BUYING is such an addictive behavior and is there a cure for it??

[kaudrey]

I just don't like to spend money. Not sure if that is a cure for you.

----
I'm with you, mwsinron. I spend money on going to events or traveling, but other than that, I really don't.

I was dragged to a mall with a friend last month, and we were stopped by a kiosk lady trying to sell nail-care products. I let her demonstrate on me, and I actually liked the result. So then comes the hard sell, and I say I am not interested. We go back and forth for a little while, and she finally says, "why don't you want to buy this?"

My response: "Because I don't spend money." My friend was cracking up.

 

[LOL!]

About the only things I like to spend money on are mutual funds and ETFs. So if I have the urge to go shopping, I can usually find some asset class to purchase.

 

[Enuff2Eat]

About the only things I like to spend money on are mutual funds and ETFs. So if I have the urge to go shopping, I can usually find some asset class to purchase.

what do u do for fun or for food??

 

[LOL!]

what do u do for fun or for food??

For food, I eat, but I make my spouse pay. For fun, I travel, ride my bike and coach/play competitive sports. I also have my employer pay for most of my travel and fun.

 

[audreyh1]

To me money itself is not valuable. It's a means, not an end.

If you have enough money where you don't have to work or worry about most financial catastrophes - that "buys" an inordinate amount of personal independence and freedom which are themselves highly desirable.

Money can buy some really neat experiences, although you can have some really neat experiences without spending much money at all. In this scenario money is more that you have the flexibility to spend it when it will enhance the experience.

Money can buy stuff. Most stuff is a wasted purchase.

Money can be used to help further things you believe in. Being able to gift money to causes you believe in can be very rewarding in itself.

Audrey

 

[rw86347]

Here is what I do...

1) Avoid TV ... The best and the brightest make effective commercials.

2) Avoid shopping.

3) When you want something try and see how cheaply you can aquire something. Make it a challenge/compitition.

Recently I wanted a new desk for my bedroom. So I found a crate made from 3/4" plywood, and used it for the top. Then I used metal from an abandonded sign for legs. After painting, welding, and urethane it acually looked great!!! It cost $0. I then splurged on a new pen and notebook for a job well done.

It amazes me how often I can get things close to free. You just have to tap your head ... "think! think! think!" Just like Winnie the Poo.

I also try and get other to depreciate the things I want. Like my daughters clothing is always used.

rw

 

[Siv]

You guys are bad influence....since becoming a member I felt like I've been influencing my husband as well not to spend and just be happy with what we have for example we work together so we always have lunch together...now we find this simple place, not so expensive but food is as great. For dinner when we're not cooking, we also go to reasonable place, not the fine dining type. And actually it's been very pleasant...the company is all it takes, simple meal with happy heart works magic.

Er...but be careful, there's the fine line between simple and stingy...sometimes I wonder if I would eventually become stingy for not liking to spend money. You know the outside view for someone who doesn't spend

I gotta admit buying is addictive. Buying stuff is different than buying funds, you get to touch it...with funds you can only see your excel file showing increases

 

[Delawaredave]

There's a cure: active hobbies and a meaningful life.

People are so lazy that consumption (food and stuff) has become a hobby/sport in itself.

Cycling: I see people spending all their time buying multiple bikes, accessories, upgrades, clothing - and they never ride !

The road bike I use today I bought in 1985. Get good gear, maintain it, keep it forever.

Get out there !

 

[HFWR]

I have a 10-spd racer (Fuji?) I bought at a yard sale 15yrs ago for $35 bucks + new tires and a seat.

Have a 12spd "mountain bike", found on Craig's List for $30 + a kickstand...

 

[Spanky]

stop watching commercials.
avoid shopping centers.
stay away from Best Buy or similar stores.
spend more time walking, biking, etc.
visit your local library more often.
put a stop sign (that says no shopping) on top of your ceiling

 

[haha]

I gotta admit buying is addictive. Buying stuff is different than buying funds, you get to touch it...with funds you can only see your excel file showing increases

Not only that, it may someday happen that you buy and buy and although the fund units are increasing, the $s are falling! Does this ever suck compared to a nice meal out with someone you enjoy.

Ha

 

[Telly]

Re: BUYING is such an addictive behavior and is there a cure for it??

In five pages of replies, I don't see your "cure". Not for a lack of trying by all of the posters here.

I just don't see how a cure can be fashioned, until you locate the motivational source of your disease. Look at your first two sentences, they are a flashing neon sign:

I love buying period. The act of buying so addictive that we buy online and just about anywhere we can find a deal.

I think you need to delve into the inner sanctum, and figure out just what in you the "act of buying" is salving. Identify and solve the real base problem, then the "act of buying" will solve itself. First things first.

Oh geeze, I'm now I'm delving into Psychology on the internet

Uh, you don't mind if I don't go along with ya on this inner trip you need to take, right?

 

[dex]

I just don't see how a cure can be fashioned, until you locate the motivational source of your disease. Look at your first two sentences, they are a flashing neon sign:
I think you need to delve into the inner sanctum, and figure out just what in you the "act of buying" is salving. Identify and solve the real base problem, then the "act of buying" will solve itself. First things first.

This is true and the the real key.

So how about it - What is motivating you to buy?

 

[kcowan]

As a cured buyer, I see the primary motivator in my buying friends as low self-esteem/dissatisfaction with their social life. The acquisition provides a brief high then the need for another fix returns. One of them buys so much that he wants to give me stuff that he will never use. I decline because I no longer consider more stuff to be a benefit.

 

[dex]

As a cured buyer, I see the primary motivator in my buying friends as low self-esteem/dissatisfaction with their social life. The acquisition provides a brief high then the need for another fix returns. One of them buys so much that he wants to give me stuff that he will never use. I decline because I no longer consider more stuff to be a benefit.

I agree. I think it is like a person that overeats - there is a hole in their life they are trying to fill.

I've found that the less things I own the freer and happier I am.

 

[rw86347]

stop watching commercials.
avoid shopping centers.
stay away from Best Buy or similar stores.
spend more time walking, biking, etc.
visit your local library more often.
put a stop sign (that says no shopping) on top of your ceiling

Good advice!!!

 

[haha]

I wonder if OP knew how many sermons he was in for? Most of this is just ordinary Puritanism.

I'm not a big buyer, but more because I don't have the money than because I don't think it might improve my experience of life. The distinction that many are trying to make between experience and things is a false one. Does a better camera or more money spent on classes or on Photoshop enable you to become a better photographer? For most of us yes. That is why professionals have expensive equipment.

Is it more fun to drive a 911 than a VW Jetta? For many of us, yes.

Would it be nicer to have a condo overlooking the Bay at Monte Carlo, or in some suburb in Phoenix?

Give me a break! Just like the Middle Ages did Religion well, we moderns do stuff well.

I agree that if you don't have the money to have others take care of it then it is wise to go easy. Still, a nice plasma with an HD feed is no more trouble than a normal fuzzy TV. Less actually, since it is flat and light.

For me, if I had the money I would spend much more than I do. When that changes I will figure I am getting old.

Ha

 

[youbet]

I've found that the less things I own the freer and happier I am.

I suppose dex..... but I admit I find that concept hard to deal with on such absolute terms. For example, I like to listen to music and recently upgraded some of my audio gear. I could easily afford it, I enjoy it and so I did it. I think owning it makes me happier, not less happy.

How about your Casita? If you didn't own that, you'd own one less thing. But would you be happier without it?

There must be some line demarking reasonableness for each of us. And we probably need to realize that an "OK" and rewarding possession for one person might be an unneccesary trinket for another?

I confess, I don't know exactly where the line defining minimalism and excessivism lies. But, for me, I don't think having less always guarantees more happiness and freedom.

 

[audreyh1]

The key is priorities. Own the things that really enhance your life. Get rid of the clutter that drags you down. I strongly suspect an 80/20 rule here for most folks. Most people have no idea how much of their stuff is sucking the life out of them, or how much their stuff owns them.

But by no means do you have to go to some minimalist lifestyle. It's just that for most people less is truly more.

We got rid of most of what we owned and there is no question that it was a deliciously freeing experience.

But we didn't get rid of EVERYTHING. We kept or even upgraded what was most important. We bought our dream MH, and that's definitely $$$. We still have top notch computers and a very complete set of camera and videocamera gear. Things that enhance the RV lifestyle such as lawn chairs and BBQ grill. Birdwatching and hiking gear. Technical clothing that fits our activities. But we got rid of a house, all the stuff required to maintain a house and yard, loads of kitchen gadgets and dishes, most of our clothes, tons of hobbies we really didn't spend time on anymore.

You just figure out your priorities - what do you like to do most and keep the best of that stuff . Get rid of most of the rest. You can buy even better stuff as a reward for getting rid of most of the rest. Just keep the kitchen appliances you really use, the linens you really use, the hobbies that you really enjoy most, the activities that are most meaningful, the things that really make your life run smoother. Look hard at the things that require a lot of maintenance and see whether they are really worth the cost (hassle factor, space, time, energy) of ownership.

For us it was just as much about uncluttering (streamlining) our lifestyle as it was about decluttering our stuff. Getting rid of a house was a major part of it - oh yeah and that boat that ended up being a pain and $$. We got rid of tons of things that had been sitting around for decades hidden in corners.

Audrey

 

[youbet]

how am i suppose to get the RE land if i am keeping doing things like this? does anyone here have the same disease at i do?? what's the cure for it?

After thinking about this a little.........

Your spending patterns and your professed desires seem to be out of synch. You want to get to ER land, yet your spending prioritizes "stuff" rather than saving-investment vehicles.

Take the necessary steps to fund your deferred retirement savings plans (IRA, 401K, etc.), automate some non-deferred savings such as an auto-transfer from your paycheck to a MF. Do this in amounts that are proportionate to and correlate with your desire to ER.

After that, if you still have disposable income left over, go ahead and buy things if that floats your boat. Enjoy diddling with your new do-dads guilt free. Just prioritize spending on ER as number one and automate the process to help with the willpower issue.

 

[dex]

I suppose dex..... but I admit I find that concept hard to deal with on such absolute terms. For example, I like to listen to music and recently upgraded some of my audio gear. I could easily afford it, I enjoy it and so I did it. I think owning it makes me happier, not less happy.

How about your Casita? If you didn't own that, you'd own one less thing. But would you be happier without it?

There must be some line demarking reasonableness for each of us. And we probably need to realize that an "OK" and rewarding possession for one person might be an unneccesary trinket for another?

I confess, I don't know exactly where the line defining minimalism and excessivism lies. But, for me, I don't think having less always guarantees more happiness and freedom.

I was thinking how to answer your questioni but I think audreyh1 in the next post to yours gave a great answer.

It is a mater of priorities, perspectives, introspection, affordability, and I guess choices.

 

[youbet]

It is a mater of priorities, perspectives, introspection, affordability, and I guess choices.

Absolutely! I agree with that 100%.

 

[Martha]

I am not especially puritanical. I like a warm, cozy home, with nice well made furnishings. Maybe it was growing up in a home with moldy walls, leaky roof, and broken down furniture (I remember the couch with a log supporting one end after the legs broke). Is that filling a hole? I don't know and I don't care. I like having my nice furniture and oriental rugs, and art on the walls, in a building that was built to last. So I worked longer to accummulate some things. There isn't anything inherently wrong with that.

 

[haha]

I agree. I think it is like a person that overeats - there is a hole in their life they are trying to fill.

Sometimes, maybe. But if you follow recent research overeating may have more to do with hormones and genes than with holes in one's life. I have a hole or two in my life, but I don't overeat. It would just make me vomit.

It also may be that some people overeat because they have very acute taste sensors, and they simply enjoy eating more than the typical person does.

Ha

 

[kcowan]

So I worked longer to accummulate some things. There isn't anything inherently wrong with that.

Agreed. It is the balance on the personal priorities that matter.

OTOH, we had the occasion to ask a rich friend how many black slacks she owned. She was not sure but guessed at around 200! The shear accumulation of stuff was causing her to have serious inventory management challenges.

I think even HaHa would have a problem with that kind of buying mania.