Advice for telling your parents or other important family members

[Lorenzo]

The only opinion that is important to me is DW's opinion.

I don't think the issue here is others being judgmental as much it is parents or close family members being concerned for your well-being. Maybe it's a generational thing. My parents who lived through the Great Depression likely would not have believed my retirement plan was conservative enough, no matter what I showed them FIRECalc or other tool said. Maybe their thinking would have been something along the lines of, "If you have to run these calculator tools to decide whether you have enough to retire, you don't have enough to retire." Perhaps similar to the old line, "If you have to ask how much it costs, you can't afford it."

 

[iloveyoga]

I imagine this topic has been covered in a number of ways already, however I'm interested to know how people framed the subject of early retirement with their parents?

I'm 55 & my folks are in their early 80s. My father is the penny-pinching spreadsheet cruncher & my mother, the worry wart and continuous doer i.e. always with a list of things she has to do. They both worked into their 70s!

I've soft launched the idea with them on a few occasions & it's usually been met with raised eyebrows and an incredulous look.

Maybe this is all in my head, but how did people get significant family members to understand? Or is it just a lost cause in many cases?

I just told them, and I don't remember being worried about their reaction. I think they were happy I would have more time to hang out with them. DH had retired first, so that helped.

 

[PlayinwithFIRE]

You say -

Mom, Dad ...thank you for modelling for me what hard working, independent and financially savvy people are like-it was lessons well learned. All this has resulted in me being able to retire earlier than expected with enough savings to last a lifetime. I'm looking forward to having more free-time, some of which I hope to be spending with you.

PWF

 

[Koolau]

You say -

Mom, Dad ...thank you for modelling for me what hard working, independent and financially savvy people are like-it was lessons well learned. All this has resulted in me being able to retire earlier than expected with enough savings to last a lifetime. I'm looking forward to having more free-time, some of which I hope to be spending with you.

PWF

My mom and dad w*rked hard and were pretty careful with their money but they never owned an "investment" - not so much as a CD. So they taught me to save but not to invest (saving in the bank was their idea of investment).

 

[prudent_one]

I just told people I was laid off. I didn't want to hear snide remarks from friends and family about how rich I must be to retire early when I was the only one who didn't squander money.

 

[Koolau]

I just told people I was laid off. I didn't want to hear snide remarks from friends and family about how rich I must be to retire early when I was the only one who didn't squander money.

I guess at the first snide comment you could warn the offending party that you won't talk about their wasteful and profligate ways if they don't chide you for being flush because you denied yourself and saved.

 

[HI Bill]

My father (and most people I talked to)...said something like "can you afford to?" or "How will you afford insurance?". When I told my father I had enough saved to spend more in retirement than I was while w$rking, he seemed to accept the notion. He just wanted to make sure I wasn't making a mistake.

 

[Koolau]

My father (and most people I talked to)...said something like "can you afford to?" or "How will you afford insurance?". When I told my father I had enough saved to spend more in retirement than I was while w$rking, he seemed to accept the notion. He just wanted to make sure I wasn't making a mistake.

I just wish my parents had been there to see me retire early. Good on your dad for his concern. My parents were supportive but I doubt they would have understood anyone WANTING to retire "so early."

 

[indiajust]

I'm picking up the same subtext as Romer. Take a walk and do some pondering.

 

[davidfin]

I imagine this topic has been covered in a number of ways already, however I'm interested to know how people framed the subject of early retirement with their parents?

I'm 55 & my folks are in their early 80s. My father is the penny-pinching spreadsheet cruncher & my mother, the worry wart and continuous doer i.e. always with a list of things she has to do. They both worked into their 70s!

I've soft launched the idea with them on a few occasions & it's usually been met with raised eyebrows and an incredulous look.

Maybe this is all in my head, but how did people get significant family members to understand? Or is it just a lost cause in many cases?

Instead, try asking for advice. Include them in your thinking. Although your mind is made up, they’ll appreciate being asked and they’ll feel you respect their history and experience.

 

[Koolau]

Instead, try asking for advice. Include them in your thinking. Although your mind is made up, they’ll appreciate being asked and they’ll feel you respect their history and experience.

I like your idea. It hadn't occurred to me.

 

[MarieIG]

My parents passed before we retired. I would have discussed my retirement with them ahead of time to allay any concerns. Due to the loyalty and support my parents provided, I would not retired had they been in need of support (which turned out to be not the case in any event.)

 

[PatrickW]

I just told my relatives that I got laid off. That headed off a LOT of “he’s lucky and got money” kinda problems…

 

[Stormy Kromer]

My dad was a great guy but a financial wreck. I loaned him money when I was 21 to help him pay his bills. He was always a bit stand offish towards me because he lost financial power over me the day I graduated high school and moved out of the house. He was a great guy, but not with money.

 

[Happy Homebody]

I have been quiet with my finances with my mom. Since my husband and I have been frugal in order to be able to retire early, our relatives assume we don't have much money.

I have not bothered to correct them. Most of my family is not good with money, has low paying jobs or both. I feel like as soon as it was discovered I had money, there would be pressure to share the wealth.

So I haven't mentioned that I recently retired. I am not sure I will either.