Another pointless (family) rant...

[livingalmostlarge]

i'd go but take an umbrella for the heat in dallas? Will you die?

 

[MarieIG]

The last wedding I attended was black tie. DH rented a tux - and I wore - a black gown. (I actually had bought two for DS's wedding 10 years ago, and had never worn that one so it worked.)

 

[big-papa]

Sounds like some of the wedding stories that show up in some of the advice columns in the paper from time to time.

 

[ut2sua]

i'd go but take an umbrella for the heat in dallas? Will you die?

Now the next question is what the umbrella's color needs to be

 

[cxr133]

Just invited to the wedding of a distant niece, daughter of DW's sister who she has never liked. But we attend these weddings to see other family members we wouldn't see often otherwise. We haven't had much contact with the niece since she was a kid, and we've never met the groom.

So we were prepared to pay for airfare, rental car, hotel, wedding gifts, etc. But the invitation had another stipulation that has all the sibs up in arms - and we're not pleased either.

"The dress code for our wedding is Black Tie, all black attire. We prefer that gentlemen wear tuxedos, but black suits and tie are allowed, and ladies wear elegant black gowns or black formal dresses."

June wedding, rooftop outdoors in Dallas - in a black tuxedo…

WTH!

A couple sibs have already said they are not going - black tie undoubtedly part of their decisions but maybe not all. The rest of us men will probably rent tuxedos, but the women will have to buy 'elegant black gowns or black formal dresses' and some accessories?

We can afford it, so I guess we shouldn't complain - but that seems very odd nowadays. Gen Z's requiring black tie?

LOl been there and done that
my son got married MAY 2021 in Cancun

totally formal affair im at the beach sweating like a runaway slave for pictures at the waterfront LOL
at least i got out the jacket as soon as i could and had lots of drinks to cool down

 

[GalaxyBoy]

Looks like it may be a “thing.” From 23 Black Wedding Color Themes for 2025

Black is making a big comeback in weddings, stepping in as the trendy alternative to the traditional white. Couples are now gravitating towards black for everything—think wedding and bridesmaid dresses, tablecloths, and even flower decor. It's all about bringing that touch of class and drama to your big day.

 

[Mr. Tightwad]

I wouldn't attend.

They can set whatever rules they want and those that want to follow the rules can do so.

I'm not. It doesn't bother me what others think.

 

[GenXguy]

As soon as I read the word "airfare", I knew I wouldn't be going. lol So, black tie is just piling on.

 

[audreyh1]

Black Tie, all black attire

Kind of odd that the event is Black Tie (i.e. Tuxedo for men), but a black suit is OK. Does "all black attire" mean black shirt and black tie for the men?

I'm fine with having a dress code on the invitation - actually think it's a great idea. But, please, make the code understandable.

No, a white shirt.

 

[Midpack]

While I can understand the annoyance, if you’re gonna attend its best to honor their wishes. And it’s obviously nice of you to attend.

You can choose not to attend. You can choose to attend and be annoyed. Or you can choose to attend and take satisfaction in honoring the couple’s requests. Third option sounds best to me.

That’s how we see it. Don’t want to attend, or even worse attend and resent it. So we’ll comply and attend and enjoy the company of other family members we don’t get to see often, or at least those who do attend (some have already decided to skip it). Besides, DW and I met and married in Dallas in 1980 and we’ve never been back - so we’ll take some time to look around though I suspect nothing will be the same.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I can’t tolerate heat and humidity anymore so a June outdoor wedding in Dallas would be a hard pass. Wearing black in that is insane.

 

[Midpack]

Black Tie, all black attire

Kind of odd that the event is Black Tie (i.e. Tuxedo for men), but a black suit is OK. Does "all black attire" mean black shirt and black tie for the men?

I'm fine with having a dress code on the invitation - actually think it's a great idea. But, please, make the code understandable.

No. Black Tie is well defined online, it doesn’t mean black shirts, means white shirts. The idea is black, formal and understated - it’s not undefined.

 

[brett]

Bail. Wash you hair all weekend. Or pehaps the cat sitter bailed on you.

Send a present along with your congrats and your regrets.

Then take the money that you would otherwise spend on spend the weekend not at all to you liking and spend it with you spouse at an expensive spa. Other conflicting engagment!

Make lemonaide out of lemons.

Why bother getting upset. Who needs the agro? Life is too short for that.

We have bailed on a number of family events for very similar reasons. As DW says...I do not need the grief.

This would be a one minute and done coversation with DW!

 

[jgrdarrash]

I've gotten very good deals on formal dresses the day after New Year's. In case you do decide to go and DW doesn't have a black dress.

 

[Ronstar]

If the main reason you go to these type of family events is to visit with relatives that you rarely see, and these relatives aren’t going to this event, and your DW doesn’t care for her niece, then I think that’s enough of a reason not to attend.

Just send a nice gift - that’ll satisfy the bride and groom.

 

[HarveyS]

No. Black Tie is well defined online, it doesn’t mean black shirts, means white shirts. The idea is black, formal and understated - it’s not undefined.

Yeah, I get that. I just wasn't sure what the additional "all black attire" added to the Black Tie. ChatGPT disagrees with common wisdom and states
"When someone says “black tie, all black attire,” they’re combining two dress codes:

1. Black Tie → This means formal evening wear:
   • For men: a tuxedo, black bow tie, white dress shirt, black formal shoes, often with a black formal jacket.
   • For women: a formal gown or evening dress (floor-length or elegant cocktail style).
2. All Black Attire → This adds a color restriction: everything should be black.
   • Men: A black tuxedo, black shirt, black bow tie, and black shoes (instead of the usual white shirt).
   • Women: A black evening gown or formal black outfit with black accessories.

So “black tie, all black attire” means you should dress at a formal, black-tie level, but wear only black—no white shirts, colored ties, or other hues. It’s a sleek, monochrome version of a classic formal look."

And while I'm on a rant, if it's Black Tie, then it is Black Tie. Black suits are not acceptable - except in this case. Look out, Bridezilla in the house!

 

[FREE866]

Ha. That would be such a hard no from me. Texas, rooftop, summer. I'd rather be in the hospital lol

 

[jollystomper]

The wording on the invitation was strange. All they needed to say was “Black tie” and everyone would have understood what that meant.

I do not think so... a lot of folks these days do not understand terms like "Black Tie", "formal", "semi-formal", "business casual", etc. Less in-person socializing is part of the reason in my view .

 

[jollystomper]

This situation is not one that would tilt our windmills, perhaps because DW and I enjoy dressing up for social events. At events like graduations, weddings, funerals, or class reunions we are more likely to be the ones who fall into the "over dressed" category these days. But no one complains about it, in fact the opposite more often occurs .

 

[Original Wally]

sweating like a runaway slave

Can you SAY that YIKES!!

 

[Original Wally]

You COULD discretely talk to Bride/Groom mother and point out the hardship.

This COULD be another "bridezilla" thing where HER DAY is the most important thing in the universe.

 

[Route246]

That’s how we see it. Don’t want to attend, or even worse attend and resent it. So we’ll comply and attend and enjoy the company of other family members we don’t get to see often, or at least those who do attend (some have already decided to skip it). Besides, DW and I met and married in Dallas in 1980 and we’ve never been back - so we’ll take some time to look around though I suspect nothing will be the same.

No simple solution to this, however if it were me I would attend just to be able to see family members that I otherwise don't get to see and interact with. That reward is more than worth it to me, assuming they are going to show up. I'm guessing you can have back channel conversations finding out who is and who is not attending and make an assessment based on that. The wedding is secondary and it will make the bride feel good that another relative attended from out of town.

 

[disneysteve]

I do not think so... a lot of folks these days do not understand terms like "Black Tie", "formal", "semi-formal", "business casual", etc. Less in-person socializing is part of the reason in my view .

You’re probably right. I’m old school, as are most folks here. I understand what “black tie” means.

This situation is not one that would tilt our windmills, perhaps because DW and I enjoy dressing up for social events. At events like graduations, weddings, funerals, or class reunions we are more likely to be the ones who fall into the "over dressed" category these days. But no one complains about it, in fact the opposite more often occurs .

Same here. As I said, I bought a tux years ago when black tie events were a much more frequent occurrence in our lives and renting made no sense. For other occasions I’d always rather err on the side of over dressed than under dressed.

 

[skyking1]

This situation is not one that would tilt our windmills, perhaps because DW and I enjoy dressing up for social events. At events like graduations, weddings, funerals, or class reunions we are more likely to be the ones who fall into the "over dressed" category these days. But no one complains about it, in fact the opposite more often occurs .

It's true we do appreciate those of you who really put on the nice duds. We are the other folks and would be all compliments about it.
The closest I get these days is to wear a black cowboy hat that we got from her brother, in honor of him and her father.
I'm happy to play limited dress-up.

 

[PlayinwithFIRE]

Its all about being a unique and utterly uninspired snowflake.