So I don't understand the issue here. So you buy a bigger home. How do your wife's friends know whether you are now house poor or FI?We are shopping for a home to upgrade to, primarily for AA purposes (reducing 95 percent equities position) and for a retirement project for me.
Problem is, my wife is uneasy about exposing our wealth to prying friends and family as our wealth is very stealth and well-concealed for the most part. I really don't care but she has sensitivities and feel her friends and family relationships might change if they find out we are truly FI as most of them are not. She has hinted that I recently inherited half of the proceeds of my parents' home but the truth is, we lived below our means and have been saving mostly in low expense ratio SP500-funds for the past 30+ years compounding tremendously along the way. Anyone with a decent wage who would have done this would probably also be surprised how close they are or how far they exceeded FI. It's not magic, it is just adherence to Bob Brinker's and John Bogle's methods of savings.
That said, I told her to just chill and accept the fact they will know we are FI and leave it at that. Not sure what I can do for her at this point but she values these relationships and does not want them to change.
So who cares?I work with a guy, he was my direct report for many years but that was undone as I am retiring. He has never been married, lives modestly, hardly ever takes a vacation, and makes a huge income. And he has done this for 30+ years after leaving a very lucrative USG job. If he does not have a net worth over $5 million I'd be shocked. But I don't think any of our coworkers would have any clue.
I can relate to the OP's concern. Last week I was speaking with a family member about a recent business success. Two days later, their kids were pestering me with extravagant birthday requests.When I was in my twenties, people assumed I was a lot richer than I actually was. Now I'm a lot richer than people assume.
That’s crazy! I wonder how their kids got that message. Maybe: “Hey ask Great Uncle CO-guy for those birthday presents, he’s rich!”I can relate to the OP's concern. Last week I was speaking with a family member about a recent business success. Two days later, their kids were pestering me with extravagant birthday requests.
I shut it down quickly ("you have me confused for someone with money"), but it was a good reminder to avoid talking about these things with their parents in the future.
My family has always assumed that I have money, without me ever saying a thing. To be fair, I actually have been the richest person in my family since the day I graduated from USNA in 1981.I can relate to the OP's concern. Last week I was speaking with a family member about a recent business success. Two days later, their kids were pestering me with extravagant birthday requests.
I shut it down quickly ("you have me confused for someone with money"), but it was a good reminder to avoid talking about these things with their parents in the future.
I never mention specifics with finances, so my guess is that their parents were speculating out loud. It must have been some pretty wild speculation, because they asked me to buy them jet skis. Instead, I took them to the store yesterday and bought them each a new shirt and a pair of pants.That’s crazy! I wonder how their kids got that message. Maybe: “Hey ask Great Uncle CO-guy for those birthday presents, he’s rich!”
We don't discuss wealth amongst friends and family because it is considered impolite in the US culture. Where I grew up (overseas), people discuss money freely. Most of my friends back home are many times wealthier than us, as a condo costs at least a couple of million dollars, and "landed" property is in the region of tens of millions. Looking at where each person lives gives you a good gauge of their wealth.Thus also the reason for forums such as this, or Bogleheads. There's nobody in real-life with whom to discuss money or investment. All such musings move online, not because I'm cagey or falsely modest, but because one doesn't discuss steakhouses among vegetarians.
So Funny,Our neighbor told everyone we were drug dealers from Mexico when we paid cash for their friend's house. Can't make this stuff up, but still gives me a laugh to this day.
You can't control what people say or think. If they're good friends, you don't need to worry.
I'm thankful that all my close family and friends were gainfully employed and self sufficient. No one has ever asked me for money.I tend to agree with the “real friends won’t care” and “other people actually don’t think that much about your situation “ groups. However, if it will create tension and cause friends and family to start asking for money then that is a problem. It is easy for strangers on the internet to say ignore it, but it is different when someone is staring you in the face.
And where would that be?We don't discuss wealth amongst friends and family because it is considered impolite in the US culture. Where I grew up (overseas), people discuss money freely. Most of my friends back home are many times wealthier than us, as a condo costs at least a couple of million dollars, and "landed" property is in the region of tens of millions. Looking at where each person lives gives you a good gauge of their wealth.
I know in France it's impolite to even ask where in the city one lives as each neighborhood tends to imply an income level. Income is never discussed.We don't discuss wealth amongst friends and family because it is considered impolite in the US culture. Where I grew up (overseas), people discuss money freely.
I am aware of many places where it is considered impolite to discuss income, and I believe that it is universally boring.I know in France it's impolite to even ask where in the city one lives as each neighborhood tends to imply an income level. Income is never discussed.
SingaporeAnd where would that be?
Great Britain?
(I watched Downton Abbey back when it was on, so I know all about Ye Landed Gentry...)
My closest friend is my cousin and he hasn't gotten many breaks in life. He has serious health problems and he works as a landscaper. His wife died in her late-20s and he's been single parenting since his daughter was 8. His daughter (my goddaughter) is amazing. She attended an elite preparatory school tuition free and was accepted into her choice of colleges. She received scholarships that covered tuition, room, board, books, and even flights (unlimited) to go home whenever she wanted for all 4 years.We don't discuss wealth amongst friends and family because it is considered impolite in the US culture. Where I grew up (overseas), people discuss money freely. Most of my friends back home are many times wealthier than us, as a condo costs at least a couple of million dollars, and "landed" property is in the region of tens of millions. Looking at where each person lives gives you a good gauge of their wealth.
My lament was more about discussing investments, taxes, stocks vs. real estate, RMDs, indices vs. actively managed funds, that sort of thing... "normal" people don't broach these subjects... they're boring or irrelevant. Thus recourse to forums. My aim isn't a locker-room middle school comparison of who has the largest portfolio, but rather, to talk about finances instead of gossip or the latest thing on TV. Put another way, suppose that I wanted to discuss international stocks vs. US stocks, and whether US outperformance since the global financial crisis was a fluke or not... the result of policy choices, or not... whether it's sustainable, or not. Well, the only place to discuss such matters is online forums... not "in real life"!We don't discuss wealth amongst friends and family because it is considered impolite in the US culture. Where I grew up (overseas), people discuss money freely. Most of my friends back home are many times wealthier than us, as a condo costs at least a couple of million dollars, and "landed" property is in the region of tens of millions. Looking at where each person lives gives you a good gauge of their wealth.
That's basically true most of the time.My lament was more about discussing investments, taxes, stocks vs. real estate, RMDs, indices vs. actively managed funds, that sort of thing... "normal" people don't broach these subjects... they're boring or irrelevant. Thus recourse to forums. My aim isn't a locker-room middle school comparison of who has the largest portfolio, but rather, to talk about finances instead of gossip or the latest thing on TV. Put another way, suppose that I wanted to discuss international stocks vs. US stocks, and whether US outperformance since the global financial crisis was a fluke or not... the result of policy choices, or not... whether it's sustainable, or not. Well, the only place to discuss such matters is online forums... not "in real life"!
I've tried to explain it is not about friends or family directly. It is those on the fringe, the ones you can't easily isolate from such as casual neighbors, friends of friends, etc. It is not pervasive, either.So I don't understand the issue here. So you buy a bigger home. How do your wife's friends know whether you are now house poor or FI?
If your wife is not fully onboard with upgrading your house, that's a discussion you need to have. But if it just about appearances, move on!
How about telling them about all those daily lattes and nightly rounds of beer at the local bar you gave up to pay for the truck?My exact advise.... I just bought a newer truck, and have had several people make the "you must be rich" bitch.... I bitch back about barely able to make the payment.