AJA has a date with a widowed woman tomorrow evening! Needs advice....quickly please!

[aja8888]

So I have a date for dinner with a younger (5 years) lady that I met recently (LOL..."younger"). She is NOT from the 55+ apartment complex where I now live. She is a widow (2 years), has her own home, is financially independent, is health conscious, has a great family (local, kids, grands) and is pretty cute and spry. Plus, she has a dog (like me). (ticks all the boxes!)

She was originally from Roswell, NM but is not an alien!

So my question has to do with protocols on who picks up the dinner check? My first thought is that I should do it, but I understand that in this day and age, it should be separate checks. I’m lost on this. All of my trusted friends are married and have no clue (expected).

Any other things I should be aware of?

Oh, and I am picking her up at her house rather than meeting her at the restaurant.

We are going to a nice steak house, but not one of the many the outrageously expensive ones around The Woodlands, TX.

Another thing is we have been "texting" each other almost daily (she initiates the conversation). Loneliness, I gather (me too BTW). It's been fun. So we know a little bit about each other....unless one or both of us are "inflating stuff"!

Thanks...

 

[stepford]

I'd always at least try to pick up the check. If she objects then you can split it, but I'd always make the effort first.

 

[Car-Guy]

Be yourself, good luck.

 

[aja8888]

Be yourself, good luck.

Thanks, sage advice!

 

[Taco]

I’d suggest you plan to pick up the check.

When they bring the check, put your hand on it and pull it over to you. If they put it in front of you, still pull it a little closer. Don’t have to say anything, that simple action of pulling it your way says you are planning to pick up the tab.

I doubt they’ll ask about the check being separate or together, but if they do just say “one check, I’ll take it”.

If she protests, tell her you’d like to pick up the check. But if she’s adamant, definitely don’t argue about it and do as she says.

That’s my 2 cents.

Good luck and have fun!!

 

[pb4uski]

I'm excited for you aja. Sounds interesting. Just seek to have fun and you'll be all set. And I would pick up the check.

Gemini had what I thought was very elegant advice, but I won't post because the mods are squirrelly about posting AI.

 

[athena53]

I'm also widowed, have been through the dating scene and in a relationship. Since you chose the restaurant I'd say you should definitely offer to pick up the check. Play it by ear after that. BF and I alternate, usually at our favorite Mexican restaurant or some other place in the same price range.

Relax and have a great time!

 

[aja8888]

I'm excited for you aja. Sounds interesting. Just seek to have fun and you'll be all set. And I would pick up the check.

Gemini had what I thought was very elegant advice, but I won't post because the mods are squirrelly about posting AI.

I'll ask AI too, thanks for the suggestion.

 

[Golden Mean]

You realize you are now required to report back on how it went?

 

[aja8888]

You realize you are now required to report back on how it went?

Oh my! OK I sure will.......

 

[gattara]

I agree with those above me … try to pick it up. I don’t think you can go wrong by doing so. I’m 57 and would be impressed by my date picking up the check. Good luck, have fun!

 

[GrayHare]

Used to be whoever did the askin' should do the payin'.

 

[aja8888]

Used to be whoever did the askin' should do the payin'.

Yes, that makes sense. I asked. This is my first real date in decades, I feel like a teenager. She was married for 40 years so it must feel odd to her also.

 

[braumeister]

She was originally from Roswell, NM but is not an alien!

Well, of course none of them will ever admit it.

 

[engineernerd]

Kewl!

I think the etiquette rule is always that - unless there is a different understanding at the start - whoever did the inviting is the one to pick up the check.

 

[RetiredAndLovingIt]

So just being nosy, how did you meet her since you mentioned you've been texting back and forth? No need to respond if it's none of my business.

Have a great time

 

[TheWizard]

Oh my!!!

 

[brett]

Don’t sweat the small stuff. Your concerns about the tab, etc will work themselves out.

As above, relax and be yourself. Good that she is not from your complex. Wagging tongues and all that.

The worst that can happen is that you will have a pleasant dining experience.

Don’t forget to practice safe sex!

 

[aja8888]

So just being nosy, how did you meet her since you mentioned you've been texting back and forth? No need to respond if it's none of my business.

Have a great time

One of my friends has been trying to fix me up (LOL) for a while now. We met thru his Facebook account recommendation and got introduced through the process. But we met in person shortly afterwards at an event my friend invited me to. So I have known her (casually) for a couple of months and have been chatting for a few weeks now.

 

[aja8888]

Don’t sweat the small stuff. Your concerns about the tab, etc will work themselves out.

As above, relax and be yourself. Good that she is not from your complex. Wagging tongues and all that.

The worst that can happen is that you will have a pleasant dining experience.

Don’t forget to practice safe sex!

There are 7 single/widowed women here at my place for every 3 single guys. Plenty of ways to find a new "friend", but not for me here, although hooking up here would be pretty easy.

Practice what?

 

[ut2sua]

1- Pick up the check (but send it to ShokWaveRider since he/she can afford all those expensive cars), but don't fight her over it. If she wants to split, follow along.
2- Listen more and talk less. You can't go wrong with this.
3- Be your-warm-and-kind-self. Be confident and laugh off any mistakes you may make during the date.
4- The FIRE forum has your back on this one.
Edit:
5- Open and close the car door for her (again, back off if she doesn't want that), but be careful. I did accidentally slammed the car door (lightly) over DW's hand when we dated years ago First impression is always very important

 

[aja8888]

1- Pick up the check (but send it to ShokWaveRider since he/she can afford all those expensive cars), but don't find her over it. If she wants to split, follow along.
2- Listen more and talk less. You can't go wrong with this.
3- Be your-warm-and-kind-self. Be confident and laugh off any mistakes you may make during the date.
4- The FIRE forum has your back on this one.

I just love the advice here, and I will get ShockWaveRider's mailing address, or better yet, his credit card info so the bill can be quickly charged (with a 25% tip,too).

I'll keep this thread open on my phone during the date, if I have any questions.

 

[Sarah S]

Unless she clearly asked you and picked the place I think it would be appropriate and appreciated if you paid especially if all goes well and there is likely to be another date. If it is absolutely obvious there won’t be another one you should probably still make the gesture but yield quickly if she offers to split it. Otherwise as the other party my reaction would be thank you and I would plan to pay next time.

 

[MarieIG]

If you asked her out on the date- I would suggest you pick up the check.

 

[Midpack]

Assume you're picking up the check, if she objects and wants to split it, no need to fight about it.

Like others have said, just be yourself. Hopefully it won't be necessary and some people are never at a loss, but maybe have a few topics in mind to discuss just to avoid 'dead air.' Hope it goes well, just two humans doing the best they can, no sweat.