expenses. They might even offer you money

 

[Co2012]

I wonder if anyone else feel a sense of guilt when saying no. Is there any circumstance when you will say yes. Like someone getting their utilities shut off. I get that a lot. For many years people have always asked us for money. I thought in retirement it would get better but now it is worse. I tell them I am on a fixed income but apparently no one wants to believe it. I think it is because my husband had his own business and we have rental property. If you have your own business for whatever reason, people assume you are rich. The same if you have rental property. They are just not getting the true picture as they cannot see all that is involved in each. And if you are successful in either, it took a lot of time, stress and effort and you deserve anything you get out of it.

We have always kept a low profile, although we could have afforded much better in most things we just never went that route. In fact my real estate agent was upset with me for not buying a much more expensive home. But I just did not want this. She is still urging me to buy a Mercedes as a retirement present for myself (Why? I don't even like the car). Why is it so hard for people to believe that you can be content without all of the frills? I get so tired of trying to explain to people why I don't want to take a cruise or travel and even have the nerve to feel embarrassed by it. I am content doing exactly what I am doing--crafting, reading, writing, shopping, volunteering, hanging out with friends, bowling, even part-time on line work. I'm doing me. Maybe not the most exciting retiree but this is all that I am.

 

[seraphim]

I'd tell them straight out I have some investments designed to see me through life, and I need to be careful with them so I don't die in poverty, mooching money off of other people.

Seriously, you need to be careful because you a have no idea what the economy will do to your investments.

 

[Walt34]

I wonder if anyone else feel a sense of guilt when saying no. Is there any circumstance when you will say yes. Like someone getting their utilities shut off.

Actually, no. I had one relative ask for $5k for a bankruptcy attorney's fee. I said no because she didn't need $5K. What she needed was $200k and I certainly wasn't going to give her that much. Given her history of bad financial decisions and broken promises to "pay it back" for other loans from other family members it was pretty easy. By the time the dust settled we'd have been out $5k and it wouldn't have changed the outcome one bit so I just didn't see the point in it.

We can see another one coming up with the SIL I've referred to here as "Spendarina". She can't stand to see a dollar in the bank, her "emergency fund" is $500, and the solution to every "I wanna..." is charge it or take out a loan. Her DH works 60-70 hours/week so a lot of their income is from overtime and that of course won't continue when he is exhausted from overwork and simply cannot continue. They sneered at us last year when we put $1,600 into DW's 11-year-old car for maintenance/repair stuff instead of buying a new car, but we haven't had to do a thing to it since. They're making two car payments and she buys another new car as soon as she can make the payments on it. I doubt she's ever kept a car long enough to replace the tires. Gotta have that $4k vacation every year plus several three-day beach getaways, prime season of course, lots of restaurant meals, shopping, etc. Get the picture?

Remember the fable of the ant and the grasshopper? There is the kid's version and the adult version. In the adult version the grasshopper froze to death.

In real life she can get assistance from... wherever. If she has to jump through all those public assistance hoops for heat in the winter I will have no sympathy whatsoever. We are not paying for their beach vacations.

 

[Calico]

I wonder if anyone else feel a sense of guilt when saying no. Is there any circumstance when you will say yes. Like someone getting their utilities shut off. I get that a lot. For many years people have always asked us for money. I thought in retirement it would get better but now it is worse. I tell them I am on a fixed income but apparently no one wants to believe it. I think it is because my husband had his own business and we have rental property. If you have your own business for whatever reason, people assume you are rich. The same if you have rental property. They are just not getting the true picture as they cannot see all that is involved in each. And if you are successful in either, it took a lot of time, stress and effort and you deserve anything you get out of it.

We have always kept a low profile, although we could have afforded much better in most things we just never went that route. In fact my real estate agent was upset with me for not buying a much more expensive home. But I just did not want this. She is still urging me to buy a Mercedes as a retirement present for myself (Why? I don't even like the car). Why is it so hard for people to believe that you can be content without all of the frills? I get so tired of trying to explain to people why I don't want to take a cruise or travel and even have the nerve to feel embarrassed by it. I am content doing exactly what I am doing--crafting, reading, writing, shopping, volunteering, hanging out with friends, bowling, even part-time on line work. I'm doing me. Maybe not the most exciting retiree but this is all that I am.

Your retirement sounds EXACTLY like the one I am looking forward to in a few years (right down to the bowling!) but minus the on line work.

As for exceptions to pleas for money - if hungry children were involved, I would buy food for the children, but I would not give the parents money. That is the only one I can think of, and I did that a few times many years ago for the children of a family member.

You have nothing to feel guilty about and you don't owe anyone anything. I think Bestwifeever's comment about "we're on a fixed income" is perfect.

 

[Calico]

I'd tell them straight out I have some investments designed to see me through life, and I need to be careful with them so I don't die in poverty, mooching money off of other people.

HAHA! Priceless.

 

[Cassius King]

It's fairly easy for me. As soon as that question is raised, I immediately think of all the hard work and sacrifices I made to be in this situation. While I was eating leftovers and doing things around the house. Not buying a new car every five years. Not eating out 5 nights a week.
We have the same income. I just chose to save and have some delayed gratification, while you wanted all of it immediately. I sacrificed for my wife, kids and myself, not for your overspending ways.