AJA's date recap #2 with some new info (aka, what's been going on.....)

[aja8888]

Well, I figured it's time for a brief update because I am sure that some folks here are curious.....

We had a couple of local lunch dates since the last steakhouse date. One initiated by her and one by me. They went well and it is clear we are still feeling each other out a bit.

Every day she texts me in the evening to see if I had a good day (that's nice!). Then we chat back and forth until 10:30 PM or so about all kinds of things. Something funny here, but if I or she says it's time to say goodnight, she insists on sending the last text, which is always a Gif video of "goodnight".

Yesterday, she sent me a morning text asking if I was busy. I said not really and she asked me if I would go pick up some lunch for us and bring it over to her house. So, I got her preference (1/2 BLT and small cheese and broccoli soup) and something for me and went to her house. We sat and had lunch and talked for a good 3 - 4 hours about all kinds of things. She asked me about the reasons for my 1992 divorce and move to Texas from California. I asked her about her life with her husband of 50 years and she told me the story from the very first date to his passing. He was a good man and treated her very well. They were a good team. Around 4 PM I had to leave to go pick up my dog from PlayDay where he has been all day.

It's my observation that she is still REALLY feeling the grief of the loss of her husband, the only man she has ever been with from age 17 to now. We talked about time and space with respect to dating and she needs some with the huge family Christmas event coming, I need to be not so much in the picture (my feeling here) Their last Christmas together as a family occurred 3 days after her husband passed in 2023 and it was not a great memory. So this one is very important to her as families are travelling from Kansas and Mass to be here. So four of her children, their spouses and their offspring will be at her house for the holidays.

This morning I sent her a text saying how much I enjoyed our time together yesterday. She responded with the same message back.

So that's it, and it's still 20 days until Christmas. Thoughts?

AJA

 

[street]

Sound like a great start to a start of a new friend. Building that trust in a friendship is a powerful thing.

Good for both of You and a positive thing for both.

AJA a side note: It sounds like she wouldn't kick you out of bed, Yet!!! Lol

 

[Montecfo]

Seems good that there is a mutual connection! So is it 3-4 dates already?

And most importantly, how are YOU feeling?

 

[Kings over Queens]

Thoughts? You are on the way to a wonderful friendship and who knows what will grow from that, but in the immediate, you've found a companion who clearly cares for you, and you her. I think this is wonderful.

 

[Aerides]

Ok thoughts!

- she is really into you. that said, she has no experience dating as an adult until you, so she didn't learn to play it cool. She's acting like I would have at 20 - texting first, every day! Ha, by the time I was dating DH at 32, I literally never contacted him, I would only reply to texts/answer his call, I would not even call back if I missed his call.

- so while her enthusiasm seems a bit a lot, she hasn't learned the social cues that most women do from say 25-30 where that backfires (not that it's wrong, women love to receive that kind of attention, and we tend to give what we want to receive). So, it might be nice for you to find some ways to initiate things if you have time/room/inclination.

- she has probably been a bit lonely despite all her busy family stuff, and it's nice to talk with someone with some similar history, something she hasn't done much other than with women since becoming widowed

 

[aja8888]

Ok thoughts!

- she is really into you. that said, she has no experience dating as an adult until you, so she didn't learn to play it cool. She's acting like I would have at 20 - texting first, every day! Ha, by the time I was dating DH at 32, I literally never contacted him, I would only reply to texts/answer his call, I would not even call back if I missed his call.

- so while her enthusiasm seems a bit a lot, she hasn't learned the social cues that most women do from say 25-30 where that backfires (not that it's wrong, women love to receive that kind of attention, and we tend to give what we want to receive). So, it might be nice for you to find some ways to initiate things if you have time/room/inclination.

- she has probably been a bit lonely despite all her busy family stuff, and it's nice to talk with someone with some similar history, something she hasn't done much other than with women since becoming widowed

Thank you. You ladies here seem to be the ones who are clearing the air for me as to what is happening. This is all new to me as I have not been doing anything like this after my wife passed three years ago. And, courting my wife was so long go, I'm not sure what went on during that period.

You said:

"So, it might be nice for you to find some ways to initiate things if you have time/room/inclination."

Well I did text her this morning as one thing....but I'm not sure what you mean here?

There is the annual Christmas Party coming up on the 18th here at the complex, so maybe I should invite her to attend with me (they want guests to attend) .

 

[aja8888]

Seems good that there is a mutual connection! So is it 3-4 dates already?

And most importantly, how are YOU feeling?

Hey Monte..I am feeling confused and scared.

 

[Aerides]

Thank you. You ladies here seem to be the ones who are clearing the air for me as to what is happening. This is all new to me as I have not been doing anything like this after my wife passed three years ago. And, courting my wife was so long go, I'm not sure what went on during that period.

You said:

"So, it might be nice for you to find some ways to initiate things if you have time/room/inclination."

Well I did text her this morning as one thing....but I'm not sure what you mean here?

There is the annual Christmas Party coming up on the 18th here at the complex, so maybe I should invite her to attend with me (they want guests to attend) .

Yes, that would be great, just to balance things out. your post read to me like she was doing a lot of the daily initiation of chats, but that might just be her style.

 

[old medic]

There is the annual Christmas Party coming up on the 18th here at the complex, so maybe I should invite her to attend with me (they want guests to attend) .

If it doesn't interfere with her pending plans that you know of..... ASK....

 

[Lewis Clark]

Sounds to me like a very good friendship is developing. Congrats to both of you!

 

[aja8888]

If it doesn't interfere with her pending plans that you know of..... ASK....

Well, she was asking for some time and space during this period, but I'm not sure what she exactly means.

 

[aja8888]

Yes, that would be great, just to balance things out. your post read to me like she was doing a lot of the daily initiation of chats, but that might just be her style.

I have been occasionally sending her a text in the morning if I have something to say, but it hasn't been that frequent.

 

[Montecfo]

Hey Monte..I am feeling confused and scared.

Well just proceed at a pace that feels comfortable.

Just an observation. Have a friend who lost his wife recently after a long illness. Subsequently HE seemed to want to jump rather quickly into a new relationship. His target is a long divorced mutual friend. SHE, however, seems in no hurry.

Perhaps your female friend is experiencing what my male friend is. I think it is a desire for companionship and feeling relevant and desired by opposite sex.

But I don't think my friend is actually "ready" for a serious relationship (needs time to grieve) but still wants that feeling, to know he is alive and life continues despite tremendous loss.

Anyway, so much for armchair psychology! Always good to have someone interested in you!

 

[aja8888]

Well just proceed at a pace that feels comfortable.

Just an observation. Have a friend who lost his wife recently after a long illness. Subsequently HE seemed to want to jump rather quickly into a new relationship. His target is a long divorced mutual friend. SHE, however, seems in no hurry.

Perhaps your female friend is experiencing what my male friend is. I think it is a desire for companionship and feeling relevant and desired by opposite sex.

But I don't think my friend is actually "ready" for a serious relationship (needs time to grieve) but still wants that feeling, to know he is alive and life continues despite tremendous loss.

Anyway, so much for armchair psychology! Always good to have someone interested in you!

Thanks, the grieving process does vary by individual. I know two guys near my age that lost their wives about the time I lost mine and they were in new relationships within months, one having met the lady at the grief sessions he was attending. It's been three years for me and I still have some issues, but I am healing.

 

[old medic]

Well, she was asking for some time and space during this period, but I'm not sure what she exactly means.

I missed that... But if she doesn't have any family in town at the time, extend an invite.

 

[aja8888]

I missed that... But if she doesn't have any family in town at the time, extend an invite.

I'll have to check on that as I'm not sure when folks are arriving.

 

[MarieIG]

It's fine to invite her to the Christmas party with the caveat that if she is not busy entertaining family that evening you would like her to attend. Then she has the option. You don't have to nail down her family's schedule, that will probably be revealed through further discussions. If she's busy, wish her a wonderful evening with her family and go anyway (if you would enjoy that).

 

[aja8888]

It's fine to invite her to the Christmas party with the caveat that if she is not busy with family that evening you would like her to attend. Then she has the option. If she's busy, wish her a wonderful evening with her family and go anyway (if you would enjoy that).

Yes, that will be the game plan.

 

[Dtail]

Well just proceed at a pace that feels comfortable.

Just an observation. Have a friend who lost his wife recently after a long illness. Subsequently HE seemed to want to jump rather quickly into a new relationship. His target is a long divorced mutual friend. SHE, however, seems in no hurry.

Perhaps your female friend is experiencing what my male friend is. I think it is a desire for companionship and feeling relevant and desired by opposite sex.

But I don't think my friend is actually "ready" for a serious relationship (needs time to grieve) but still wants that feeling, to know he is alive and life continues despite tremendous loss.

Anyway, so much for armchair psychology! Always good to have someone interested in you!

Not impossible that your friend had some kept in check desires for that lady during the marriage.
I have seen this example twice already.

 

[JBTX]

To play devils advocate here, how do you think she would feel about having her dating details posted on a national forum? I gets it anonymous, mostly, but if the relationship continues it will eventually come up.

I don’t mean to be the turd in the punchbowl. Or Maybe I do. I’m not in a very good mood dealing with my 90 year old mom, she would be madder than a hatter if she thought I was posting about her on a national forum.

 

[Dtail]

Aja,
Overall it does sound like it is moving along nicely. I wish you the best and keep us posted. A lot of us like a good potential love story.

 

[Kings over Queens]

To play devils advocate here, how do you think she would feel about having her dating details posted on a national forum? I gets it anonymous, mostly, but if the relationship continues it will eventually come up.

I don’t mean to be the turd in the punchbowl. Or Maybe I do. I’m not in a very good mood dealing with my 90 year old mom, she would be madder than a hatter if she thought I was posting about her on a national forum.

Given the overwhelming support, joy and excitement share for both parties as this adventure unfolds, I'd like to to think she's be thrilled.

Sorry about what you are dealing with your mom. Can I suggest starting a different thread where we can lend a supportive ear?

 

[skipro33]

I'd tell her I'm a man and as such, clueless what is meant by needing space and if that means 'don't call us, we'll call you' until after Christmas. If she replies that just the window she is entertaining family, then invite her to your little soiree.

oh, and I wouldn't worry about your disclosure about the relationship on this forum, I'm sure she has been discussing you with others by now too.

 

[aja8888]

To play devils advocate here, how do you think she would feel about having her dating details posted on a national forum? I gets it anonymous, mostly, but if the relationship continues it will eventually come up.

I don’t mean to be the turd in the punchbowl. Or Maybe I do. I’m not in a very good mood dealing with my 90 year old mom, she would be madder than a hatter if she thought I was posting about her on a national forum.

JB, I have bigger things to worry about as far as being hunted down by a female to see what I am posting on a forum about a blossoming friendship between two older folks with no names involved.

I'm sure if we get into a full blown relationship, I won't need to ask man-type questions here about us.

But I appreciate your concern!

 

[Koolau]

Thanks for sharing with us aja. It sounds like things are progressing nicely. As long as it feels comfortable, I'd keep up the pace you've established yet allow her any space she requests.

Regarding her being the initiator in some cases: That's up to you to decide if you are okay with that. DW and I wouldn't be married if I had balked at her (slightly) "take charge" attitude. It wasn't overbearing but it was noticeable. I was so shy at the time that It's what "sealed my fate" as I went along with it.

She's still "take charge" but NOT "take no prisoners" in our relationship. I still appreciate that and our relationship is such that I can ask her to "back off" if her approach (very occasionally) becomes objectionable. IOW if "take charge" becomes (almost) "nagging."

I wouldn't worry about sharing here. You are clearly a gentleman and would never over share.

Here is hoping for a great new friendship for you that may blossom at the right time.