Date recap in boring detail! Everything went as planned and there may be more fun to come!

[Calico]

@aja8888

It sounds like it went great! I don't think it could have gone better if you had scripted it yourself (with our invaluable input, of course!)

It does sound like she has a full life, but that's a good thing. It doesn't mean she doesn't have time or interest in developing something with you (whether that's friendship or something more down the road). It just means that if something more were to develop with you, she won't be needy and clingy and try to make you the center of her universe. (I don't think you're looking for needy or clingy, are you?)

I didn't hear any red flags in your account, and I heard several green flags:

1. She is hosting her entire family for the holiday, yet she made time for the date four days before Thanksgiving. That's huge, because prepping for a big family holiday takes a lot of time and effort, and she clearly felt that spending a little time with you before the holiday was worth her time.

2. She took the initiative to say that "next time" she wants to contribute to the bill - believe me, she was sending you a message there - she wants there to be a next time.

3. She invited you in after dinner and shared an important part of herself with you - her home and what it means to her. It sounds like her home is the heart of the family, and she didn't hesitate to let you glimpse that part of her. If she wasn't interested in further contact, she would have left you on her doorstep!

4. She checked with you to make sure you made it home safely.

5. She introduced you to Max, to see if you met with his approval! As you know, it's important to pass the "dog test."

One last thought - I wouldn't read too much into the fact that a lot of her late husband's hobby belongings etc. are still around. With five kids, all of whom have busy lives far away, it could be that the family just hasn't decided how to sort out and divide up those belongings (or had the opportunity to do so). The kids might be the ones who want to "hold on" to those things. In any event, it definitely does not sound like the house is a shrine to her late husband (that would be a red flag, but it's not the case).

Regardless of what happens next, you are entering the new year with an interesting and caring new friend - that's wonderful.

 

[aja8888]

@aja8888

It sounds like it went great! I don't think it could have gone better if you had scripted it yourself (with our invaluable input, of course!)

It does sound like she has a full life, but that's a good thing. It doesn't mean she doesn't have time or interest in developing something with you (whether that's friendship or something more down the road). It just means that if something more were to develop with you, she won't be needy and clingy and try to make you the center of her universe. (I don't think you're looking for needy or clingy, are you?)

I didn't hear any red flags in your account, and I heard several green flags:

1. She is hosting her entire family for the holiday, yet she made time for the date four days before Thanksgiving. That's huge, because prepping for a big family holiday takes a lot of time and effort, and she clearly felt that spending a little time with you before the holiday was worth her time.

2. She took the initiative to say that "next time" she wants to contribute to the bill - believe me, she was sending you a message there - she wants there to be a next time.

3. She invited you in after dinner and shared an important part of herself with you - her home and what it means to her. It sounds like her home is the heart of the family, and she didn't hesitate to let you glimpse that part of her. If she wasn't interested in further contact, she would have left you on her doorstep!

4. She checked with you to make sure you made it home safely.

5. She introduced you to Max, to see if you met with his approval! As you know, it's important to pass the "dog test."

One last thought - I wouldn't read too much into the fact that a lot of her late husband's hobby belongings etc. are still around. With five kids, all of whom have busy lives far away, it could be that the family just hasn't decided how to sort out and divide up those belongings (or had the opportunity to do so). The kids might be the ones who want to "hold on" to those things. In any event, it definitely does not sound like the house is a shrine to her late husband (that would be a red flag, but it's not the case).

Regardless of what happens next, you are entering the new year with an interesting and caring new friend - that's wonderful.

Thanks for the summary of your thoughts. Lots of confirmation for me in there. And correct, I am not looking for a needy or clingy person going forward. No, the house is not a shrine, but actually really shows her interests. And little Max and I got a long great!

 

[Calico]

Thanks for the summary of your thoughts. Lots of confirmation for me in there. And correct, I am not looking for a needy or clingy person going forward. No, the house is not a shrine, but actually really shows her interests. And little Max and I got a long great!

Of course you got along with Max! Bring him a treat or two next time - you'll get brownie points with your lady friend for that.

 

[ut2sua]

I'd be willing to bet that one (or more) of her children asked her ahead of time to let them know that she was safe and comfortable on the date, which given her age, and how close her family sounds, is a perfectly reasonable expectation.

This ^^^
It would be strange if her children did not check on her to make sure she was safe and having a good time. This is just family love.
Aja scored an A+ on everything IMO

 

[Calico]

I thought of another green flag - it doesn't appear as though she has any deadbeat offspring - just saying, that's a good sign - who wants to deal with that?

 

[aja8888]

I thought of another green flag - it doesn't appear as though she has any deadbeat offspring - just saying, that's a good sign - who wants to deal with that?

Yes, they are all pretty close except for the youngest son who is not that connected with his siblings by choice. But he does come to the family gatherings. This is so different from me with one living daughter and her husband and a child of his from a previous marriage. But all is good for my side.

 

[Lorenzo]

All in all, I think it went well. But I don’t have a clear idea where it will go from here. She’s such a busy woman and helps her daughter with her retail business, volunteers at church activities, does craft work and sews, that she barely has time for anything else, at least that’s my impression.

I know it's way premature to talk of a "relationship," but I think the most solid relationships are built on the foundation of two people who both keep busy and have full lives.

 

[TheWizard]

With a month to go, AJA should likely be pondering what sort of GIFT to get her.
We can kick that around next: not too ponderous, not too trivial, etc ..

 

[aja8888]

With a month to go, AJA should likely be pondering what sort of GIFT to get her.
We can kick that around next: not too ponderous, not too trivial, etc ..

You mean I may have to buy gifts?

 

[Irishgirlyc58]

Wait--what breed is Max and what breed is your dog? Are they compatible?

 

[aja8888]

Wait--what breed is Max and what breed is your dog? Are they compatible?

My dog is a mix of a dozen different breeds (did a DNA test). Mostly terrier (4 different ones) small poodle, schnauzer, etc. and is about 17 pounds. Max in a mix of Bischon, and a couple of similar dogs. Both are rescues. Below the top photo is a photo of her dog Max. They should get along...

 

[Calico]

AJA's dog Birdie is little, and he refers to "little Max" up above, so hopefully they would/will get along.

 

[Calico]

OMG, Max is precious! (Birdie, too, but we already knew that).

But, wait a minute - is Max giving you a little side eye in that picture? What's going on there? Is that before you made friends with him?

All kidding aside, the fact that Max is a rescue gives her another 1,000 points in the plus column.

 

[aja8888]

OMG, Max is precious! (Birdie, too, but we already knew that).

But, wait a minute - is Max giving you a little side eye in that picture? What's going on there? Is that before you made friends with him?

All kidding aside, the fact that Max is a rescue gives her another 1,000 points in the plus column.

She sent me that picture of Max right after he was groomed. He's got a lot of white hair normally.

 

[GravitySucks]

Sounds like you had a good date.

As for the text during dinner, I don’t think I’ve been on a first date where the woman didn’t get a call or text. Assume they were for emergency “ Get me out of this!” calls.

Hope Max gives you a favorable review. My dogs were all better judges of character than I. If my dog didn’t like someone I steered clear of them.

 

[street]

Well, always a great thing to meet a new friend!!! I wish you more happy companionships with her.

When you started your thread on this subject it got me thinking about my sister that lives in Indiana. She is 80 and lost her husband about 10 years ago now. She always tells me it would be so nice to find someone to go out to dinner with and to go to things with. She is a very attractive lady and spry lady for her age good health and FI.
So, happy for you and it might be just what your new friend has been searching for.

 

[Irishgirlyc58]

OMG, Max is precious! (Birdie, too, but we already knew that).

But, wait a minute - is Max giving you a little side eye in that picture? What's going on there? Is that before you made friends with him?

All kidding aside, the fact that Max is a rescue gives her another 1,000 points in the plus column.

Side eye is a total schnauzer thing! See my dearly departed schnauzer in my profile pic.

Yeah-both Birdie and Max are adorable so now the pressure is on for a real relationship.

 

[aja8888]

Well, always a great thing to meet a new friend!!! I wish you more happy companionships with her.

When you started your thread on this subject it got me thinking about my sister that lives in Indiana. She is 80 and lost her husband about 10 years ago now. She always tells me it would be so nice to find someone to go out to dinner with and to go to things with. She is a very attractive lady and spry lady for her age good health and FI.
So, happy for you and it might be just what your new friend has been searching for.

Thanks Street. Tell your sister there are a lot of widowed men and women out there looking for a new start. she just needs to get out and get seen for starters.

 

[aja8888]

Side eye is a total schnauzer thing! See my dearly departed schnauzer in my profile pic.

Yeah-both Birdie and Max are adorable so now the pressure is on for a real relationship.

We will have to get them together slowly as these little dogs can be very territorial!

 

[Calico]

Side eye is a total schnauzer thing! See my dearly departed schnauzer in my profile pic.

Yeah-both Birdie and Max are adorable so now the pressure is on for a real relationship.

That's so funny - I do see it in your dearly departed schnauzer, now that you mention it!

 

[Calico]

We will have to get them together slowly as these little dogs can be very territorial!

Maybe you can arrange a play date for them in a neutral place - a dog park? That way they would be on equal footing.

 

[aja8888]

Maybe you can arrange a play date for them in a neutral place - a dog park? That way they would be on equal footing.

Yes, that's what we will do.

 

[Aerides]

Yes, I won't try to set a future date until she is clear of the family visits.

But you should make it clear that's why. "I'd love to see you again, but I know you are very busy with the holidays."

When I was dating, if I didn't hear something within 24 hours I knew he wasn't THAT into me. If I did, he was (and I was right).

And then set a day that you feel comfortable following up - maybe that you will give her a call next on Monday. Don't put the ball in her court to let you know when she's good for the next date!

 

[Aerides]

I'm glad everything went well for you.

You are in the "awkward zone" of the Christmas season, at least it was for me way back in the day. This is when you meet someone new and start dating right before the Holidays. It could present some awkward situations.

If we have another date, and then another one, should we see each other on Christmas?
Do I get her a gift?
What if she invites me to meet her family?
etc. etc.

Yeah..I started dating DH on Halloween. That meant by Thanksgiving, since his parents were visiting, he wanted me to meet them, even though we both acknowledged that was super early, and wouldn't have happened yet if it weren't for the holiday.

Then his bday is the first week of December! Ugh! Bday gift for a 5 week relationship, then Christmas, the worst.

 

[Qs Laptop]

Yeah..I started dating DH on Halloween. That meant by Thanksgiving, since his parents were visiting, he wanted me to meet them, even though we both acknowledged that was super early, and wouldn't have happened yet if it weren't for the holiday.

Then his bday is the first week of December! Ugh! Bday gift for a 5 week relationship, then Christmas, the worst.

Here's my experience. We started dating the weekend before Thanksgiving. We agreed early on we would maybe give each other a token gift but nothing expensive. As Christmas got nearer she asked me if I wanted to come with her to meet her family, a 200+ mile drive. I could stay in a guest bedroom for the couple of days we'd be there. I declined.

The day before she left to go home, she gave me my present and told me not to open it until Christmas. Imagine my shock when I opened my present and found a real nice Seiko watch! I can't even remember what I got her but it didn't cost me $250! This was the mid 80's.

The relationship lasted about 8 months. She doted on me. The attention was just too much. Suffocating. I liked it at first but eventually it was overwhelming.

[edited to add: I remember what I got her now. She had this intoxicating perfume that I loved. Turns out it was Chanel No. 5. I figured I'd get her some of that, but when I went to get it I saw how expensive it was. I did get her a very small vial of it. Maybe an ounce? Let me tell you, even though it was a small amount it was not cheap.]