Date recap in boring detail! Everything went as planned and there may be more fun to come!

[FlaGator]

While I have just started this dating stuff again, and the lady I have started it with seems tick a lot of the boxes for me, deep down inside I have this feeling (doubt, fear, whatever) that if this (or a) relationship got serious, I wonder if I could go all the way again?

All the way meaning either marriage or just living together.

There's a couple of things I don't want to do again.....one is having to take care of a very sick, old spouse (companion) for years like I did before. And the second would be how to ensure that my financial assets aren't drained away doing the first thing.

Scary stuff..a lot to think about. When I sit back and think about this....it's like "what the H**L am I getting myself into?

Oh, our next date is tomorrow (dinner) and one is also set for next Tuesday to go to see A Christmas Carol play nearby in the evening.

I can relate. After slowly backing away from a situation that was comfortable but peaked at "good friend, occasional companion" a while back, I met a woman that "seems to" meet the requirements. Early and promising, but still much to learn.

Like you, I don't want to re-live the caregiver experience, even though mine was much shorter than yours. I also don't want to be in a situation where it's likely she would become the caregiver because she's younger. Would rather let my assets or kids do that.

As Amethyst said, one never knows how it will play out. We can only make the best decision at the time and hope it unfolds as we would like. But our time to test, experiment, and explore options is limited, and that's the problem/issue/challenge.

 

[FlaGator]

Women seem to have an easier time living alone than men do in general.

I've come across that idea before and have examples and counterexamples of both men and women in my social circle and experience.

I also know women who caught a spark when the right guy came along when they weren't seriously looking.

These differences in "coupling preferences" are fascinating to me. But that is off topic, and I don't think we should further distract ourselves from AJA's opportunity.

I think it would be an interesting subject for a new thread, and would be happy to share my experiences if anyone were to start one.

 

[aja8888]

Women seem to have an easier time living alone than men do in general.

I noticed that too.

 

[aja8888]

These differences in "coupling preferences" are fascinating to me. But that is off topic, and I don't think we should further distract ourselves from AJA's opportunity.

I think it would be an interesting subject for a new thread, and would be happy to share my experiences if anyone were to start one.

Why not start a new thread then?

 

[Chuckanut]

While I have just started this dating stuff again, and the lady I have started it with seems tick a lot of the boxes for me, deep down inside I have this feeling (doubt, fear, whatever) that if this (or a) relationship got serious, I wonder if I could go all the way again?

All the way meaning either marriage or just living together.

There's a couple of things I don't want to do again.....one is having to take care of a very sick, old spouse (companion) for years like I did before. And the second would be how to ensure that my financial assets aren't drained away doing the first thing.

Scary stuff..a lot to think about. When I sit back and think about this....it's like "what the H**L am I getting myself into?

Oh, our next date is tomorrow (dinner) and one is also set for next Tuesday to go to see A Christmas Carol play nearby in the evening.

No reason to be scared Aja. Let time and life work their magic. I have known a lot of people who thought they would never replace a deceased souse only to find that a certain someone will not replace the departed, but will in their own way, bless them with a better life together than they could ever have had apart.

 

[aja8888]

No reason to be scared Aja. Let time and life work their magic. I have known a lot of people who thought they would never replace a deceased souse only to find that a certain someone will not replace the departed, but will in their own way, bless them with a better life together than they could ever have had apart.

Good point.

 

[Aerides]

While I have just started this dating stuff again, and the lady I have started it with seems tick a lot of the boxes for me, deep down inside I have this feeling (doubt, fear, whatever) that if this (or a) relationship got serious, I wonder if I could go all the way again?

All the way meaning either marriage or just living together.

Your "all" can stop before that. FIL has been with his GF going on 7 years now and they are both comfortable with separate residences and not remarrying. It's nice that they live in the same condo complex, but it's still a 15 minute walk so they usually drive from one to the other. She stays over sometimes and his, and vice versa. And they travel together a lot.

But they haven't comingled homes or accounts, and that's just fine for them.

 

[aja8888]

Your "all" can stop before that. FIL has been with his GF going on 7 years now and they are both comfortable with separate residences and not remarrying. It's nice that they live in the same condo complex, but it's still a 15 minute walk so they usually drive from one to the other. She stays over sometimes and his, and vice versa. And they travel together a lot.

But they haven't comingled homes or accounts, and that's just fine for them.

Yes, that kind of arrangement would work for me if I ever get that far along in one of these adventures.

 

[Amethyst]

No reason to be scared Aja. Let time and life work their magic. I have known a lot of people who thought they would never replace a deceased souse only to find that a certain someone will not replace the departed, but will in their own way, bless them with a better life together than they could ever have had apart.

It seems inadvisable to replace a deceased souse with yet another souse.

 

[aja8888]

It seems inadvisable to replace a deceased souse with yet another souse.

"Replacing a deceased spouse" may not be the correct terminology here.

 

[splitwdw]

Her last "first date" was 40+ years ago. No cell phones, texting. For all you know, she replied "I'm fine. Leave me alone."

I'm really surprised that a few of you think it's ok to text while you're on a date or out with someone. It's rude. I don't check my phone when I'm with family or friends. If you want to check in with your children or a friend excuse yourself from the table. As far as her children checking on her maybe they should have told her not to invite a stranger into her home.

 

[Amethyst]

"Replacing a deceased spouse" may not be the correct terminology here.

And here I thought I was making a funny. ("Souse") Lead balloon, again!

 

[aja8888]

And here I thought I was making a funny. ("Souse") Lead balloon, again!

Oh my! I did not clearly see what you posted! (forgive me)

 

[srblanco7]

While I have just started this dating stuff again, and the lady I have started it with seems tick a lot of the boxes for me, deep down inside I have this feeling (doubt, fear, whatever) that if this (or a) relationship got serious, I wonder if I could go all the way again?

All the way meaning either marriage or just living together.

There's a couple of things I don't want to do again.....one is having to take care of a very sick, old spouse (companion) for years like I did before. And the second would be how to ensure that my financial assets aren't drained away doing the first thing.

Scary stuff..a lot to think about. When I sit back and think about this....it's like "what the H**L am I getting myself into?

Oh, our next date is tomorrow (dinner) and one is also set for next Tuesday to go to see A Christmas Carol play nearby in the evening.

My favorite thread of late. And I’m happy that things are going well. As I read your post my only reaction was “well that escalated quickly”. You jumped to a couple of “worst case” outcomes (caring for a sick spouse and draining of financial assets) and skipped over so much good stuff. Not that I should be giving relationship (or any other type of advice) to you (or anyone else) but take a deep breath and allow yourself to live in the moment.

BTW - do you think she may have the same/similar concerns as you?

 

[aja8888]

My favorite thread of late. And I’m happy that things are going well. As I read your post my only reaction was “well that escalated quickly”. You jumped to a couple of “worst case” outcomes (caring for a sick spouse and draining of financial assets) and skipped over so much good stuff. Not that I should be giving relationship (or any other type of advice) to you (or anyone else) but take a deep breath and allow yourself to live in the moment.

BTW - do you think she may have the same/similar concerns as you?

On your question, I have not sensed what her vision is of a long term arrangement, but she had been married "like forever" with one husband. And she does live alone in a real large house and has no plans to move. Over the next month or few months I am sure she will vocalize her thoughts on that subject. I don't want to do much now other than just spend fun time with her and see if I (or her) really want to continue along this path together.

 

[TheWizard]

Too soon at this point to focus on long-term deets...

 

[Scrapr]

As a widower I can relate. I started dating after 2 years. Just my own timeline. I was still a mess after 1 year. A brand new puppy & a change of address brought me back to laughing again. Aja has gone on 1 (one!) date!!!!My only advice is have fun & enjoy some company. It may end after a few dates or it may turn into something else. Just enjoy every moment. I didn't worry about things like looking at your phone/text. If you are laughing & enjoying ea others company that is everything. Stay in the moment

 

[FlaGator]

Why not start a new thread then?

The cover story is I'm going to Huntsville and Birmingham for a few days to check off another Apollo Command Module on display and take in the Barber Museum.

The reality is I've started to re-think my strident stance about staying "uncoupled" and I'm sorting through that. And that was accelerated after being unexpectedly introduced to a lady by mutual friends.

I'll start one a new one I get some clarity on my own thoughts, and that situation at the end of December when I see her again, she's not nearby. But I feel myself starting to weaken.....

Some people here have gotten to know me be a bit better than I expected from an anonymous forum

 

[Music Lover]

I'm really surprised that a few of you think it's ok to text while you're on a date or out with someone. It's rude. I don't check my phone when I'm with family or friends. If you want to check in with your children or a friend excuse yourself from the table. As far as her children checking on her maybe they should have told her not to invite a stranger into her home.

Random irrelevant texts are rude, but I have no problem with someone exchanging a short text with their child or friend on a first date where they may be concerned and just looking out for them. In fact, on a first date I would expect that most women would have a text or phone call planned to give them an out.

And no, you don't need to excuse yourself to send a 10 second text. That's silly.

One other thing, my wife and I have 3 aging parents between us and you can guarantee that if one of them calls we're answering the phone. That applies today and it applied on our first date.

 

[aja8888]

The cover story is I'm going to Huntsville and Birmingham for a few days to check off another Apollo Command Module on display and take in the Barber Museum.

The reality is I've started to re-think my strident stance about staying "uncoupled" and I'm sorting through that. And that was accelerated after being unexpectedly introduced to a lady by mutual friends.

I'll start one a new one I get some clarity on my own thoughts, and that situation at the end of December when I see her again, she's not nearby. But I feel myself starting to weaken.....

Some people here have gotten to know me be a bit better than I expected from an anonymous forum

FG, thanks for the post and thanks again for the PMs you sent me a couple of years ago right after I lost my wife. Good luck with the thoughts of maybe coupling up again, and we know what's important at our ages. Let us know how things go with your possible adventure.

 

[Amethyst]

Be careful, you long-term confirmed bachelors out there. I just married my second LTCB in a row, so it could happen to any of you if you're not careful

 

[aja8888]

Be careful, you long-term confirmed bachelors out there. I just married my second LTCB in a row, so it could happen to any of you if you're not careful

Thanks for the warning..... (shields up!)

 

[RetiredHappy]

Be careful, you long-term confirmed bachelors out there. I just married my second LTCB in a row, so it could happen to any of you if you're not careful

Pregnancy would be not a reason for not being careful?

 

[aja8888]

Pregnancy would be not a reason for not being careful?

That ship sailed....a long time ago I would guess. Good thing, too!

 

[badatmath]

That whole texting during a date will keep me out of second dates with people I might otherwise like.