AJA has a date with a widowed woman tomorrow evening! Needs advice....quickly please!

[Amethyst]

Another thought: do not tell her you think she's "spry". My surgeon described me this way and I took it as somewhat of a compliment but to me it means, "You're Real Old but you get around pretty good".

By the way, dating is different at this age. I read that for younger people that things are expected to become.. intimate.. by the third date. We don't have to rush it!

Athena, I recall that being the "unspoken rule" (except one fellow actually had the gall to speak it to me, as if I'd overstayed my welcome) 40+ years ago! There still is no real "rule," even amongst youngsters...it's up to the woman, as always. I have some Gen-Z age sources on this.

Honestly the only things that seemed "different" this time, to me, were the tedious stories about men's exes (why they think their date would be interested is beyond me) and more interesting ones about adult kids and grandkids (those are usually fun stories). Everything else seemed familiar.

 

[pb4uski]

A lady friend on my wife's got taken for a bunch of $$$$ by a guy who was full of lies. It happens, that's why we all have to be careful.

DW and her siblings had to do an intervention with her mom who was dating this charming guy who was a mooch before something like that happened. Once he knew that they were on to him he quickly moved on.

 

[marko]

FWIW: I find it refreshing and uplifting on how this forum community has come together here and rallied around "one of ours"!

This is how things should be.

 

[pb4uski]

.... Just don't spill your dinner in your lap, as one of my dates did, long ago.

Or worse,while talking with you hand knock over your beer and have it and in her lap. Ask me how I know ...

 

[DJRR]

If she protests, tell her you’d like to pick up the check. But if she’s adamant,

....Tell her she can pick up the check next time. Assuming things went well of course.

Defuse awkwardness and get a second date.

 

[jcretire77]

Best thread in years.

 

[Amethyst]

I'm confused. Is the consensus that OP should only pay for the first date? Or is that OP's concern alone?

 

[FlaGator]

Good question. Without tallying up all the responses, I think the consensus is he should pay for the first dinner unless she insists otherwise. What happens if there is a next time depends upon the outcome of the first.

 

[CRLLS]

I am not in that situation. However,the suggestions of offering "I'll get it this time. You can get the next one" is presuming that both of you want a next one. Possibly neither of you want to commit to a 2nd while in the middle of a date. If it were me, I think I would simply say "This location was my suggestion and want to pay the bill, if that is okay with you." If she says let's split it, then I would politely push back one more time. It is a normal reaction to offer to split the cost. It happens in all kinds of situations, even bar tabs with the guys. If she repeats the 50/50, then I would split it. Then again, I haven't dated in well over 50 years. What the heck do I know?

Good luck tonight.

 

[pacergal]

Have a wonderful time!
Looking forward to the follow up, lol.. Such a nosey family we have here, but it is so nice to read of everyones excitement and happiness for you, aja!

 

[planuntilthefisthits]

OP, ignore the posters who tell you not to spill your beer on your date or knock over your food onto your lap! I've learned from experience that the way to impress a woman is to:

1. Show them how manly and strong you are by walking along a beach after dinner, pick her up to carry her, and then stumble and drop her in the ocean.

2. Chew gum, give her a hug, and then get the gum stuck in her hair.

Just follow the above advice, which hooked me a winner. Also, check out the advice below from a relationship expert named Steve Martin:

Good luck tonight!

 

[Irishgirlyc58]

This looks like a good place to share the dating advice that I recently gave to my niece's 15 yo son. These tips come from years of discussion amongst us guys in high school.

But I'm not sure if any of it will be applicable to AJA's situation. (maybe parts of no 5)

1. Assess the girl's mother's looks, mannerisms, etc. A girl usually ends up acting and looking like her mother, so the mother's current characteristics are a good indicator of what the girl will be like in the future.

2. Can the girl cook? Get invited to dinner by her family. Preferably get there early enough to see if/ how well the girl is helping prepare the meal. Extra points if the girl prepares an excellent meal entirely by herself.

3. Is her family rich? If so, whether or not the girl can cook is less important. If she's rich, she can take you out for dinner.

4. Is she smart? Having extra qualified help with your homework is a good thing.

5. Be sensitive to her feelings. If she's having a bad day, buy her some flowers or do/buy something nice to cheer her up. Always be doing things to make her happy. A great way to score points with the girl and her mother. And chances are that they will invite you over for dinner more often.

I hope that kid has a time machine to go back about 100 years.

 

[PlayinwithFIRE]

My advice- ignore every "man" reponse to this thread, and pay close attention to the "woman" responses

have fun

pwf

 

[GrayHare]

Used to be "Bring her home by 10" (which meant 11). Now that a few years have elapsed, that's "Bring her home by 9" (which means 8).

 

[Dreamer]

AJA, I am happy for you. I hope that you have a wonderful time on your date. It has been over 53 years, since I have been on a date, so I would definitely be nervous. Enjoy yourself and have fun with your new friend.

 

[frayne]

It shouldn't even be a question, pick up the check and have a great time.

 

[FREE866]

What day and time is this date?
I need to put this on my calendar

 

[jimbee]

Have a great time aja8888!

 

[aja8888]

AJA, I am happy for you. I hope that you have a wonderful time on your date. It has been over 53 years, since I have been on a date, so I would definitely be nervous. Enjoy yourself and have fun with your new friend.

Thanks, I'm wondering what to wear since it's been a long time.

She said she will dress up a bit (whatever that means). It's a local steakhouse (Longhorn Steakhouse) that sees a lot of people and the times I have been there, people were dressed all kinds of ways, including shorts, tees and baseball caps (not my style). But since it will be cool out (50's), I plan a pair of nice slacks, a collared shirt and a pull over sweater, of which I have many of. I will look "collegiate". I don't think a sport coat is necessary.

 

[aja8888]

What day and time is this date?
I need to put this on my calendar

Tonight at 7 PM, right when the Sunday night NFL game starts....

 

[CalBird]

Tonight at 7 PM, right when the Sunday night NFL game starts....

There might be TV in the restaurant. Don’t get distracted. Give full attention to your lady.

 

[aja8888]

There might be TV in the restaurant. Don’t get distracted. Give full attention to your lady.

 

[Irishgirlyc58]

I plan a pair of nice slacks, a collared shirt and a pull over sweater, of which I have many of. I will look "collegiate".

This sounds perfect! Not too casual but not overly dressed up.

 

[scrabbler1]

Pick up the check, if she objects, tell her to catch the tip.

I have often suggested she leave the tip if she had already "insisted" on splitting the check. This way, I know she's not in it for the free meal, and she can feel she has contributed to the total tab even though I paid the check. I agree that the "you can pay next time" response may be presumptuous.

 

[Cujet]

Thanks, I'm wondering what to wear since it's been a long time.

Dress nicely. It matters more than you can know.