College or car?

[livingalmostlarge]

I have to ask and maybe I'm thinking about this incorrectly. But a friend's daughter got into to her top choice school a small liberal arts college. Cost of attendance is $92k a year. In state at a low ranked school is $38k a year. There are other schools in between. But she was rejected by the in state flagship.

So i get not paying outrageous amounts for college. And feeling $90k is too much for college. But here's my issue and problem with my friend saying it is unaffordable. And I sort of pointed it out and maybe I'm wrong.

Her husband in October 2025 bought a new $160k porshe and she drives a leased BMW SUV $120k. And they have always driven nice BMWs cars.

If college at $92k a year is ridiculous and it is, I guess I feel like then if you didn't buy a $180k porshe after 10% sales tax you could pay for 2 years of University.

I get not borrowing and feeling its a rip off. But really I am struggling with any family suing college is expensive and unaffordable and you drive nearly 400k in cars.

Or am I not getting that the parent deserve to drive luxury cars and her husband drives it daily and is so happy with his purchase? I guess I would say that I differential between in state and lac is $55k and if you scale back to a lesser car shouldn't college become more affordable?

Or is it that you should never pay that much for college?

 

[planuntilthefisthits]

I get it. The parents are driving above their means. What were their plans for the kid's education?

Which college is charging 90K?

 

[latexman]

$92k is too much. Daughter should go to a community college for about two years to take classes that transfer to the flagship State University, then transfer.

 

[L-5Player]

I'm sure $160k + $120k cars were acquired with borrowed money. They must have (giant) monthly payments, which is the basis by which so many people judge whether they can "afford" something.

A semester's tuition bill of $46,000, due at once in full, is a very different calculus.

Still, it's quite selfish of the parents, ignoring the very high cost of that school. But I'll bet even a more typical $50k COA would fluster them.

 

[srblanco7]

My 2 cents - I would not use a “poor” decision regarding how much to spend on depreciating assets (cars) as a means to justify another poor decision (spending $90k+/year for college).

I say that without any insight into their overall financials. Just my quick reaction. That being said, as a parent, I’d struggle to justify splurging on fancy cars for myself and DW and then draw a line in the sand on investing in one of my kids. Just not who I am.

 

[pb4uski]

I think driving a $160k daily driver Porsche and a $120k BMW are more ridiculous than a $92k college. All a bit crazy unless your making huge $$$$.

 

[Aiming_4_55]

If both parents are working and can afford the high end cars, then that might be the cost of therapy. Not a personal choice I would make. As for college, perhaps the parents didn't see the daughter try hard enough to get into the in-state school or the daughter's major/career option may not warrant $92k a year. It's easy to lower tuition cost for the General Education studies, they can be taken during years 1 - 2 at a community college or free online classes like Modern States. Just have to make sure the classes are transferrable for her major. It's a personal judgement on what is a reasonable expense as I would not fund that college expense unless it was actually medical school.

 

[Flyfish1]

Well as you pointed out the BMW is leased and I'lll bet the Porsche is an auto loan and not an outright purchase. So, they have big monthly bills, they didn't just drop down $400K for two cars. However, they should have thought and saved for their daughter's education. Maybe they did and it's just a bit over their budget, I don't know. If they don't mind big monthly payments then OK they have to suck it up and take a loan to cover the $92K school. That is a large number and sometimes those small liberal arts schools in my opinion don't provide value for the cost. Tough to say since we don't know their numbers.

 

[disneysteve]

Which college is charging 90K?

Drexel University is about 85K this year. I’m sure there are plenty of others in that ballpark.

 

[G POP]

Up until 3 years ago when I retired, I worked in high end military aviation. Many MIT Aerospace grads, etc…. Not one of them paid 90k+ per year for their undergraduate degree.

 

[athena53]

My 2 cents - I would not use a “poor” decision regarding how much to spend on depreciating assets (cars) as a means to justify another poor decision (spending $90k+/year for college).

If they have the kind of income level that allows them to drive uber-expensive cars (even with high monthly lease or loan payments), I'd hope they put aside SOMETHING for her education- at the very least, 4 years on campus at a decent in-state university.

OTOH- if my kid got accepted to a university costing $92K/year, even if I could afford it I'd be asking what extra value he or she would get for the steep costs. I just checked my alma mater, U. of Cincinnati and it looks like it's about $30K per year including room and board for out-of-state. I'd go for the $92K one only under very specific circumstances. If the kid were brilliant, driven and wanted to get into a competitive grad school program or would benefit from a network of future cabinet members and other high-power people- maybe. For an elementary ed or social work degree? No. Both honorable professions but little extra value added by the extra educational costs.

 

[COcheesehead]

Part of me says I would just giggle and look the other way. Another part of me says it’s none of my business how others live their lives. Not my monkey, not my circus.

 

[Lorenzo]

Her husband in October 2025 bought a new $160k porshe and she drives a leased BMW SUV $120k. And they have always driven nice BMWs cars.

If their income is something like $700k, this lifestyle doesn't sound crazy to me. I used to ask myself, "How much would I have to earn to consider a $50k car a reasonable purchase for me?"

Anyway, I think they have their priorities wrong. College of one's choice ranks higher than parents' cars. My parents, who were of modest means, would have sacrificed everything to get me into whatever college I wanted--I was never pressured to go to a state school, thought it would have saved them money. They were believers in name-brand colleges. Times have changed to some extent, as more people recognize the value of state schools.

 

[Jerry1]

The problem with going to a community college for the first two years is that they don’t have the campus experience that the higher level universities offer. If I couldn’t get into the “flagship” university, I’d go down the list and try to get into the next best the state had to offer. Though, as stated, I’d want to make sure any credits I earned could be transfer to the flagship university so that the ability to graduate from the flagship remains viable.

While I agree with the OP on the parent’s choices, I would not say anything to them. It’s none of my business. As a curious bystander, I would like to know what the child’s intent is for their major which may play into the parent's actions. Similarly, I wonder why she didn’t get accepted, e.g., what were her high school grades. I wonder if the daughter has realistic expectations.

 

[Steelpony]

I have to ask and maybe I'm thinking about this incorrectly. But a friend's daughter got into to her top choice school a small liberal arts college. Cost of attendance is $92k a year. In state at a low ranked school is $38k a year. There are other schools in between. But she was rejected by the in state flagship.

So i get not paying outrageous amounts for college. And feeling $90k is too much for college. But here's my issue and problem with my friend saying it is unaffordable. And I sort of pointed it out and maybe I'm wrong.

Her husband in October 2025 bought a new $160k porshe and she drives a leased BMW SUV $120k. And they have always driven nice BMWs cars.

If college at $92k a year is ridiculous and it is, I guess I feel like then if you didn't buy a $180k porshe after 10% sales tax you could pay for 2 years of University.

I get not borrowing and feeling its a rip off. But really I am struggling with any family suing college is expensive and unaffordable and you drive nearly 400k in cars.

Or am I not getting that the parent deserve to drive luxury cars and her husband drives it daily and is so happy with his purchase? I guess I would say that I differential between in state and lac is $55k and if you scale back to a lesser car shouldn't college become more affordable?

Or is it that you should never pay that much for college?

I didn’t read all the responses so sorry if this is repetitive.

Adults manage their money any way they want because they earned it.

A high school “child” becomes an adult at age 18 by law not through their knowledge of the real world or stage of maturity. Parents had the responsibility to at least attempt to prepare their child for the real world. Parents’ obligations end by law at 18.

I understand the world has changed and “modern” thinking seems to obligate other adults (and grandparents) to pay for other adults further education, weddings, daycare etc. until they pass while the receiving adults continue to live the way they want.

I see nothing wrong with the parents other than how a child is raised today and maybe not learning to separate needs from wants spending, prioritization and goals until you’re further along in life.

Specific to this post and this culture though it’s too late but some compromises may/will be reached which neither party will be happy with. In this situation one party may see any help as voluntary while the other sees it as obligatory.

 

[disneysteve]

I just checked my alma mater and it's a little over 46K this year. My daughter's college is just over 61K.

One thing I'd point out though is that hardly anyone, like usually under 5% of students, pays sticker price. When our daughter was in college, it was over 50K but we only paid about 30K after scholarships. So 92K might not actually be 92K, though it's still a ton of money even if it is really "only" 70K.

Obviously not your concern what they do but I do wonder if they did anything to prepare for their kid eventually going to college. Did they fund a 529? What was their plan for the past 18 years?

I have encountered some parents who feel their responsibility ends when their kid turns 18. They don't feel college is part of their parenting duties. I firmly disagree but it's not my decision to make for them.

 

[engineernerd]

I could definitely see feeling fleeced at $92k PER YEAR, so with annual increases possibly $400k total, for a semi-useless liberal arts bachelor's degree.

This friend didn't say they were planning to refuse to pay, did she? Just b*ching about it? Even if they are high-income, I would have no trouble commiserating.

I would also be itching to advise the daughter against going this route, depending on the actual likely value of the degree (the specific school and degree program might have more value than one assumes when hearing "liberal arts").

 

[MarieIG]

I wouldn't pay that much for cars, I wouldn't spend that money towards a liberal arts undergraduate degree, and I would not upset myself about how other people spend their own money (barring illegal or abusive activities).

 

[jazz4cash]

Drexel University is about 85K this year. I’m sure there are plenty of others in that ballpark.

Wow. We applied there for our oldest but I guess that was >20 yrs ago. I think it was 25k and within our budget even with 2 more kids to follow. School rankings depend a lot on the major.

 

[athena53]

I understand the world has changed and “modern” thinking seems to obligate other adults (and grandparents) to pay for other adults further education, weddings, daycare etc. until they pass while the receiving adults continue to live the way they want.

Times have changed. When I went to college (class of 1975) costs were manageable. My parents were able to put all 5 of us through state universities with no loans and they did pay out-of-state tuition for my brother to attend one in Ohio, where we'd been raised, even though they'd moved to NY state during brother's senior year. We probably earned 10% of our expenses through summer jobs. Mom was a full-time mother and Dad was in upper management but they sure weren't driving BMWs. Mom died in 2016 and Dad in 2021 and he still left a low seven-figure estate after 18 months in long-term care. I don't think that's possible aymore.

They always let us know we were expected to be on our own after college and for the most part we were. One brother lived with them (but had a good job) till they moved to NY state and he was forced to get his own place. They were sending extra $$ to my sister when she started Med school at age 31 with 3 small children and her husband was trying to keep them afloat working 2 and 3 jobs. Beyond that, there was no subsidy. We were grateful that our educations were paid for.

I did the same with DS. Paid for his college and then he was on his own. He asked for money once- they were buying a bigger house (third baby was in planning stages) and he said $12-$15,000 would keep their monthly mortgage and escrow costs at the same level as their current house. I cheerfully wrote him a check for $15K. That was 6 years ago. I have over $300K total in the 3 kids' 529s but that's purely voluntary and they never asked for it.

I've gone on a bit but I always get a bit hot under the collar at any implication that if parents pay for the kids' college education they don't value it or they goof off or they're going to be perpetually dependent on the parents.

 

[GrayHare]

$60k is common tuition now at private colleges. Add about $25k more for housing, food, books, booze. Scholarship money offsets some of that. Some schools now promise "as much financial aid as we think your family needs" which sounds like something a used car salesman might say.

 

[Steelpony]

Times have changed. When I went to college (class of 1975) costs were manageable. My parents were able to put all 5 of us through state universities with no loans and they did pay out-of-state tuition for my brother to attend one in Ohio, where we'd been raised, even though they'd moved to NY state during brother's senior year. We probably earned 10% of our expenses through summer jobs. Mom was a full-time mother and Dad was in upper management but they sure weren't driving BMWs. Mom died in 2016 and Dad in 2021 and he still left a low seven-figure estate after 18 months in long-term care. I don't think that's possible aymore.

They always let us know we were expected to be on our own after college and for the most part we were. One brother lived with them (but had a good job) till they moved to NY state and he was forced to get his own place. They were sending extra $$ to my sister when she started Med school at age 31 with 3 small children and her husband was trying to keep them afloat working 2 and 3 jobs. Beyond that, there was no subsidy. We were grateful that our educations were paid for.

I did the same with DS. Paid for his college and then he was on his own. He asked for money once- they were buying a bigger house (third baby was in planning stages) and he said $12-$15,000 would keep their monthly mortgage and escrow costs at the same level as their current house. I cheerfully wrote him a check for $15K. That was 6 years ago. I have over $300K total in the 3 kids' 529s but that's purely voluntary and they never asked for it.

I've gone on a bit but I always get a bit hot under the collar at any implication that if parents pay for the kids' college education they don't value it or they goof off or they're going to be perpetually dependent on the parents.

Opinions vary as they should. I’m just responding to the OP and my personal experiences and observations. I paid my way, military service 4 years+, work, Ramen and Tang, cheap living conditions and impound cars. My wife wanted similar for our kids, the old fashioned hard way. I compromised with her and our kids. So no one liked me. I should have let those 2 sides punch it out, lol.

We paid for our 3 but with limits on it like spending money, football tickets, books (they quickly learned to get there first for used books), plus how and where they lived. So tuition and fees, food allowance and any other educational expenses.

They worked in high school and during college. They had skin in the game. Helped them learn money management, a new practical lifetime endeavor. We had saved since their birth sacrificing a lot willingly. So to us it was a gift for the deserving which all 3 were.

I found that was a good compromise. As far as anything further for kids and grandkids unless it’s an emergency for anyone over 18, good luck.

Directly to your last statement. I and my wife wouldn’t have slipped into dependent adult children. We know a few though. I didn’t mean to imply anything. I did state all adults are entitled to spend their earnings any way they want car or gifts to whoever. I would still do it the same way.

If either of us ends up in assisted living, memory care or LTC as deserving parents we look forward to similar treatment. After all everyone say how we chipped for my parents.

 

[SnowballCamper]

I dunno.
The Porsche could have been bought with cash...who knows?
Both the college and cars described in the original post are way overpriced from my perspective, but if you have lots of money there is no requirement to spend it prudently, or consistently.

 

[rk911]

Priorities seem a bit out of whack but we don't have kids and are products of state schools.

 

[stepford]

This thread made me check on costs at the college I attended.
Tuition - $66K/yr, Total* - $93K.

Yikes. It was $6K when I went (almost 50 years ago).

* - Total is Tuition, Fees, Room and Board