Another pointless (family) rant...

[Midpack]

Just invited to the wedding of a distant niece, daughter of DW's sister who she has never liked. But we attend these weddings to see other family members we wouldn't see often otherwise. We haven't had much contact with the niece since she was a kid, and we've never met the groom.

So we were prepared to pay for airfare, rental car, hotel, wedding gifts, etc. But the invitation had another stipulation that has all the sibs up in arms - and we're not pleased either.

"The dress code for our wedding is Black Tie, all black attire. We prefer that gentlemen wear tuxedos, but black suits and tie are allowed, and ladies wear elegant black gowns or black formal dresses."

June wedding, rooftop outdoors in Dallas - in a black tuxedo…

WTH!

A couple sibs have already said they are not going - black tie undoubtedly part of their decisions but maybe not all. The rest of us men will probably rent tuxedos, but the women will have to buy 'elegant black gowns or black formal dresses' and some accessories?

We can afford it, so I guess we shouldn't complain - but that seems very odd nowadays. Gen Z's requiring black tie?

 

[audreyh1]

I’d happily skip it.

Send an elegant black gift instead, ha ha.

 

[G POP]

Sorry, the airline lost our luggage. Hmm, you are still there and can meet family. Good luck. I bought an inexpensive tux ($300) for my son's wedding 6 years ago. My wife just bought a nice black dress for under $150 online so we can properly celebrate the Corps 250th on 10 November.

 

[More Cowbell]

Gen Z's requiring black tie?

It’s all about the socials!

 

[aja8888]

Black? A little over the top for a weeding which is supposed to be a fun event, not a funeral. I would not go and just send a gift.

 

[COcheesehead]

A friend of my wife recently attended an all black tie wedding in Moab, in summer, outdoors. Do people think about this stuff? Surprised no one died.

 

[Midpack]

It’s all about the socials!

Hadn’t occurred to me, but I’ll bet you’re right.

 

[RetiredHappy]

Heehee. Cannot be a Chinese wedding as black symbolizes death and funeral. I remember that you were already not enthusiastic about attending this wedding in an earlier post, with this new twist I would certainly have second and third thoughts about going.

 

[GrayHare]

"Look, I gifted you a lump of coal!"

 

[iloveyoga]

I have a niece doing a 70's theme dress code, with suggested outfits on Pinterest. I can't attend, but not sure how I would dress if I did. At least the 70's was my era. And yes it is all for the pictures on SM.

 

[statsman]

It's one thing to stipulate dress attire for the main participants in the wedding. It's quite another to do so for the guests, including family.

 

[ut2sua]

Make the choice that make you and your spouse happy.

 

[Midpack]

Make the choice that make you and your spouse happy.

We don’t want to go, but feel some family obligation. We have until Feb to RSVP. And we’ll probably live about 33,000 days, giving up 3-4 for a wedding we don’t want to attend isn’t the end of the world to avoid hard feelings?

 

[marko]

Not proper etiquette to request a special dresscode to invited guests, especially one that might involve extra expense.

I've seen this before and about halfway near, another invite is sent saying "wear whatever you want" as I'd guess they had too many complaints.

 

[calmloki]

"Look, I gifted you a lump of coal!"

"and with the pressure and the heat it could be a diamond soon!"

 

[MuirWannabe]

While I can understand the annoyance, if you’re gonna attend its best to honor their wishes. And it’s obviously nice of you to attend.

You can choose not to attend. You can choose to attend and be annoyed. Or you can choose to attend and take satisfaction in honoring the couple’s requests. Third option sounds best to me.

 

[Dash man]

Maybe it’s really a murder mystery!

 

[ut2sua]

We don’t want to go, but feel some family obligation. We have until Feb to RSVP. And we’ll probably live about 33,000 days, giving up 3-4 for a wedding we don’t want to attend isn’t the end of the world to avoid hard feelings?

I was one of those who would do anything for my family. After decades of acting like a free ATM, and having my home be a free long term hotel to any/all (and yet, received unpleased feedback from them), I was done. And it was/is soooo liberating. No doubt my status has received significant upgrade from them since (isn't that strange better reviews come in after the door is no longer open). My recommendation to you is to do the things that please you and your DW. It is actually better for everyone, and it is much much better for you

 

[Calico]

Maybe it’s really a murder mystery!

Well, depending on how hot the temperature is on that rooftop that day, it might turn into one.......

 

[Kings over Queens]

Black tie, on a roof top, in Dallas, in June?

Forget about what I'd say, no chance in the world my pre/post/current menopausal wife is going.

That doesn't sound like much fun at all.

 

[Gumby]

We went to a black tie wedding about 8 years ago (the daughter of my college roommate and lifelong best friend). The young wife bought a gown and I bought a tuxedo; it was nice to get dressed up. Although it was in Atlanta in July, everything was inside, so that wasn't too bad.

 

[freedomatlast]

You'll be a lot happier in the long run if you can get over feeling obligated to anyone that aren't dependents. Also the same if you don't care what others think.

 

[EastWest Gal]

Black tie dress code does not mean black dresses, but apparently the wedding party doesn't know that.

Here is a description, one of many:

The black-tie dress code for women decoded

There are some interesting Reddit posts about black tie in summer in the South. And a rooftop? No shade? The chairs will burn the guests! If the siblings are up in arms, maybe there is someone close to the mother of the bride who can communicate about the dangers of the dress code in that venue.

Now, if it is an evening wedding in Pacifica or San Francisco, the men would be happy for the jacket-it is usually pretty cold and foggy. But Texas? Come on!

Send a gift; decline the invitation.

 

[disneysteve]

It's one thing to stipulate dress attire for the main participants in the wedding. It's quite another to do so for the guests, including family.

Black tie affairs aren’t at all unusual, especially weddings. I bought a tux 30+ years ago as it was way cheaper than renting one every time. And DW owns a few black formal gowns for such occasions.

The wording on the invitation was strange. All they needed to say was “Black tie” and everyone would have understood what that meant.

 

[HarveyS]

Black Tie, all black attire

Kind of odd that the event is Black Tie (i.e. Tuxedo for men), but a black suit is OK. Does "all black attire" mean black shirt and black tie for the men?

I'm fine with having a dress code on the invitation - actually think it's a great idea. But, please, make the code understandable.