An Inheritance Story (A Cautionary Tale)

[Fermion]

I get a third share of a 1990 single wide on a rented lot and my choice of mason jars. Probably won't hire a lawyer if I don't get a fair shake.

 

[Lewis Clark]

My situation is minor compared to what OP is going through. At least so far. For us, trusts and wills seem like they will fend off any possible problems in the future.

Perhaps. But in every case it will depend to some degree on the integrity of the executor or trustee. Especially for a trust where there will be no court supervision.

 

[RetiredHappy]

I am sorry to read OP's experience with her brother and the effort it took to make it right for her and her sister.

My sister was the trustee/adminstrator of my parents' estate. She is an accountant and wealthier than all the siblings and none of us ever doubted how she handled the estate. We may not be close but we do get along and share a strong bond over tragedy that had befallen on our family.

 

[ugeauxgirl]

I could give 2 examples of this in my and my husband's family. I saw it more than a few times in my career too. Seems like it (unfortunately) happens fairly often.

 

[harllee]

I am POA for my mother who is 94 and was diagnosed with Alzheimers 5 years ago. I have spent untold hours helping mother and taking care of her finances. I am slowly but surely spending her money for her to live in a nice skilled nursing facility. I give my 2 sisters detailed accounts every quarter. I have never charged a dime for all my time even though the POA says I could. One sister wants mother to be in a terrible Medicaid place to save money and I said HELL no. There may be a battle in the end but I know I am doing the right thing for my sweet mother.

 

[Texas Proud]

I am POA for my mother who is 94 and was diagnosed with Alzheimers 5 years ago. I have spent untold hours helping mother and taking care of her finances. I am slowly but surely spending her money for her to live in a nice skilled nursing facility. I give my 2 sisters detailed accounts every quarter. I have never charged a dime for all my time even though the POA says I could. One sister wants mother to be in a terrible Medicaid place to save money and I said HELL no. There may be a battle in the end but I know I am doing the right thing for my sweet mother.

I am with you... your mom's money should be used for your mom!!

I put my mom in a good place and never got any negative from my siblings... all thought that her money was for her...

 

[audreyh1]

Yeah, that’s despicable being harassed by a sibling who wants mom put in a bad place so they inherit more. That money still belongs to mom.

There is nothing the siblings can do “in the end”.

 

[Pluperfect]

Of course this may be the reason a number of family members are making me the executor of their wills against my deep objections.

You can decline to serve. And you can tell your family members that you're going to decline to serve and they should therefore (1) appoint a successor executor, and (2) think long and hard about who they pick.

 

[dobig]

I am POA for my mother who is 94 and was diagnosed with Alzheimers 5 years ago. I have spent untold hours helping mother and taking care of her finances. I am slowly but surely spending her money for her to live in a nice skilled nursing facility. I give my 2 sisters detailed accounts every quarter. I have never charged a dime for all my time even though the POA says I could. One sister wants mother to be in a terrible Medicaid place to save money and I said HELL no. There may be a battle in the end but I know I am doing the right thing for my sweet mother.

You're a good person and are doing right by your mother.

 

[Koolau]

I am POA for my mother who is 94 and was diagnosed with Alzheimers 5 years ago. I have spent untold hours helping mother and taking care of her finances. I am slowly but surely spending her money for her to live in a nice skilled nursing facility. I give my 2 sisters detailed accounts every quarter. I have never charged a dime for all my time even though the POA says I could. One sister wants mother to be in a terrible Medicaid place to save money and I said HELL no. There may be a battle in the end but I know I am doing the right thing for my sweet mother.

Blessings on you for honoring your mother over all else. I'm sorry that your sister is focused on money rather than family. I too (literally) spent my mom's last dime to see that she was in the best care facility in our area. Had she lived longer, I would have bourn the cost myself. Family first - money a distant second.

 

[Venturer]

I am POA for my mother who is 94 and was diagnosed with Alzheimers 5 years ago. I have spent untold hours helping mother and taking care of her finances. I am slowly but surely spending her money for her to live in a nice skilled nursing facility. I give my 2 sisters detailed accounts every quarter. I have never charged a dime for all my time even though the POA says I could. One sister wants mother to be in a terrible Medicaid place to save money and I said HELL no. There may be a battle in the end but I know I am doing the right thing for my sweet mother.

I'm with you Harlee, I helped my Mother when her mother had to go to a rest home. Her brothers were no help at all but we made sure Bigmama was in a caring facility which was in a town 20 miles away. Then when my stepdad passed away my younger 1/2 brother and sister ask if I would be the Executor,so I did it for them. The only problem I had was the on again off again woman he had been seeing tried to claim some of his furniture was supposed to be hers. I told her to show me reciepts for what she "bought" or to pound sand. I never saw a reciept so she got nothing. He had a VA loan on the house and neither of the siblings wanted the house so they let it go into forclosure. I never charged them anything,I was honored that they all had faith that I would make sure everthing was done right for them.

 

[jazz4cash]

.

Of course this may be the reason a number of family members are making me the executor of their wills against my deep objections. What a PIA. Especially after you've firmly stated you won't take anything so you're basically dealing with the hassle just to keep peace in the family. My family is very close but Italian. Lots of arguing, loud voices and hand gestures. It's sort of comical. Love 'em dearly but they're high maintenance. Even the ones still back in Italy.

Do you plan to decline the executor role, hire a trustee or something else? I could see myself in a similar position.

 

[dobig]

Do you plan to decline the executor role, hire a trustee of ? I could see myself in a similar position.

I'll do what I always do. Raise a stink and go ahead and do it anyways. We've made it clear that anything that should have gone to us instead goes to my one sister who has had a run of bad luck. I'm not going to let her go homeless in retirement just because she has zero capability in picking out men who aren't completely worthless.

 

[pb4uski]

I am with you... your mom's money should be used for your mom!!

I put my mom in a good place and never got any negative from my siblings... all thought that her money was for her...

We implored our DM to spend more for whatever would improve her quality of life and when the time came found a nice assisted living facility within 5-10 minutes drive of 3 of my 4 sisters. At first she wasn't thrilled with the place but in short order she came to really enjoy living there, participated in the activities, etc. The cherry-on-top was that since she entered during covid she got a very good deal.

Luckily we have all done well and didn't "need" her money and wanted her to spend it if it improved her quality of life, but frugal was in her DNA.