CCRC vs Age in Place

Mr. Tightwad said:
I just never seem to have the problems that others have, whether it be this topic or many others.
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You are fortunate, but with a 24-year long renter, the person was probably a good person in their heart and was trying to see if they could get away with not paying rent.
 
Mr. Tightwad said:
I was (and still am) a landlord in CA during that time. 3 tenants, a small-timer.

2 tenants behaved as normal.

1 mentioned something about Covid. I said you have to pay your rent or I'll get rid of you one way or another.

She paid then, and continues to this day. Been there around 24 years.
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You are lucky it worked out before you had to play tough guy. We had a property management firm and they had the services of the best eviction law firm in town, but we were stuck until the State Eviction Moratorium was recinded and then we were able to take the renter to court before a judge.
 
RetiredHappy said:
The best way to work with living at home is to hire an agency which employs caregivers, and then hire a geriatric care manager to help supervise everything, including accompanying you to doctor's appointments, reporting back to family, whether the caregivers are doing their job or not, helping to fire one agency and hiring another if necessary.
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What would that all cost?
 
bmcgonig said:
What would that all cost?
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10 years ago, geriatric care manager in California was about $75 per hour. I am sure their rates have gone up in this 10 years. They are typically retired registered nurses or social workers (with masters degree). They bill by the hour, but typically runs a couple of hours per week.
 
I think the people that will successfully age in place will be people who have a trustworthy kid who will make sure everything is OK, take care of carers or agencies or whatever. Or if you want to go another way once you’re ready to move to assisted living the trustworthy kid will find you a nice place or help you move there and visit you and make sure everything is taken care of.

For those of us without that trustworthy kid a CCRC is a more reliable situation. We hope we will get well taken care of when we are less able to care for ourselves.

However, at some stage, many people look at a CCRC as a HOA that not only tells you how to take care of your house and garden, but also how to take care of yourself. I’ve talked to a few people now in CCRCs that find the lack of autonomy at an older age to be restrictive. Others don’t seem to mind.

One person I know who is in his late 80s has been in a beautiful CCRC on the beach with his wife for 15 years and looking back, feels that he would have rather aged in place and then at some stage moved to a assisted living when it would be necessary. He thinks in retrospect it would’ve been a better choice..

I am on a five-year waiting list for one so I’m hedging my bets.
 
Amethyst said:
I guess everyone differs when it comes to losing your mind. My late husband had an unspecified dementia. As his memory worsened and his high intellect kept dropping, he was well aware, openly distressed , ashamed, and also incredibly bored because he couldn't follow a movie, book, or even a newspaper article. He certainly couldn't carry on a conversation and would have been a disaster in a grim gray "memory" facility where someone has to be paid to help you find the dining room (which is what I found when looking locally).

The only person he liked and trusted was me. I kept him as busy as I could with trips and going to stores and to the gym, but he would get bored and wander off when I wasn't watching. We were extremely lucky that he had no physical ailments until very near the end of his life, but he suffered constantly.
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My dad was in complete denial with his cognitive decline, so I stopped myself and anyone else from mentioning it in his presence. He would just shake his head in wonderment when people would do things for him as if he were senile and soon learned to take advantage of it, pretending to be more feeble minded than he really was in order to gain sympathy. The one symptom that he was unable to mask was his affection towards females. Any female. He wanted hugs, then pressed them for a kiss. Not just once, but several times a day because he forgot he already got his hug. It creeped out all of the female family members to the point they wouldn't come for visits any longer. I spoke with his doctors about meds to cool his libido, but nothing seemed to work. My wife finally had enough with his hands and we had to find a home for him that had memory issue care.
 
skipro33 said:
My dad was in complete denial with his cognitive decline, so I stopped myself and anyone else from mentioning it in his presence. He would just shake his head in wonderment when people would do things for him as if he were senile and soon learned to take advantage of it, pretending to be more feeble minded than he really was in order to gain sympathy. The one symptom that he was unable to mask was his affection towards females. Any female. He wanted hugs, then pressed them for a kiss. Not just once, but several times a day because he forgot he already got his hug. It creeped out all of the female family members to the point they wouldn't come for visits any longer. I spoke with his doctors about meds to cool his libido, but nothing seemed to work. My wife finally had enough with his hands and we had to find a home for him that had memory issue care.
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Thank God my late husband never forgot his manners. After people at the gym learned he was dead, a number of them told me what a "sweet" man he was. He always had a big smile for people but didn't embarrass anyone.
 
camfused said:
I suspect there are several threads already discussing this, but I could not find one.

So...we are on the wait list for a nice CCRC, which is fine. It will probably be about 4 years from now before we can move in.....
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Parents in law did a type A contract for a CCRC at 75 and eventually regretted the decision. They would have preferred a different option at 85 but felt stuck.
 
RetMD21 said:
Parents in law did a type A contract for a CCRC at 75 and eventually regretted the decision. They would have preferred a different option at 85 but felt stuck.
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What other option would they have preferred?
 
They were 90 minutes away from any of their children. There is a very nice assisted living 2 miles from one daughter. She would have been able to provide emotional and logistical support. If they moved they would have been at risk of running out of money. Their net worth had already taken a big hit from the non-refundable move in fee at the CCRC.
 
RetMD21 said:
They were 90 minutes away from any of their children. There is a very nice assisted living 2 miles from one daughter. She would have been able to provide emotional and logistical support. If they moved they would have been at risk of running out of money. Their net worth had already taken a big hit from the non-refundable move in fee at the CCRC.
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Aging in place close to a very nice assisted living place might be a good way to do accomplish everything.
 
bmcgonig said:
Aging in place close to a very nice assisted living place might be a good way to do accomplish everything.
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Our plan; actually lots of nice assisted living places.
 
A brief update on my move: After a terrible week trying to untangle a nasty legal mess (see my "What did you do today" post here What did you do today 2026 for the gory details) the sale of my house closed on schedule yesterday, I'll feel even better when the proceeds are in my account, which should happen today.

I thought I did a good job paring down but should have gotten rid of more furniture. Will give Habitat for Humanity a call. I like my apartment (and will like it better when I'm all unpacked). Being in a much smaller space doesn't bother me at all. I've met some nice people. The one drawback so far is not having a short path from my car to my home. I do have space in an underground garage but I just did a Costco run and toting that stuff was WORK. I plan to work with the personal trainer here on weight training anyway but I suppose when I can't carry loads for long distances I'll get delivery or eat in the restaurants. I get a $300/month restaurant credit but that won't go very far.

DS and DDIL are 1.5 hours away with DDIL's mother as she recovers from surgery but Ill see them Sunday after they return. I jokingly told them I was very upset that they weren't here when the movers arrived at 11 PM Sunday (and were unpacking till 2:30 AM). Yeah, that was another train wreck.

Glad to have almost all of it in the rearview mirror.
 
athena53 said:
The one drawback so far is not having a short path from my car to my home. I do have space in an underground garage but I just did a Costco run and toting that stuff was WORK.
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We have a similar challenge for our CCRC place after a Costco visit--our solution was to buy a Costco wagon. They are on sale occasionally but a godsend for the trip from our garage to apt. Many of our underground garage occupants spaces can be seen with a folded up cart leaning on the wall in front of their space
 
RetMD21 said:
They were 90 minutes away from any of their children. There is a very nice assisted living 2 miles from one daughter. She would have been able to provide emotional and logistical support. If they moved they would have been at risk of running out of money. Their net worth had already taken a big hit from the non-refundable move in fee at the CCRC.
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My takeaway is a CCRC or standard senior living community with assisted and memory care options are not inherently bad. It's just if there are kids and grandkids, their proximity needs to be factored into the initial decision to move to a place that will take care of us when we need them. The family proximity needs to be factored into any move for that matter. I have a retired friend and his wife who moved a couple of years ago to Reno, NV. Now, one of their married kids are expecting a kid. So my friend and his wife have home for sale in Reno and are now living in Idaho, closer to son. House is not selling in Reno, price continues to be dropping. Stress and a mess. Seems to me this could have been avoided with proper planning. But what do I know, I am a confirmed bachelor with no kids.
 
nwsteve said:
We have a similar challenge for our CCRC place after a Costco visit--our solution was to buy a Costco wagon. They are on sale occasionally but a godsend for the trip from our garage to apt. Many of our underground garage occupants spaces can be seen with a folded up cart leaning on the wall in front of their space
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You're not gonna believe this. The guy who's in charge of the process from marketing to settling in just dropped by with some welcome gifts- loaded onto a trolley like that. The trolley is one of the gifts! I'd had one in college since I lived off-campus but didn't have a car so I knew they existed.

I think I chose the right place. :)

PaulR888 said:
My takeaway is a CCRC or standard senior living community with assisted and memory care options are not inherently bad. It's just if there are kids and grandkids, their proximity needs to be factored into the initial decision to move to a place that will take care of us when we need them. The family proximity needs to be factored into any move for that matter.
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I agree that's a concern. DS and DDIL are pretty firmly rooted in this area and there are other employers in his field here. DDIL is a full-time mother. Her own mother lives about 1.5 hours away but was making plans to move here after her husband died but she's now recovering from surgery for pancreatic cancer (caught very early- she has good chances) so that's come to a halt. Her sister and brother-in-law are in the area with a new baby and her brother is in Omaha, 3 hours away. They're a very close family. DS and DDIL are also fully involved with their church community. I know how that goes- it was hard to leave mine.

But, just to be safe, I told DS that if he and DDIL move away I'm staying here and I'm writing them out of my will. :)
 
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PaulR888 said:
My takeaway is a CCRC or standard senior living community with assisted and memory care options are not inherently bad. It's just if there are kids and grandkids, their proximity needs to be factored into the initial decision to move to a place that will take care of us when we need them. The family proximity needs to be factored into any move for that matter. I have a retired friend and his wife who moved a couple of years ago to Reno, NV. Now, one of their married kids are expecting a kid. So my friend and his wife have home for sale in Reno and are now living in Idaho, closer to son. House is not selling in Reno, price continues to be dropping. Stress and a mess. Seems to me this could have been avoided with proper planning. But what do I know, I am a confirmed bachelor with no kids.
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The problem is that kids move too.
 
athena53 said:
You're not gonna believe this. The guy who's in charge of the process from marketing to settling in just dropped by with some welcome gifts- loaded onto a trolley like that. The trolley is one of the gifts! I'd had one in college since I lived off-campus but didn't have a car so I knew they existed.

I think I chose the right place. :)
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How about that!
 
athena53 said:
You're not gonna believe this. The guy who's in charge of the process from marketing to settling in just dropped by with some welcome gifts- loaded onto a trolley like that. The trolley is one of the gifts! I'd had one in college since I lived off-campus but didn't have a car so I knew they existed.

I think I chose the right place. :)
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NO question, You have done well! 👏👏
 
PaulR888 said:
I admitted I was ignorant of family dynamics, but I would assume most people in late 70s to early 80s have kids settled into their homes.
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Hard to say. We’ve had folks in our 55+ community change their winter home to follow their kids, and then the kids moved again. They were probably in their early 70s or older. It’s a challenge.
 
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