Embarrassed and guilty when asked...

[Major Tom]

Yes, what FIREd said. I stopped work at 45 and began portfolio withdrawals at 47. For the first year or two, my response was something long the lines of, "I'm not working right now." It gradually morphed to, "I don't work" to the current, and probably final, version, which is, "I'm retired" (I'm now 53, going on 54).

Find something to say which you're comfortable with but, as others have said, why the shame? I can understand perhaps feeling a bit sheepish, but shame seems a bit strong. If you're that ashamed of yourself, perhaps you should go back to work?

Aaaah, I see - you're not that ashamed

 

[cbo111]

I just say long term unemployed and looking for a loan. That moves the conversation along.

Thats a good one!
I usually respond with "Why aren't you retired too? What happened?" That definitely moves the conversation along.

 

[Winemaker]

"Right now, I make wine and money right now, not necessarily in that order."

 

[Dawg52]

I retired at 52 and got some of those questions in the early years. Now that I'm 63.... not so much. But I still get the 'what do you do all day' question. Some just flat out say they would be bored. I put it back on them and say or imply that I pity them. Ha.

 

[gayl]

Private wealth manager.

But I like IWP's response better.

love it!

 

[friar1610]

I'm old enough (and old enough looking) that nobody blinks now when I say I'm retired. But 14 years ago (when I looked a little younger) I just used to say I was a retired naval officer. For some reason people are more accepting of people being early retired if it's from the military.

 

[Big_Hitter]

Anybody else feels the same?

played in the member/guest with a guy from Bend who's retired - he's maybe 45? He was one of Amazon's first 20 employees....

We were envious if anything lol!

 

[MarieIG]

Hmmm, there are plenty of people sitting in jail looking at each other asking "what are you in for" and they are not embarrassed. There are people who plot and plan to be on public assistance simply because they don't want to work, and they are not embarrassed. And there are people who are willing to take 1.5 percent of your entire retirement income, and they are not embarrassed. And you are embarrassed?

 

[David1961]

I never felt ashamed, but I found some people were more uncomfortable with it.

 

[truenorth418]

I was a little self conscious about it when I first retired at age 47. I did not want people to be jealous or uncomfortable. But after a few years that feeling wore off and now I just tell people the truth and if they don’t like it that’s their problem. If they press and ask specific questions I just say it was something I had wanted to do and planned for a long time and leave it at that.

 

[Texas Proud]

You know that I have had very few people ask me what I do... I am a bit surprised that it does not happen...


Now, I do know that my DDs soccer coach asked her one time how we can afford to go on so many vacations.... her response was 'I don't know'...

The few times I have been asked, it is usually like 'what do you do for a living' and I just say 'I was an accountant'.... and do not give any more details...

 

[SAtoUS]

Doesn't bother me a bit. It bothers me when I say I quit work at 56, rather than 46...

Well, 20/20 right... still better than working until 66 It can always be worst.

My goal was to FIRE at 40, that I missed by 7 years. I'm still very grateful and consider myself extremely fortunate that everything worked out for me, so I could stop at age 47.

 

[SAtoUS]

Why do you think you feel ashamed?

Because often people that ask, HAVE to still work and also have a hard time making ends meet. Most people live paycheck-to-paycheck. They have bills, kids, mortgages, etc.

I feel awkward and self-conscious because I don't have their problems. Often these people will have to work FOREVER. For them, to be FIRE at 46 is a dream that will never happen.

https://www.cnbc.com/2017/06/13/heres-how-many-americans-have-nothing-at-all-saved-for-retirement.html

According to a 2016 GOBankingRates survey, 35 percent of all adults in the U.S. have only several hundred dollars in their savings accounts, 34 percent have zero savings and about half of U.S. families have no retirement account savings.

 

[Milton]

I feel awkward and self-conscious because I don't have their problems.

What about the opposite sex? Or people who are older or younger than you? Etc.

We all have different problems: some due to our own past choices, some not. But there is no need to feel awkward about this: it's just a part of human society.

The older I get, the less self-conscious I feel about anything.

 

[scrabbler1]

In the first few months after I retired nearly 9 years ago at age 45, I felt a little uncomfortable about telling others beyond my immediate circle that I was retired. But that wore off pretty quickly!

 

[Luck_Club]

Because often people that ask, HAVE to still work and also have a hard time making ends meet. Most people live paycheck-to-paycheck. They have bills, kids, mortgages, etc.

I feel awkward and self-conscious because I don't have their problems. Often these people will have to work FOREVER. For them, to be FIRE at 46 is a dream that will never happen.


According to a 2016 GOBankingRates survey, 35 percent of all adults in the U.S. have only several hundred dollars in their savings accounts, 34 percent have zero savings and about half of U.S. families have no retirement account savings.

You have truly captured my feeling of guilt. I have friends and acquaintances that range from about 48-60+. Over the past two years as I've come to the realization that I'm almost done, I realized none are retired or close to being done. Some may be by choice, but most I suspect are out of necessity.

One day the wife and I were walking the dog when we ran into a neighbor who was practically suicidal because he had to file for SS, because no one would hire him. Few months later he had gotten his realtor license.

 

[Kristinia]

This is a funny and timely thread. I ‘retired’ one month ago this week. Now when I say retired it is more semi - retired. I am consulting pt to help get my replacement so not quite retired. I have struggled with that word and I honesty don’t know why. My DH is very proud of me and does not hesitate to tell everyone I am retired and how jealous he is of my time. And I too worried about what I would do all day long but, as someone said in an earlier post, the day absolutely flies by. It is an amazing feeling to be sitting here, drinking my coffee without dread of what the day will hold for me. Now sometimes I look back on my work days and wonder if I miss it and then it does not take but a second for me to say no. I don’t miss being stuck in an office trying to move the needle for the company and finding that it does not move. I am still looking for my purpose but am enjoying the journey of discovery on my terms. Soooo be proud to say you are retired. You earned it - no one gave it to you and the freedom is your reward. Let’s find a way to finally not care what others think of our life and how we live it. We worried so much about what others thought most of our life so ‘retire’ those thoughts and embrace this new way of life...IMHO

 

[Racer X]

When I first retired about 18 months ago at age 47, I was very embarrassed and guilty telling anyone. Typically if someone is asking you what you do for a living, they don't know you, and are trying to make conversation. Telling the average person you're retired is about the same as telling them you're from Mars. It's unexpected, strange, and they're left a little dumbfounded with the answer. Telling them you're "out of work" leads to a lot of unsolicited advice and/or assistance in finding a job - which, while kind, I surely do not want or need. As more of my close friends have found out about my retirement, I've become a bit more comfortable telling people, but it can still lead to awkward moments. It can also be extremely fun when the neighborhood know-it-all blowhard is bragging about their new leased Mercedes, and mockingly asks "how's your job going?" But those moments are the exception, in my experience.

 

[Nemo2]

about the same as telling them you're from Mars.

So that's why I get those askance looks!

 

[audreyh1]

I retired so young that it could be a bit awkward at times. I wasn't embarrassed or ashamed, but I did sometimes have to deal with the other person's shocked reaction. Usually along the lines of "but you're too young to retire!" I avoided disclosure of our work-free status for that reason so it would only come up if asked directly. I never gave an excuse such as some consultant or wealth manager or implication we planned to resume employment in the near future. I did try to be gentle with other folks whose minds were blown.

Now, 18 years later, we are a bit older and early retirement is not quite so shocking to others. That we are retired rarely comes up anyway. Few folks around here, even strangers, discuss working life which is wonderful.

 

[inky]

I get it, OP. I'm 48. Saying I'm Retired to people outside immediate family and friends invites more discussion than I'm going to want to have. No, I don't want to have a whole discussion about my finances, and why I'm not "working" and what I do all day with people I don't know very well.

Totally agree. I retired at 43 two years ago. I dread the awkward moment in conversation when the question of what I do comes up. Telling people I'm retired generally provokes a uncomfortable response such as disbelief, envy, or excessive curiosity. I have experimented with saying "I manage investments," but that prompts nosy questions too. Usually now I say something like "I'm a software engineer, but I'm taking a break from my work right now to travel and learn Spanish."

Once I hit 50 I'll probably become more open about my retired status.

 

[Bryan Barnfellow]

Questioner: So, Bryan, what do you do?
Me: I'm retired
Questioner: But you're too young to be retired.
Me: Hey, thanks! My wife and I worked very hard to go over the wall early.
Questioner: So, what do you do all day?
Me: Well, get yourself FIREd and find out for yourself.

-BB

 

[brett]

Not embarrassed. Don't really care what anyone else thinks. They will think what they think no matter what we say.

We have friends who were quite curious as to whether we had spent all of our home equity after selling, then travelling extensively, and subsequently renting for four years. We keep our financial affairs to ourselves. Our two children do not know what our financial situation is. They do not need to.

We are very fortunate. Both children through post secondary, very independent, and on their way. We have universal healthcare so this was not a consideration for early retirement. We really only have to worry about us and where our next extended trip will lead us.

 

[CardsFan]

I had a neighbor several years ago that retired in his early 40's. When asked what he did for a living, the answer started with... "Well, I worked for Apple in the 90's...". Enough said

 

[Nemo2]

Saying "Sshhh, they might be listening" can be effective.