Comparing dating sites

[jIMOh]

I am 42 yo and divorced.

I use a combination of Eharmony, Tinder, It's just lunch and OK Cupid...

curious what others experience with dating sites is?

 

[Amethyst]

1. I have NO personal experience with dating sites, but a friend and co-worker in her early 40's got a steady stream of Losers from Match.com. I think her problem was that she didn't specify they had to have steady jobs making at least as much as she did . She finally married an excellent match (for her) whom she met the old-fashioned way, at work.

2. Another cow-orker met, married, and has since had a baby with a lady he met via Match.com. Last I checked they'd been married for 6 years, and going strong. It's not that he had more "going on" than Example No.1; he was just better at specifying his "requirements."

Amethyst

 

[truenorth418]

1. I have NO personal experience with dating sites, but a friend and co-worker in her early 40's got a steady stream of Losers from Match.com. I think her problem was that she didn't specify they had to have steady jobs making at least as much as she did .

I have no job and have low income. I guess according to your friend's standards I'm a loser.

And yet I am a muti-millionaire with financial assets in the top 1% of the US. Oh well, her loss!

My advice to the OP is to find an online venue with the best chance of being able to tell your unique story. My guess is if you're on this forum you don't fit the typical boxes.


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[easysurfer]

My understanding is that since OK Cupid is free but only pay for advanced features, that could draw the scammers. Tinder is based mostly on appearance (some say that is shallow) and eharmony is more limiting (could be a good thing) in that instead of updating your profile and getting search results quickly, there's more screening involved.

I have a nephew who found his girlfriend on eharmony (well, I think she found him) and they see very happy together.

 

[Amethyst]

I think you're a little off base, unless you are joking. Frankly, I don't think most people think about pairing up with a multimillionaire who can spend as much as he/she wants. My friend said she could have specified "income" but chose not to. For most of us, including me, "income" means "from a job." Because she didn't specify jobs/income, she kept being paired with nice fellows who ended up living in her very nice house and not paying rent. Whereas, she is now living the high life, herself, having found a very nice, very well-paid contractor husband who loves her kids and she loves his.

Most of us think that multimillionaires, who can spend as much as they want, are a rare and special breed who wouldn't consider pairing up with a regular wage slave like my co-workers and (before retirement) myself.

A.

I have no job and have low income. I guess according to your friend's standards I'm a loser.

And yet I am a muti-millionaire with financial assets in the top 1% of the US. Oh well, her loss!

 

[travelover]

My data is 10 years old, but I met DW on Match.com. I found it to be very efficient in that one can sort for key parameters that would likely mean a compatible mate.

You will find that photos tend to be old, actual weights tend to be higher and "self employed" often means unemployed. That said, it beats the heck out of going to bars or hoping to meet someone through someone else.

 

[HFWR]

Been on match and plenty of fish(y people). Decided to just buy random women dinner..


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[Hermit]

I've thought about trying this route, but with a name like "Hermit" I don't think I would get many responses!

 

[MooreBonds]

I prefer eharmony. Have used it for a while. They use a variety of factors to send you matches that are going to be, on average, more compatible with you, than you simply picking 10 search variables and searching randomly.


There can be quite a bit to using psychology and other factors (like one's primary and secondary "love language") to see if people are compatible. Also, since eHarmony is relatively more expensive than Match, people are (again, relatively) more serious about finding someone to spend the rest of their life with.

Obviously, nothing is fool-proof, and I have met a handful of truly crazy people on eHarmony. But will stay with them because, overall, my matches have been pretty good.

I also have a profile on a website centered around higher income/net worth people. As expected, most people on there are shallow, and just looking for someone with some bucks to spend on them and just be pretty arm candy. In addition to most of them not being cut from the same Live Below Your Means cloth as I am. There are a few rare hard-working people, but they're few and far between.

 

[REWahoo]

My wife doesn't like me to use any of them...

 

[steelyman]

Decided to just buy random women dinner..


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Do you just walk over in a restaurant when you see the waiter bring their check? "May I pick that up?".

 

[travelover]

My wife doesn't like me to use any of them...

Yea, it is kind of embarrassing to meet up with your spouse there.

 

[Walt34]

My wife doesn't like me to use any of them...

Not being suicidal, I didn't even ask.

 

[David1961]

Several years ago, I completed the free assessment questionnaire on Eharmony. Afterward, instead of sending me my "free matches", they said that based on how I answered the questions, they would not be able to match me up with anyone and politely thanked me for taking the time to answer their questions and wished me luck. I recall the email said that this happens to about 10% of the people.
Guess I'm just a unique person.

 

[Walt34]

Guess I'm just a unique person.

That, or something else....

 

[Nemo2]

Some time after my late wife died I met my (current) wife on LavaLife in Canada (no idea if it's still operational).....prior to meeting her I encountered a few nice women......certainly worked for me.

 

[Amethyst]

I hope you really meant to say "buy dinner for random women," because your syntax is, shall we say, ambiguous

(and yes, being inclined to say things like "your syntax is ambiguous" made it rather hard for me to get dates, back in the day! No matter how good I looked in a short dress).

Been on match and plenty of fish(y people). Decided to just buy random women dinner..


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[omni550]

I tried Plenty of Fish a few years ago. In spite of filtering as best I could, it felt like all of the guys I met were nice, but just so random. I kept saying it would be akin to stopping the next 50 cars on the highway and trying to date the drivers.

omni

 

[truenorth418]

I think you're a little off base, unless you are joking. Frankly, I don't think most people think about pairing up with a multimillionaire who can spend as much as he/she wants. My friend said she could have specified "income" but chose not to. For most of us, including me, "income" means "from a job."

A.

Yes, I was joking. Sorry, I should have used an emoticon .

In my experience with online dating, mostly several years ago on match.com, I found a lot of "sizing up" going on. Some of it's driven by the upfront screening and questionnaires. The questions are standard demographic questions, revolving around income and occupation, and don't easily lend themselves to an early retirement type person. Our lifestyle requires a little more explaining.

I suppose if I were to try it again I would use eHarmony. From what I know of it the people who use it tend to dig a little deeper, maybe because it is known for people looking for serious relationships. I know several people who went on eHarmony to find a spouse (and were successful, including my brother).


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[Mulligan]

My wife doesn't like me to use any of them...

My GF would not appreciate it either... About 10 years ago I met a couple nice ladies on eharmony... But they both had 1 or 2 year old "baggage" with them. I broke up with my previous GF because I didn't want to start a second family so I certainly wasn't going to go that route.
I was fortunate enough to work in the education business and it was 75% women. And these women all knew other women, and lots of them. So that was the playground area I chose to play in. It also led me to my current long time GF, and hopefully my last one....


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[RunningBum]

A friend of mine is on match.com. Sorted through a few, and found a guy she really likes. Things moved slowly for quite a while, he couldn't seem to find much time for her. Turns out his wife was keeping him too busy. He's claiming he'll leave her if she'll say she'll have him but I think he's playing games. She's not the type to take much advice so I'm keeping out of it.

 

[clifp]

I prefer eharmony. Have used it for a while. They use a variety of factors to send you matches that are going to be, on average, more compatible with you, than you simply picking 10 search variables and searching randomly.


There can be quite a bit to using psychology and other factors (like one's primary and secondary "love language") to see if people are compatible. Also, since eHarmony is relatively more expensive than Match, people are (again, relatively) more serious about finding someone to spend the rest of their life with.

Obviously, nothing is fool-proof, and I have met a handful of truly crazy people on eHarmony. But will stay with them because, overall, my matches have been pretty good.

I also have a profile on a website centered around higher income/net worth people. As expected, most people on there are shallow, and just looking for someone with some bucks to spend on them and just be pretty arm candy. In addition to most of them not being cut from the same Live Below Your Means cloth as I am. There are a few rare hard-working people, but they're few and far between.

Both of these are really good to know. I used Match in the mid 2000s and was generally happy. After a long hiatus I started using again in fall 2013, it started off pretty good, but after meeting one great and two ok woman, I stopped getting dates off it by last summer, so I didn't renew.

I tried E-Harmony briefly and was frustrated. But one of my best friend meet his new wife via E-harmony and swears by it.

Is there a way to speed up the introduction process on E-Harmony?

 

[HFWR]

I hope you really meant to say "buy dinner for random women," because your syntax is, shall we say, ambiguous

(and yes, being inclined to say things like "your syntax is ambiguous" made it rather hard for me to get dates, back in the day! No matter how good I looked in a short dress).

Proper English is a second language for me...

A short skirt can cover a multitude of sins!


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[haha]

I have never used any online dating. I have a steady now, but if I didn't I could find reasonable dates in a week. A woman doesn't have to be perfect; I'm certainly not.

Ha

 

[robbridg]

My wife and I met on Match in 06' so my take is a bit dated, pardon the pun. I found Match to have a lot of control over the characteristics I was looking for. Eharmony didn't.

I actually found my wife by searching with the keyword 'kayaking'. And it's been smooth paddling ever since, well almost.