Age-gap relationships and ER

[Focus]

About six years after ER, I had to deal with a totally unexpected divorce. I really doubted that at that stage of life, especially after being attached to one person for nearly 20 years, I'd couple up again. Nevertheless, I ventured into online dating, feeling very much like a Rip Van Winkle. What a surreal, dysfunctional world that was. However, against all odds, I eventually connected with my current wonderful partner and we've now been happily together nearly three years.

There's a substantial age gap -- more than two decades -- something neither of us experienced before. Since I'm confident we'll remain together, I now envision a very different future than when I retired.

For example, travel. My partner is just starting a second career and gets only two weeks of vacation a year. After ER, I pursued extended stays overseas, but that's no longer possible. We're taking a couple of short trips together and that's great, but I feel the clock ticking and I'd like to do more while it's still possible. My partner says it's OK if I take a couple of other trips with friends, but I have not yet figured out how to make that happen.

One unforeseen plus on the financial side: Being with a much younger partner has eliminated any concern about RMDs (as long as we get married before I turn 75), since the IRS tables for age-gap couples greatly reduce the required withdrawal amount.

If you're part of an age-gap couple, I'd love to hear about what challenges you've faced and surmounted, plus any advantages you've discovered.

 

[braumeister]

Not an age gap couple, but a slightly similar situation. My wife wanted to keep working after I retired, just because she enjoyed both the work and the people. The social aspect was very important to her.
So I did a lot of solo travel in addition to our joint trips on her vacation time. If you're comfortable traveling by yourself, that could be an option. My wife was happy to let me do that. It was easy for me, because we married late and I was very comfortable with solo travel. When she finally retired, over ten years later, we could start doing big trips together, and that was wonderful. It also allowed me to pick great locations and travel arrangements for us because I was already familiar with them from my solo travel.

 

[Focus]

Not an age gap couple, but a slightly similar situation. My wife wanted to keep working after I retired, just because she enjoyed both the work and the people. The social aspect was very important to her.
So I did a lot of solo travel in addition to our joint trips on her vacation time. If you're comfortable traveling by yourself, that could be an option. My wife was happy to let me do that. It was easy for me, because we married late and I was very comfortable with solo travel. When she finally retired, over ten years later, we could start doing big trips together, and that was wonderful. It also allowed me to pick great locations and travel arrangements for us because I was already familiar with them from my solo travel.

My partner currently isn't comfortable with our spending more than two weeks apart, but perhaps that will change over time.

 

[Peter]

My wife is 11 years younger, and the only issue so far is that she's keen to do a lot of traveling whereas I'm happy with one big trip a year. Fortunately she has a close friend and they can do girls' trips together. I'm OK with that. (There's a cat for company!)

Wife's friend is single, and she's done many solo trips, usually as part of organized tours, for example RIck Steves. Perhaps that would be an option for the OP?

 

[RetiredHappy]

I met my current husband at Mega Corp, with 14 years in age gap. We left after long careers there to start a business together. The shock for me was that he wanted to sell the business and retire when he as 67. I wanted to work for another 9 years, i.e. work until I was 62. At 53, I felt that I was too young to not work but I gave myself a year off before deciding. I have always had more money than him, so financial security is not an issue for either of us. Anyway, I decided to not go back to work because I was having too much fun being retired.

We travel alot together, golf alot together, and the age gap is not an issue. I did turn my IRA into annuities which started to annuitize when I turned 60. We only have to deal with his RMD. My taxable account generates quite a bit of dividends and capital gains. My annuities is generating quite a bit of income each year, so when combined, we are at the 24% tax bracket. It's OK. Life is good.