children

[alecialea]

My wife and I are getting towards the deciding point as well, and we've gone back and forth a few times.

We're both 28 right now, but just starting into a good section of our careers (Both of us just moved from software engineers into management).  So we're both making a pretty bundle, we moved into a nice new ouse (not above our means, but not really below either), and are doing well for ourselves.  As has been stated in plenty of journals, 35 is around the last age you want to aim for children, as past that point you start to have increased number of birth defects, etc.

So we're trying to figure out what our priorities are, and what we'd like to do.  Too bad life isn't like a video game.. "Ok, didn't enjoy that life too much without kids, lets reload and try our early 30's again without the condoms".

On one side of the ring, weighing in at 9 lbs 3 ounces, we have Children.

We do not want our children raised by relatives, babysitters, child care, etc (as we believe we'd be missing a large point of having children).  So if we do have children, one of us would need to stay home for at least the first few years (at least until they're in school full time). 

Now we also both feel pretty negatively about the public school system, so we're also leaning towards home schooling.  That would basically knock out the next 18 years for one parent if we have kids. 


Without children, we certainly have a lot of financial bonuses.  Two incomes going up, two maxed 401k's, etc.  As we go along, we're getting better at cutting our expenses, paying down debt, etc.  Other than our house, our expenses have been going down over the last few years rather than up.  So I figure we'll be sitting pretty within a few years as we pay down our cars (excessive purchases, which we've both somewhat regretted), put extra towards investing, etc.

A

No idea.  We "think" we would like kids.  We both enjoy when they're around.  We get a little google eyed when a kid makes a cute face in a restaurant at us.  We also both walk away when a kid is screaming at a family party, so who knows? (I think usually we're frustrated with the parent, not the kid).  Anyway, it's a very tough decision.  It's made more difficult by the fact of the time constraints.  As I mentioned, we'd be perfectly happy putting off kids until our mid 40's, but that's not really in the cards.  We might miss not having kids, or we might regret them (both very sad situations).  Who knows?

Ya'll sound like us a few years ago. It was a given that we would have at least one kid, but beyond that, we are very unsure. I can tell you this- it's the hardest and yet one of the best things we have ever done. I'm one of those that loved children as long as I could send them home with someone else. My husband is a submariner and so I knew that having children would mean raising them by myself alot. We felt strongly that we didn't want a nanny, so I gave up a career as an exercise physiologist to stay home. That is really tough for an independant outgoing, Type A person. Sometimes I feel as though I have lost my former self and it's a battle to retain the person you were before kids. I do my best with loads of stilettos and handbags. IT CAN BE DONE.

One of the only things about being this type of career driven person is that when you become a mom, you then give up the career (temporarily) and transfer all of that drive and energy into being a "perfect" mom. You want to do the absolute best, just as you would have done at work. Guess what- NOT POSSIBLE! I have spent the last 3 years being near the top of the playgroup, pre-school, cookie making and Halloween party mommy food-chain and it's the only thing that keeps me going. Unfortunately kids don't always cooperate and you feel like you do it all for nothing. So that's my warning. Yes- all that jazz is more for the Mom than the kid

Now for the good stuff- money is just money. Trust me, it's loads more fun to buy toys and take your children on adventures than it is to take yourselves. And you don't have to give everything up. We too insisted on a really nice house and a Porsche is definately in the not so distant future. We refused to give up those things that truly make us happy. Yes, handbags make me THAT happy!

We still go out, we are saving for college and private schools and most importantly, we put our marriage before ANYTHING! Happy parents make happy kids. So- that's my 2 cent worth. If it's dis-jointed etc, forgive me. I was very intelligent at one time, but my sweetie has sucked almost all of my brain cells out!

 

[grumpy]

I'm just wondering how you can have a nice house, be saving for a Porsche, saving for college and private school with you not working and on a submariner's pay? You must have socked away a lot of money before you stopped working. Or is there another source of funds you didn't mention?

Grumpy

 

[haha]

Alecialea, I like your style!

Ha

 

[brewer12345]

I'm just wondering how you can have a nice house, be saving for a Porsche, saving for college and private school with you not working and on a submariner's pay?  You must have socked away a lot of money before you stopped working.  Or is there another source of funds you didn't mention?

   Grumpy

The profits from the crack she sells to the neighbors' kid probably helps a lot.

 

[shiny]

Brewer, you just crack me up

 

[Nords]

I'm just wondering how you can have a nice house, be saving for a Porsche, saving for college and private school with you not working and on a submariner's pay?  You must have socked away a lot of money before you stopped working.  Or is there another source of funds you didn't mention?
Grumpy

OK, I just can't take it any more, I've been waiting for Alecia to respond but she has better things to do in the next few weeks than hang around here learning about kayaks.

It's not the big paycheck, it's the lack of spending opportunities. With all that sea time there's a lot of contemplation of innovative methods to fritter it away, but not much time to execute.

The submarine force also starts paying a bonus when officers have served their initial obligations. (I don't know if they're at that point yet; she said "future".) If I remember correctly a commitment to stick around for at least another three years is rewarded with $25K/year (not bad on $54K base pay). This funds one heck of a transportation purchase or an ER portfolio, whichever comes first!

 

[alecialea]

I'm just wondering how you can have a nice house, be saving for a Porsche, saving for college and private school with you not working and on a submariner's pay?  You must have socked away a lot of money before you stopped working.  Or is there another source of funds you didn't mention?

   Grumpy

Let's just say that Nuke bonuses (alot more than they used to be), good retirement plans and good money management are key. I bet Nords would back me up on that. Plus living in the South East (though we are leaving it) makes things alot more attainable.

On top of that, cars are our fun/luxery items. We don't go out to extravagant dinners every night, we don't golf or have a coutnry club membership. We aren't into diamonds or that kind of thing. We don't travel that much for fun, because (as it sounds like you know) we travel enough with the Navy. As long as I have a fast car at my disposal and great shoes, I can make it. That's what our disposable income goes toward.

And trust me, if I were selling crack as someone else suggested- I'd probably be taking it myself by now- a 3 year old, absent hubby and a move to HA in June is a bit much on my plate at the moment. Dealing crack (or smoking it) sounds reasonable at this point!

 

[alecialea]

OK, I just can't take it any more, I've been waiting for Alecia to respond but she has better things to do in the next few weeks than hang around here learning about kayaks.

Hey Nords- I was working on a reply- you barly beat me to the punch- right about the bonuses and even a little under on the base pay. Without the Navy, I'd be working my butt off in a hospital and my kid would be in school alot more!

Is kayaking fun? I'm a beach bum in the sunbathing sense.

 

[Nords]

Is kayaking fun? I'm a beach bum in the sunbathing sense.

Yes, especially in the surf off White Plains Beach in Kalealoa.

"Kayaks" are this board's shorthand for hijacking a thread with off-topic comments. Pretty much an art form around here blamed on short attention spans. Or crack use.

But that reminds me-- get the kid a good flotation vest, similar to the kind found on a boat. A few swimming lessons if necessary and then you'll all be ready for surfing lessons. You can find all the other required Hawaii water toys at base garage sales.

 

[alecialea]

A surfer huh? We're looking forward to a real ocean. Coming from the FL coast, we didn't feel like being shark bait, so we stayed out of the water. Our little one loves the pool, but this will be his first chance to really get out there in the ocean! Thanks for the tips.

Love the boards BTW- keeps me from staying in 24hr
Navy Wife/Secretary/Moving Coordinator/Mom mode